Let's Smite Some Ragheads as the Knights of Rhodes!

[engy]

I am alarmed by your rhetoric, 2747. Even if you have a point, i think they would be more inclined to peace after their entire population has been slaughtered a few times over.

Ah so it's not just me that the names have completely changed into your user number....

 

[Gondolin]

8862, you have a strange signature. I must alert the authorities.

Go ahead. Whatever happens, you will always be a Furious Flaming Faggot to me. :D
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Gondolin

 

[Qah]

you know, all of this shit is much harder when youre trying to do it as an orthodox nation that had no naval techs to begin with and with an eastern european tech group.

 

[LusciousPear]

I put the Byzantines into the Ottoman group for a lot of fun.

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

I must apologize for the lack of updates. As much as i would like it, i cannot sit at home all day, wallowing in my own filth and posting updates. I have resolved to finish off this campaign once and for all whenever i get a few spare hours, then doing the updates should be a simple process with all the pictures organized in advance. At any rate, updatan.

 

[ironyuri]

I must apologize for the lack of updates. As much as i would like it, i cannot sit at home all day, wallowing in my own filth and posting updates. I have resolved to finish off this campaign once and for all whenever i get a few spare hours, then doing the updates should be a simple process with all the pictures organized in advance. At any rate, updatan.

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Take a break after this one, Bro. Don't burn out!

Maybe play some popamole cover shooters

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

As you know, another swathe of Islamic territory has been acquired. The matter of efficient governance over this land is a pointless pursuit. Instead, all that can be hoped for in the near future is the quelling of revolts. The conversion of the conquered lands will go a long way towards calming the region down. Revolts will still break out from time to time of course, but at least i wont have to go through tens of thousands of rebels a year.

First, the Order must recover from the recent carnage. I will give myself about half a decade or so to restore my manpower, get my WE down and force convert some raghead heathen scum. After that, the warpath will be resumed.

All the while the colonial effort goes decently. Clearing out the natives helps in establishing colonies quickly, although the remaining tribes become extremely butthurt once the colony reaches a thousand population. It is no longer possible to completely wipe out the native population with just a single quick battle. Say what you want about Negros, but they're resilient.

Herp derp. This LP would be much more dramatic if a revolution was actually a legitimate threat. I immediately rout this small rebel group in the next battle.

The recent nomadic revolts in Arabia are put down. I'm surprised that desert nomads can mount such a determined and disciplined defense, especially after the actual rebel army is destroyed. I'm also interested in why they decided to place a garrison of 4000 inside the provinces when the rebel armies numbered something like 5000 each. The nomads are executed. There doesn't seem to be any reason on paper to spare the nomadic leaders, but it's probably preferable if you want to maintain good relations with the nomads rather than settling it and introducing agriculture.

With this stability cost increase, I'll get my next stability increase on the first of October 1840

More natives are cleared out to make way for colonists. Silly foreigners cannot into warfare against brave Catholic soldiers.

I notice that giving in to nomadic rebels doesn't seem to do anything besides a prestige hit. Prestige is even more important in MMU because of added bonuses and many hidden effects, but with my constant warmongering it's not really an issue. I don't concede to the nomads of course. Even if i did there's probably a hidden effect there somewhere.

Ethiopia is looking tasty, I'd need to recruit another ten thousand or so troops to maintain order there, but it'd make a nice addition to the Empire of Holy Purple.

Another wave of revolts, more depressing tedious busywork as i sort out all the routes to meaningless victories. If the MM team can make a decent rebel system that doesn't amount to pointless micromanagement, i would forgive all of the hamfisted balancing bullshit.

Depressing. Didn't these fuckers start the last crisis too?

There we go, i was waiting for that. I am really appalled by how i have not collapsed yet. This will only require me to up my minting more and put down more pointless rebellions. Perhaps if i was in this situation earlier it would catch up with me. The inherent weakness in having a limited time frame is that when you near the end of it you can do all sorts of crazy shit because you no longer have to worry about the future. This takes out the consequences from things like excessive minting and conquest.

Who gives a toss? Not me.

Despite -200 relations with everyone on the planet including everyone in the Holy Roman Empire, the Empire and me are still bros4lyfe. Thanks Austria, you heretic scumbags

Thankfully i finally get a good ruler. Now i can begin the force conversion process to wipe out sodomite heresies and heathen dogma.

Sunni Muslims cannot into the one true faith. Still, despite my efforts the Pope still wants nothing more than to beat my ass into paste with a paddle. Unappreciative douchebag. I'll let him sodomize children in Roma, while i do God's work.

Nope.

I wouldn't describe an elected dictatorship in a plutocratic trading nation to be particularly feudal. Let's just hope it doesn't spread, that would make things too easy. You know you've got a shitty Empire when a revolution would be completely beneficial.

My administration jumps up two levels. It seems to change much more rapidly when you get into the really shitty levels. Don't worry, it doesn't really matter. It doesn't change my ability to randomly lash out at my neighbors, it just means i have more delicious metaphorical faeces to stuff the turkey that is my Empire with. That is a poor metaphor, but i think you get the point.

A look at how the conversion is going. Almost every Muslim province has at least an insignificant Catholic minority, and Iran is very close to a complete conversion now.

The Haasalese (that's the plural according to the game) nomads finally succumb to cancer and the smell of piss. They surrender, only to be executed for being irritating to the Grandmaster's divine majesty.

Unfortunately i have no further option to force convert Sunnis (the decision requires you to have a core with the minority you want to expel) so i instead go for another major minority, the Orthodox sodomites.

Just gotta get those darn Protestants.

This is sort of like that thing the Buddha was talking about. My nation has entered into such a horrid state that i am completely liberated from all concerns of administration, diplomacy, economy, and long term planning. I can accept the stability hit without even the slightest butthurt or rage, because i simply do not care. I have achieved enlightenment.

Enough of that stupid heretical philosophy. I have a big army and i don't give a shit, lets kill some Arabs.

 

[Infantryman]

It's 15 years till the end of the game. Given the state of your country, it makes me wonder whether it will manage to survive despite widespread rebellions, instability, enormous military maintenance costs, horrible relations with everyone and constant wars, or the Byzantine Empire will share the fate of your Mongolian Empire.


Anyway, great update, as always!

 

[Gondolin]

This is sort of like that thing the Buddha was talking about. My nation has entered into such a horrid state that i am completely liberated from all concerns of administration, diplomacy, economy, and long term planning. I can accept the stability hit without even the slightest butthurt or rage, because i simply do not care. I have achieved enlightenment.

 

[Hellraiser]

You are a most enlightened bro among bros.

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[Vaarna_Aarne]

Bro you need to push onwards to India. Conquered provinces count as eradicating Islam.

 

[Infantryman]

Bro you need to push onwards to India. Conquered provinces count as eradicating Islam.

BUT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO TOTALLY AVOID NOT CONQUERING WHOLE ISLAM IN 15 YEARS BECAUSE OF MUSLIMS IN EAST ASIA AND WESTERN AFRICA

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

After i eradicate the Oman, I'll reorganize my army to have the least possible for keeping down revolts. Then i can amass tens of thousands of troops in Khorasan and go on a warpath to India. That should cap everything off nicely.

 

[Merkwürdigliebe]

Well to be honest there are times when rebels can be quite threatening to your nation in magna mundi. As an example in my recent game as Sweden I just got out of a war with Russia, sure I was victorious but had high war exhaustion and a worn out army and very low manpower. What happened than was the king dieing, and then I get a "major noble oppression" even giving me like +15% national revolt risk... which I could deal with. Though of course to top that off the "an important turn coat" event kept going of like crazy instantly giving the rebels control of over half of my country. And of course apart from from the event giving the rebels control of the area it also removes a large amount of manpower and creates a large rebel army.
So I ended with half my empire occupied by rebels, huge rebel doom stacks roaming around, and I had about 5 k men on the field and zero available manpower. So rebels can be dangerous, but so far it's only once in a blue moon.

 

[Luzur]

last night i had to rebuild this great Kingdom of mine due to some event who gave me civil war (didnt have time to read it, since i accidentally hit enter when it appeared).

 

[ironyuri]

last night i had to rebuild this great Kingdom of mine due to some event who gave me civil war (didnt have time to read it, since i accidentally hit enter when it appeared).

your empire looks like a flacid penis. Conquer Norway to achieve the multi-headed dick empire we crave on Codex.

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

Notice that Finland is the empire's giant balls.

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

Just letting my bros know, this update will probably be very late tonight.

 

[ironyuri]

Notice that Finland is the empire's giant balls.

That makes Karelia....

 

[Destroid]

Have you noticed the threadmade here by Ubik FFF? Might be worth dropping by and giving him your thoughts on MMU, since you have had a quite a few things to complain about through your LPs.

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

Thank you Mr. Destroid.

I'm afraid there won't be an update tonight. I've got to go out in a few minutes, and I've also got other shit to do later tonight. I've yet to get a good chance to finish the campaign and i don't have enough time to play and do an update tonight. On the bright side I'm free for the weekend, so i can finish it then.

 

[Luzur]

your empire looks like a flacid penis. Conquer Norway to achieve the multi-headed dick empire we crave on Codex.

i know, and im on it, since my goal is creating Scandinavia (optional/second goal is uniting Germany under Swedish rule, kinda like in Eric Flint's books 1632) but it is kinda hard since i have no casus belli atm, just a -199 coexisting since i crushed their Danish union masters in 3 wars (they are in an union but has no alliance since my war of Swedish independence in 1399-1400, so they never attacked me or gave me the reason to to so, but its still the early 1500's so i still got time.) but i managed through marriages to get some german vassals and i am in a personal union with Bohemia and stand on the brink of inheriting it.

had Riga in an personal union too, but an event popped up saying i cant have more then one and forced me to release either Bohemia or Riga otherwise it would be rebellions up my ass + adm. breakdown.

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

Notice that Finland is the empire's giant balls.

That makes Karelia....

It also makes Russia a giant turd shat out by the Empire as unworthy.

 

[Luzur]

Notice that Finland is the empire's giant balls.

That makes Karelia....

It also makes Russia a giant turd shat out by the Empire as unworthy.

Russia dont exist, its just a fragmented shithole since Muscowy was annihilated by Yaroslav, Kiev, Novgorod, Pskov, Khazan and Sibir.

and i intend to keep it that way, even if i have to cheat.

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

Ok, I'm definitely going to update tonight, but It'll be late. I got caught up in actually playing the campaign, but now It is finally finished. This has been one hell of a LP, even if my interest diminished towards the end.