Update 6: Da boyz are 'ere!
The sun has risen above Wishvale Castle. Lady Catherine is in front of her castle waiting for the arrival of reinforcements from King Todd...
: They should have been here by now. What is taking them so long? He conscripted every last one of my knights except for you Sir Roderick, how am I supposed to defend my castle with just one knight at my side?
: Surely the king knows what he is doing my Lady.
: Still he could have expected this evil horde to come in the direction of my castle. It has been advancing in the direction of my lands ever since this whole business began.
: Do not worry my Lady. I am sure the reinforcements will be here shortly.
A moment later a group of people approaches the castle...
: You! What are you doing here?
: Um the King...
: The King what peasant?
: He sent us! We ish the reinforshments!
: What is all this commotion, have the reinforcements arrived yet Sir Roderick?
: Yesh we have!
: Peasant, I may have a sense of humor but this is not something you should jest about. An evil horde is approaching.
: We know! We know! The King! He sent us! Here we show you royal sheal!
The filthy peasant shows Lady Catherine a letter with the royal seal of King Todd. The Lady starts reading the letter aloud...
: "To the fair Lady Catherine. I send you these noble warriors recruited from the dungpits of shitholia. They may be inexperienced but as we all know all the greatest heroes of legend start out as no-name rabble from some backwater village.
I believe you will appreciate being part of a tale that will be told for centuries to come! Sincerely, King Todd."
: See! Itsh true! We become heroesh like in the talesh!
: If I will somehow survive this I will personally depose that motherfucker.
Meanwhile in the deep underground chambers of Keeper Hellraiser's newest dungeon...
: [booming voice] Keeper The Slaves Have Finished Digging.
: Good, I was getting bored of whipping those lazy worms. Warlock! What can you tell me of this realm?
: Wishvale - This region of dreaming underlings is ruled by the
beautiful lady Catherine. She is kind, and fair, and doesn't imprison
or torture her subjects, for some reason...
: WHAT KIND OF PATHETIC RULER DOES NOT DO THAT?!!
: Lazy slaves! I need bigger chambers and more of them! Daemon go whip those slaves until they get it right this time!
: [booming voice] Their Mistake Shall Be Rectified.
: Lord Keeper the slaves have started mining one of the gold veins. Unfortunately we do not know where the enemy keeper or the heroes of this land are hiding.
: The cowards cannot hide from me forever.
: Lord Keeper it seems that a....
Suddenly an orc storms into the chamber.
: Oi you there! The spiky one! Me and da boyz 'eard dat youz do a lot of fightin' n' killin' so me n' da boyz thought we join ur 'orde.
:
YOU SHALL ADRESS ME PROPERLY AS LORD KEEPER ORC OR I WILL MAIM YOU.
: You 'eard dat boyz? I told youz he'z a killin' type o' spiky 'umie!
: [booming voice] You Will Address The Keeper As He Wishes Or He Will Make Use Of His Torture Chamber.
: Uh boss? We'z not like dem torturin' thingies.
: Shaddap you sodz! Alright Lord Keepah, we'z doin' as you sayz.
: You better worm!
: I 'az a gift for ya Lord Keepah! Me 'n da boyz will show your imp boyz 'ow to build dem barrack thingies. Youz be able to form powahfull WAAAGHHH in dem!
: Warlock! Can you translate this gibberish?
: I think he means that you can use one the barracks to form groups of minions lead by the orc warlord Lord Keeper*.
*Arguably the biggest and only bullshit in this game, if at the very least it would be any possessed creature within the barracks that leads the minion group it would be good. But only orc warlords?
It is inconvenient as fuck and about as much fun because orc abilities are rather bland as you will see in a moment, fortunately the sequel fixed this nonsense.
Also Dungeon Keeper orcs are the shittiest looking orks I have ever seen in any game. I mean fuck not only is the violet vomit-inducing the design looks more like a fucking troll than anything.
: Oi look at me boyz! Iz da strongest 'n' da meanest of you lot!
: Youz sure iz boss!
: At least these orcs do not waste time on doing nothing in your dungeon Lord Keeper.
: They might prove useful, but if they won't I will make use of the torture chamber.
: Oi watz behind dat door?
: 'opefully sumthin' to kill!
: As pathetic as these orcs are their blood lust is almost... admirable.
: [booming voice] Keeper, I Have Ordered Your Slaves To Dig And Construct New Torture And Prison Chambers.
: Good, there can never be too many of those.
: I killed it! Ish big hero now I ish, just like in them tales.
: Oh there you are coward, come and meet your DOOM!
: I guesh I'll jusht go back to camp....
: Oi! Dat 'umie is escapin'! Can we'z kill 'em boss?
: Oi Keepah Lord! Can we'z chase dat 'umie?
: Later orc, now you will prepare for the ritual. Warlock prepare the possession ritual.
: Uh... Watz dat possesion thingy boss?
: Dunno must be some spiky 'umie waaaagh or sumithin'.
: [booming voice] The Chambers Are Ready Keeper. There Is A Lava Lake Next To The Prison. The Enemy Should Be On The Other Shore Of That Lake.
: Order the slaves to build a bridge Daemon! Orcs! Come here! I have a task for you, one involving killing.
: I told youz lot that possesion thing iz just fancy spiky boy talk for waaagh!
: Oi wherez da rest of da boyz?
: Start the ritual!
: Oi wot iz happenin'! Me 'ead 'urtz!
: Now I control your body orc.
: Spiky 'umie Lord Keepah why'z you in me 'ead?
: I am possessing you orc.
: Get out 'o me 'ead Iz got killin' to do!
: This is going be a lot more unbearable than I though it would be....
: Why are we'z going dat way, I wanna go da other way!
: Shut up orc!
: Oi a big 'umie letz kill it!
: Iz need to find some more 'umies to kill.
: Hello? Ish anybody in there? Anyone that doeshn't want to kill me?
: BAD LUCK WORM!!!
: [screams of pain]
: Iz have a lot o' fun with you in me 'ead 'umie!
: Uh boss? Where iz you?
: Shaddap you sod! Iz doin' killin' dat only da biggest 'n' da strongest can do!
: Warlock! Daemon! Make yourselves useful and find a way to make these orcs stop talking!
: Smashy! Smashy!
: Youz one o' them big boyz again? Iz biggah than you!
: Daemon tell these slaves to get that artifact.
: Oi! Where youz gone spiky Lord Keepah? I wanna kill more o' dem 'humies.
: [sigh] Warlock begin the ritual....
Continued in next post...