Let's Gahaha with Rance & Kenshin!: MEGAUPDATE II (NSFW)

[Brother None]

I am enjoying this plotline.

That is all.

 

[Crooked Bee]

Nice!

 

[Thor Kaufman]

Wonderful

 

[Mrowak]

Next update this Tuesday at the soonest or the moment someone bumps this thread to another page (this one is really image heavy :/), whichever happens LAST.

Proud to do my part

Thanks bro. We need more patriots such as yourself... and others who posted.

Why not exchange the Matkutsudo for the 10000GP. you gonna need the money badly.

Money comes and goes (reallllly quickly in fact). A monk (slightly less damage warrior that auto heals basically) with 9 Atk/8 Def and the ability to restore AP to characters (say, have Elina cast protect all shikigami twice in a defensive battle) is something that will be useful for a long time. Just the costs saved on having him tank damage in the front line will quickly add up. On the other hand, 10k GP would only be enough to buy some 200 more troops and then its gone.

Precisely. Good combatants are worth more than their weight in gold. I regret now not taking more additional bonus units - especially that tactician would come in handy now. Unfortunately the fact that they lack any story significance renders them first candidates for a kick-out once we reach unit limit.

 

[Reject_666_6]

Time to contribute to the New Page™ foundation.

 

[spekkio]

In before BUMP.

Edit: In after.

 

[GarfunkeL]

Good start! GO RANCE GO!

 

[StarChaser]

. That's all.

 

[ComradeCommissar]

Very good, will follow

 

[Mrowak]

Update II

Let us have a look on our present situation. Adjutant, bring me the latest tactical map.

Yes, sir!

It doesn't look half-bad. Much better than I expected...

Tell field marshal Rance we're...

What is that that you want her (hey, there... have I fucked you already?) to tell me?

Rance? After my last stunt I thought I'd never forgive...

Who said I'd forgiven or forgotten...? It's time for retribution! :twisted:

What...? Wait?! Whaaaaat!? Why am I tied up? And why on earth am I hanging down from the ceiling?

Nin-nin

Fuck...

Good job Suzume. We'll talk about your... reward later.

Yei!

And who's mister wise-guy now, huh?

What do you want?

Justice! Man at times like this I regret that our resident paedophile is not in fact a compulsive faggot. He'd surely find many ways to punish you. As it is we're going to resort to good ol' fashioned physical torture...

Rance, you're again forgetting something.

And you will tell me that, right?

Only the powers the Holy Codex bestowed upon me can save you from certain death. You surely remember that dream. You were on the battlefield fighting with house Tanegashima...

*memory flash*

Their forces sure are large.

OHSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...!!!

*/memory flash*

Brrrrr...

Except it wasn't just a dream. I saved your sorry arse with my powahs. You owe me Rance.

So you can do shit like that with a flick of a finger?

Once in a while, when the Hivemind permits me to. So far we've been entertaining enough. Yet there's no telling what future holds. I cannot abuse these powers.

Meh, whatever. Suzume, get him down.

That won't be necessary.

*Wheez*

*Something sharp snaps the rope.*

*Falling face down.*

*Just when the floor is about to flatten his pretty face a dark shape catches the falling man.*

My thanks to you Gekkou. You've done well.

I just did as Nobunaga-sama has ordered me to.

Splendid job, nonetheless!

You've been pulling my leg all the time! You could have set yourself free like that! There's no Codex powers you spoke of!

(You don't know what you don't know)

Fuck you!

Ok, let's forget about the past. Before us is the new bright beginning. I solemnly swear not to do the shit like that ever again. You will get you supplies of fresh arses ASAP.

I'm not happy with that but it'll have to be enough.

But if anyone from the present here will ever speak of what here occurred heads will roll.

Acknowledged. smug

Let us proceed with our battle operations.

So you've declared the war on Tanegashima.

Yes. Beside their stronghold all the other defence points have been conquered.

What we're waiting for? Call my unit! We're going on them!

It's not prudent to risk your life against a clan of musketeers!

I suggest we send other, strong commanders to hold the front line together with Elina for defence and Omachi for massive bombardment at the backs.

I don't like pussying out of battle, but you might be right.

Oh fuck! Shit's getting real!

Told ya. I've got a nasty feeling the days of leisure-battles are over.

All Guard Shikigami is your best friend in situations like that

Shit! Did you see that?!

Yeah, the girl went through protective spells as if they were nothing. I must get her pussy.

Poor Nogiku

She'll get over it :shrugs:

Once again Victory!

What's our next target?

Well, I've been hearing a lot about the battle Mikos 'servicing' men.

It's a stark injustice to force young girls to do such terrible things.

Let me guess? Once they are 'free' they'll do the only right thing i.e. 'service' just you?

You're tuning into my mindwave length by day …

On the other hand that might not be a good thing at all. I hate competition! :Draws his sword:

Yeah, and I hate animu girls. (I prefer real thing ) Let's just do our thing, ok?

I don't trust you. Will keep an eye on you... :sheaths the blade sloooowly:

Time passes.

The last bastion of battle mikos stands before us.

Commence the damn attack already!

As ordered

Ok, that's no longer funny.

This is where the popamole ends and serious hardcore stuff starts

You speak like a true Codexer!

I've been meaning to ask you... WTF is Codex?

You don't know what you don't know...

Whatever. It's probably something contagious.

The ally of justice and cute girls is victorious once more!!

More like the number one enemy

Did you say something?

Nope. Anyway, We've won that by a very small margin. And without Omachi this would've been our undoing. We need to think of something for the future.

You're worrying to much.

About my reward.

* Rance strips himself naked and runs off to the battlefield *

Gahahaha!

Hmm... maybe we should give our troops a moment of respite?

Guess, not :/

Tenshi Sect declared war on us!

No wonder. Nobunaga's been acting strange against them recently.

I should have foreseen that, dammit.

Adjutant, send the message to our main commanders! Rally all squads! By tomorrow I want a detailed report of exact numbers of our soldiers and their morale. And contact our propaganda officers! Every deserter will be put down to testing our new firing-squad! Go, now!

Why are you being so frantic about it?

This is going to have devastating effect on our morale. I'd be a miracle if we don't lose half of our present standing forces.

You're exaggerating

Next turn.

Kouhime, get out of here!

But what...?

Go, I heard 3G was looking for you. It's urgent!. I will tell Rance the news.

Aww..., ok.

What on earth bastard were you thinking? What would've happened if the child saw you and Sill?

First time I see you losing your cool like that...

Moron, idiot, cretin, dimwit, noodlehead!

Ok, ok. I got it. I won't have Sill give me blowjobs in public (But only blowjobs gehehe ).

So, what do you have to tell me?

As I expected we had a massive desertion throughout our lines. From our current estimates 865 soldiers have run away and joined the enemy.

This means that about twenty percent of each unit have abandoned their posts.

Fortunately we had substantial money reserves. I contacted mercenaries. They should feel in over half of the manpower we've lost.

Then there's that.

Now let's take care of that Tenshi sect fuckers.

Our forces are already marching on their citadels in Naniwa.

Why do we attack the best protected fortresses in whole Japan?

Propaganda effect. We must show off our strength. Besides we'd have to taken them over anyway. They surely won't expect attack on them now, when they think we've been weakened.

I'm not sure... (I think you are following some different agenda. But I'll let you do as you please... For now...).

Time passes.

Two of their strongholds are belongs to us. Now the last part!

Peasants

Lots of them!

Ain't too good. We've barely scratched them!

Don't wuss out! It's not over yet!

We've barely won. Against a bunch of freaking farmers!

Yes, the sheer numbers they posses are formidable.

We must finish them off and fast!

Not now! We're in the war with Takugawa!

Whaa...?!

Who the fuck declared war on them!?

You did! Here's your signature!

What, when, how?!

Wasn't it your decision?

No, Goddamit!

Tenshi spies?

We must deal with the furries first! They border with Owari!

For fuck's sake!

First clash:

Anyway, when you said Takugawa are furries did you mean...?

Yes!

Tanuki!

:facepalm:

Tanuki (狸 or タヌキ?) is the common Japanese name for the Japanese raccoon dog (Nyctereutes procyonoides viverrinus). They have been part of Japanese folklore since ancient times. The legendary tanuki is reputed to be mischievous and jolly, a master of disguise and shapeshifting, but somewhat gullible and absent-minded.
Tanuki is often somewhat mistakenly translated as raccoon or badger into English, animals which are similar to tanuki in appearance, but actually belong to different Carnivora families.
Learn more about Tanuki from auntie Wikipedia and watch Pom Poko anime from Studio Ghibli!

Wait, after the battle we've managed to capture one of their chief vassals!

Is she a beautiful girl?

No, it's a tanuki.

Hate furrfags. You interrogate IT yourself!

You're 'secret' head of Nobunaga family, or not? Act like one!

Damn...

But that's not all the raccoon dog had to say folks. You see, this perticular tanuki harbours a dark secret!

* Some time later. *

So, tempura makes tanuki go all crazy about it?

Might it be that this piece of info is actually useful?

Anyway, it's the time for the final showdown with Takugawa!

Just look at the raccoon fatso :shock:

Good thing I sent Nogiku and Katsuie for defence, huh?

(Yeah, you sent them)

Katsuie total defence!

Elina, give me protection on everyone!

Omachi and Natori!

Yeah, yeah, we know. Give them hell...

Good girls

Whateverisyourname monk – do your shit!

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...

...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

Let not a heretic survive Omachi!!

All of you filthy furry faggot bastards! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

It's finally over...

NOT!

Normally I would organise a poll but since Whiskey Wolf went one way I feel compelled to go the other

Joined Oda my arse!!! Where is that fucking lazy furrfag!?

I'm more surprised you let a furry join our ranks.

It was... well, in the hindsight I don't know what made me not kill that faggot then and there.

Itz a mystery! (Good he doesn't know about Senhime).

*Anyway, one turn later:*

You certainly took your time furrfag.

Yes, yes I know, but...

But what!?

His stats are decent but not exceptional. Still, for some reason he seems more powerful than his stats suggest when in battle.

We've achieved a lot at impressive pace of time.

Still too slow. It'll take months before we enter alternative route.

Our next target is house Uesugi!

!!?

What?!

There's no way I shall let that be!

To be continued...

And this is the end of the second update for your favourite Let's Gahahaha with Rance and Kenshin! - SRance if LP (NSFW) . I hope you'd enjoyed it.

I will post next one probably around Thursday, but do not count on anything over Christmas holiday period. :attention whore mode on: That is, if there is anyone who counts on them. :attention whore mode off:

 

[lightbane]

I hope you sacrifice that furryfag as soon as you have the chance, suffer not the furry to live.

 

[Mrowak]

suffer not the furry to live.

If I stuck to this principle I would have to kick out Omachi too...

...and we wouldn't want that would we?

 

[StarChaser]

I think the raccoon boss has some special skills that makes him hit harder in boos battles, but I'm not sure.

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

Besides, it's not really a type of furry. It's just a talking walking animal, like Tawky Tawny. And you wouldn't call Tawky Tawny a furry, would you?

 

[Cenobyte]

@ Mrowak: Well, there's always the argument that Omachi is female. And the raccoon dude obviously is not.



Jo, but compared to hardcore furry porn, he's rather harmless, that's for sure.

 

[Mrowak]

What..? I'm just bumping it to the next page...

Also, because of the shortage of pr0n in last update Rance asked me to send you a bonus:

 

[Mrowak]

@ Mrowak: Well, there's always the argument that Omachi is female. And the raccoon dude obviously is not.

An eternal question. What is a furrfag? The one that is born as a youkai (in our case) or the one desiring their ehm... 'company'? (no offence meant)

Jo, but compared to hardcore furry porn, he's rather harmless, that's for sure.

Yeah, Ieasu is pretty swell fellow once you get to know him. I still personally prefer Senhime though even just for the simple fact - good foot soldiers are more desirable than even better pure warriors. There is simply greater deficit of the former later in game.

 

[laclongquan]

That fatso's combat skill help great deal in dungeons. And this insanity difficulty need all the edge you can get. Anyway, since you lost Senhime already killing him is senseless.

 

[Crooked Bee]

Jo, but compared to hardcore furry porn, he's rather harmless

You're quite a pervert, I see, Cenobyte.

 

[Mrowak]

That fatso's combat skill help great deal in dungeons. And this insanity difficulty need all the edge you can get. Anyway, since you lost Senhime already killing him is senseless.

As if I ever intended to... I'm much farther in game than this update suggests.

 

[ghostdog]

Let's bump it up.

 

[Mrowak]

Let's bump it up.

Yei! This means that next update's tomorrow!

Fuck...

 

[Cenobyte]

Jo, but compared to hardcore furry porn, he's rather harmless

You're quite a pervert, I see, Cenobyte.

I blame it on the internet. It's a wild and dangerous place
(honestly, browsing the codex for some time is enough to get a glimpse of the perversions that exist in the depths of the internet)

 

[Reject_666_6]

As if I ever intended to... I'm much farther in game than this update suggests.

Hehe, I just play on the spot.

 

[Mrowak]

Update III

I shall never let that be!

Ok, what's with that reaction?

Since when are you so against conquest of all?

You leave Uesugi be... for now. (You're not ready yet... and neither am I.)

It's... it's just not the time yet...

(Something smells. Acting like a whiny emo bitch is not your style. What are you hiding...?)

...K? So how about finishing off Tenshi fools?

No way!

Why? What now?!

Tenshi won't constitute any considerable threat any more...

You're calling rebellions throughout our provinces incited by that bunch of raving madmen not a considerable threat?!

I will take care of them. I've got my connections.

You're fucking Buddhist are you not?

…

Fucking knew it!

It has nothing to do with that!

(Now I know Suzume was right! It was you who started off the whole business with Tokugawa!)

*Unsheathes Chaos* Tell me, one reason I should not cut you down here and now.

I really did not want it to come to that...

*Rance approaches fast, blade in hand*

*Just about the moment Rance is to get the man in his range...*

*Wheez!*

*...the man puts him into his own with sword drawn*

*Clang!*

Whoa!!

*Rance barely block the first blow*

This is bad!

Whaat!?

*Clang*

The odds are truly stuck against you my friend!

(I can barely avoid his atta... OHSHIIIII...!)

*Clang!*

WTF is this bullshit! You're supposed to be a hopeless RPG ne...!

*Clang!*

...rd Mrowak!!!

*The man does not respond to the taunts*

*He does not twirl around, hacking air right and left like a popamole dumbfag from Dragon Age II. Rather, he follows Rance's movements closely, every moment never, allowing him to escape from his vision. His attacks are sharp, precise, quick and heavy and all Rance can do is block them*

Bollocks! I'll show you real fight! Rance Cossack Dance!

*Rance squats down and thrusts forward aiming at an opening!*

*Clang!*

*As if waiting for that the man closes the vulnerable spot and parries effortlessly, blade pointing to the floor*

*Chaos slides down the other sword's edge*

*Just for a split of a second Rance loses balance*

*Whoop!*

*Which is enough for the man to land a blow with the hilt of his weapon onto Rance's temple*

Aaaarghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

*the blow that pushes our hero back*

*Rance does not fall to the ground. He does not drop Chaos. Years of combat experience etched in his mind – those who fall unconscious, or lose their weapon, die!*

*But right now he is supporting himself with the magical blade in order not to drop to his knees.*

Whaa...? *gasp*

Lesson 1: Never underestimate your opponent. NEVER! I know your previous fights tell you differently but everyone can do you harm. I've seen better fighters than you, better men than you falling from a pitchfork of a common peasant!

*panting* the... *panting*

Lesson 2: Speaking while fighting is for noobs. You waste you breath, lose you movement coordination and focus. Taunts may work on brigands or born morons, not on a battle-hardened swordsman.

Lesson 3: Cossack dance?! WTF was that shit I don't even!? This is not a ballet, this was goddamn duel. With your haphazard uncoordinated movements I could have easily get you killed even though I did not mean to.

hell...? *panting*

Cossack dance... Seriously? But it all adds up now. It seemed to me from the very beginning you had Slavic roots. Anyway...

Lesson 4: So as you not get the wrong impression: never hit anyone with a hilt of your sword if you intend to kill them anyway. This shit may look effective to an onlooker but there are shitloads of methods to your sword to better effect. Plus, if you regained your balance a second before I struck you down I'd have been toasted.

Who...?

Everything in the right time Rance. First question: Why shouldn't you cut me down here and now? Well, you have your answer. I've given you in plainest possible terms.

You... 're not Mrowak...?!

I never said I was. The powers of Narrativium have been given to me but that does not mean I'm the one weaving this tale before us... or others. Besides, I find stories with more than one storyteller more interesting.

Then, who... *panting* who, are you?

I've had many names. The one you will call me from now on is...

Whaa... I cannot into moonspeak!

I thought we were speaking it now.

Fucking Gaijin... Some Codexers on the other hand should be able to tell who I am no problem. (Damn, I think I spoiled too much)

Fucker!

Coming back to the topic, you will leave Tenshi sect alone. I've got arrangement with Codex and I cannot break it no matter what.

That Codex again!

Furthermore, you will not attack house Uesugi... yet... You cannot face their head – Uesugi Kenshin as you are now. If you are powerless against me you will be moreso against her, her being a woman and all, and you being... what's the phrase? Compulsive rapist? You simply are lacking in abilities and unfortunately I cannot help you in the duel.

As if I wanted you to!

Precisely... But apart from that my hands are tied by blood oath.

Convenient excuse!

Besides, in terms of sheer battle-field experience I feel I could learn much from you. I may be a decent swordsman and a good strategist but it means jack shit in close, hectic one-to-many combat.

Cut the crap! I demand a rematch, fucker!!

Not today, I'm afraid. You are injured. But I promise you this: from now on we shall spar regularly. Who knows? You might even stand a chance against her one day?

You mean Kenshin?! What's your connection with her?!

… I just know her... More than you do... (now)

Fine! Do as you wish! But I'd watch your back if I were you! I will never forget this treachery!

Wonderful. Shall we proceed then with our war effort?

Grrrr... What is our next victim?!

Hannies declared war on us.

Those pieces of pottery? They are soooooooooooooooooooo dead now!

As he told...

So it was done.

Now who the fuck, next!!!?

You still have not got over that?

Grrr...!

Chill out a little!

After I see you in your grave!!

Shizuka, could you help me calm him down!?

...

Masou. Well, well, well... Did you miss me?

I've forgotten to fuck you ever since you came here.

…

*Flashback*

*/Flashback*

So, you're letting me fuck her and I'll forget about our little argument?

Who knows, who knows, I might even consider...

…

Rance?

What?

A bunch of naked Japanese young blonde, buxom nudist girls behind you!

WHERE!?

:twisted:

Arggghghhghhhh!!!

He always falls for things like that... :twisted:

:flashback:

:/flashback:

Two things in this world are truly predictable. Taxes and Rance. :twisted:

Meet Masou Shizuka people. One of the few women 'resistant' to Rance's undeniable charms.

Her initial attitude towards Rance is 'Hate'.

And it will stay like that throughout the game, no matter what we'll do.

I suppose this means Rance will miss all the fun on the siege of Asai-Asakura castle.

…

Seems to be the case.

A surprisingly easy battle. Nothing to add.

Hmm... Your actions prompted Uesugi to declare war on us.

Guess, it's going to be my way now. Gahahahaha!

It does seem so.

(Drats! It's too fast! If Rance faces her in battle we'll be...)

To be continued...

Ok, ok people. It was an overkill with these extra story elements, but once they all appeared in my head I could not get rid of them. Also, I am aware that I treated our hero too harshly but no worries I will let him have an upper hand in the future.

More importantly, did you like things like that story? Originally, I came up with it in order to reduce the tedium of the first phase of the game as well as give some more backstory flavour. They were and still are to disappear once we enter Kenshin's route. However, as you see they are starting to live their own life with their sheer volume is slowing down our march to the second phase of the game. What should I do?

Add whatever comes to my mind? A little bit pulp fiction have not hurt anyone, right?

Remove them altogether – just show more important battles, their outcome etc?

C&C