Inactive Ninjas, Samurai, Rock & Roll! [Yo Jin Bo LP]

[Duckard]

The blond guy is creepy as fuck. Is he licking himself?

This is actually pretty different from what I was expecting. There seems to be a lot of fourth wall breaking and pop-culture references, and a very little romance or sex. Certainly not at the level of an erotic novel or anything. More like emotional porn than porn porn. Also a lot more light-hearted with a focus on humor than I thought there would be.

Any this game(?) makes it difficult to choose anyone other than "mature guy" or "cool and collected guy" without expecting something ridiculous to happen. And in this case, mature guy also doesn't feel like a good choice because he's pretty much her older brother. I suppose we could just go off the deep end and choose the crazy monk or the evil "guy" for the lulz. It's a bit of an odd choice to make the characters such characters, but I suppose they know their target audience better than I do.

 

[RK47]

There won't be any porn, bro. I mean...this is too long of a wait for T&A. This isn't made for us.

 

[Black Cat]

@ Duckard

Yeah, he's licking himself.

And what you said is exactly the point: Something ridiculous happening is the entire point of the game. Playing the game too seriously is kind of missing the point, as this is not Chou no Doku Hana no Kusari where you are a mature noblewoman establishing an actual relationship with adult men in the taisho era, nor anything like it. This is about picking the most badass and fun wisecracking tough guy and have him protect you from evil samurai and ninja in increasingly ridiculous ways while you learn about him, his past, and how did he manage to be that cool.

To give a general idea:

Jin and Muneshige are usually considered the most, like, boring. They do not have weird techniques, they do not have high drama. Jin is a cretin. Muneshige is some old guy who is not even in love with you but with the girl you are possesing, as far as I care. Never did their routes, though. Maybe they get interesting or something.

Yo and Mon-Mon, meanwhile, are the most fun: They are kind of ridiculous, over the top, have weird techniques, and some pretty strange moments. There is some more drama with Yo than with Mon Mon, at least in some paths and scenes, but Mon Mon has some of the most badass battles and the strangest endings. The trouble most people has with Yo, he being a shota, is kind of retarded given the main character isn't yet out of high school.

Bo is the pretty boy: He has some cool battles and probably the second best way to deal with the second boss but is a kind of superficial character, and somewhat boring. Ittosai has very little humor on his route, and goes into deep EMO at the worst possible moment, and isn't the most stable character ever, yet has the most dramatic final battle, the best kiss scenes, and some of the sweetest lines, and it presses all the right buttons if you play him right.

"Emotional Porn" is actually a pretty good way to put it, yes. And the choice isn't that weird: The game would be pretty dark if it weren't for how lighthearted and silly everything is, and some versions of the battles in the second half of the game are a little too gory and brutal even with all the foolishness, as people gets cut vertically in half and the like.

In a certain way, however, the guys being over the top and kind of exagerated is a given, in the same way the girls in romantic games for guys behave nothing like actual girls. There are a bunch of desirable qualities that are focused on and exagerated, and there's the moe. Who would want to play a romantic game if all the guys or gals are the same stuff you can get IRL? You will never meet a normal character in a romantic game, either for girls or for guys. You will always meet exagerated, larger than life characters. That's the entire point!

 

[RK47]

I somewhat agree with this. Dating games whether for guys or gals are always going for the exaggerated to draw in sales. There's always the standard 'girl next door' type, it's a given, but the point of buying these 'dating games' is to meet extraordinary people, not have realistic, long term relationships with 2D pixels. A point that some critics have missed.

"It's too over-the-top" is exactly why these games continue to appeal. Hell, I've played a game where one turns out to be an elf that knows the gate to the spirit world, and another is a contract killer for hire. And I'm playing a cancer stricken hero with limited time to live.

Just roll with it.

 

[Duckard]

I guess the points is that it's sort of an idealized fantasy world. I guess it's best not to overthink it and just focus on the characters. I guess I was surprised since this is nowhere nearly as weird as I was expecting it to be. More like fluffy and comedic than creepy.

Seems a lot like a stereotypical anime storyline, except you get to pick whomever you want. And it's obviously targeted at girls-- no one's walking in on anyone in their underwear. I can see why it would be popular over something more serious in the same genre (kinda how romcoms are more popular than straight up romance).

 

[Black Cat]

Chapter the tenth; Evil guys talking evil thingies.
In which, guess what? Evil guys talk of evil thingies! Also, Sayori and Muneshige advance a little bit in their escape plan. A very little bit.

Ahh...

What was this, all of a sudden? What had I done?

You make it sound like you are being punished, Princess.

I was almost ready to push him away, but this was Muneshige, and he probably had a reason... If not, then this... This couldn't be normal...

Muneshige's eyes, right in front of my face, were almost frighteningly solemn; he seemed to be glaring at something.

His fingers were digging into my shoulders, and it hurt a little... but, for some mysterious reason, I felt extremely calm.

...Just stay like this for a little while. It's faint, but I sense a human presence...

Yes...

Just like this, for a little while... Until the enemy goes away...

I nodded silently. He looked down at me as he loosened his embrace, and my heart started racing again. ...Huh? Was Muneshige blushing, too?

Sir Hanawa would be so happy if he could see you now. He would say you had finally become refined.

...But that's no good, is it.

I just want you to be the usual Princess Hatsuhime for a while. It's for your own good.

... Yes.

Well, then we're agreed. Good?

Good.

There was nothing I could do but prepare myself. Even if my hand touched a grub, if a spiderweb brushed across my cheek, I had to be strong and keep going.

If I were caught, I would die. And not just me... Muneshige would die, too. Compared to that, bugs were nothing, not the least bit scary, not at all!

The problem with bugs isn't being scary, is being ugly to the point of blaspheme.

This makes me think of old times.

Huh?

Have you forgotten? When you were little, we used to explore underneath the castle.

Um...yeah...I guess.

Remember when we found the newborn kittens, and brought them back with us?

...

the mother cat kept biting and scratching me. It was terrible.

Haha.

What did Hatsu - I mean, what did I do then?

You hugged the cute little kittens and grinned.

Really...

I'm sure they've all grown into fine cats by now. You cried a lot when you had to give them away.

There was laughter in Muneshige's voice.

I knew we needed to be more quiet, but I also knew he'd probably told me that story to help me relax.

I had to do my best. This kind, gentle man was right beside me. As long as I did my best, it would work out.

At times, Muneshige would pause and listen closely, being careful to make sure we were not found, before he started moving again.

Okay. Let's go.

Right!

Ah. You're becoming more like your old self.

Hey! Keep the insults to yourself, she's doing fine!

I-is that so?

But when you speak like that... that's not like you at all.

No matter how many times I told Muneshige that I was not Hatsuhime, he refused to accept it. I looked just like her, so I supposed there was no helping it, but...

It irritated me a little. I wished he would listen to what I was saying.

I keep saying we're different...

Huh?

Nothing... I mean, I doth apologizeth.

Lady British! :/

There is no need to apologize to me. Just a little further now... eth.

...

Huh... that one little thing had made him that happy. Why did I remember having been unbearably irritated... Wait! This was all Muneshige's fault! Arrrgh!

Princess... I can feel a breeze.

Huh? Oh, you're right.

A stream of fresh air was moving through the stagnant atmosphere of the space under the floor, pleasantly cool against my cheek. We would be able to get out here.

We have to keep going for just a bit more.

Yes!

For some reason, my strenght had returned.

Someone would definitely be there to save us. So if we just got out of here, we were fine.

Muneshige's face seemed more cheerful as well. So he had been nervous, even if he'd tried not to worry me by hiding it.

Just a little more... I could keep going for just a little bit more.

I'm not going to lose. Not to people like them.

What? You still haven't found Hatsuhime and her companion yet?

Moving to another room in the Kitahama Castle... Throughly exasperated that Hatsuhime remained uncaptured, Harumoto sat questioning a man dressed all in black.

The name of this man was Kasumimaru Fuuma. He was a ninja serving Harumoto.

It's already been two days. And here you are, the terrifying elite ninja Kasumimaru... what a joke.

Kasumimaru is the entire reason they managed to sell the same game twice. What's the secret of the PS2 version? They added Kasumimaru as a love interest. This is so very much *squeee* inducing that, to this day, I do not know if they added anything else. Each time I ask, like, what is it they did add to the PS2 version? I get the same answer: BLOODY KASUMIMARU! *squeee*. For the full effect read that with the voice and attitude of those hysterical fangirls that appear in Vampire Knight every time the guys are around.

We are searching every nook and cranny of the castle. Just give us a little longer!

"A little longer"? Pathetic! Time is passing, hour by hour.

My subordinates are searching even places that should be impossible to hide in.

You are too lax! Get out there and lead your men yourself!

Yessir.

Do you think it is possible that the princess has already escaped from the castle?

The perimeter guards have not caught her, so I can only imagine that she is still hiding in the castle.

...Kasumimaru.

With a terrifyingly cold smile, Harumoto reached out and brushed his fingertips along Kasumimaru's jaw.

If you're sure of that... then leave no stone unturned until you find them!

I can't keep telling the messengers that we have no idea where the princess is and turning them away.

Yes!

Harumoto, for all that he was known as the single most resourceful man in the clan, could not hide his ire. His speech lacked its usual composure, which only irritated him even more.

There was the sound of footsteps.

The floorboards creaked as someone approached.

Sorry I'm late!

The sliding door opened forcefully, and there on the other side stood Nobumasa Ohno, Harumoto's younger brother.

Nobumasa, you're finally here. We were waiting.

I came with thirty men, which slowed me up a little. But now that I'm here, you have nothing to worry about.

It is good to hear that.

But... I've been thinking about it, and I find it hard to believe that you're going to kill Hatsuhime. You're usually so much more cautious.

Hatsuhime was about to become engaged to the young lord of the Mayuzumi clan. If that happened, Matsuchiyo would lose his claim to succession.

And besides, she walked right into my hands of her own free will. What else could I do?

I wasn't criticizing you! Rather, I was admiring your resolution. So, where is the princess?

She is hiding on the castle grounds.

Huh?

It seems she's ferreted herself away in some hole. I worked hard to make myself familiar with this castle, but...

There is apparently more to it than I realized.

Then what are you doing sitting around!

What are your ninjas doing? I thought sniffing out verming was your specialty!

...

Don't be so harsh, Nobumasa.

But, brother! The longer this goes on, the worse our situation gets. I'm sure Hanawa and everyone else at the castle is already making an uproar!

Indeed. Right from the start, they've been sending us one message after the other. I can deal with that, but they may eventually try something more forceful.

Kasumimaru, do you understand the situation?

Yes.

Pathetic. You ninjas are absolutely useless, aren't you?

Stop it, Nobumasa.

Hanawa is famous for his devotion to that princess. He is undoubtedly going to make some move.

Hanawa! He's the one who raise the creature in the first place. He has no consideration for our clan's future!

Ordering us to do this and that with the yakiniku. Telling us to take out the carrots and onions because she doesn't like them.

And then, demanding mango pudding? Where are we supposed to get the mangos? Does she think this is a tropical island? Does she think we live in Jakarta?

And after she had twenty bowls of pudding, she wanted cake, like some sort of monster! Does she put it in a different stomach or something? Is she a cow?

Ahh, ah, ha...

Brother... You're acting out of character.

Shut up! I - I am -

...You just don't get along with the princess, do you?

Absolutely not.

Uh!

Lord Harumoto. Please, calm yourself.

Don't touch my brother, you ninja!

But...

I'm sorry. I lost my composure for a moment.

Ah, well, I understand how you feel.

I know well that you heart fluctuates between perfect dark and fatal fury.

What, you mean the spirits within?

It is all for the sake of your final fantasy.

I see.

Um... what are you talking about? I'm a little bit lost...

All right. Thanks to you, I can think clearly now.

That's some treatment.

Kasumimaru, loosen your guard around the perimeter. Let the princess get away.

Yes.

Why? Why would you do that? You're going to let the rat you cornered get away?

We're getting nowhere this way. We need to relax the guard, wait for them to move... and then catch them.

Hmm...

If you want to catch a fox, you have to get it out of its den first. And once the fox comes out... How fast can a little girl run?

With or without heels?

Will it really be that easy?

They won't be able to cover their tracks completely. We'll just set another trap for them.

Kasumimaru. We don't need people in the castle anymore. Send your men outside the castle, in every direction. Understood?

We're setting a trap.

But will we be able to find them?

Nobumasa... sir. Do not underestimate the Fuuma ninja clan.

Fuuma ninja clan?

Why, you!

We can sneak soundlessly into anywhere, and assassinate anyone. Perhaps you'd like to see for yourself.

Do you want to become one more rusty spot on my spear?

Stop! What are you doing, fighting between yourselves when we're about to set our plan in motion?

Mmm...

Lord Harumoto. I am willing to give my life for you.

Good. Make your preparations and then remove the perimeter guard. We'll lure them out; you can kill the princess, but bring back enough of her to identify.

Her many stomachs?

Yessir!

Brother, what about me?

Use your mounted soldiers to block all the roads. Give your horses water and let them rest, but depart as soon as you can.

Understood!

Hahha! My spear will sing through the air!

I'm counting on you.

I'll go then.

Yes.

The moment that Harumoto nodded his assent, Kasumimaru vanished from sight as if he had been snatched away by spirits.

He's just like the mist...

You mean, like, hot and popular?

Brother...

What?

I know you find them extremely useful, but I do not like him and his people. They're a bunch of weasels.

That would explain the popularity, yes.

Ninjas have to be able to hide anywhere and move like the shadows. It wouldn't do for them to be big and imposing like you.

That's true, but...

They have their own way of doing things. And I intend to make use of that whenever I need to.

...Understood.

How much time had we spent desperately crawling under that floor? When we finally emerged, we moved quickly into the shadow of the trees.

You did very well, Princess.

Y-yes.

Are you in any pain?

I'm fine. I didn't get hurt or anything.

I'm glad.

I hadn't gotten hurt, but my muscles ached all over.

Ow, ow, ow...

Huh? You were hurt?

No, I just bumped my leg a while back. Owww.

Could I manage to smile? I didn't want to cause him unnecessary worry. I could put up with something like this.

Princess, we're going to run for a while. Your legs must be stiff; you should stretch a little.

All right... one, two, three, four...

Was this what it felt like to be in an exercise program infomercial?

My joints screamed as I moved my arms and legs. Still, I could feel the warmth spreading through my body as I made myself keep going.

That's quite an interesting dance, Princess.

It's not a dance. It's a warm-up routine. They make you do it at the beginning and end of gym class.

Well then, I'll join you. One, two, three, four...

Um, would you mind facing the other way?

Why? If I can't watch you, I won't know how to do it.

Well, that's true... one, two, three, four...

Ah, I've never seen anything like it!

... That was why I didn't want him to watch.

You look just like one of those dancing hamsters on that webpage!

This is just too much. Now I will not be able to take that song out of my head for a couple of days.

What... I never knew that!

This is unexpectedly enjoyable!

Oh, please. He was like some schoolkid, getting so excited about this.

Are you loosened up now?

Yes.

Then let's go. You may see some blood, but no matter what happens, you mustn't stop running.

Blood... people were going to get killed again. Maybe even Muneshige.

...

And even if something happens to me, you can't turn back.

This was the same rule he'd given me when we were running to hide under the floor. Would he be able to protect me? And if he got hurt, would I really be able to just keep on running?

Princess, answer me.

You're strong and you're smart, Muneshige, and I'm certain that nothing is going to happen to you.

Princess... this is a war. And anything can happen in war.

If you return safely to the castle, that means victory for our side. And sometimes, victory demands sacrifice.

...

I began to realize it, then. This gentle-looking man in front of me was a samurai. A samurai who would cut down strangers for the sake of victory. Who would kill people whom he bore no grudge to accomplish his goal.

But... he would throw away his life for me, one single person... What did life mean to him? Muneshige - all for my sake -

It was too much. Why would he do this for me, whom he didn't even love? No... even if you loved someone, you couldn't throw away your life so lightly... Was this what it meant to be a samurai?

Princess...

...Yes.

I've been telling you this since you were little. "One can survive everything nowadays, escept death."

*facepaw*`

Huh?

... I seem to have said something foolish. I apologize.

Ah. Maybe he had been trying to make a joke, to help me relax?

He really needs help to write them.

What will our heroine do? Will she laught at Muneshige's awful joke? Will she not? Will we finally get them to join the rest of the guys? Dat, and more, in the next episode of Kurokasha-tan plays girly games so you don't have to, nya!

 

[RK47]

That wasn't an awful joke. I think it makes kinda sense.

Hige's not a bad person. Humor him. A little laugh will ease the tension. But no-touchy!

 

[Crooked Bee]

Look at him coldly. Let's play around with him a bit.

You look just like one of those dancing hamsters on that webpage!

This one? http://www.webhamster.com/

Oh, and I didn't play Ever17 myself, but I'm following an LP of it, and so far it seems okay for a visual novel. (I haven't played nor watched any other VNs, though.)

EDIT. Have you played E.Y.E. already, BC? If not, you should; I think it got the atmosphere right, and melee makes you feel like playing a From Software game.

 

[Mrowak]

Dilemmas, dilemmas...

Look coldly. We won't be forcing ourselves here. I doubt, though, that the game "knows" the concept of "playing around".

 

[Kz3r0]

Look at him coldly.

 

[Erebus]

Look at him icily. Seppuku is less painful than his jokes.

 

[lightbane]

Laugh. The alternative is romancing these subhuman samurais, so no.

 

[Mrowak]

Laugh. The alternative is romancing these subhuman samurais, so no.

When I think of

I am almost tempted to flip-flop.

Still, that we once give a negative answer can't mean we are going to be stuck with the tranny manace... or can it?

 

[Kashmir Slippers]

And then, demanding mango pudding? Where are we supposed to get the mangos? Does she think this is a tropical island? Does she think we live in Jakarta?

And after she had twenty bowls of pudding, she wanted cake, like some sort of monster! Does she put it in a different stomach or something? Is she a cow?

This cracked me up...

Are you loosened up now?

Yes.

Then let's go. You may see some blood, but no matter what happens, you mustn't stop running.

What type of game is this again?

I vote to make yourself laugh. we may not choose him, but we should at least give him credit for saving us.

 

[RK47]

 

[Duckard]

Look at him coldly. I didn't even realize that was a joke.

 

[Black Cat]

The cold treatment it is, then.

You just killed whatever popularity he had here in one masterful stroke.

EDIT. Have you played E.Y.E. already, BC? If not, you should; I think it got the atmosphere right, and melee makes you feel like playing a From Software game.

Just a little bit, thus far. I do like what I saw, mostly because the setting is the kind I actually may enjoy given all the occult references and stuffies, I usually dislike Sci Fi without occult elements and find it boring. However, as far as I understand there is no way to join the metastreumonic force. I want kawaii little demons!

Later I will be starting a run with a pure witch just to see whether or not it is viable to use nothing but PSI and the like. And yes, that's a good way to describe it. I can't believe I had not seen the similitudes until you did mention it. :3

 

[Black Cat]

Chapter the eleventh; Shut up already.
A short update in which Muneshige and our heroine finally get into motion, while the evil guys go Mwahahaha.

...

What... why are you shooting me that subzero glare?

Oh... no reason.

Please, don't look at me like that. If that's how you're going to be... I'll just have to tell the secret joke I've been saving all this time!

... what was this? I didn't want to hear it, but... He really was worried about me.

This might just make you rupture a lung with laughter. So, here goes...

You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish.

Lord almighty...

...

...

This silence... was he hoping for some sort of reaction from me? Oh, I wished he would stop looking at me...

...Um?

Get it? Tuna fish?

Well, yes.

You see, it's saying you cannot tune a fish like a guitar, which sounds like -

*facepaw*

...Ah.

Not good. Even if I laughed now, the timing was completely off. Why did men get their feelings hurt over these trivial things? Darn it! Laugh, Sayori, laugh...

Hehe.

A failure! And I had so much confidence in that one! My sense of humor must be outdate - obsolete!

Ah, no, no! It was funny!

I see my fountain of laughter has run dry...

His fountain of laughter? I thought Hatsuhime didn't laugh at his jokes either.

Muneshige, Muneshige! It really was funny. It's just that I didn't want to be found by the enemy, so I held back...

Held back?

I had to keep myself from laughing.

Oh, I was tired. After I'd spent all that time loosening up my body, I'd gotten weirdly nervous again. Would we really be okay?

How very like yo to think that far ahead, Princess!

He was speaking in a monotone again. Maybe he half-believed what I had told him? But it was hard to think that a samurai would be discouraged just because someone didn't laugh at his jokes...

In any case, we should be going soon.

Yes.

Somehow, I felt relieved, like we'd gotten something out in the open. I knew we couldn't relax yet, but I would do my best.

After hearing Muneshige's jokes... I was ready to face just about anything. Thanks, Muneshige.

I'll follow you, Muneshige.

Yes. You seem a bit more cheerful.

Because of your joke...

Then from now on, I shall polish my comedic routine even further.

Please no?

Eh? You don't have to go that far...

Do not fear! My spring of laughter never runs dry!

That would just be too easy, wouldn't it?

Right...

I will be your personal Comedy Central... all you need to do, Princess Hatsuhime, is sit in front of the TV.

I'm not sitting in front of the TV. I'm here. Right here!

Ah, you're a brilliant straight man! So indignant. We should do a routine together sometime.

We should do absolutely nothing of the sort. We should keep going, that's what we should do.

I'm going ahead.

Princess, wait! Princess...

As Hatsuhime and Muneshige escaped under the cover of darkness, three human-shaped shadows stood looking down dispassionately.

Did you see, Kasumimaru?

Yes.

Hahaa. What is the situation to the east?

I already have men assembled there. The trap is waiting to be sprung.

Muneshige is a skillful man, so don't let your guard down. If they somehow manage to escape, it will mean our ruin.

I understand. I swear I will bring the head of the princess to you, Lord Harumoto.

When you have completed this admirable task, I will make you a senior military officer.

Forgive my presumption, but I have no desire to be promoted. I only wish to stay by yor side and serve you as your shadow, Lord Harumoto.

*squeee*

Aren't you naive.

Nobumasa!

You put your men into motion too. First block all the highways. They must not be allowed to escape to their own castle!

Understood!

Hatsuhime. This time, don't give me too much trouble.

Harumoto Ohno's laughter echoed through the moonlit night. The distant eastern sky was tinged with lavender, and dawn was near.

I'm going to go out for a while so this update had to be pretty short. Tomorrow, however, the princess will find herself surrounded by enemies and way beyond Muneshige's means to protect her, and only the timely arrival of her sexy bodyguards will turn the tide of the battle. Joy, oh Joy, no longer will Muneshige have entire scenes for his boring monologues. Yay! Also, a choice.

 

[Crooked Bee]

You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish.

 

[RK47]

HAHAHAHAHAHA Go Hawke-same!

Hige-kun attempts Joke

Critical failure: roll 1 vs DC 16

 

[Mrowak]

HAHAHAHAHAHA Go Hawke-same!

Hige-kun attempts Joke

Critical failure: roll 1 vs DC 16

The devs are doing their utmost to ruin the only decently looking character in the game(?).

Still, the rest of so-called male cast have barely proved any better in their dialogues. I really don't get any of the humour in this game(?). Must be the translation.

Makes you wonder how flat Hige's jokes are in the Japanese version.

 

[RK47]

that's the issue with lingo humor - they had to come up with something to replace it.

Punny jokes from japan always make me sad when translated to english.

 

[Black Cat]

Chapter the twelfth; Nirvana Express.
In which our heroine finally meets the guys and is saved by them. Then they go prancing through the forest, while Kasumimaru gets bitchslaped by his Seme.

Clang, clatter!

Footsteps pounded through the forest.

Aah!

Princess! This way!

The faint light of the crescent moon was disappearing in the west, and the morning sun was spreading across the eastern sky.

Avoiding the highway, we ran through the forest so as not to be detected. As the sky paled, I began to realize just how throughly we were surrounded by men clad in black, who had appeared seemingly from nowhere.

You wretched ninjas... Princess, can you keep running?

Yuh, yuh, yes.

Don't let them escape! Surround them from all sides and bring them down!

Yaaaa!

Uuh!

Clash!

It was all I could do to keep running. Ninjas and shuriken were flying at me from all sides. They were all after my life... why? Thinking about it made me want to cry.

Princess, focus on the positive side instead: You could be the main character of A Dance With Rogues, and then you would ask for someone to please kill you. See? You already feel better!

Aah!

Hi-yuh!

Argh!

Slash!

Yaaa!

Dark red blood splattered. The raw scent of it filled my nose. I couldn't think about what was going on any longer. I only knew that I wanted to live, and I had to keep running. If I didn't want to die, I had to run.

Muneshige was truly strong. Although he was fighting by himself, he was more than holding his own.

But... at this rate... he would have to get tired soon. And the men fighting him kept attacking one after the other, as if their numbers were limitless. But still...

Princess, keep going! You need to be strong!

Ah, ah, ah...

No good. It was pathetic, but I was at my limit. I could barely breathe. It hurt...

Hatsuhime, should you really have trusted me with your life? I couldn't keep running anymore... what should I do? Please... forgive me...

Ahh!

My unsteady feet tripped over something, and I went tumbling. Muneshige, who was a little bit ahead, rushed wildly back to me. I felt like it was all happening to somebody else, like I was watching it in slow motion.

Princess!

Muneshige... He was rushing fratically back to me.

I had to get up. But my arms and legs were trembling, and refused to move like I wanted. What was wrong with me! Come on, I thought, get it together! Run away!

Princess! You - get away! Don't get near the princess! My lady!

Hehehe.

Resign yourself to your fate.

Don't think badly of us. We're just following orders. Hatsuhime! Your life is ours!

Aaaah! Muneshige!

Princess!

Oh... it was no good.

From now on the scene is completely back as she has closed her eyes while waiting to get killed and be done with it.

Mom... Dad...

Was I going to die in this strange world? Die... here?

Stop! No!

There was so much left for me to do. I had so many dreams to fulfill - I hadn't even fallen in love yet.

We are going to solve that one before long, Princess.

Just because I had picked up a stupid pendant... I had to become some princess and die?

Absolutely not!

Clash!

Slice!

Aaaahhh!

Huh?

Unknown: You scum! How dare you do that to a woman!

Huh?

Unknown: Indeed. We won't forgive you for hurting a lady.

Huh? Huh?

Unknown: To raise a hand to a woman runs counter to the code of a warrior... and to my personal code, as well.

Who are you?

Unknown: Well then.

It looks like we are not on your side.

Strenght personified! Da da dum! Messengers of justice! Pa-ching!

Ugh, that's terrible. Stop already, stop. And what's with the "Pa-ching"? Is it onomatopoeia? A sound effect?

Really? It's no good? It thought it was cool. Well, how about "the super-friends of justice"?

That might have been okay ten years ago...

No good, then. "The boy band of justice"?

That line was actually stolen by one of my best friends as name for one of the house rules we use when it is our turn to GM.

You've got the same time limitation problem there. Speaking of which, does anybody know what happened to Lance? I wonder what he's doing now.

I'll asume he's talking about, like, Lance Bass or something. I'm not sure, however: He was way before my time and I limit my Boy's Band fangirling to japanese ones, anyway. If you know any other Lance to go with that line, tell us.

Still no good? What about "the allies of justice"?

That's better! But still, nowadays, it's a little...

There's still a problem? This is difficult.

You need to have a flair for naming things. And Jin, you can't realy say that you're in touch with the latest trends. You don't even wear a cape.

That again? Are capes even "trendy"? Honestly, I never thought they were that cool myself.

This is the second time you have underestimated us aficionados of capes! ...I'm going to kill you.

What was with these people? They were just standing there and kidding around.

What are you babbling about? If you stand in our way, you will be shown no mercy!

Shut up. We're standing in your way right now, aren't we? Anyway, tell me honestly. Do you think I'm not cool because I'm not wearing a cape?

You are beyond even a cape's help, Jin. :3

What, you're asking that guy? You're pretty insecure. Bo, just tell him already.

Right. Oui, tu es tres pathetique.

Wh, wh, what? My WHAT is a prosthetic?

Ah, he seems to have misheard your french.

I somehow feel like we've already promised to duel.

Tainojo! Draw your sword!

Captain, these men are fighting over something...

...Never mind that. Now is our chance. Finish the princess!

Yes! Then, Princess, prepare to meet your fate! Again!

Huh?

Right now a sound like a turbine starts playing...

Hyyaaaa!

Wing Jet Fist!

Aaahh!

Sparkle!

I asume the joke there will go unseen if you haven't watched enough Anime in your lifetime.

The three of you were talking and talking, and I wasn't sure what would be the best timing for my appearance.

I'm sorry. I didn't answer your question. I, as you can see, am a monk.

I hope that doesn't sound too stuck-up...

You still haven't answered his question.

And you are?

Me? I'm just what I look like...

An awesome and pretty hot guy?

... an assassin.

Oh.

An assasin and a monk - the perfect team. We are the Nirvana Express!

At least his jokes are funny.

Don't just put the two of us together like that.

What's the problem? I think it's an excellent name.

"Nirvana Express"?

It's a great name! And I pity the fool who thinks otherwise!

Who are you, Mr. T? There is a certain resemblance...

Don't think I can just overlook that comment. Are you implying that I'm big and burly? Or that I wear a huge ugly necklace?

Had these people come to save me? Maybe it was just me, but I felt like I was being ignored.

Yes!

I see you're not coming to me. Well, then... I'll have to go to you!

Bare Blade Indiscriminate Slaughter!

Slash!

Aaah!

Slice!

Aah!

Slash!

Eeek!

These people were strong... very strong. These men who had suddenly appeared were cutting their way feverishly through the ninjas.

Princess! Are you hurt?

No, I'm fine.

Muneshige, whoa re these people?

Don't you remember? They're the ones who saved you at the festival. I do not know why they are there, though...

Are they reinforcements from the castle?

Maybe... but maybe not. Anyway, we must not relax our guard yet.

Someone's jealous.

I heard that! What sort of infidels would doubt a monk?

You think we're the enemy? Then I'll cut you down, if that's what you want.

These were definitely the people I had seen in Hatsuhime's dream. There was Yo, and Bo, and Jin, and Mon-Mon, and... huh? There was one more person whom I didn't know...

Slice!

C-captain! Aah!

Retreat! Draw back and assemble reinforcements!

The man who seemed to be the leader shouted this, before slipping away like the tide. We were saved... somehow, we had been saved.

Hey, hey. You guys were showing off by yourselves this whole time that we were fighting?

It's your own fault, Jin. And you wanted to impress the lady, too...

I don't see the problem. It is good that we did not kill anybody.

But if you people don't kill them, I will. Either way, people die.

That is incorrect, Ittosai. I have no love of pointless slaughter.

Saving the princes was "pointless slaughter"? Hm. Well, never mind. Either way... it's the same thing to me.

But... just hearing your pretty words makes me furious!

Now, now, it's fine. We've gotten rid of the assassins. And we got to steal the scene.

Seeing as the Three Stooges over here were too busy fighting.

Who are you calling the Three Stooges?

Well... how about the Three Amigos, then?

You're in on this too?

Anyway, if we stand here talking, those men are sure to come back in great numbers. We should go -

You! We are grateful for the assistances, but we would like to hear your reason for giving it.

Never mind taht, let's hurry up and -

It is my duty to protect the princess, and as long as I do not know your motivations, I cannot let you join us.

Yeesh, you're uptight.

Nah, just jealous.

We received a request from Sir Yahei Hanawa to rescue the princess.

Do you have proof of that?

No we don't! It was a verbal contract! If we return the princess unharmed, we get our money.

Money?

No, they are fighting ninja just for the fun of it.

What's wrong with that? We're not clan vassals like you. For a dangerous job like this, we need appropriate compensation. Understand?

I do understand. That's why I'm worried.

What!

Those who are bough with money will turn traitor for money. You could betray us at any time.

Ha hahaa!

What's so damn funny, Ittosai?

To hear the people we just saved tell us we might betray them? How can you hear that and not laugh? If they want to die, let them, Jinnosuke.

After all, this man assumes that only a clan vassal can be considered a samurai... how pathetic.

Hey, Ittosai.

No. I, too, must agree with Ittosai.

...

But, no matter how long you wait, there's nobody but us masterless samurai coming to save you. All your fine friends are back at the castle, wringing their hands.

Oh, Jin. The sword, the sword! You have the sword that the old man lent to you, right?

Oh, this. Look.

As Jin spoke, he reached for the sword at his waist.

Huh? This is Sir Hanawa's.

The old man said I should bring this along, and lent it to me. Do you believe us now?

Yes... my apologies. I will place my faith in you.

No, it was your job to doubt us. Don't worry about it. In any case, we should be going.

All right! Shall we hurry back the way that we came on the highway?

No. Now we have the lady with us. We should keep concealed and proceed carefully, even if it takes longer.

You're always so nice when it comes to women, Bo.

That is because I am chivalrous.

Shiverless? Is that when you never get cold?

Oh, never mind.

He's right. The enemy might have more than ninjas on their side. They have have horsemen, or guns. Anyplace with high visibility is too dangerous.

So, what do we do?

Hm. It's something of a detour, but I know of a mountain path that connects to the highway. The enemy would not be able to move any large number of men there.

Okay. We're agreed, then, so let's hurry.

But it would be faster to go on the highway, right?

No matter how strong you are, Jin, you're not bulletproof.

I've never been shot at, so I don't really know. Hey! Wait, wait!

And this is how I found myself fleeing to the mountais with some very strange samurai. It was already full daylight, and we headed into the darkness of the overgrown forest.

I thought I heard you say that you failed... but I can only assume that was a slip of the tongue, Kasumimaru.

I beg your forgiveness. We had some unexpected interference, and the princess got away.

And... you just came slinking back in disgrace?

I am gathering my men to go after them, and this time -

Kasumimaru!

Slap!

Uh!

That's just a taste of your punishment. I assure you, it will not be pleasant.

...I know I deserve it.

You weren't lying when you told me you would die for me, were you?

Most certainly not...

Until you have captured the princess or died trying, I do not want to see you in front of me again. Understood?

Yes!

Princess, the time for an easy death has come and gone. The longer you stay alive, the more you will suffer... and despair.

I listened to the rhythm of our footsteps...

Muneshige, this is a tough path. It must be very hard for the lady.

See, Muneshige? That's how you are supposed to act around a girl. Take notes and stuffies.

But this deer trail is the only shortcut I know.

Are you implying the princess is a deer?

Um... I'll do my best!

Don't worry, don't worry. That's not what I meant. You walk at your own pace.

If this is the only shortcute... Then surely the enemy must know of this as well.

When they don't find us on the road, they're going to start hunting in the mountains.

I don't want to die in a place like this.

Yo!

No, it's okay. I'm pretty much used to it.

Huh? Used to what? Us?

She's used to all things in earth and heaven. By the way, Princess, you seemed somewhat livelier the last time we met. Are you tired?

Um, well... yes.

That's no surprise. These last few days, you haven't been able to get any rest, and I bet you haven't had anything to eat, either.

You in front! Stop talking and keep your eyes out for the enemy!

And if you see them, be sure to tell me first. I'll make them my prey.

...you sociopath.

Miss, don't worry about it. He's that sort of person, but... well, he's just that sort of person.

He wasn't exactly following up on that initial attempt at reassurance.

You're not tired?

Uh, no...

Wasn't it just, like, yes a moment ago?

If you push too hard, you won't be able to walk later, and we'll be in trouble.

Hey, guys! Let's stop here and take a break.

What, you're tired already?

Yes. What with my sheltered upbringing, I have very delicate legs.

Aah...

Jin!

Ah! I wasn't talking about the princess, I was talking about myself. Me. Maybe I'm getting old.

I heard that!

That's not what I meant, either...

What! What am I supposed to say, then?

Chirp, chirp, chirp...

The forest was so tranquil that the earlier chaos seemed like a lie.

Even though it was summer, the leaves shielded us from the sun, and the air was cool. Listening to the birds call, I thought idly about my traveling companions.

We'd spoken a little, but when I thought about it, I didn't even know all of their names. And even the ones I did know... it wasn't like I'd asked them their names myself.

Jin and Yo went to keep lookout. Mon-mon and Bo were searching for something to eat.

The only people nearby were Muneshige and that scary man. Was I supposed to have met him before?

I didn't think so.

I could almost believe that the fight earlier had been nothing but a dream... I wanted to get to know everybody now, while I had the chance.

They'd told me it was okay to rest, and my body was feeling a bit better. But I felt like I was being a burden...

The chosen one, etc.

 

[Mrowak]

See, BC. Even this gay person calls this bunch freaks. Talk about new low.

Regarding the vote, let's Rest while we can.

 

[Crooked Bee]

Pretty princesses don't help no one. Their only goal is world domination. In other words, screw everyone; we should rest while we can.

Shiverless? Is that when you never get cold?

I asume the joke there will go unseen if you haven't watched enough Anime in your lifetime.

And the joke was...? Like, that was a special attack animation or something?