Let's Smite Some Ragheads as the Knights of Rhodes!

[kazgar]

so close, and yet so far, damn ruskies.

 

[Hellraiser]

How the fuck does Bohemia pull off that shit so easily? Both the blobbing and the ridiculous army power.

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

I think you can imply what happened.

Get the krauts, get them! Sodomise them a hundred different shades of purple!

Even when i lose, i sort of win. The potato was the corruptive influence here i think.

Well, i *sort of* win.

All that potato, gone before my eyes...

Meanwhile, the Iranians and some other rebels hold a disco party in Khorasan. I weep for the purple, as foulest gray lines violate it harshly.

At this point I don't think it really matters. Ahh, it is like swimming in piss. You know it's bad, but if you forget about it and relax it can be so warm and soothing.

Easy come, easy go, little high, little low.

Fucking love that song.

I blame not expelling the Jews earlier. It must have been their foul influence that persuaded me to invade Russia.

At this rate, I'll put all the current rebellions down a few years after the game finishes!

Get me back my potato!

Took you long enough.

All aboard the rape train. Next stop, Constantinople!

A chilling prophecy of the modern era. WE DIDN'T LISTEN!

Depressing when you can't even muster up enough men in a revolt to take your own province, even when there are no nearby armies and the Empire that rules you is collapsing.

Mercy is for chumps. You'd think the local nomads would be a bit more cautious and competent about revolting after the first few brutal reprisals. Ah well, that just means we can up the body count before my glorious purple map tapestry unravels itself.

Erm, good luck with that.

You Afghans really suck at this y'know? I guess that's why they bomb people, they don't have to aim.

The wind is blowing the other way, the tables have turned, and the shoe is on foot, if that is even a saying.

 

[ironyuri]

could you close these wars by ceding some of that recent Russian territory and maybe some african/arabian stuff? preserve the original Rhodes/Byzantine reconstruction?

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

Knowing the stupid as balls AI, perhaps. I could preserve the core of it, but most of Persia and Arabia will rebel away.

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

A tad too much like the finale to the Qing LP. You should have just stuck with eradicating Islam wherever you can.

 

[Fens]

was expecting a glorious kurlandic triumph and got a mongol implosion pt. 2

does this mean you'll conquer the whole world as the aztecs next ?

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

Perhaps not next, but definitely after the next one. I have plans for the next LP. MMtG is scheduled to come out around November this year, so i might possibly be able to manage two LPs before it comes out.

 

[Cassidy]

Perhaps not next

I was anxiously awaiting for it since I hoped it would get more votes in this thread.

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

Oh, you will enjoy the next one, trust me.

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

Can't update tonight my bros. Today is a sad day.

 

[Gondolin]

Something wrong, dude?

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

Nope, just life. I can update tonight.

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

How embarrassing, routed by blacks. Must have been those darn Jesuits! Note to self, kill all priests in Constantinople.

Rebels without a discernible motive or goal, killers that aren't really good at anything!

It's a funkadelic rebel dance party, and everyone is invited.

Except me.

No matter, who needs an invitation anyways?

I got this event about four more times, but i forgot to take screenshots. I think you can imply what my option was for each event.

A crushing defeat, to be sure.

Can this really be considered a defeat?

Yeah, this is pretty Qing. This'd be a lot more fun if rebels actually fought each other.

Revolutionary scum!
Perhaps this might turn int Kurqing 2.0? A revolution in the heartland resulting in a smaller Revolutionary state would be pretty cool.

I think Persia and Arabia are both lost causes.

Pro Deus

Pro Deus, damnit!

Pro patria, then?

Pro patria it is! Fight to the last man!

And get those fucking peasants while you're at it, too!

Why would you do that? I guess it might have something to do with that death warrant the Pope issued for me.

Awesome.

 

[Fafnir]

The Fall is close

 

[gromit]

As so it goes for The Empire once more. What would fate hold in store for the cradle of civilization, and the Holy Land?

 

[LusciousPear]

Mass suicide.

 

[Hellraiser]

At least it's going out with a bang and it did show the might of catholic civilization to the desert dwelling barbarians.

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

Well, i think i can make the next update end on a bang. Should i end it next update or take it to 1821? I've already got plans for the next LP.

 

[Gondolin]

End it. And take a break from playing if you feel the need.

 

[gromit]

Unless you have some Quantum Planet Busters you haven't told us about, I think we all know how this is going to end. You've been teasing us about this next LP, too...

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

I foresee that when you read the first update you will all be disappointed, then surprised, then faintly smug.

 

[ironyuri]

I foresee that when you read the first update you will all be disappointed, then surprised, then faintly smug.

You know, I actually appreciate this LP and the direction it has taken. You have showcased the rise and fall of a great Empire in much the same way as they have occured historically.

From the island of Rhodes, the Knights quickly gained naval superiority over the Mameluks and Ottomans. As the wealth of the Eastern Mediterranean filled the Knights' coffers, the Grandmaster set his sights on their ultimate goal- the restoration of the holy land and the reconquest of Constantinople from the Selcuk and Ottomans. With little physical help, but some material support from the West, the Knights slowly turned back the tides and divided the Arab nation-states to carve out a kingdom in North Africa. Their allies dashed and broken, the Ottomans faced a war on two fronts as the Knights' land forces grew in strength and were able to overcome the Turk in Greece and Anatolia. With the Byzantine Empire restored to the true Christian faith, the schism between the two Romes was repaired and Christianity again reigned supreme.... until the reformation after which the Holy Roman Empire was split amongst squabbling Protestant and Catholic holdings and the Empire lost its most important allies.

The decline of the restored Roman empire was not a result of any lack of military prowess or ability, but a decline brought of over-reach, corruption (bankruptcy) and the need for a large empire to constantly expand and wage war in order to sustain itself. Even with the current state of the game, the Second Roman Empire could quite easily survive, like the Austro-Hungarians, into the 20th Century, but nascent nationalism will likely tear it to shreds, perhaps leaving only a core around old Byzantium and Rhodes, as Greece, Egypt and the Eastern half of the Empire break away.

You have done a really stellar job of presenting as an LP an alternate history of the great European Empires, one might recall Britain and its decline here.

As always Faggot, my congratulations on an excellent presentation. This is your first LP in which I was playing MMU simultaneously and you've helped me to learn alot about managing the mechanics, especially of expansionist warfare.

tl;dr

MASSIVE BROFISTS ALL ROUND BROS

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

Is good. I'll update tonight. I've got two years left until 1821 to play, if i can get something interesting to happen I'll go to 1821, if not I'll just end it tonight.

 

[Fafnir]