In Progress GOP nominees iron mans Baldurs Gate - Part 15

[Renegen]

Hehe, good picture, although nothing Fox News does is a glitch, it's probably on purpose to paint Romney badly. Not that I understand why they'd want a far rightist like Newt to be the nominee since he'd probably never win and just make the GOP look bad.

 

[WetWorks]

Allright gents and ladies, time for the voice of the people in this journey into the darkest heart of democracy.

Vote for which candidate gets to replace any current PC who might hypothetically die. Not saying anyone died recently or nothing, no siree!

Here are the possible Candidates:

You know you love him. Everyone's argumentative grandpa, Ron Paul.

Possible supervillian James McMillan from the "Rent is too damn high" party.

Toupe afficionado and failed businessman Donald Trump.

Republican moderate and suspected communist, John Huntsman. (Ed. note possibly replace image with one of O. B. Laden)


Vote Now !

 

[janjetina]

Ron Paul.

 

[Edward_R_Murrow]

Make this shit bi-partisan.

 

[Derper]

You know you love him. Everyone's argumentative grandpa, Ron Paul.

 

[Duckard]

Ron Paul.

 

[anus_pounder]

You know you love him. Everyone's argumentative grandpa, Ron Paul.

 

[Hellraiser]

My vote:

The people who know the most about the economy are those who have failed at business. It worked well for the last republican president after all.

Romney is looking well these days

 

[SCO]

If it is R. Paul where is Iowa going to be?

You know, so he can "surge into second".

 

[Cassidy]

GOLD STANDARD > JEWGOLD

*Edit: Found a better one lulz.

 

[Michael Ellis]

GOLD STANDARD > JEWGOLD

*Edit: Found a better one lulz.

The most effective humour contains truth.
The internment of the Japanese was under FDR a Democrat.
The Democrat Party was the party of slavery and segregation and the KKK were Democrats.
1/5

Edit:
Civil Rights Act of 1964
Most Democrats from the Southern states opposed the bill and led an unsuccessful 83-day filibuster, including Senators Albert Gore, Sr. (D-TN), J. William Fulbright (D-AR), and Robert Byrd (D-WV), who personally filibustered for 14 hours straight.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civil_Rights_Act_of_1964
So Gore, Fulbright, and Byrd became Republcan?

J. William Fulbright
President Bill Clinton cited him as a mentor.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._William_Fulbright

 

[The Thin Man]

GOLD STANDARD > JEWGOLD

*Edit: Found a better one lulz.

The most effective humour contains truth.
The internment of the Japanese was under FDR a Democrat.
The Democrat Party was the party of slavery and segregation and the KKK were Democrats.
1/5

And after the Civil Rights Act of 1964 all those people left for the GOP. Which is where we are today.

 

[WetWorks]

Part 6

Hey is that the Mayor of this here village?

Is that who i think it is?

OH MY KINDA ALASKAN MERCYFUL GOD!

Hullo there, i'm Mayor Nixon, the King of this shitburg.

Oh oh, Mr President Nixon man! I love you! I've wanted to be you since i was a little girl!

Good for you missy. Now what the hell are you hobos doing in my country? Spit it out before i have you arrested for vagrancy and conspiracy to badmouth me!

Uhm Hello Mr. Nixon it's an honor and a pleasure, might i...

Shut that noise hole, before i ship you off to 'nam fat boy. And what the hell is that nigger doing back there, come to try and kill me, boy?

Oh no dear sir, i've been an admirer of yours for quite a number of years. As a matter of fact i would have become a snitch against the civil rights movement had i been given the chance.

That's what i said Herman, you are such a phony.

Playan da game dawg, playan da game...

Well just don't talk to me ever again, you are probably a reporter too.

Did anyone, ah mr Nixon man, ever tell you that you kinda like good in on them maybe kinda Parka things? And have you ever been to that there state-kinda entity up north that is named the state of Alaska? I am from there and we would always kinda like to see a person man such...

Why does it talk to me. SHUT IT THE HELL UP! Now what the hell do you want???

Well Mr Nixon, we heard you were having some problems with a local business?

I'm not having any god damn business problems, it's the good damn union! TO HELL WITH ALL THOSE LITTLE ENTITLED BASTARDS, ALWAYS OUT TO GET ME!!! If only Hoover was still around i'd have him kill every last one of them! Them and those damn smartass reporters! And the snarky black! Oh, and the fucking jews, except maybe Henry. I hate those jews and their jewery so much!!!

Well maybe we could help? We have some experience in diplomacy.

No diplomacy is needed you little gray turd! This here job requires some good old Union bashing, just like in the days of the great Pinkertons.

I hate Unions too, Mr man!

Didn't i tell you shut that pig-face of yours, skirt? Either keep those painted hog-lips in stasis or get back in the kitchen or wash your vagina or whatever it is you do.

We apologize for our female colleague, she's only really here because the stupid feminists made us bring her.

Goddamn feminists! We should kill them too!

You are so right sir!

About that job?

Yeah pissant, there's a coal-mine down south that is this garbage-heap of a regions only source of income. And now those pinko commie union traitors come along and call a strike! The nerve of some people! NOBODY STRIKES UNDER RICHARD NIXON! NOBODY!!!

So, what are their demands?

I don't give a shit, i just want them dead! You go there, wipe 'em all out get that mine running again and i'll throw cash your way. There's a bonus in it for you if you really make them suffer!

You got it, Mr President! And you can count on us, we all have years of experience in making people suffer.

Now i just gotta kill all these other people who are after me. Nobody calls Richard Fucking Nixon a crook! And if they do they better get ready for BLOOD! Fuckin pinko newspapers, "Nixon is no JFK" No JFK huh, you red rags? WELL FUCK YOU, I'M GONNA CLOSE YOU ALL DOWN!!!

Ahmm, Mr President?

... and that god damn russian bastard laughing at me behind my back, like all the others!!! Lauging at me!! Well i'll show them! I'll show them who Richard M Nixon really is! Gonna fucking nuke all those bastards, oh and the fucking chinese too. OH, HOW I HATE THOSE GOD DAMNED SLANTYEYED BASTARDS, RUNNING AROUND AND SMILING LIKE THEYRE LITTLE MICE!!! Well i got news for you little mouse bastards, this is one cheese that's too strong for you!!!

Hello...?

...and those god damn hippies and their filthy stinking clothes and their commie drugs, gonna conscript them all cut their greasy hair and use 'em as mine detectors! WHO THE FUCK DO THESE PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE??? I'm fucking Richard Nixon and NO ONE says one bad fucking word about me!!!! Like i said to checkers the other goddamn day. "Checkers, if you were a bigger dog i would have sent you to Cambodia to show them how to get things..."

Forget it Newt. He's gone.

Yeah, looks like it. Still, what a pleasant man.

Sexy too ya betcha!

Hey there's a carnival out east, shouldn't we go there first? I like candyfloss.

Wait a second. God tell's me there are some goodies up here!

Aww yeah! God just gave us a sweet Ankheg armour! How's that for tangible evidence Dawkins and Hitchens?!?

The nominees head for candyfloss and bad entertainment.

Wherz da hooka's?

The crew has a political debate with a socialist.

Die spawn of Satan! DIE!!!

You motherfucker Perry!!! I told you not to steal anything!!!

The killing of the worlds only exploding Ogre (you had to be there).

Well that wasn't very fun.

Nah, worst carnival ever!

But they had banana-candyfloss!!!

Like bananers i ya mouth pretty boy?

Another dong-joke, huh Cain?

Here poochie! I got somthang for ya!

Oh my, it kinda seems like i got one of them there raise in the kinda experience barriers that means i am more kinda like experienced and so i might get one them levels.

Yeah, gotz a levels too. Dat means we gotz ta do it, bitch!

What here? And why?

Yeah ya Alaska milf, mah black chocolate in yar icebox. We gotz ta, datz da rulez!

Well ok, if it's the kinda rules they have in kinda Washington DC, i don't know about that because in Wazilla we don't have many elitist rules and regulations because it's all about the job creations.

That bitch is getting dumber by the second!

So this is what it looks like when dumb people fuck? Actually it's pretty hot. Mind if i join in?

If is kinda the rules i guess it's oka...

Not a chanz Mormon-man!

Several awkward thrusts and a cigarette later:

So is everything according to the real kinda official rules now, is it legal to have that somehow have levelled up?

Yeah daddys lil' brainiac, it be aight nauw.

Next time: The gop nominees vs Satans Union!



So, no deaths yet, but keep them votes coming! Who knows when death comes? It could even hypothetically strike next time.

...AND I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU OUT THERE TOO!!! DON'T YOU LAUGH AT ME YOU LITTLE BASTARDS!!!

 

[Hellraiser]

Suffer not the union communists to live

 

[Johnny the Mule]

Nixon is da Man, as usual.
Voting Ron Paul but with a funnier, weirder face.

 

[WetWorks]

Nixon is da Man, as usual.
Voting Ron Paul but with a funnier, weirder face.

Filthy mob not satisfied with the our mangnanimous breadcrumbs, eh?

Fine, have some democracy:

1: Ron Paul gawking at some fine-ass tits.

2: Ron Paul's climax face.

3: "Smokin' dat chronic" face

4: Ron Paul laughing at the cosmic terror of existance and man's inability to comprehend the unseen dimensions.

5: The prostate exam.

6: The original - Ron Paul having a stroke.

Vote now!

 

[JagreenLern]

Yeah, ol' Dr. Paul would make a nice addition to this LP. You could use him to replace Palin or Clarence Thomas 2. Just don't make him a cleric, unless the rest of your party has a good insurance package.

Use pic 3. I pretty bummed that I don't have any green at the moment myself.

 

[janjetina]

Picture no. 1 seems the most appropriate, given the occasion.

 

[Johnny the Mule]

Holy shit
Choices choices
Use all of them in dialog?
Nr2 in game.

 

[Thor Kaufman]

picture number three

 

[WetWorks]

Part 7

Excuse me sirs, but this area is off-limits due to the strike.

You a striker, sir?

Yes sir, we only demand a decent healthplan to combat coal-lung, which has cla...

Listen to me sonnyboy, you ain't got nothing coming, you hear?

Excuse me, but i'm old...

I don't give a shit! Get this mine up and running right now, or there will be hell to pay!

YEAH! Get back to work you lazy bums!

Wi don't like yer kind round here, boy!

All we want is...

Yeah, that is the problem with you people! You want! You want! You are so selfish. How about some solidarity with the rest of us, and just accept that it's bad for everyone.

Aha, and how exactly is it bad for you people?

Wait, did she just say the s-word?

I cracked a nail the other day. You think my insurance company was gonna cover that? The point is that we all suffer, but we suffer in silence like good little peons.

My three sons died of iron-lung and my wife was crushed in a cave-in!

You see how selfish you are? "MY" son and "MY" wife!!! Not everything is about you, mister!

It's gotta be all about jobs!!!

Just cram it union-boy! Are you gonna get these men back to work?

No sir, and i couldn't if i wanted to. The union rep has final say in those matters.

You leave us little choice, commie-scum! We are gonna have to kill you all so you can get back to work!

Ahmm... Newt? There's a problem with that sentence.

What? Oh right. Look's like we are gonna have to take this is up with the union representative then.

Aww hellz no! Was hopin' ta get ta waste sum suckaz.

Navigating the mines the nominees descend further into the mines.

Hey look! Union thugs!

Good to be killing some union-filth. Serves them right for killing the american dream!

I have a dream. A dream of an America where the minimum wage is abolished. Think about it people, if there wasn't any minimum wage there would be jobs for all!

I have a better idea. Reinstate slavery. BOOM! No more wages at all!!!

Yo cracker...

Come on, don't be so politically correct Cain. Of course i don't mean you, just the blacks that don't have any money.

Aight den.

Hey! Old bag! Where's the head union honcho, we got a bribe for him.

Excuse me son, i don't hear so good. Got my ears chopped off in a mining pick accident.

Yeah yeah, we all got problems. Now where is the union rep?

Oh, he is further down in the mines. Are you here to negotiate a deal?

Yeah, we are here "deal" with you red traitors.

I'm so glad, we need an increase in wages and better equipment.

Over my magic missiled corpse!

Holy dollarbill, these little union bastards are dangerous!

Yeah and they are only worth 7 xp! Talk about price fixing!

HAH! These red rat's traps are no match for the great Perry and his masterful rogue skills.

...

AAAAAHHH!!! Union spiders!!! Save me!!!

One more trap, eh union scum? Nothing escapes the eye of the great, wonderful and sexy Rick Perry!!!

AAAAGHHH!!! Dahm yo pink ass!!!

Finally the crew find themselves in the lair of the vile union.

We better prepare ourselves, these union people are to cowardly to fight us one-on-one, they have to have mobs to support them.

Aren't there six of us, thus making one-on-one difficult?

Shut yo Mormon-mouth!

And thus it came to pass that the grand old partys republican presidential nominees stood face to face with evil itself!

Stand down you filthy union scum! Order your men back to work, or we shall kill you and send your body parts to union offices around america to discourage your treacherous dissent!

I've been expecting you ladies and gentlemen! Ever since i heard of your visit with Nixon, i knew our paths would cross!

By the mighty and just prophet Josepth Smith! It's the fucking terrorist guy!!! Bill Ayers!!!

OH MY GOD! He's the terrorist that killed a billion people!!!

Aye, it's me, servant of satan and liberal terrorist extraordinaire Bill Ayers. Master of the weather Underground!!!

Excuse me Mr. Terrorist man, but kinda like God is master of the weather.

What evil plot is taking place here? Tell us before we kill you!!!

I will be doing the killing this day. And this time - It's a union job. But since you are about to die i might as well tell you.
I see absolutely no harm in divulging all of my evil plans, before a great confrontation i might loose. No villain have ever lived to regret such a decision.

Well, spill it King Kruschev!

You have stumbled upon something so great it will shake your very souls. This is it, my republican champions of good, our master plan: We shall bog down every free enterprise with union problems, eventually bankrupting the corporations. This will force the government to buy and nationalize them.

Eventually the unions shall take over these nationalized places of work, and we shall truly control the economy!!!
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Union reps shall be the new celebrities, and we shall make phony award shows where we congratulate ourselves for our service to the public.

The horror...the horror...

Wait a second! You can't just nationalize a private enterprise, not unless...

Aha, i see the smurf has finally understood!

My god! This is the dark ones plan!!! It's Obama! It's Obamas plan!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Yes, my heroic persons, that is true. I am working to implement the dark ones plan.

I knew there were more between Obama and you, than just a very close and eternal friendship!

Friendship? Oh my dear paragons of virtue, me and Obama are much more than friends!

What do you mean?

You see...he...is my lover...

WHAT????

Yeah, Obama is gay.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! This is too much! I could deal with the political correctness, the abortions and the plans to turn america into a socialist devil state. BUT THIS IS THE BREAKING POINT!!!! DIE PAINFULLY IN THE NAME OF THE SWEET AND MERCIFUL LORD!!!!

On the rag huh? This is a perfect example of why me and Barry are gay.

HAHAHA, no morez dick in da tailpipe eh commie?

BURN IN HELL YOU SODOMITE!!! But remember: god loves the sinner, he just hates the sin.

The crew mops up the rest of the union thugs.

Awww yeah! Dat be sum fine-ass bling!

There's a letter here from some male prostitute staying at an inn in Beregost.

Let's go mutilate, butcher and exterminate that filth for the sake of the children!

Yeah, but we gotta go give the sweet president Nixon the good news.

An getz da green!

President Nixon! I think you will be pleased to hear that the union will no longer be a problem.

About bloody time you little bastards! I was up to my neck in reporters because of those god damn commie assholes! Do you know how much i hate reporters??? I FUCKING HATE THEM MORE THAN MY ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION!!!

Aboutz da moniez...

What money? I never promised you any money, you little bilgesuckers! You did a decent deed for a great man, that should be enough!

We had an agreement Mr Nixon. We expect you to live up to it. If you don't we will be forced to call our union!

Grrrr! Allright then you little cunts, TAKE ALL I HAVE LEFT!!! Kick around poor old Nixon! Everybody hates me. Now get outta my sight, i have some illegal gook-bombing to plan.

Why, mr Nixon president hunk, can i interest you in some kinda Alaskan beaver?

Who could have thought Nixon would try to lie to us?

Yeah, a fucking level! I am the greatest Texan in history!!!

That morbidly obese guy over there looks suspiciously like Michael Moore, we better buff up.

Well, If it isn't the republicans that have been causing so much trouble!

Well, If it isn't the socialist who is the number one patron of fatty foods!

And who is this guy again?

He makes communist propaganda.

Larry King?

Does he look like Larry King to you?

I don't know, he might have put on weight.

I'm here to do an exposé of your nefarious deeds. And i have some questions for you.

Hah! You can't make people believe we are criminals! We have done nothing wrong!

Isn't it true that you are wanted for robbery in both the Friendly Arm inn and Beregost?

Wha... where did you... No comment!

And weren't you seen engaging in necrozoophilia with a dead spider recently, Mr. Cain?

Yo pickinz on da black man, cracker?

And you ex-governor Palin, you have imported restricted animals into this country. A spirit bear is not part of the local fauna.

That bear is kinda completely potty trained and kinda a nice bear person, just like me ya betcha.

And you, Mr Romney, was seen impersonating the president. Do you know it is illegal to impersonate an elected government official?

Now wait a minute! It was those fuckers at Fox news that did that, i had nothing to do with it!

I've heard enough! We will not stand for these baseless accusations!

Too bad, this is a free country and we have freedom of the press.

I iz gonna "press" you, dough-boy!

In the heat of battle the Michelin man of the left unleashes a volley of magic missiles at Perry.

Rick Perry person!!!! Nooooo!!!

Screw him! All he ever did was to fuck up, good riddance i say!

Yeah fuck him, he was a serious douche bag. Had a host of Texas jokes lined up though, might as well flush them now.

AArgh! Tell my ...family...i...am hungry...

Next time: ENTER RON PAUL

 

[anus_pounder]

One death. How many more to go ?

 

[GarfunkeL]

This is quite funny indeed WetWorks. Gotta love the Hollywood Liberal Squad appearance.

 

[Crooked Bee]

Excuse me son, i don't hear so good. Got my ears chopped off in a mining pick accident.

Yeah yeah, we all got problems.

 

[JagreenLern]

Great update. But Joe said what they could never kill went on to organize...

And an obit for Perry: Only two things come from Texas, and Perry don't have horns.