Let's Play Magna Mundi: Pakistan Ascendant

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

Don't fuck with the Goat, man, or the Goat will fuck you.

A survey of Ceylon reveals it to be extraordinarily rich and fertile, particularly in the southern half of the island. Certainly a worthwhile conquest. Ceylon, the Emerald Ejaculate of India, will make a fine addition to the Empire.

Son, I am proud.

Over in the Near East, the old ally of the Andhairavids has resurfaced.

Meanwhile, in Europistan.

So long as a single Lithuanian still dreams of his mother country, the Purple Potato will never die! : x

A Stalinist purge would be of the utmost usefulness at this point. If the quality of my generals recently is any indicator, they've been indulging in their Goat harems a bit too much.

Jews and Bureaucrats are Andhairavid bros.

Is something wrong, Aristocracy?

...!

Thanks, God.

And all is well. things remain peaceful and boring for a short time, as the Shah plans his next move. This relative peace and prosperity helps the integration process along nicely. The provinces of Konkan, Orissa and Nagpur have been finally purged of anti-Andhairavid manboonery.

The Shah falls ill. His grip on power slips slightly during his sickness, allowing some rebel elements to quietly gather their strength.

Meanwhile, over in Britannia. Britain has been at negative stability for several decades now, although they've somehow managed to avoid any major rebellion in their homeland. Presumably things are worse in the colonies, they've even managed to lose Ireland to the Green Menace.

Even with the decline of the Turkish horse-rapists, things are not going well for the Habsburgs.

The relationship with Deva Bengal improves to a more manageable state, casting light on the possibility of a continued vassalage.

Is good.

The Shah's health continues to decline, until eventually his strength fails him entirely. The new Shah, Andhaira XV, is perhaps mediocre, but if his rule is ordained by the Great Goat, then it shall be so. Pro Andhaira!

The Iranian mafia has begun moving into Baluchistan, running an illicit goat-smuggling ring, where innocent young goats are bought and sold back to their home country. Apparently, they have ties to major goat-urine dealers in the Delhi slums and even a goat snuff porn studio in Baghdad. This criminal scum cannot be allowed to act freely! Andharia XV sends his anti-Islamic Raghead-Rapist Squadrons to clamp down on their activity. The Shah, young and naive, declares the Khan of Persia to be responsible for the thousands of innocent goats snatched away from their homes to be whored on the streets, or worse.

Down with this sort of thing.

The Shah begins enacting a vast reform of the Andhairavid military structure. Elements of the Ottoman Janissary system are introduced, using young Hindu and Muslim boys raised as Sikhs. Newer rifles are introduced, along with new lancer tactics and superior formation drilling. These advancements are somewhat dated by European standards, but they make the Andhairavid military one of the most highly developed in all Asia.

And the Shah promptly dies. All hail Andhaira XVI, I guess.

Meanwhile, the Wu have invaded Tibet. The Tibetans have been deprived of their Empire by joint attacks from Wu China and the Uzbek goat-piss sniffers. That removes any threat from the north, until either Transoxiana or Wu China annex Tibet completely.

The Deva Bengalis are now :truebros:

:brofist:

hurr durr how do i into the laws of thermodynamics

(The other options give -1 stability, meaning they would be a significantly greater drain on research anyways, even if Andhairavidia wasn't such an immensely enormous Empire. )

Elsewhere, the Japanese have begun a colonial project in Arabia. The Shah would be delighted to liberate these Arabs for the glory of the Great Goat, if his Admiralty could figure out where Japan actually is already.

Not to be outdone by the Japanese colonial Empire, worlds greatest exporter of sand and camel shit, the Shah orders his Admirals to send an expedition eastwards. The Admiralty obey, by rounding up a few drunken sailors and a suicidal captain, giving them a boat, and sending them off east. With luck, they will return in a few years with stories of wondrous virgin lands, and perhaps even the Manboon tribes that inhabit them.

The Expedition quickly locates a rather juicy looking prize for their Shah, but they continue their Indonesian adventures.

!

What's this? The Iranian Mafia has set up another Goat-ring in the Spice Islands! Their presence is intolerable, they must be scourged from the Archipelago!

Maybe later.

The outer coastline of Brunei is mapped. The Kingdoms (and a dictatorship or two) of Indonesia are fractured and individually weak. Several tempting conquests have been presented to the Shah. Brunei or Malacca would make good springboards for a potential invasion of China, or even Japan.

Back home, the Maldives are looking rather independent. That's hardly a good state to be in now, is it?

But they have friends. If the Shah invades the Maldive Manboons, then he will have to contend with the landlocked tribesmen of Siberia!

Typical natives. M:

Allah ain't so Akbar now is he, you raghead woman-fuckers?

The people of the Maldives have been cured of that most terrible affliction, political independence. Without the guidance of the Shah, they would have soon devolved into true Manboons. Andhaira has rendered a great service upon these people, one they will soon come to realise, when the initial butthurt has faded.


You may also wish to note Portuguese Somalia.

 

[Drakron]

The outer coastline of Brunei is mapped. The Kingdoms (and a dictatorship or two) of Indonesia are fractured and individually weak. Several tempting conquests have been presented to the Shah. Brunei or Malacca would make good springboards for a potential invasion of China, or even Japan.

I think they are worthy targets even without their possible military use.

 

[Fafnir]

One further step for

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

Sorry about the lateness of updates bros, I've been having some troubles with this computer. I'll see about updating late tonight or early tomorrow.

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

As the Shah waits attentively for any news from his expedition, it comes to his attention that the Transoxianans are carving out a holding in Tibet. The Wu have also recently invaded Tibet with the intent of territorial gain, so this patch of the Himalayas may soon become a battlefield between three of the great Asian powers.

The Wu have penetrated as deep as Indochina, although they are suffering from a severe bout of instability. The Wu Emperor has been forced, presumably by revolutionary groups, to abide by a constitution. The Wu hold a large swathe of China, containing a population in the millions, so their Empire is suffering the consequences of this radical social change.

While the Shah waits for word from his Expedition, he begins a diplomatic campaign, demanding that neighboring states accept him as not merely a Shah, but a mighty Emperor. Bribery, Inanity and Djinnish cunning will be required, but the Shah is adamant that he must assert his dominance in the world.

The Andhairavid Expeditionary force have mapped out western Indonesia, the only region of the Archipelago not entirely tainted by manboon native filth. The sailors have heard rumors of further islands eastwards, and a great continent of primitive negroes to the south, but nothing verifiable. Another tempting target has however presented itself. A small principality south of Brunei, poorly fortified and lead by ignorant Hindus, will be an easy conquest. After a garrison is installed and fortifications upgraded, Demak could act as a staging point for future conquests through Indonesia.

Thanks guys. You may both be completely landlocked, but I appreciate the emotional support.

VICTORY AT SEA

Demak is occupied by Andhairavid colonial forces. Their fleet is also given a solid thrashing. Now the Hindus of "Sulu" just need to be put in their place, and a fortified foothold can be established.

Demak flies the banner of inanity. Soon this entire island will embrace the Goat. It shall be an Emerald Isle, where the mighty aquatic Goat pods of Atlantistan can roam free, and men can live free from the vile curse of barbaric manboonery. Andhairavidia rules the waves!

The Sulu manboon scum attempt an amphibious invasion on Goa, but our brave Andhairavid lads see them back to their Hindoo craft.

But what's this? It would seem that previous policies of tolerance and multikult towards Sunni immigrants has created a cancer within! A Sunni elite is emerging in the wealth port cities of Western Andhairavidia. They have chosen to oppose the Shah, campaigning for Muslim rights and an unthinkable ban on homosexual goat-marriage. Any opposition to the Shah is a threat to the Empire. This can only end one way. Even if it means Civil War, these heathen rebels must learn the ways of Andhaira.

(Other options are -3 stability and force conversion back to Sunni Islam, or significant conversions to Sunni in every province with a Sunni minority. I'm guessing this is the event through which Hindus and Buddhists can adopt Islam.)

Is..is this?

ITZ, ITZ HAS CUM.

Meanwhile, colonial policy. We now have colonists!

ITZ is here. With the Goat watching over him, and the blessing of the Djinn, the Shah will lead his devout people against the storm, against these Muslim Manboons, these goat-eating wretches who have cast aside their loyalty in favour of a brutal death.


(Managed to squeeze in a terribly short update, I'll give you bros a big one tomorrow to compensate if possible)

 

[kazgar]

ITZ!

top work bro, no problems in sorting computer problems out.

 

[Gondolin]

But Andhaira is love. Why would these people revolt?

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

But Andhaira is love. Why would these people revolt?

Because they are sandnigger machete rape gangs!

 

[Merkwürdigliebe]

shITZ just hit the fan!

Will this be the end of Inanity?

 

[Kashmir Slippers]

No! This LP can't end in a fabulous burst of rebellious glory like the Mongol and Hospitaller ones.

Hail Andhaira!

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

There are several key Islamic bastions, taken over by mobs and mutineers loyal to the Green Crescent of Manboonery. With the destruction of Andhairavid transports at the hands of the Sulu scum, the Maldives is currently capable of holding out against the Shah for some time. On the mainland, the Hordes are still loyal. While a new transport fleet is constructed in loyal Sikh dockyards, the Shah plans on mobilising every Horde to put down the rebellion. The Muslims are concentrated primarily in the South and West, where their presence is strongest, but there are also some rebels in the far North and East.

The first bastion is down! Jaipur, in Rajputana, was taken over by a Muslim revolutionary group plotting the downfall of the Shah. In response to this, the Shah orders that every copy of the Qu'ran in the city be taken back to Delhi for use as royal lavatory paper.

Another heathen bastion in Gujarat is retaken. Under the Shah's firm leadership, the worst effects of a Religious ITZ may be averted.

The Sulu sue for peace. In no condition to continue such a minor colonial conflict, the Shah agrees to a truce. The fleet will be avenged later.

A semi-autonomous Sikh government, relatively unaffected by ITZ, assumes control of Demak. The Shah's enlightened colonial policies are introduced, much to the annoyance of local manboons. The Indochinese Horde, originally intended for Burma, is granted to the Demak colony as a means for further expansion.

Another two heretic bastions fall. Despite the initial devastating impact of ITZ, the Muslim leadership is collapsing rapidly. The Shah is confident that in several years, Sikh troops will be back in control of the Maldives.

The Muslim resistance on the mainland has been crushed. A few transport ships have been finished, allowing a few thousand Sikh troops to land on the Maldives. It would seem that the Shah has lead his people through ITZ. The Emerald Empire will shine on ever brighter!

The Ukrainian Potato Nationalists have joined their fellow manboons in open revolt against the Shah! : x

Foreigners press their claims against the Empire, in its one moment of weakness. No matter! Should they invade, they will find the brave and devout Hordesmen ready to fight in defense of their Shah and their country, in the name of the Great Goat!

The civil war is in full swing! As the religious ITZ begins to fade, a new threat is rising. The Revolution has cum to Andhairavidia. Potato nationalists, discontented peasants, Muslim Manboons and Hindoo Heathens are rising against the Shah. They will all die for their efforts of course, but it's this sort of bloodshed that makes for a smashingly good film. M:

The insidious grip of Revolutionary Potatoism has spread further through the underclasses of the Subcontinent.

Peasants, peasants! The Shah has better things to do than kill peasants all day! Bring us a foe, so that we might hollow out his balls and drink from them like a skin!

ITZ is not yet averted! There is more killing to be done! Mash their potatoes for the Inane Goat!



(Another short one, I'll see about a big one sooner or later, as I might be unable to update next week.)

 

[commybro]

REBEL SCUM!

 

[Conkrete Knight]

Ohhh, that last rebellion got butchered to the last man.
Let us try that to!

Well, at least the goats won't go hungry for a looooong time.

 

[Calego]

Maaaan, those few Muslim elites in northern India really pissed off the Hindu south.

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

Updatan now. I'll give you bros a big one, because I wont be able to update for a few days, maybe the rest of the week.

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

Deserters!

Their own homes threatened by Manboon and Hindoo machete rapist assault squads, Sikh troops are slinking away from their posts to guard their wives and goat herds against the cruel grip of Potatoist Machete Rapists. Army morale must not be allowed to slide any further! In the hopes of bringing the civil war to a conclusive and bloody end, the Shah empties out the treasury , mobilising garrisons and reserve troops to protect loyal Sikh communities across the Empire. The Goat-worshiping citizenry of Andhairavidia will not feel the full fury of manboon machete rape, least not in the unoccupied provinces. Morale improves as a result.

Two main options present themselves to the Shah. Either of which may have dire long term ramifications. He could order a bloody campaign. All heathen captives would be exterminated, along with their families. Or, the Shah could encourage his own supporters by making a speech filled with inanities worthy of Andhaira I. Should the Shah fail to make good on his promises, his people may not be too swift to forgive, but the improvement in national morale would help bring an end to the civil war.

Both options are expensive and with potential long term negative effects, so the Shah cannot opt for either at this moment. If the civil war should drag on, one or the other might become available.

The revolts in the North are put down with bloody-minded determination and efficiency. Bangala and Thar are reclaimed, prompting rebel garrisons in the south to abandon their positions to the Bahmanid Horde.

After a few weeks of fighting, the mainland is once again safe. Perhaps ITZ is finally over?

After a bitter siege, the Maldive Manboons grudgingly capitulate. The rebel Garrison, instead of being put to the sword, is made to endure a 48 hour straight lecture on Monarchist Counter-Potatoism by a prominent Sikh philosopher. These manboons prove themselves disappointing specimens. Not a man survives the lecture.

The Shah commissions a network of fortifications across the Maldives, to prevent any future rebel insurgencies from taking hold.

ITZ is indeed fading. The majority of rebels have disbanded, hoping to return home without incurring the wrath of the Shah. All that remains is a small, elite group of Revolutionary Potatoists, Muslim fanatics, and Hindu nationalists. The rebel scum is on the run!

At any rate, the religious ITZ is well and truly over. A few more rebellions have broken out, but nothing significant (another peasant revolt event). All that remains is to deal with the disloyal Muslim population. The dreaded Machete Rapists in particular will taste the Shah's salty justice. After all, what goes around, cums around.

With ITZ essentially over, the remaining rebels begin abandoning their cause. The last few rebellions fade away, and peace begins returning to the Empire

(Fraps didn't want me to show you this event for some reason. Rebels Disbanding is a Civil War event that causes attrition to increase by 1000% in rebel besieged provinces. This causes the rebel armies to lose all their men in a month and vanish.)

Civil ITZ, that most dreadful of ITZ, is well, and truly, over. Now the Shah can look to restoring peace, punishing the disloyal heathen populace, and perhaps even expanding his Indonesian Empire.

In celebration, a colonial expedition is sent to the Andyman Isles far off the coast to the east. These isles were first discovered and named by an Andhairavid explorer, so it is only right that they be claimed for the Emerald Empire. The local manboons may prove problematic. They are poorly organised and primitive, yet savage and ferocious.

Even with ITZ fading away, the Manboons of the outside world seek to foil the Shah's every effort!

The Shah would not live to see his Empire return to prosperity. Exhausted beyond his limit by the great ITZ, The fifteenth Andhaira is carried up by the winged goats of Paradise. His successor isn't spectacularly competent, but he is a charismatic and intelligent politician. He will be suitable for calming the situation down and reasserting the rule of arbitrary despotism, but not much more than that.

Andhaira XIV must, in his father's stead, choose what is to become of Islam within Andhairavidia. He could show mercy, in the hopes that they might one day make good, loyal Sikhs. Or, he might cast them out, back to their homelands in the west. The new Shah chooses the latter. He has only just ascended to the throne, and any threat, even one so broken and thoroughly beaten, cannot be tolerated.

Something wrong, Muslim elites?

The expelling of Islam coincides with a conversion of Hindus. Although Hinduism is still the majority religion in the south, Sikhism is not far behind. Islam has been almost entirely destroyed in the past few months. Shit Islam is still barely tolerated, but Sunni Islam clings on only in the form of a few, scattered survivors.

And with that, the crisis is over. ITZ has faded, the Sunnis have been cast away, Sikhism is on the ascendancy, and the Empire is shining ever brighter. Pro Andhaira! Pro Goat!

The new Shah has grand ambitions for his Empire. First of all, Andhaira is determined that the outside world must accept him not merely as a Shah, but as a great Emperor worthy of respect, admiration and fear. His forefathers also desired this, but with Andhaira XVI's diplomat ability and the Empire's renewed strength, this dream might become a reality.

Thanks to the efforts and competence of the bureaucracy, despite a slip in efficiency, the Empire can once again enjoy the same prosperity and stability as prior to the Great ITZ.

The second expedition to the Andymans proves more successful than last time. Before long, a small colony is established on the island. Currently the colony requires state support, but the Shah hopes that it might soon become a self sufficient naval holding.

The colony of Locuetown will act as a base of operations for all further expeditions on the island.

A small fort is constructed to act as a shelter against manboon raids, and an emissary is sent to negotiate with local manboon tribes on the island. If a pact can be made with these manboons, however tenuous, then that would make a policy of trade and multikult integration possible.

The manboons send the emissary back with his head sewn into his colon. This does not speak well for future relations with the natives. The Shah, upon hearing of this, decides to send a small garrison force to Locuetown.

The Locuetown settlers are all loyal Sikhs. The finest men and women of the Empire. They will be missed back home, but a substantial Sikh population on the island will lead to a swift administrative integration of the Andymans.

The Shah receives tepid support for his claims. The majority of states choose to remain neutral rather than
opposing the Shah and incurring his wrath. This is not what the Shah had hoped for, but it is support enough to consider the new title a success. No one outwardly opposes the Shah, anyways.

And so, Andhaira XVI is no longer merely a Shah, but a mighty Emperor! He is Shahanshah, Shah of Shahs, Lord of all that his forefather's set their sights upon! This is a truly glorious day for Andhairavidia! M:

 

[Hellraiser]

Your goats are most prosperous Shahanshah!

 

[LusciousPear]

Imperialism is Serious Business.

Question: why did we never upgrade to a new tech tree? Was that a conscious decision?

 

[Kashmir Slippers]

Nice to see that ITZ has passed.

I'm surprised that you managed to succeed with your proclamation. Even when I try it with a high DIP leader and no infamy, it normally fails.

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

Sorry about the hiatus, bros. Just had to sort some shit out. I'll update today or tomorrow.

That's not how it works Herr Luscious. In MM, every tech tree is 100%, with the only difference being neighbor bonuses due to the number of countries with that tech group. Instead, each country gets negative modifiers based on religion, culture, placement, etc. You slowly get rid of the modifiers through those fuck-me-right-up-the-shit-shoot Societal Change events, until you get rid of all of them and your tech is 100%

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

A wave of religious intolerance and Sikh nationalism overtakes the Empire in the wake of the Sunni Potatoist ITZ. Fearing persecution or even death, many minority groups such as Christians and Jains are adopting Sikhism, particularly in the bustling port of Goa.

Andhairavid expeditions to Indonesia and the Pacific are renewed. Emperor Andhaira desires more overseas territory, now that there is very little easy, worthwhile territory available by land.

A chain of virgin islands are discovered between Brunei and China. They are almost free of human presence, besides a few thousand aggressive manboon tribes. These islands are out of the Shahanshah's reach for now, but in good time they might become valuable Andhairavid colonies.

A second Japanese expedition is organised. The island of Ryukyu is mapped out, revealing it to be a small, weak, and completely unaligned state. Ryukyu would therefore make a good springboard for either a Japanese or Chinese invasion.

Locuetown is expanded. The manboons of the Andyman are now firmly under the Shahanshah's thumb, even though they remain outwardly hostile.

The Shahanshah sends orders to his colonial government, demanding that they expand his colonial holdings. The small principality of Majapahit is chosen for conquest. They have alliances with two other Indonesian principalities, but nothing particularly intimidating.

Meanwhile, the Persian scum have lost ground in Arabia to the Shit Muslim tribes of the desert. Let the Muslims t

The Iranian troglodytes have also lost their Central Asian territory. A glorious Kazakh state has risen out of its ashes. Muslims they may be, but their ruler, Borrak, has thrust out the underground goat trade. He may become a friend of the Shahanshah.

Sneaky mongoloids.

The glorious Andhairavid fleet is both invincible and utterly expendable! Andhaira rules the waves!

Back home, the citizenry of Andhairavidia are beginning to take a different approach toward Monarchy, that the Shahahnshah is not only a despot, but an enlightened protector obliged to hold away the manboon hordes across the border. Andhaira is slowly becoming not only an absolute ruler, but a "benevolent" ruler of goatly values.

The Banten Hindus are forced to a peace. Now for the Majapahiti conquest bait.

Majapahit is successfully annexed and added to the Royal Andhairavid Indonesian Colony. With a substantial foothold in the islands, it is now time to either expand upwards to China and Japan, or to refocus on the Muslim scum to the west, and reclaim Iran for Sikhism.

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

Are you chaps getting bored of this? God's salty hemorrhoids, I would be. Updatan anyways.

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

Onwards, to page 36!

 

[Furious Flaming Faggot]

 

[Kashmir Slippers]

I'm still following, and I am not bored with it. I just figured that I could only write the same few words of acknowledgment and encouragement so many times before it got annoying.