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The problem is that the dirtiness of the room makes it a really sketchy place to treat wounds, but considering how long it'd take to get them back to the base itself, which doesn't even have a proper hospital room yet, it's likely better to treat them on the spot. If they get infections, full time bed rest and a full stomach should keep them in the clear even without medication.
Sheeeeeit. First of all. I vote for muhself, fuck all these komunists, they have no idea what they are doing. Building granite doors while being charged at xaxaxaxaxa...xa! A Kommisar attends the premiere of a KKK comedy movie. He laughs and grins throughout the film, but after it ends he says, "Well, I liked the comedy. But that clown had a mustache just like mine, shoot him." Everyone is speechless, until someone suggests, "Comrade, maybe the actor shaves off his mustache?" The Kommisar ponders this and replies, "Good idea men! First shave him, then shoot him!".
Alright let us see. First I'll try to lead the two muff monsters following me to the turrets. Hopefully they will be distracted.
1.) If they are distracted/killed by the turrets, go BACK and:
1A.) Try to distract more of them and run to the north tunnel entrance.
1B.) If no muffs around to distract by that point, help out dragging and/or healing people with bricks or whatever resource it is that we use for first aid these days. Priority, lacgirl, kalin, grimwulf. Gotta prioritize the people who will vote for me.
2.) If they are not distracted and turrets fail me, which considering komunist tech, is probably what will happen:
2A.) Then just try to out run or hide from the fucking things.
2B.) If my chances to outrun them are basically 0% (I have no idea), then turn around try to run through them, far enough to distract maybe one or two moar muff monsters and die gloriously while squatting.
I strongly suggest Azira is NOT used as bait, since he is last person left who can fight. I will radio HelloFriend and tell him to grab his nut sack and distract some of the fucking things. Leading them as far away from injured fighters as possible. I would advise Azira to wait until as many of the fucking things are distracted as possible then try to save some people.
If Azira or HelloF question my orders, start telling jokes.
Chances are good considering that muffalo are slower than standard base speed. Humans have a base speed of 4.61c/s and muffalo are only 3.6c/s. Azira has potential issues when rescuing people as it's possible for them to approach from both sides and cut off his door access, but you're pretty much in the clear.
In the unlikely event of Kommissar Grimwulf dying, I vote for Kalinski to become chairman. Azira is a man of science and mad experiments, no time to lead the colony.
Kalinski on the other hand has the right argument to deal with those opposing his leadership: club to da head.
Turns out Lacboygirl is a true Kommunist at heart, belonging to everyone. It was just Dreead's capitalist brainwashing about exclusive property gone wrong that made xer her talk crazy...
Heh, here I thought you had been drunk and horny and made the whole thing up. Turns out the game did that for you. While you were probably drunk and horny anyway.
You know, I actually feel a little sorry for LacBoiGirl's situation...
Kommissar Grimwulf only has to deal with a bunch of useless Kolonists. But that is part of the tru SPACEKommunism: everyone is equal.. equally useless. He knew what to expect.
But LacCIS tries to be the village bicycle in a Kolony full of confirmed bachelors with an anal candle fixation.
That's like John Carmack joining the Amish! Well, at least until he builds a computer out of woodscraps powered by a donkeywheel....
There's no chance in hell I'm putting candles up my arse. This Azira guy is completely off his rocker, he should not, SHOULD NOT be in charge. But I can see the way the wind is blowing, so I'm abstaining from voting for political reasons.
Build wooden door first of all. Then proceed to 2) Haul people to safety while Azira keeps muffalo distracted. In order of priority: #1 Grimwulf. This man must not die. #2 Kalin's alright, even though he wanted to harvest my organs. #3 Lacgirl. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something about her seems... off. Makes me uneasy.
There's no chance in hell I'm putting candles up my arse. This Azira guy is completely off his rocker, he should not, SHOULD NOT be in charge. But I can see the way the wind is blowing, so I'm abstaining from voting for political reasons.
Build wooden door first of all. Then proceed to 2) Haul people to safety while Azira keeps muffalo distracted. In order of priority: #1 Grimwulf. This man must not die. #2 Kalin's alright, even though he wanted to harvest my organs. #3 Lacgirl. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something about her seems... off. Makes me uneasy.
There's no chance in hell I'm putting candles up my arse. This Azira guy is completely off his rocker, he should not, SHOULD NOT be in charge. But I can see the way the wind is blowing, so I'm abstaining from voting for political reasons.
Build wooden door first of all. Then proceed to 2) Haul people to safety while Azira keeps muffalo distracted. In order of priority: #1 Grimwulf. This man must not die. #2 Kalin's alright, even though he wanted to harvest my organs. #3 Lacgirl. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something about her seems... off. Makes me uneasy.
There's no chance in hell I'm putting candles up my arse. This Azira guy is completely off his rocker, he should not, SHOULD NOT be in charge. But I can see the way the wind is blowing, so I'm abstaining from voting for political reasons.
Build wooden door first of all. Then proceed to 2) Haul people to safety while Azira keeps muffalo distracted. In order of priority: #1 Grimwulf. This man must not die. #2 Kalin's alright, even though he wanted to harvest my organs. #3 Lacgirl. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something about her seems... off. Makes me uneasy.
*psshhh* RYAN, listen to me very carefully! I'm going to aggro the herd on myself.
Once I lead them away, you'll get out of your hiding hole, save Grimwulf, then Kalin, then lacgirl. Is that clear? Over.
This can't be happening. This ain't happening.
*psshhh* DAMMIT, RYAN! RESPOND!! Fuck. Here goes nothing! *bang*
That's right, you murderous abominations. Come to snow daddy.
Ghh. Run.
*psshhh* MEN, the herd is coming after me! Every muffalo, except for the big one!
*psshh* Muffalo chieftain is here, almost steppin' on my heels!
Then kill him, Dreaad! While he is alone and vulnerable! Oh, shi
K-kill him?
*psshhh* Ryan! Grab Grimwulf and drag him to safety NOW!
Uuuhhhh...
*panting* H-helo friend!
Dreaad!
Can you see it now?! All my plans, all my efforts were not in vain. BEHOLD! THE DREAAD'S REVOLUTION!
Ummm, so what do you have in mind?
We are going to save those who shall vouch for me as the new leader! Follow me!
I shall rescue lacgirl, and you take Kalin.
What about Grimwulf?
He is dying like a true communist. Trampled by angry mob.
You... fucking... *coughs* I hate you more than Japan.
I can't carry both of you at once, Grimbro. Surely you understand, our loved ones come first.
L-loved ones?
Eh, sure, why not. Be quiet, lacgirl.
You ffuck. Corporal Greenball! Give me a hand here, wll ya?
Umm...
NO! LOVED ONES COME FIRST! Hello friend, grab Kalin and let's go!
Okay...
Ewww. That is so gay.
I-- uh--
Curse you both. *spits blood* I will haunt this place until the end of times! The spirit of Kommunism will stay here FOREV-- *coughs*
Uhh, let's go, mr. Kalin.
Don't touch me, faggot!
*psshhh* Ryan, Dreaad! You'd better be saving Grimwulf right now! HURRY IT UP! The herd is coming back!
*pshh* Weren't you supposed to distract them?
I WAS distracting them, Dreaad! Until SOMEBODY lead the muffalo chieftain right behind my back!
Ouch.
I'm trapped in the storage. The chieftain is waiting for me outside, although he's wounded. Maybe I can finish him off...
*moans*
*psshhh* Azira... for the love of all that's communal... I need your help here at Grimwulfgrad. Over.
*psshh* Grim? Why are you still there? Shit. Shit! YOLO! *runds like the wind*
Cykablyat. Azira! Хаха...
You were ordered to rescue Grimwulf first. What the fuck, Dreaad? Why are you holding lacgirl?
That's not what you think...
It's ok, bruh - hello friend is coming right after me with Grimwulf! We got it! HIGH FIVE!
*walks away*
Oh, well.
D-doctor Azira?
You can't be serious. Where is Grimwulf?!
He's still there.
*runs through the tunnel, looks outside* Damn. Too late. The herd is here.
*psshhh* I could use some help, men!
*psshh* Negative! We are currently in a middle of a--- AAAAAAAAAAAGGHH
*MAD BELLOWING*
Dreaad?
UGH! Blyad! Ебаный бычара!
DREAAD!
Eh? Come again? Can't hear you. Over.
*ASSAULTS HELLO FRIEND AND LACGIRL*
AAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *manages to get inside and lock the door*
*Thundering bellowing full of anger and despair*
No help is coming, apparently. WELL THEN *bang*
It hurts, doesn't it? *bang*
One down. Five to go. *bang*
*psshh* I am STILL waiting for help. Over.
Fix me, hello friend. Fix me!
B-but lacgirl needs immidiate medical treatment!
WHAT? CAN YOU SPEAK LOUDER?!
WOMAN WILL DIE!
DYE?! WHY??
Help Dreaady first, Shrek. It's ok. I am ready for anything, as long as Dreaad lives.
*moans of pain and disgust*
*psshhh* Screw you. Over. *bang*
I need a good long drink after all this. *bang*
Think you almost got me, huh? Think again! *closes the door right in front of muffalo's nose* Fun times. *bang*
Enjoy a bullet in your neck, buddy. See you later! *closes the door*
*psshhh* Azira, are you trying to-- hurrr-- kill them all or something?
*psshhh* That's quality meat and warm furs. We can't just let them go away, right? *bang*
Besides... *bang*
They piss me off. *bang*
First thing I'm gonna do once I get back... *coughs* I'm gonna maul Dreaad and corporal Greenball to death with my bare forehead.
Before you do that, let me plug anal candles in both of them. *bang* Serves them right.
Two down, three to go.
And the chieftain. Yes.
*WALL-SHAKING BELLOWING*
I can't take it any longer...
Fucking pussies, all of you.
ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
I wonder if Kommissar Grim and Doctor Azira are still alive.
What do you think you're doing?
Shh. Quiet. Let's go before they-- fuck!
Don't let them get to my brother!
Don't listen to him. Embrace your fates.
I can hear gorgeous music... No, wait! It's the sound of turret fire!
Hurrr, shut up, all of you! Azira, leave me.
FUCK! They are too close! I'll come back for you, Grim. You hold on! *runs to the door*
Just be sure to kill them all *coughs*
Here we go again. *bang*
14th of Winter, 5501
*bang* Last one.
Let's go, Grim. It's all over.
Nothing's over 'till I hang Dreaad using his own nutsack as a noose.
Meanwhile.
Sooo. You need an eyepatch.
No. Leave it like that.
Uh? Like... that?
Yes. My mother always told me, "A woman must be proud of her holes. All of them." She was a feminist.
Uh-huh.
How do I look? Tell me honestly.
Well... Wait, did you hear that?
HEAR WHAT??
Door opening. They made it, the bastards!
Here we are.
Hrmpf. I owe you one. As long as you don't try to use those candles on me.
Naah, Ryan needs anal candles. All five of them. HOWEVER! I have a special reserve of one dirty sock and half a bottle of something... what is it even?
Gimme dat! *gulp gulp* Yyuuurrgh!
I don't wanna know what was it, but I need moar.
Sorry. There is no alcohol in KKK.
Now that's just heresy.
Later that morning.
*BELLOWS IN RAGE*
Sounds like it's calling for you, Azira.
I need to patch you up.
I'll be alright. Go outside and show this beast what happens to those who messes with Kommunists.
Be careful, brother.
Die, Azira.
DO IT FOR THE MOTHERLAND!
He can't hear you, fucking retards.
Eh? Get some sleep, Grim. *goes outside* HEY! *bang*
*Struggles to hold the balance; limps towards Azira*
You'll have to walk faster than that. *bang*
*wails in pain*
I'll put you on your knees, abomination! *bang*
*Falls, but keeps crawling towards Azira*
*walks backwards, observing* I wonder if you feel regret right now?
*Uses last bits of strength to bellow in agony and hate*
Thought so. *bang*
Welcome to KKK. Enjoy your stay.
Phew. That was a long night. Way too long.
Azira, MY MAN! You made it!
Shut up, Dreaad. Grimwulf will deal with you personally. And me, I just want to sleep.
What? Grimwulf will drill me anally? Grimwulf is alive??
Still alive, all of us. Un-fucking-believable.
I need to find my rifle. And drag dead muffaloes to the freezer. See you later, komrades.
They are not dead yet? Azira left them here to die suffering...
Later that day.
Lacgirl, you alright?
Do you still love me, Dreaady?
Come again? Actually, nevermind - I gotta go! Daily squatting, you know. *runs away*
Thought so. *starts crying*
I just want to be noticed...
*takes off pants* That will make him notice.
Meanwhile.
Grimwulf! Glad to see you in good health, brah! Here, brought you some food.
Dreaad. You have some nerve to show up after all you've done.
Come on! It was just a chain of unfortunate events, like in that joke about a babushka, a chainsaw and Kolobok.
You can tell me the joke right after you clean the Kolony. All of it. And if I see your lazy ass taking a break before you complete the task...
Words are wind, Kommissar! Say no more! I'll do it in no time.
It was part of the plan. ХАХХАахаха... ха...
Meanwhile.
Seriously. FUCK this place.
Fuck all of you.
You should really stay in your bed, mr. Kalin...
FUCK YOU, gay-ass greengo!
Uhhh
I just wanted a room. A PRIVATE ROOM! Is it too much to ask?
"According to his needs" my ass. Nothing here is anywhere close to what I need.
Kalin, don't walk there! I've just cleaned this spot!
I'm gonna beat you senseless, then use your body as a carpet. That would solve the problem, no?
Ахаха, what? Sorry, I think I've misheard you...
Later that evening.
I think that your revolution was a failure, Dreaad. Sorry.
What? Nonsense.
All kolonists are alive and mostly in one piece. And you are still a janitor.
It's all irrelevant! The Kolony is broken MENTALLY! That what's really important.
Hummm, I don't know. Grimwulf will recover sooner or later...
So what? Ain't nothing Grimwulf can change now, хахахах ха!
*mumbles* Best moustache, best hair, best clubbin' skill. What do I get? Nuthin'. And look at Dreaad - shitty janitor, good backstabbin' skill. What does he get? Also nuthin'. Is it fair? I am a productive member, dammit!
Your Kolony is a mess, Grimwulf. And Azira is the local hero, not you.
He's a good shot, and a sir.
If you died today, he would become the new leader.
I am still alive, tho. He saved my ass this time.
This time could be the last. Sooner or later he will realize that you are an obstacle.
Off with your ramblings, woman.
You have no time to rest, Grimwulf. Finish what you started. Build Grimwulfgrad. Show them that YOU are the leader, not Azira.
Later.
It's going so slow.
Call the others. Tell them that MOTHERLAND CALLS. Always worked with me.
*psshh* Wake up, you lazy-arse bastards and work those legs towards Grimwulfgrad! NOW!
You heard what Grimwulf said, Dreaad. I have to go.
Can't you just pick a side already?
Ummm, maybe next time.
*psshhh* Coming. Just give me a moment to find my pants.
There. Now we have a door in case of another crazy animal assault.
Glorious. You should keep it open in the meantime. To demonstrate the hospitality of KKK.
Aye, your words bear some kommunistic wisdom.
You there!
Corporal Greenball, ready and waiting for your command.
Due to your cowardly and indecisive perfomance I disrate you to private Greenbutt.
Oh noes.
That is all. *pshhh* Lacgirl, Azira. Come in.
*psshhh* We'll be at Grimwulfgrad soon. Both of us.
*psshhh* You could even say that... We're coming.
What took you so long, woman?
Makeup. Choosing the right panties. You know, the usual female stuff.
You should know that your lover won't get away with it.
With what?
Cut the crap. Dreaad disobeyed my and Azira's orders; provoked muffalo chieftain into attacking Azira; manipualted private Greenbutt; the list goes on. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if he organized that invasion in the first place.
Umm, he would never do that, Kommisar Wulf.
Why not? He might be a spy working for the deers. He might be a deer in disguise, for all we know.
Do you really think I would fall in love with a deer?
You would fall in love with a dog. AWRIGHT, we're done for today. Everybody grab a muffalo and drag it to the freezer. Chop-chop!
B-but you can't just accuse Dreaad of all those atrocities!
Of course not. There will be a proper trial.
Who is the judge?
I am.
Azira, can you please talk some sense into our beloved Kommissar?
Why? A proper trial never harmed anyone.
Dreaady never meant to harm his komrades as well. He might not be as manly and brutal as Azira, but he is such a muffin. And totally innocent!
Silence, woman. Everybody go to sleep now. We shall make that trial happen in the morning. And put on a damn eyepatch, for the love of men!
MAKE YOUR KEY CHOICE
Eyepatch?
1. No. I am a woman and I have rights. My gloryhole is my pride.
2. Yes. What if a kitten jumps in my hole? It will tickle the brain a lot, tee-hee~
Guilty or naught?
1. Probably? Just let him do all the dirty work. He is a half-decent janitor, after all.
2. Guilty of being a prick. The punishment is a gud beating from Kalin followed by candle treatment from Azira. Could be lethal, in theory.
3. Guilty of disobedience. A couple days in a cryo casket will teach him a lesson.
4. Guilty of being a foreign spy. Arrest will be a proper punishment, then we can decide what to do. Maybe sell him? Or harvest the organs?
5. Guilty of treason. The punishment is death.
6. NOT GUILTY! GRIMWULF MUST DIE INSTEAD! REVOLUTION!!!
It's about time to build turrets. But they will be no good unless we power them up. What shall be the power solution for Grimwulfgrad?
1. No steel to spare for anything fancy - we don't even have enough for turrets. Connect Grimwulfgrad to our existing power station. Turn off every unnecessary electrical gadget if needed.
2. Build a separate power station before setting up turrets. Will take time and steel, but should be worth it in the long run. Right?
Build more power, I say. As for Dreaad, he is obviously guilty, but he did sorta help to save me, and it's useful to have a pleb around to clean up our shit...
2. Guilty of being a prick!
Nothing a good bashing won't solve.
(Oh yeah and based on seniority, rank and gender I'm calling big-time dibs on the first bionic eye we come across!)