This is the old shit; Let's Play Baldur's Gate (Completed)

[Melcar]

Why don't you just use in-game screenshot functionality, then batch convert the screenshots to some manageable format?

The game has screenshot functionality? I always just used the regular Windows/Linux "Print Screen" key, but unfortunately that doesn't seem to work with the Widescreen + TuTu mods.

 

[DraQ]

Why don't you just use in-game screenshot functionality, then batch convert the screenshots to some manageable format?

The game has screenshot functionality? I always just used the regular Windows/Linux "Print Screen" key, but unfortunately that doesn't seem to work with the Widescreen + TuTu mods.

Well, it saves the screenshots to it's own directory, rather than to the clipboard, so it seems to qualify.

 

[Radisshu]

 

[Freelance Henchman]

newfags cant motherfucker sheppard

. .

 

[Murk]

Edward, Charisma is usually my dump stat (I have a 8 in it or less) and I've been able to pull off that response to Neville before - which at the time pissed me off cuz I wanted to fight the fucker in hopes of some magical bows.

 

[Radisshu]

SHEPARD PYRAMID

. . . .

. .

what

 

[GarfunkeL]

Great LP! Moar!

 

[Radisshu]

Yes, this IS a great LP. I only hope this'll be finished, then the codex (yes I'm taking credit too without any valid reason) will have put out some pretty epic LPs.

 

[Edward_R_Murrow]

Technical difficulties finally overcome! Prepare for an EXTREMEly experimental (read: probably shitty) update!

Chapter 4: Groundhog Fortnight

Once again...Motherfucker Shepard travels black in time to attempt to recreate the past events that occurred.

But this time he's not alone.

You know him, and his fame precedes him...grabbing your collar like no other...Motherfucker Shepard, coming from the future...Chapter 5 in Baldur's Gate to be precise.

Straight from the pit of 80's nostalgia comes Colonel John "Hannibal" Smith, the uhhh...unique leader of the A-Team, master of disgiuses, and expert at nonlethal firearm engagements.

Hailing from post-apocalyptic Tokyo, Hotsuma of the Oboro clan, minus one cursed, soul-sucking sword.

: Uh excuse me.....you spelled "Hotsuma" wrong.

: Shut up. *grabs collar*

...

Last but certainly not least, the King of Rock n' Roll himself, Elvis Presley!

:Thank you...thank you very much!

Now to fast forward to where the normal timestream of this LP left off. The party had just grabbed Minsc to go to the Gnoll Stronghold and rescue Dynaheir from some stinky hyena-men.

Timeshifted Shepard and his posse are en route to make like the Waffen on those gnolls.

Looks like the crew is on track.

:Are we there yet?

Stairs...

A wall...

Bodies...lots of em.

: There's about to be a whole lot more...

: Commander...couldn't we just try talking to the gnolls? Being extreme isn't everything...

: It's the only thing, and don't you think otherwise.

: Perhaps it is their destiny....that's kinda my catchphrase, okay?

: Oooh.....oooh! We're sharing catchphrases? Mine is "I love it when a plan comes together!"

: I thought I was getting some real EXTREME motherfuckers...

:Some people tap their feet, some people snap their fingers, and some people sway back and forth. I just sorta do ‘em all together, I guess.

:...

:....what?

: That is to say...lets kill them all, take their stuff, salt their farmlands, and burn everything down.

: A-FUCKING-MEN!

Shepard and crew are accosted by ogrillon bridge guards.

Shepard tries to be thrifty...apparently these ogrillons thought Shepard was a Jew or something....

Well...they just got bulldozed faster and harder than a Palestinian refugee camp.

: Dude...that's even a little too edgy for me....

Oh...

: Just kidding!

In case you were wondering were Motherfucker Shepard got his 19th charisma point, the Tome of Leadership and Influence is in one of the caves near the green box. In case you're wondering where Elvis got 25 charisma points...well...he's The King.

: KNOCK, KNOCK BITCHES!

: I think his lungs just landed on my shoulder...

: Dibs on the spleen! What?

: You ain't nothing but hound dogs....no friends of mine...

Action shot!

: Mission Accomplished! We got the witch. I love it when a plan comes together!

: Perhaps this was our destiny...

: Hey guys...don't you think this was kinda lame for a supposed "stronghold" of gnolls?

: Yeah...this felt more like a minor pogrom rather than full genocide. I wish there were more gnolls.

Your wish is my command.

: You didn't think it would be that easy did you?

: Perhaps this wasn't our destiny...

: Fuck your Kill Bill quote! That movie pissed me off so much because the second part was blue balls central. I mean, you're expecting something awesome...but it never comes. You never get a climactic fight....in fact, all the fights suck. First the bride gets shot with rock salt, then the two chicks flail around and a snake kills the eyepatch woman, and finally Bill dies in a way that could only be surpassed in lameness by oh...I don't know...

: Auto-erotic asphyxiation gone horribly wrong?

: Too soon...

: Elvis, you truly are the king.

: So are we gonna like...fight...or what?

: Alright lets do this shit.

That's....a lotta gnolls.

Murder death kill.

Wrapping things up.

A portion of the results.

: Much better.

: So that's what it would be like if we actually could have hit with all the bullets we fired....

: I haven't felt this good since I killed that freaky sorcerer who loved spiking the camera...back when I had my sword...let's go kill more stuff!

: Now that's the spirit!

The crew travels Northwards.

: Tch...women.

: You know...this one bitch took my spot away from me in a sequel to the game I starred in. No skill at all, and she killed the reboot of our franchise because the developers were too busy animating her ass to make decent gameplay again.

: Sounds like you should get even.

: I shall have my revenge...oohh....that's another one of my catchphrases by the way.

: Now don't go turning all stupid again....

A riddle!

No....I don't think he understands that Shepard wasn't talking about the answer to the riddle but what he was i relation to this guy.

I just went berserk and killed scores of people. What? You actually want to bring in a wanted murderer for money? YOU EVIL BASTARD!

Nice one Bioware....

: Suck on shuriken motherfucker!

A quest!

A counter-offer!

Quite possibly one of the most EXTREME dialogue options in Baldur's Gate.

Talky-talky.

Into the spooky tomb we go!

Shit goes down.

: Well, for them at least...

: This guy should have watched some Indiana Jones flicks or read some Lovecraft. Then this all could have been avoided...

: Hmmmm....nothing bad can come of picking this up....nope....

: Professor...you're life is now in a state of Shepardy!

: That would have even been cheesy by eighties standards....

: Yeah...sure...take the idol of super evilness....

: And have an angry servant of an ancient deity on the side.

Note: The Doomsayer attacks you if the Idol is in your parties' possession. It is a tank. It requires magic weapons to hit, has amazing saves, tons of magic resistance, and can dish out massive damage. In the regular game, only Shepard was left standing when I tried killing it. I decided just passing it off was a better idea, seeing as all the Idol can do is help with a little easter egg if you install Tales of the Sword Coast.

Onward the party goes...

: Hey...this guy looks tough...maybe we shouldn't go all Robert McCall on his ass?

: Too late. What's the worst that could happen?

: So he can hit kinda hard...what's the big deal?

: Uh-oh. I repeat, we have an Uh-oh...uhh huh.

: There's still 5 of us...we can take him!

: Make that four.

: But those two sucked. We're all still in this...

: Oh fuck...

: The King is dead! He killed Elvis!

: Ladies and Gentlemen....Elvis has left the building!

: Uhhhh....

: Sorry man...I've got a long life to live, and a stupid kunouchi bitch to put down. I gotta jet.

: You motherfucker....

: I'm gettin' outta here! Time to get my ass back to the present!



Next time; We continue off on the regular LP, where Shepard and his normal crew go bandito hunting, and assault the bandit camp.

If you liked this style...well, there won't be another at least for awhile, because I'm currently in Baldur's Gate itself now. Not sure if it would work too well with Bioware NPCs either. If you didn't like it, it probably won't happen again....too much goddamn effort anyway....

 

[Darth Roxor]

Col. "Hannibal" Smith

this was gud.

 

[someone else]

It was a nice read. I guess most of the people here played BG so the other wilderness areas won't be missed.

 

[Radisshu]

I enjoyed this. Didn't know Drizzt was that difficult, I always helped him out for some reason.

 

[Melcar]

Drizzt is hard as fuck. He's still killable though, and it's a nice achievement if you manage to kill him without cheats. His equipment is the shit.

 

[Vibalist]

What did he do to your NPC's that made them disappear out of the party?

Also, funny LP, keep it up.

 

[Lonely Vazdru]

What did he do to your NPC's that made them disappear out of the party?

He not only killed them, he killed them DEAD.

 

[dolio]

What did he do to your NPC's that made them disappear out of the party?

If, on the killing blow, a certain amount of damage is done beyond what it takes to reduce you to 0 (I forget what the number is; possibly 10), then the character explodes into chunks of flesh that bounce around the screen, and there's no way to resurrect the character.

 

[ghostdog]

That was a nice special episode, keep it up.

 

[PrzeSzkoda]

What's the Kozah statue useful for? Please spoil me, I usually pwn the Doomsayer and couldn't figure out what to do with the thing.

And you'd have had made short work of Drizz't if you had B.A. Barrackus on the team.

EDIT: BTW. you can pick Drizz't's pocket to get one of his scimitars, Frostbrand +3. You need some decent pickpocketing skill, though, potions of master thievery are useful for that.

 

[Elwro]

That was nice. I don't remember having encountered so many gnolls near the pits...

 

[VentilatorOfDoom]

Drizzt is really hard to kill. Best to drown him in Gnolls with a wand of Monster Summoning, and never let him get near. But you'll get his awesome equipment...

 

[Edward_R_Murrow]

What's the Kozah statue useful for? Please spoil me, I usually pwn the Doomsayer and couldn't figure out what to do with the thing.

If you have TotSC installed, and bring both the Idol of Kozah, and the Ancient Armor from the Firewine Ruins to the ghost of Ulcaster, if it is the first time you ever speak with him, he will take them both and give you a goofy cursed sword. Not really useful, but an interesting easter egg.

Drizzt is really hard to kill. Best to drown him in Gnolls with a wand of Monster Summoning, and never let him get near. But you'll get his awesome equipment...

Yeah, this is basically the only "legitimate" way to kill him. Even if you do this, you pretty much need Arrows of Piercing to hit him reliably. He's kind of insane in BG1, mostly because of how they had to fudge dual-wielding with him, but also because of his super AC and magic resistance. He could probably solo the final battle.

 

[Melcar]

Yeah, this is basically the only "legitimate" way to kill him. Even if you do this, you pretty much need Arrows of Piercing to hit him reliably. He's kind of insane in BG1, mostly because of how they had to fudge dual-wielding with him, but also because of his super AC and magic resistance. He could probably solo the final battle.

I once managed to kill him with Montaron. Gave him all my available invisibility potions, made him drink a potion of Fire Giant strength, hasted him, and sent him on his way. Had a small army of wolfs and Hobgoblins to act as buffer, and Monty proceeded to try and backstab him. He went down after four good hits. Of course, this was in my +20th re-play of the game.

 

[Serious_Business]

Jesus I hate this game. I even hate BG2, though I used to like it. BG is easy to hate, with the crappy empty areas and worst of all the horrible writing. You can play something like 3/4 of the game without having a meaningful conversation, and even then the other meaningful conversations you'll get in the other 1/4 will usually be big chunks of text you'll reply with a silly answer that breaks the four wall. Fuck this shit. Icewind dale was more classy and didn't pretend it was anything else than a hack and slash. BG is supposed to be all about storytelling, jesus christ.

I hate BG2 too, because of this goddamn combat system. I checked out all the difficulty mods and shit, it's ridiculous. There's no fucking tactics in BG2, it's all about knowing where the encounters are and preparing for them, and abusing the engine and AI, plus having the right equipment equipped. Oh yeah, and clicking shit with your warriors. Goddamnit. Those fuckers think they're doing high tactical gaming, they're not, it's bullshit, soloing sorcerers and so on, supposedly never reloading, so what, they just fuck around with shit like waiting until a mage's protection spells wear off, how strategical is that, and seriously, how fun can it be, do they wait like 20 minutes or some shit. I guess there's a challenge there, but god, there has to be something better out there.

 

[Edward_R_Murrow]

I checked out all the difficulty mods and shit, it's ridiculous.

Not much disagreement here. I like BG2 a lot, but the only real "difficulty mod" that doesn't blow is Sword Coast Stratagems, which basically rescripts the AI to not be as exploitable and to actually use their abilities instead of not using them. It's actually pretty good, and you can choose what parts of it you want. Ascension, being pretty much an "official" add-on is okay too.

As opposed to powergaming madness like "Tactics" and "Improved Anvil".

There's no fucking tactics in BG2

Yeah...that's bullshit. It's not JA2 or Silent Storm, but it's a goddamn sight better than most. If you play well, you win. If you lasso and click, you die. It's far from mindless.

it's all about knowing where the encounters are and preparing for them

In some cases, yes. But that's true of almost any game. You don't go up against a dragon without the necessary precautions just as you don't go into Meduna without plenty of heavy weaponry, mortars, snipers, and grenades.

and abusing the engine and AI

Not really. I don't abuse glitches in BG2 and can do fine. It's certainly not "all about" glitching the hell out of the game.

plus having the right equipment equipped.

Not exactly. While I'll definitely concede that stuff like the whole 'you need +X weapons to hit this monster" is bullshit that never should have translated from PnP to CRPG, essentially being a game controller's way to make the character's go on an epic fetch quest to kill the big bad, part of tactics is using your resources properly. Using night vision/flares/etc. on a night raid in JA2 is analogous to using magic piercing spells on mages. You use the right tools for the job, you have some resource management going on, and you have to be ready to mix things up a bit if the situation changes.

Oh yeah, and clicking shit with your warriors.

Yeah...they really needed to make Fighter gameplay not shit. Though, this is a party game so it's sort of forgivable. Problem was, magic users were pretty much who the gameplay was designed for.

they just fuck around with shit like waiting until a mage's protection spells wear off

I guess they missed that like a fifth of the mage's arsenal is for taking down said spell protections.

how strategical is that, and seriously, how fun can it be, do they wait like 20 minutes or some shit. I guess there's a challenge there, but god, there has to be something better out there.

Yeah, never understood the whole soloing business, because the game wasn't meant for it, and it essentially requires a lot of exploits and cheese. Doesn't seem like much fun to me, but some people just enjoy pushing the game to the limit I guess.

and worst of all the horrible writing. You can play something like 3/4 of the game without having a meaningful conversation, and even then the other meaningful conversations you'll get in the other 1/4 will usually be big chunks of text you'll reply with a silly answer that breaks the four wall.

I can sort of agree with this. While I didn't mind the overall plot of BG1, the writing on the micro-end was pretty lousy. It's a shame, they did a pretty good job plotting things out and making it so the player would actually be drawn to the events going on, but their desire to make the most fucking schizophrenic mood/ambiance ever broke it. One moment you'll have a dialogue in the sort of Fallout style, followed up by one apeing the worst aspects of Ultima, followed by an easter egg, followed by a dick joke, followed by more RenFair dialogue, and ending with a thinly veiled cultural reference. Fuck, you could get whiplash from that.

 

[VentilatorOfDoom]

I once managed to kill him with Montaron. Gave him all my available invisibility potions, made him drink a potion of Fire Giant strength, hasted him, and sent him on his way. Had a small army of wolfs and Hobgoblins to act as buffer, and Monty proceeded to try and backstab him. He went down after four good hits. Of course, this was in my +20th re-play of the game.

Nice approach. I figure it took quite some attempts at backstabbing eh? I remember I could only hit him on crits. I might try it one day.
The approach with the summoned monsters has the problem that he really kills them in an uncanny speed - should there be 1 second without a monster near him (before you summoned new ones) he will switch target to your party - most likely to Edwin, the guy with the wand - and that is usually the beginning of the end.

The encounter is a bit different than in BG2 eh? There he just gets obliberated, fast and reliable.