Episode 3: Beastmasturbation
Last time, Shepard and his companions parted ways, for a temporary reprieve from one another. Shepard used this time to become a mage, fearing that swordsmanship may not be awesome enough to see him through on his quest to find Irenicus and deliver a collar grabbing of the greatest magnitude. After becoming a skilled mage in the time span of a few hours, Shepard tested his newfound powers by helping out a circus that was taken over by a gnomish madman with a penchant for illusion magic. After emerging victorious, Shepard was joined by one of the circus members, and while Shepard was trying to ditch her, he found himself under the control of some being; one that made him do most un-EXTREME things. Eventually the being relinquished control, but not after leaving Shepard with some disturbing thoughts...among other things.
: (Time to go back to the Copper Coronet and meet up with the others. And get the hell away from this godforsaken circus...)
****
: Yoshimo, Minsc, you ready to get going again?
:*nods*
:Yes! Much evil is in need of a good swording.
:Yeah...swording...
: Are we to go retrieve Jaheira then?
: Are you kidding? Screw her.
: But we need a spellcaster. What happens if we face opposition that has magical ability without our own to counter it?
: I've got that covered. I picked up some skills as a mage.
yoshiday: In two days?
: Actually, more like five or six hours...but that's not the point; the point is, we don't need Jaheira's nagging ass in the group. We'll be fine without her.
: But can you heal? And what about another combat-able person in the group?
: I'm certain we can find someone else to fill her role.
****
: So, do you need someone to aid in the the pursuit of righteousness?
: We need someone who can fight and do some healing.
: That would be me then. I am a warrior-priest of Helm, adept in combat as well as divine blessings.
: Then we wouldn't mind you joining up.
: Alright Anomen. Here's the situation: we have a few goals here. First and foremost, I'm looking for where the Cowled Wizards took my childhood friend along with some mad wizard. To do this, we need gold, and lots of it. That's why we're doing jobs for whoever pays well.
:Right. Who are you working for?
: Now? The Shadow Thieves to investigate a traitorous guildhall master...
:You're working for thieves?! I thought this group would be better than that...
: Like I said, we work for who pays. If you have a problem with that, just think that you'll probably get to cave in some thieves' heads before it's all done. Righteous enough?
: If you say so. What other...organizations is this group working with?
: We also have a job to help the deArnise family out with some trouble over at their keep.
uch better. At least you do take on some tasks worthy of praise.
: I just want to get my friend back, and take out Irenicus. I'll do whatever's necessary.
: An interesting attitude.
: Alright, let's go then.
****
****
:You! You are the one who wanted to kill Dynaheir! I should cut you down where you stand!
:Yeah, whatever. So what errand are you going to send us on?
: I want you to take care of a little problem...a Cowled Wizard named Rayic Gethras. He has taken up residence here in the docks...and looking into things he shouldn't.
: He's looking into you, right?
: Perhaps.
: So what do you want us to do with him?
: Whatever's necessary, hmm?
: The Cowled Wizards aren't exactly angels.
****
:You're back....is the deed done?
: We entered his house...
:...killed his guards...
:...took care of him...
:...and then purchased healing at a local temple.
: And?
: I want you to retrieve some documents for me. A man named Marcus at the Sea's Bounty Tavern has them. Retrieve them however you please, but do it quickly.
: That's it?
: Yes, now go.
****
: (That was simple...)
****
****
: Edwin said you had work for us.
: Yes...I need you to remove a certain someone for me.
****
:You Embarl?
:That's not gonna work. We need some evidence. You have anything more solid?
:Did we really need to stoop to being common killers for hire? We could have let him go.
: Better we don't leave any loose ends. We can't blow our cover now.
:And why not? We don't we just kill MaeVar's guards, capture him, and beat him until he gives up the evidence?
: Quite EXTREME thinking there. I would normally approve. But in this situation, we need to use finesse. Renal doesn't want to spook other Shadow Thieves branches by outright killing someone like MaeVar. He needs solid evidence. And we need to make him happy so I can get the money to find Imoen and Irenicus.
: You think a thief will pay up?
: If he doesn't, then we get EXTREME on him. Got it?
:*nods*
****
: And? No reward.
: Go talk to Edwin. He'll take care of things.
****
: No shit. I guess you're not completely incompetent either.
: Yes, yes, we can trade barbs back and forth all day, or we can do something more productive.
: I'm listening Edwin.
: I have....grown bored working for this organization. It doesn't challenge me, my vast talents are squandered, and the pay is terrible. And frankly, this place is filled with morons.
: Uh-huh.
: I have no loyalty to MaeVar, and I'm certain you don't either.
: What are you saying?
: You're working for Renal, and you need evidence to incriminate MaeVar. I can provide that. I just so happen to have the key to his strongbox, within which are documents detailing MaeVar's dealings with an assassin collective.
: And what do you want?
: I want to travel with you.
: That's it?
: Oh, but it is quite a lot. You see, when Renal Bloodscalp will eventually....purge this branch. Everyone seen as loyal to MaeVar will be killed.
: And you don't want to look like a friend of MaeVar.
: Exactly.
: Sounds alright.
: ALRIGHT? This man tried to kill Dynaheir! How can you welcome him?
: Oh, the Rasheman witch? Where is she? Is she....dead? Did you, perhaps, fail to protect her?
:RRRAGH!
: Both of you, enough! Minsc, we need Edwin's help. And Edwin, try not to get yourself slashed in two by an angry berserker, alright?
: Yeah...whatever. Come, let's get the document.
****
: Why on earth would MaeVar keep something like this around? And give the key to someone else?
: Like I said....all morons here. You could probably get a smarter guild staff hiring at the zoo.
****
: We've got some evidence. *hands Renal the documents*
: *looks over the documents* Hm. This does appear to be exactly the proof of treachery I was looking for. Why he would keep such a thing, however, is beyond me. Seems completely idiotic.
: You there! *points at Edwin* Are you not one of MaeVar's lieutenants?
: Not anymore, I've left him. Dead men make poor employers.
: Good choice.
: Hey Renal, what now? Do we get paid?
****
: Alright. We have to get in there, and eliminate MaeVar as quick as possible. Fight our way through the first floor and down into the basement as fast as possible. We can't give MaeVar an opportunity to escape. Traps, ambushes....be ready for anything!
: Doorman tried to attack us...they know we're coming.
: It appears sGUUUUUURK! *dies*
: Damnit! They're in hiding! Watch your back!
: Not so tough in a fair fight, now are you, hm?
: That seems to be all of them. Let's go to the basement and see if MaeVar is there. Be careful though. They knew about us....they could have all sorts of nasty surprises in store.
: Wait just a minute...you knew we were coming, but you just waited here?
: Yeah, and?
: You didn't set up traps for us?
:Well...no...
: And you're not attempting to parley in any way?
: Parley? How?
: Maybe...you know...a counter-offer. Make me work for you instead of Renal. Promise me riches. You know, try something.
: I don't really know...
: God damnit, Athkatla is full of you reject villians, huh? First that crazy gnome, now you. Let's just get this over with.
: They're running scared.
: And now being smitten by holy light.
: Time to wrap things up.
: That takes care of that. He didn't even have the sense to escape out the conveniently placed exit in the back. What a joke. Not that I'm complaining, though.
: Alright Anomen, do your stuff. We need Yoshimo back among the living.
: Right. *casts Raise Dead*
: Again you raise me? I do not object, but I am surprised you have the werewithal.
: We're pretty resourceful, and we still need you on the team. Anyway, let's report back to Renal.
****
****
: I say we head to the Copper Coronet and enjoy ourselves a little before we head out of the city to the deArnise place.
****
: I'll just....uhh....be a while.
: (Gotta get what happened at the circus out of my mind...)
: (She wasn't the best...but at least she didn't have stumps...)
****
: So, what other sorts of entertainment are here?
: Lot's of things. Booze, gambling, dogfights....pit fights to the death. Good clean fun.
: Anything else?
: Well, there are a few areas I haven't explored.
****
: Hmmm....what do we have here?
: Addicts. Nothing interesting here.
: I think we found something interesting here.
: Yep.
: Just keep hitting them. Eventually you'll hit the real one.
: I'm Shepard. Who are you?
: Survive? You mean in those fighting pits?
: Yes. What else would I need to survive in?
: Well....they do a lot of stuff here. Who knows what weird shit you could have been put through.
: I see. So, are you an ally of that fiend Lehtinan?
: Considering what I just did to his guards...we probably aren't on good terms now.
: Then will you help me free the slaves here?
: Let me talk it over with the party.
: So...any objections?
: This man, Lehtinan, is well connected with the criminal underworld...going against him could close doors.
: He is a bad man! We must put an end to this!
: I would prefer to do something righteous for a change...
: I say we help the slaves...if only to kill the owner, this Lehtinan, and take all the money he must have accumulated over time running the place.
: I like the way you think Edwin. Doing good for the slaves, and ourselves. Everybody wins, except Lehtinan and anyone who helps him.
: And Yoshimo...if Hendak kills Lehtinan...we don't get blamed.
: Alright Hendak, we're in. What sorta help do you need?
: Go find the person who keeps the beasts we are pitted against. Get the keys to our cells from this man. Then return here and we will be free to strike vengeance upon our captors.
: Alright, we'll go grab that key.
: Crom be with you.
****
: Who goes there?
: Who? Somebody about to kick your sorry ass goes here.
: Do you have any idea who I am?
: Nope.
: Oh...I know who you are...you're Hercules!
: No...no I'm not Kevin Sorbo.
: Let me try again! Ator the Flying Eagle!
: Not even close...
: One more! One more! Eric Adams!
: Are you just making fun of me?
: Did your pet kitten tell you that I was making fun of you? No...I would never make light of the great Mitch Buchannon!
: OH THAT'S IT! I'M NOT TAKING ANYMORE OF THIS!
: Bring it...whoever the hell you are.
: *charms panther* Who's a good kitty?
: You dare turn my creatures against me?
: Hey animal lover, you should have been paying attention a bit more.
: Wait..wha-
: Why won't you die? Why can't my animals or I do anything against you?
: I've got thicker skins...maybe you should get some.
: My animals....n-no....
: You'll be seein' them soon enough.
: You haven't seen the last of Da-ARRRGHHHHH!
: That takes care of that. Who was that anyway?
: Some flash in the pan. A nobody really.
: Alright, let's grab his keys and get them to Hendak.
****
: Did somebody order up a set of cell keys?
: Now we rise up! Now we take our freedom! Lehtinan shall taste my steel!
: I'll clear the way. Go get em' Hendak!
****
:What is this? Why are you not in your cell, slave?
: I am free now. You will cage no other and make them fight for your amusement. My steel will end your life, fiend.
: But I will continue! As soon as my guards put down your little uprising, then I will be free to continue entertaining. Your steel will do nothing against my mastery of the flesh!
: What flesh?
: My...oh shit....looks like I'll have to put you down myself!
: Try. I have lasted years in your hellish pits. You have run a den of sin. This will be no contest.
: Wha---GUUUUUUURK!
: Finally! Theat devil is dead! Thank you so much Shepard for giving me the chance to do this.
: No problem.
: *whispers to Edwin* Alright...go loot his body. Just look at that purse of gold...
: That sounds a little difficult.
: It may be. But if you can find and kill them, I will find whatever treasures Lehtinan had hidden here and give them to you. I'm certain he had much.
: Sounds fair. Any leads?
: The guards used to mention a secret passage that connected the Copper Coronet to the slaver 's place. If you could find that, it may lead you to them.
: I think we already ran into something that looked like a secret passage while exploring around, near a hidden room filled with a bunch of junkies. That should be it.
****
: Who the hell are you? And how did you get here?
: I'm the guy who's about to put you out of business. And I got here through your secret passage from the Copper Coronet.
: Wait...you used that?
: Um...yeah. Isn't it your secret passage?
: It was. Then we stopped using it.
: I can see why...
:...well trained bands of hobgoblins...
:...all sorts of nasty sewer dwellers...
:...a kobold infestation...
:...and some stupid puzzle pieces strewn about, protecting a talking greatsword. And I can see why it was so well sealed. You wouldn't believe how hard it was to shut that thing up.
: Yeah...it's a mess down there. It's why we haven't used that passage in a long while. It's just easier to bribe the guards and do the two minute walk from here to the Coronet.
: Yeah...you ain't doing that anymore. The Copper Coronet is under new management now.
: Well, then we'll have to head on over and put in a different manager, one more sympathetic to local business. Right after we kill you, of course. We'll kill you quick though. You did clear out of secret passage and gave us a new talking sword. That was mighty nice of you.
: Bad choice.
: Got one of you!
: And we took out six of yours!
: Oh, ri--GUUUUUURK!
: Takes care of that. Let's move out, and finish off whoever else might be hiding in here.
: *dies as acid envelopes his body*
: SHIT! Yoshimo be on the lookout for traps here. Anomen, raise Minsc.
: *nods*
: It's done, though he is in no fighting condition.
: Have him stay back then.
****
: More of them. A mage too. Let's see how they like to choke on poison gas.
: I have removed some traps from the area. We should be clear to leave.
****
: UGH! I thought you said there were no more traps here.
: I had assumed wrong.
: Seriously, how the hell did they get anything done around here with it all rigged up like this? They probably couldn't take a piss without making sure they didn't set off an explosive trap or something. Fucking hell!
****
: They're all dead Hendak.
: Yeah...whatever, I'm just going to the backroom now.
: The backroom? It will be far more restful now that it is no longer a den of sin.
: You got rid of the prostitutes?
: Yes. Such a thing is not fit for warriors and men of virtue.
: Uh-huh...(FUCKING HELL! Why did I help this guy again? Goddamnit!)
Shepard has just learned that the choices he makes can have unforeseen consequences, after helping overthrow Lehtinan, the sleazy ex-owner of the Copper Coronet. Will there be other such instances of Shepard's decisions coming to haunt him? How will the group's mission at the deArnise Keep fair? And will the group remember to resurrect Edwin before his body starts getting too smelly? Find out, maybe, in the next episode of A Fistful of Collars!
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