Fall From Heaven 2 - Infernal Edition

[Damned Registrations]

Pfft, don't be ridiculous. You win by turning your own army insane and mutated and throwing them in waves at the enemy the like worthless tools that they are. :monocle:

 

[Majestic47]

Lol, so you can put Cthulhu as a governor or something? And then what? You win because everyone else becomes insane/is tentacleraped to death by Cthulhu?

The power beneath the Aegean waves is said to be more powerful than any other, but the Overlords are unfocused and follow a thousand different obscure agendas. The Disciples of the Overlords dare not expose themselves directly to the conflicting commands of their masters and instead use the poor as intermediaries. They are quickly driven insane by the process, which the disciples prefer as it keeps them from manipulating the message. They also share the process of turning a Warrior into The Drown (undead thralls), a process with few volunteers.

Each word of the name can well describe one aspect of the religion. Octopus is a creature more alien to man (and elves, etc.) than certainly any mammal, and even the lizardmen and others. They are incomprehensible, and thus maddening. Completely alien, and so uncaring of human's fate. Overlords show the view of this religion has of itself. Its leaders serve the Deep Monsters, and their goal is subjugation of the world.

Their domain is stolen from its rightful steward, or at least subverted. So the overlords are both reckless and insecure in their powers, and thus rarely subtle; they never use a breeze when a typhoon would do.

The Octopus Overlords themselves are thought to have been created by the the most powerful effective dreams of Hemah. Hemah, in turn, is nothing but an effective dream of Danalin, the God of Water who has chosen to sleep rather than wake to farce a world without his beloved Aifons. Hastur, the Lord of Nightmares and Archangel under Mammon, God of Mind, snuck into Danalin's Vault and now whispers in his ear, corrupting his dreams (the life of Hemah and, through him, the Ovelords and all of Erebus) into a horrible nightmare.

We spread his words throughout the land and use the influence of the holy city to gather pilgrim's coins and spy in their towns where they build their temples.

Our priests shall call upon the waves to engulf the coasts and wash it clean of our enemies.

Seriously though, the religions in this game isn't just flavor text or larping purpose. They have their own strong point and unique features. Including bonuses, heroes, units as well as form of governance AND wonders. Abandoning the religion will cause these unique bonuses to disappear, including the disbanding of units tied to that religion.

Brief summary of other lesser religions:

The Rune of Kilmorphs are focused on production and commerce. They worship the earth. A perfect match for dwarf kingdoms and coin-starved monarchs. They are able to call upon the dwarven Soldier of Kilmorph, who are a hardy bunch, able to help with building constructions and fight as well.

The Fellowship of the Leaves are faggots. They like healthy trees, animals, and leaves. They fornicate in the trees like the beasts they are, living amongst forests and call upon treants and animals to protect those who trespass into their womb of trysts. Dirty, uncivilized, scum.

The Ashen Veil worships the forgotten ancient lord of hell....their wonder will summon the return of the ancient civilization of Infernals, playable - if you abandon your previous civ. Research is their primary focus, their temples granting 10% bonus. Their priests are able to call upon rings of fire to devastate armies around them.

The Order is opposed against the Ashen Veil, with the fervor of Crusaders, they can recruit armies from their town and march against evil. Their temple increase recruitment speed, and their wonder - the Mercurian Gate summons the mighty Mercurians, a race of angels sworn to fight evil. The sworn alliance will declare war at any evil, regardless of the cost and long term diplomatic ties.

The Empyrian is democracy loving beliefs - they worship wisdom and equality above all else. The Empyrian functions as a form of United Nations between the realm's GOOD/Neutral kingdom. Even the smallest nation hold equal voice in the Overcouncil. Of course, the butthurt will force the losers to join their opposing side...the UNDERcouncil. If war is the only answer, the Radiant Guards will answer the call with the power of light. If all else fails, Chalid Astrakein, bringer of the Pillar of Fire will be called to act.

 

[Damned Registrations]

Left out Esus.

 

[Majestic47]

Left out Esus.

The most dangerous enemy is the one that is unknown...

 

[RK47]

It is undeniable, the Old One has spoken. Terror and nightmare incarnate it may be, its presence made itself known. The people naturally panicked. It took at least a month for the Inane Kingdom to calm itself down. Even God King Andhaira, Lord of Alts and Inanity took upon himself to present his people with a different image of himself. Eventually, worship becomes a norm, and the people of Retardo Realm grows accustomed to the dreams of multiheaded dicks hitting the thighs and ass.

A Zealot sets forth from the holy city of Bioware, accompanied by a scout. His destination: The Lanun territory. If the people of Lanun is willing to listen, relationship will prosper between the two kingdoms.

Once the chaos died down, scholars resume their research. This time on more economical measures. The God King has neglected the other aspects of governance, and the kingdom may have found a God, but it still lacks basic necessities. Knowledge of crafting will be the stepping stone to greater things.

The zealots sets forth through the northern forests, hopefully the scout can warn them of any dangers lurking ahead. A strange omen appears, months after they set forth, however...

The priests take it as a good sign....two heads are better than one! To the south, scouts have made contact with the kingdom of Amurites. Scholars who are obsessed with magical research and arcane arts, they perceive other concerns as beneath their contempt. Perhaps if relations are nurtured, both of our kingdoms can learn much from each other.

The Kingdom of Amurite shares borders with Grigori, perhaps tension may build up between the two and explode in the future..

A temple of the Overlords is erected in the capital. Priests are overjoyed as they can further enjoy the Emerald Dreams.

Scholars complete research on crafting.

The move on to mining.

Good news arrived from the zealots, they have reached Dunwich and started spreading the word of the ancients to the citizens.

Dark times arrive in Bethesda, once again, the City Watch is helpless to do anything.

My lord, this is a very serious concern..if the murders are allowed to happen...

But where do we get the gold? Hmmmmmmmm?

The God King speaks the truth. It is as the Old One willed..let it pass. The murderers will be consumed by the madness soon enough and leave us well alone....

And so the kingdom spared any efforts from hunting the killer.

Our fishing boats continue to find small towns along the eastern coast, this time a barbarian village.

Things were quiet for a while, until...

I told you so!

SILENCE! The God King must not know about this! Quietly, settle the folks, I'll think up of some excuses!

News came from the west, both Lanuns and Calabims have embraced the Octopus Overlords beliefs...

Further along the coasts, an orcish kingdom, calling themselves the Clan of Embers gaze at our boat with menacing glare.

I say we best be careful of these...greenskins. They seem like formidable opponents...

Truly? They are so far away from us! Why must I care about these fools?

Ahem, I am inclined to agree with you, God King Andhaira, but their rapid breeding and orcish strengths may pose a threat to us in the future...

Away with you! The king has spoken!

Fashioned mining tools are invented, copper deposits are located, and the kingdom is well on its way to improving its economic conditions.

The next step would be to fashion these metals into weapons and machetes sharp enough to cut down the thick jungles near the river coasts of Bioware and Bethesda.

More contacts established, this time with the Luichurp, Kingdom of the Dwarves. They are more receptive to an open border, but refuse the worship of the Old Ones, they have embraced the Runes of Kilmorph, the Earth Mother.

Alarming news, your Excellency!

Hush, do not bother the king with petty concerns! What is it, scout?

The Grigoris have established a new settlements near Bethesda. They're enroaching onto our territory!

Give the orders and I shall drive them out.

Now just wait a damn minute we should not-

Oh ho ho ho...encroaching our territory? Hmmm.. No no no....that won't do.

Milord, their military might is larger than ours...we shouldn't...

Who said anything about wars, fool! I shall send my Alt of Alts, Loki to handle this matter, NONE of you will act without my permission. IS THAT CLEAR?

The three nod and disperse.

Loki enters the town of Gongaga and performs his show. His charming and innocuous looks completely fooled the guards. The mayor and the people were enthralled by his performance...the Grigori guard captain can only watch in disbelief as the mayor signed away the city to Loki!

WELCOME TO THE PLAYGROUND!

The guards were forced to leave. The people cheered their new God King and went to construct a monument in his name.

Meanwhile in Bethesda, mayor Todd Howard proposes the construction of the Derp Brewing House to ease the populace's stress and boost entertainment. The plan was approved. It would take many years before this is completed.

A time of celebration perhaps, as Loki inspires the people of Gongaga to reward their loyalty?

Sir, I regret to inform you that...

What is it?

The King..he's...

Oh no...

This is why there's no long term planning for the Insane. Things change on a whim...and you just have to adapt. The loss of Andhaira's charisma, replaced by the rhetoric of 'Moo-slim' preaching amidst the growing discontent from Unsolved Murder of Liberal in Bethesda caused extreme unhappiness in the capital city. The advisors quickly enacted the Religion edict to calm the rioting crowds.

Meanwhile on the eastern shores...

The Desert Nomads, Malakim establishes contact with us.

Advisor, we've received the survey report.

And?

We...we're not even on the list.

More contacts established, this time with the jewish dwarf Kingdom of Khazad. Founder of the Runes of Kilmorph.

Meanwhile, the Inane Warriors are busy clearing away a lizardmen lair just off the shores of Gongaga's River. Fortunately, Loki's chaotic blade proved to the advantage and no loss were reported.

Loki, I HAVE THE PERFECT MISSION FOR YOU!

Slipping past the borders, Loki's circus troupe proceed towards Lanun borders, intent on spreading mischief.

Meanwhile in Retardoland, a sage who dwells in vault offered his services.

The advisors, capitalizing on his dedication on the theory behind choices and consequences decides to build an Iron Tower for him to occupy, increasing research yield and culture in the city dramatically.

Meanwhile, Loki's show has begun, but it did not have the desired effect. The culture of the city is too strong to yield to his charms, he will have to move to another city.

The copper we mined now provides us with blades and machetes strong enough to cut down forests. Incredibly important to our workers.

Once the jungles near Bethesda and Bioware are cleared, the sugar and dye plantations can be exploited! We will study the calendar concept to find out the best planting season and crop rotations.

Our troops gain much needed arms. Ready to face challenges when required.

Our lone fishing boat meets a noble end as it attempts to pillage a pirate cove.

Loki's encore in Paradera was successful! But the close proximity to Innsmouth may prove to be too tense for the Lanun pirates to bear...Loki forces the citizens to abandon the city walls, and the city is no more, the mayor and his people were last seen walking into the forests, not to be seen again.

Months later, Loki's troupe emerged in Aylesbury. The City Watch grew alarmed as the shrilling music and dancers takes over the people completely! This time, the mayor raised the Retardo banner high above the city walls. The garrison shrugged and walked away, wondering at what had happened to the river town.

The Grigori offers open borders, perhaps with a little roadworks trade can flourished between both towns.

To reconcile and earn some coin, Loki settles for performance in one of Lanun major coastal city. Gold flowed freely and a good was had. The City Watch totally forgot what had happened months earlier at Aylesbury.

Finally, the scholars plan for something big, a cheerful celebration of sort. For the kingdom has grown stronger over months - without a single military act to show for it.

Aylesbury, Gongaga extends the kingdom's borders. But the threat of other kingdom still remains.

Unacceptable!

Control yourself! You don't realize what is at stake!

Why...must we stop them from learning of our faith, gentlemen?

Sire?

Let them have it. Who knows...they will gaze in the face of insanity and won't come out of it...alive.

Finally, CELEBRATION!

Scholars resume research on sails to leave the puny coasts and search beyond.

A revelry was planned. The citizens eagerly await the signal...

And with that, a chapter ended and another begun.

Our Golden Age of Inanity has arrived!

 

[Brother None]

Too many Codex injokes, can't keep up!

That said: incoming machete rape!

 

[Damned Registrations]

Loki is way more useful than I thought.

Also, you were lucky your civ didn't get wiped out by that first spectre. They usually beeline for my capital.

Going to try for a religious victory? Not sure if that works with evil religions very well though, since the evil civs tend to murder eachother even if they share religion, while good civs sharing religion ally up and scourge other religions off the map.

 

[RK47]

Yeah, at first I was using it like a noob. I was just keeping him in my capital, using Inspiration for the puny 2 research point per turn and 1 Great Sage Point generation.

When the unhappiness strike the capital, I just park him there using the Entertain, but gain no gold since it was my own city...then I realized I'm doing it wrong and set him off on other civs. Fucking effective, I must say. Especially against non creative civs.

Newly built towns with 0 culture flips immediately, that's like a settler production down the drain. Ouch, baby.

 

[Damned Registrations]

Captured settler even, if you keep it. Pretty huge. When you flipped the first city I was like 'Wtf? Did he just sacrifice him to steal the town? Didn't know you could do that.'

 

[RK47]

Music: Heroes IV - The Prayer

Alright, men. You've heard what the God King has said, while he is away on his epic quest to return to Codexia, or whatever that is, I'll be attempting to coordinate the kingdom's effort in growth and politics.

Very well, Commander. Shall I start with the dreadful economic figures or...

Err...no. Let's not. Guardsman, what is our current realm reports?

Well, milord. If you look at the map, our recent acquisition of Gongaga and Aylesbury puts our border in direct contact with both Lanun to the west, and Grigori to the south.

Any military movement so far from the west?

We're uh....pretty tense. Rumour has it the Pirate King Falamar is quite incensed by Loki's mischief. It costed him two cities. One abandoned...the other...well, is our current Aylesbury. They're pretty cautious.

Obviously they're going to take what was theirs by force. We're so doomed...

Huh...let's try to improve relations..by the way, where's Loki?

Hell if I know, sir.

Well, in any case, tell the scholars to focus on seafaring vessel research. We need those to start up our trade routes between kingdoms we've already discovered. I think our workers are incapable of paving roads all the time.

That is a most economically wise decision, milord. Our coffers are running dry but what about the Lanun military threat?

Well...guardsman, see what freaks and other muscles you can recruit. They might not be best, but it's all we've got. Fortify Aylesbury, if you can spare the men.

Will do.

Months later, fortune arrived to the kingdom...

That's good news. Unfurl the sail, let's get this trade on the seas!

With the discovery of seafaring vessels, the Kingdom of Inanity is now able to establish trade with faraway kingdoms, as long as they have a city by the coast.

Let's get Retardoland to construct the Lighthouse!

Sir, good news from the south. Our workers have successfully started the dye plantation. We've enough surplus to trade with another nation.

That's great news! Find out what the other kingdom needs, maybe we can start the trade!

Soon, the Kingdom of Inanity signed a trade treaty with Clan of Embers. Wine from the Clan will be traded for Dyes from Bethesda. Smiles are exchanged as the treaty was signed.

I must admit, human. You are quite shrewd.

The Kingdom of Inanity knows a strong ally when they see one. Let us hope this is the beginning of a good relationship between both of us.

Same to us. Do not cross the Clan...or you will suffer our wrath.

Days later, another emissary arrive from the Kingdom of Luichurp.

What did he say?

He said...uh..

This is from the Derp Brewing House in Bethesda?

We don't worship yer gods, human. It is obscene, I tell you! Obscene! My king, Garrim Gyr the Great demands a tribute for this insult! Ales from you, EVERY YEAR!

So be it. Serving girls, open the taps. Let's have a drink.

A few dozen glasses later...

Asss I wasss sayinnnggg Andhyyy...ahndyyyy is a rettarddddd... Thisssss kingdom of yours.....INSANE I tell yass...

Yes, yes yes...come..let's teach each other things...How about I explain to you how our religious practices works...while you teach us some of those dwarven masonry and cartography?

FFFfffffffah! FINE! Only BECAUSEssss...you ask nicely!! MOAR ALE!

You heard the dwarf, MOAR ale!

At least we didn't lose out much...on the deal. Fucking greedy dwarves.

Right. Our next research should focus on smelting...with a little luck, we should gain access to iron weapons. That should ease our military worries.

Fine choice, sir! We'll be able to take on those sissy pirates with ease!

Suddenly the doors to the meeting hall bursts opens!

SOOOO! HOWS MY KINGDOM DOING!?

Lord Andhaira!

Everyone bows in reverence.

What's this? What's this? Trade treaties? AMAZING! We HAVE SOMETHING TO TRADE? AFTER ALL THIS TIME!?!

Yes, milord! I've secured several trades...with Clan Embers and Luichurps. We should be able to see the returns in several years!

Good, good, good....NOT! *Slams the table* I WANT AN ARMY. NOW!

But my Divine King Andhaira we just -

Andhaira slaps the advisor hard.

I AM THE KING. YOU LISTEN TO ME. NOT TALK! YOU!

Yes, milord?

GET ME AN ARMY! EXPAND! SPREAD MY IDEAS! CLAIM MORE INANE TERRITORY IN MY NAME!

At once. Sire.

Good. Good.....now if you excuse me, I must resume my epic quest to return to Codexia...while DarkUnderlord is away....Mwahhahahhahaa....*turns around to leave...stops...and glares at the three* GET TO WORK!

Your will be done. Gentlemen!

I guess with his strong words and aggressiveness, troops would be more motivated to fight..I'll shape up some freaks and swordsmen.

When he says expand...I guess he meant settlers...I'll start the wagon in Retardoland...it'll take some time...but I bet we can churn enough two to fill the coasts to the east.

You do that. I'll secure more trades.

So, what I'm saying, it was just a misunderstanding...

D'you take me for an idiot?

No, you're not. I can see your sabers shining from across the rivers, your privateers ready to pillage the seas...we're fine with that...just...stay away from our river side...Loki...is a little...

I should gut ye where you stand now, clown-commander...if it wasn't for ...hmmmph. Fine. It's our silk for your sugar, yes?

Yes, enjoy it...in good health.

Months passed, and the freak recruitments ran into a hitch...

Sir, we've...a problem.

What is it?

Some of the freak mutations...uh...it's quite random. Some of them are missing a limb...and suffers debilitating disease.

Oh, no matter...put them in a cage and start a freak show.

Sir?

That's what Andhaira told me before leaving for his epic quest. So ...just build a cage at the town square, a barrel of rotten tomatoes and everyone should be happy..

I...uh..I see...

We're inane, guardsman. Get used to it.

Months later...

One wagon of settlers have arrived and settled...they named their town - Jubilee...

That won't do.

Uh?

Call it...Activision.

Urgent news, sir! Clan Emissary is here to see you, he's pretty fierce...

Send him in.

Hello, friend. What can I do for you?

We've come for your sweet, sweet sugar...

What do you offer for trade?

Oh..how about...peace. Yes...I heard you people are peace and fun loving people...yes? Inane, but fun.

The orc emissary starts playing with his dagger hilt as he spoke.

No more games. Yes. Or no. Lord Jonas Endain, Master of the Horde awaits your reply.

Tell him he'll have the sweetness next month. We need time to pack.

HA. HA. HA. Good. Good. I knew we could count on you...Inane-folk...

The emissary stabs the table with his dagger and left behind guffawing..

You haven't signed the treaty...

That's the dagger. Remove it on my next visit and the deal is off.

Fine. (Scum.)

Dreadful business that greenskin...ah..second wagon of settlers are ready to move, sir.

Tell them to call it...ID Software.

Months passed, no trades were made...until one day, a Khazad emissary arrived with wagons of cow and a group of farmers.

This ...is most unexpected, my friend. I thank you on behalf of King Andhaira.

Don't be so humble, we always look after the smaller kingdoms. No insult intended...what's your name again?

You can call me, Andhaira, I am one of my lord's many alts. Thank you...anyway.

Remember this day...farewell, Andhaira.

What do we do with these animals and farmers?

Obviously he wants us to learn how to ranch these animals. Tell the workers to start working on those cows...lord knows I could use some beef with my meals.

Months passed...

Lighthouse of Retardoland complete, sir.

Start the Great Lighthouse construction. It's time to show them what the Inane Kingdom can do.

Weeks pass...

It'd be nice if we can hire the enchanter to join us...but we lack the gold.

Sir, report from the border - the Lanuns have founded a new city, north of Aylesbury.

I see...and Loki?

Well, he's starting a performance there as we speak.

Outstanding.

Another Lanun city fall under Inane control, severely limiting the Lanun's influence.

Weeks later...

Between a rock and hard place...

How dare you even think twice of this offer?

I'm sorry, did I misheard you? That was no offer - that was a demand. They're one of our biggest customer, t'would be stupid for us to break deals with them and got nothing out of it.

What about ours?

Yours? You mean the free ale to your cities? You're welcome to break it any time. Now, how about some bananas?

The flustered emissary signed the deal, not wishing to push the issue any further.

You held your ground, why?

I would be crazy to piss off the horde. Let these mountain huggers face their wrath. They won't make it to our shores that soon...

Terrible news! The mine outside Retardoland is occupied with spiders!

Collapse the mine immediately!

My men can-

No. Don't take any chances.

As ordered, the mine was collapsed, killing the spiders within. Weeks later, worker rebuilt the rubble with no incident. Meanwhile, Loki resumes his performance at the Lanun capital of Innsmouth to help cover the trade deficit.

Months passed, just as things get quieter...

Ah...how's your mistress Alexia?

Do not attempt to change the subject, sheep.

Hmm. We don't like them either. Very well. We'll cancel the deals, but you owe us one.

A breakthrough in research followed, the secret of Smelting supposed to bring military edge...turns out to be a dud.

What do you mean no iron was found in our domain?

We've tried our best, but we found none...

This is dreadful news! All that effort, for nothing!

No...it's not. Let's head to the Grigori capital.

Ahh...an envoy from the Inane Kingdom. *Chuckles* Come to abandon your false beliefs?

Nothing of the sort, but I have something to offer the faithless - strength in arms.

Interesting. Tell us more.

Trade of the knowledges went smoothly. We also secured a trade treaty before leaving.

That was quick thinking - at least we made something out of it!

Yeah..I'm glad too.

Sir, Clan of Embers just declared war on the Malakims...

None of our concern. Let's move on. How's the Great Lighthouse project?

It shines brightly in the night's sky.

Fuck yeah. Come, we have more deals to settle before this month's end.

So, as you can see...you'll WANT this edge. It's what you dwarves live for, am I right?

Shut up and trade, human. Are you this inane and long-winded while trading?

Just making sure I'm getting a fair deal...send King Garrim my regards...

What a coup!

Yeah, with all these social policies...and libraries...our kingdom won't fall behind anymore! Let's draw up a new state policy!

Switching to Aristocracy would surrender control of most farms to nobility, therefore increasing the tax yields.

But the food yield-

Will be taken care of with our Agrarian economy. If we favor grain trade above all else, I'm sure our people would be healthier and more productive.

What about the military?

I guess we can start adopting Military State rule, that'll ease some army overhead costs - that settles it.

More trades followed, the Kingdom is basically selling away the secret of smelting to the rest of the realm.

While making some gold on the sides.

Months later...

News from the south, sir!

What is it?

It's Loki!

Where is he now?

Amurite territory.

Sigh.

Take them all...let's see how the Amurites respond to this...

Another Amurite city falls prey to Loki's mischievous play...

That's...that's insane. If this map is correct...

We just grew FIVE cities in this period!

I'm sure King Andhaira will be pleased.

The bigger our territory, the more soldiers we need to safeguard it...

Aye, our job is never done. But we've done good gentlemen...

 

[Jaedar]

This mod seems pretty cool. And so is the LP.

 

[Damned Registrations]

Pity most of your cities are inland and won't benefit from the wonder you built. OTOH, they were mostly free, so eh, whatever.

How the fuck did you steal an Amurite city? They're only allowed 3, and they're friggin huge and powerful. Hell, cultural victory is one of their best options.

Be careful with that expansive trait too. When it disappears and your cities suddenly lose 3 health, you could be in for a lot of unrest.

 

[RK47]

Pity most of your cities are inland and won't benefit from the wonder you built. OTOH, they were mostly free, so eh, whatever.

How the fuck did you steal an Amurite city? They're only allowed 3, and they're friggin huge and powerful. Hell, cultural victory is one of their best options.

Be careful with that expansive trait too. When it disappears and your cities suddenly lose 3 health, you could be in for a lot of unrest.

You are mistaken, the ones who are limited to mega cities aren't Amurites, it's Kuriotates.

 

[Damned Registrations]

Oh right, Amurites are the magic fags.

 

[lightbane]

Andhaira is ruly the King of Trolls.

 

[RK47]

Music: Asylum

I don't think this is such a good idea, milord...

But what's the harm? Truly! I've been away from my throne for so long....AND I AM EXTREMELY BORED!

We still need you here...this little game of yours...

MINI-game!

Yes, mini-game..why would you even risk visiting Falamar on his flagship for a mere card game?

Oh, please, don't you know Somnium is a game between two kings? Wars and peace treaties are established from wins and losses! You should cheer me on for fighting your battles for you!

I..uh...very well.

Days later...a lone boat sails off Retardoland, its occupant rowing aside the Lanun's pride and joy, the King's Bounty before coming aboard.

Nice boat.

Welcome, Andy! I didn't think you'd accept my invitation!

Oh, please! I'd never turn down a good game of Somnium! Now. REFRESH ME ON THE RULES!

Well...here's what we do.

I'm all clear. Shall we begin? *Shuffles the pack of cards*

There's one matter of the stake, though...are we playing for fun...or?

What you want to play strip Somnium? Some may call this junk, *lowers his pants* but I call them treasures...

*Averts his gaze* Ugh. Look. Things are tense between our two nations...that pet of yours, Loki...

He isn't my pet. He's MY ALT!

Whatever you call it..he's getting on my nerves. Lose....and your kingdom will pay the price for my wrath.

If I win?

Then we'll get along just fine. *Throws dice.* High or low?

Low.

The dice shows a one.

I'm FIRST ME FIRST! ROFFLES!

Go ahead, Andhaira.

Andhaira carefully cuts the first card...revealing five of Suns!

Oooh, warm!

He peels a second one from the stack...and draws six of Towers!

HIGHER HIGHER!

Get on with it!

Finally, he draws the third! And gains four of Pentacles.

I'm done! That's...

Fifteen points. My turn.

Falamar draws his first. Four of dragons.

See, our military build up is perfect...even my ships are full of hungry corsairs...

Well, feed'em something, then...

Falamar draws another, revealing Seven of Swords!

We've plenty of food, Andhaira.....BUT...we're hungry....for something else.

The pirate king cuts the third card from the deck. However, he draws Five of Swords!

Awww....touchy touchy...best control yourself...I'm sorry, Fally, that's all three cards discarded. ZERO Points. PHAILED!

Hmph. Lucky break. Your turn.

Andhaira's turn. He draws Six of Suns.

See,....I left most of my affairs to my advisors...they're....capable. Oh...I've already got a five of Suns...I should go for MOAR.

A second card reveals five of Demons!

Sweeet. Six points...hmmmm Oh yeah, Loki...naughty child...but y'see, we've been good friends, Falamar.....it'd be shame...

If you piss us off...

Andhaira draws a third card and calmly sets it on the table. It's three of Swords.

See...our military may be weak...but...trade's good isn't it? What's spilling blood good for? Why don't we just be good friends, eh? I'm done with my draw, how many points is that?

Nine. I see your point, Andhaira. My turn.

The pirate king wastes no time drawing three cards in quick succession before stopping. Seven of Demons, Cups and Five of Wands concludes his draw.

But really, stay off my land..and I'll stay off yours. Don't push us...

Yes, yes...but have you heard of our Great Lighthouse?

Andhaira's turn, he draws four of Demons.

Your what-?

Great light- *Draws card* OOOH! THE FOOL!

Damn you!

I'll...take....your Seven of Cups! And draw another card!

The final draw is 6 of wands. Andhaira concludes his draw with a healthy 13 points gain.

You really completed the Great Lighthouse?

Like a madman possessed, Falamar swipes four quick cards in succession, giving little pause in between the draws. He gains 15 points from the four safe draws.

Yeah, so what?

Our sailors admire those kind of seas stuff...your turn, clown. Beautiful engineering on that towering structure.

Andhaira smile brightens as he draws Seven of Suns, the highest value of the face card.

Mmmm. You think so?

A second draw yields a lowly 3 angels. The third draw is epic. Seven Towers.

I'm on a roll tonight, Falamar.

Tch...5 points for you. The game's not over.

Falamar draws 6 angels, 5 towers and 5 dragons. That would've closed the gap slightly, if he hadn't been too greedy. The fourth draw is 4 of towers. He had to discard all the cards he drew.

See where your greed is taking you, Fally? Self control...is essential.

A psycho clown speaks of self control? HA! Your turn!

Two small draws by Andhaira follows...

See, I'm not greedy....but I know if I gain to lose little, I'm not afraid to gamble it...

The third draw is the Fool!

BLAM! RIGHT ON THE KISSER!

Unbelievable.

Gimme the Seven of demons please. I draw another card!

The fourth draw is four of angels. That concludes Andhaira's turn.

42 to 20 points, you just got Pwned, Pirate.

Shut up and play.

Falamar finally drew the Fool, but it meant little.

He reclaimed his 7 of cups from Andhaira's hand, but lost it on the second draw...

FUCK!

In contrast, the clown king can do no wrong. The Pakist of Purity totally wtfpwned the Pirates in fashion, drawing two uber high cards in quick succession.

And this is why Allah is great.

Falamar couldn't even muster a comeback, both verbally and in game. Despite drawing 7 of moons, his second duplicate draw screwed him over. He ends up with 0 points once more.

The clown king fared no better than Falamar on his next draw, but his losses are minimal. He already gained the high cards to make sure the gap is too wide to close.

Falamar lost all logic and threw caution to the wind, with expected results...

Tsk tsk tsk....what a waste...

Andhaira's draw 7 of Dragon and concluded his turn with a smile.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Every draw of the card, Falamar slams the card on the table. 6 demons, 5 angels, and 6 dragons. He nearly drew a fourth but stopped.

Getting wiser, eh?

Andhaira's turn, 6 cups and 6 swords. Giving him an additional 6 points by replacing the 3 cups and 3 swords in his hand.

Sorry, bro...looks like this game....is OVAH~

Falamar flipped another two, realizing there's four cards left on the deck...he settled on five moons and four swords...not gaining much ground.

Let's avoid senseless death eh?

Andhaira's turn..and he drew DEATH!

Like this one. I lost nothing. There's one card left on the deck for you to take. All yours, Falamar. But you know, who'd win in the end...

Falamar silently nodded...and didn't even reach for the last card....laying his hand on the table.
Andhaira smiled widely as the final score is tallied. 58 to 40. A total rout.

That was fun.

You got me good...heh...

About that wager?

Never too late to build bridges, I've lost, clown. May your kingdom be inane for another day.

The two king shook hands and drank merrily into the night.

 

[Gondolin]

Awesome LP!

 

[anus_pounder]

Andhaira is a truly charismatic king.

 

[laclongquan]

Play cards with a Paki clown? Tsk, tsk! He's lucky to withdraw with his clothes on.

 

[Duckard]

Excellent LP.

What you want to play strip Somnium? Some may call this junk, *lowers his pants* but I call them treasures...

 

[Majestic47]

Phew, so far things are going smoothly in the game, not a single war declared on us, but I know some civs are getting jealous of our success.

When we first started, we're 2nd from last.
Right now, we're at 2nd place, just behind Clan of Embers by virtue of overall tech, population, culture. Theirs is based on high military might. Still good relations with Jonas, though.
Hope this shit lasts.

Things I realize from playing 200+ turns:
1. Coastal cities are good gold maker
since Lighthouse & Harbor (Coast Exclusive Buildings) adds an extra trade route and 50% commerce to the city. But depending on their geography, they tend to suck in production. There's hardly a hill near both coast cities. It's growing fast, but developing slow.

2. You can't do everything at once
I'm finding it incredibly hard to balance economy (workers) while keeping cities garrisoned. Loki scouting run revealed Lanuns having around a dozen over swordsmen garrisoned in most of their cities. We're barely covered with an odd swordsman and a few freaks. But I really can't bear to see squares undeveloped. So I have to sacrifice some growth to pump out workers, while other industrious towns bring up garrison strength in borders.

3. Tech planning is key
Yeah, that Octo Overlord proved to be good political tool. We're not getting as much hate despite being a constant annoyance. But the iron-military tech up was botched by the lack of iron ore. Good thing we still traded it for some cheaper techs. Now...we need an alternative source of power. I propose magic.

4. Current kingdom make up - Good will lose
3 Neutrals, 1 Good, the rest Evil. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.

 

[Damned Registrations]

The priests are the only reason I ever go for OO. Other religions have way better benefits/governments. But the OO priest spell is just so so OP.

 

[Majestic47]

Oh yeah, of course. It's a really, really awesome depth in variety when you consider the amount of strategy you could pull off with different religions and kingdom pick.

Let's see, off the top of my head:

Rune of Kilmorph allows you to recruit Soldier of Kilmorphs, they're average fighters, gaining movement bonus on hills, but the best bit about them is that they can be sacrificed for hammers production in cities they are parked at. This meant the smaller towns will grow quickly if the big towns kept pumping them with Soldiers every 5-10 turns. Hell, even wonders can be rushed this way. RoK temples also generates coins - luxury resources like gold, gems also gives additional happiness due to followers being a materialistic lot.

If you think the above is strong, try Clan of Embers unique racial ability, Warrens structure that doubles unit production in cities with Warrens. Build one, get another free. That's two Soldiers pumping non stop. Fucking broken if you ask me.

Others like Ashen Veil ramps up research power per temple while the priest of the Veil provides offensive firepower by casting Ring of Flames that damages units in 8 squares around it. They also unlock plague zombies as unique unit. The Ashen Priest gives civilization who are not very magically inclined a very strong offensive support - and that extra research, in fact, it's a tough choice between RoK or AV for Clan of Embers who don't have access to libraries and tied with research penalty.

Octopus Overlord seem...weak in comparison, but if you ever approach their priest near coasts, be prepared to be drowned, HARD. Also, culture is probably the best choice for defensive kingdoms. It increases realm's influence while giving defensive bonuses in cities like another wall that keeps getting stronger as Culture level increases. It pairs very well with Loki, who can fuck up rival cities with Disrupt while the inane culture spread and eats into the opposing borders.

 

[Damned Registrations]

Culture disciples are indeed awesome. Great for giving newly captured towns instant culture boundaries (I think it solves the revolt from capture too?)

Don't forget you can also use your OO priests from boats. Makes for some imba raids on coastal cities. Just wiping out the roads in one turn is pretty awesome, never mind the damage.

My favourite are the forest hippies though. Treants are awesome, and the civic is insane. You can make the most absurdly huge cities with them, usually in a perpetual golden age.

 

[Majestic47]

OO Priests can walk on water And yes, culture cultists can pop in conquered town to solve revolts instantly. Pretty sweet stuff.