NSFW Best Thread Ever [No SJW-related posts allowed]

[Infinitron]

......Eragon has fanboys? Okay what the fuck is wrong with this world.

PS yes i actually read eragon as part of my diploma work so yeah i can judge on its merits of which there is roughly zero.

I remember something about the Italian American kid who wrote it.

His parents were publishers. How lucky.

Everybody was talking about what a big deal it was that a 15-year-old kid gets published.

Yes, a 15-year old kid has any easy time being published when his parents are available to publish his book.

Let's also talk about how Michael Dell started Dell in his garage....with an one million dollar investment from his father.

You gotta problem with Italian-Americans, paisan?

 

[Wyrmlord]

No.

I just didn't remember the boy's name, except that it was very Italian sounding.

 

[Angthoron]

Christopher fucking Paolini.

 

[JarlFrank]

......Eragon has fanboys? Okay what the fuck is wrong with this world.

PS yes i actually read eragon as part of my diploma work so yeah i can judge on its merits of which there is roughly zero.

Apparently this is about the movie (haven't read the comments tho) which is much, much worse than the books. If the movie actually has fanboys... then not even divine intervention can save humanity anymore.

 

[Wyrmlord]

Christopher fucking Paolini.

Yeah. A last name that sounds like a special sea food pizza. I am already getting hungry just thinking about it.

 

[Menckenstein]

If JK Rowling can get a hackjob piece of shit like Harry Potter and the Sorcerer/Philosopher Stone published then anything is possible.

 

[Angthoron]

If JK Rowling can get a hackjob piece of shit like Harry Potter and the Sorcerer/Philosopher Stone published then anything is possible.

Just as English literature has before known a Chaucer, a Shakespeare, and a Dickens, so shall it now know Paolini, Rowling and Meyer.

 

[evdk]

 

[Oriebam]

from the first video comments:

Mass Effect 3, the most depressing and unexpecting terrible ending to what could of been one of the most amazing games ever made... I am traumatized now because none of the endings made sense AT ALL. And the Mass Relays are all destroyed? Guess Tali is never going home or seeing her race again? Guess all the Krogans, Turrians, Asari are stranded too, Everyone on the Citadel died too?
And when a Mass Relay is destroyed, its suppose to turn into a Supernova, killing everyone!
Dear Bioware
WTF
D0ntTaseM3Br0 2 weeks ago 48 (thumbsups)

anyone care to list the games?

 

[evdk]

10. Infidel
9. Halo 2
8. Diablo
7. XIII
6. Of Light and Drakness
5. The 11th Hour
4. Quest for Glory III
3. Clandestiny
2. Darkseed II
1. Phantasmagoria

 

[ScottishMartialArts]

What was wrong with the ending to Diablo?

 

[Infinitron]

What was wrong with the ending to Diablo?

Tards who didn't read the manual and ingame books not understanding why their character stabbed himself in the forehead right after victory over the main boss

 

[hoopy]

What If The Next Generation Thinks Video Games are Stupid?

Kotaku rustled my jimmies again.

The gist of the article is that all games are about shooting guys in the face, and they may be too juvenile and narrow-minded to satisfy the savvy and hip gamers of the next generation, who will be looking for spiritual fulfillment or some shit like that. What games need is liberal political themes! That has worked so well for Hollywood.

At her rant later that day, Raymond would talk about a hypothetical war game. It would be a shooter, as most of them are. In a twist, you'd be a woman. You'd fight somewhere hot. You'd be able to layer down, but if you did you might hear a snicker or get a catcall from a soldier nearby. That wouldn't be the game. It'd just be part of it. It would make the game... real.

It's only real if it's about the struggle of a woman or a minority. The struggle of a Russian conscript in World War II is not real.

"The problem with video games is that they're created by a small, insular group of people," Anthropy writes. She compares game-making now to book-making in the era before the printing press, when every book in Western culture was the Bible or a book that supported it.

Yes, that's exactly what happened.

In Anthropy's persuasive book the problem is a lack of plurality of voices. She rattles off the names of lesbian comic book creators and then opines, "Why are there no dykes in video games?"

Well go round up some lesbians and tell them to make a game. Notch didn't need anybody's permission or funding to make Minecraft. You have no excuse.

Raymond makes blockbusters. She admits she can still enjoy some mindless entertainment. "I'm a huge fan of action movies," she says, "I love to just go watch and turn off my brain and watch big explosions. But there are other types of things we should be doing, too. I just wonder why there are not so many efforts to go outside of that box."

I never had an opinion of Raymond before, but now I'm starting to think that her only job is to be an attractive woman. She seems really clueless about the industry.

Raymond believes blockbuster games miss a whole lot, and risk losing a generation's interest because of it. Look at everything gaming is missing, she told me the morning when we spoke. She just rattled them off, topic after topic, barely touched by big-budget games:

All the stuff that happened with the Arab Spring, internet freedom and just generally what's going on with people's privacy and all of those kinds of things as tech moves along... the growing class divide, all the Occupy Wall Street stuff. That's the kind of thing that's been brewing for a while. These are really big stories. They are being dealt with in other media. You can see films that are already out addressing these things. Books. Documentaries. But for some reason games don't touch those things.

Play any game where you shoot Islamic terrorists. There's your Arab Spring.

I like the text on the cover of Anthropy's book: "How freaks, normals, amateurs, artists, dreamers, dropouts, queers, housewives, and people like you are taking back an art form." "Taking back" implies it was originally yours. But who really created video games? Nerdy white and Japanese men did.

 

[Awor Szurkrarz]

High quality codexian video:

Aww^^

Damn, I miss mid-2000s .

 

[Infinitron]

hoopy I like how the first featured commenter flames her for DLC and subscriptions.

Anyway, the games with message are out there, but Call of Duty outsells them. Deal with it, baby.

Look at how she describes the leeriness she sees in some of her younger team members, and let her choice of words sink in: "A lot of the younger people who are in the industry, one of the things that really matters to them, is they don't want to feel like they're making games…"

She catches herself.

"They're kind of sick of the games being…"

She catches herself again.

Oh god, the industry is infested with cinematic-storyfags.

 

[Clockwork Knight]

^I blame the playstation.

also, bullshit. The ending to Dark Seed 2 was perfect. PERFECT. You think you've seen mindfuck? You don't know mindfuck.

 

[Gragt]

What was wrong with the ending to Diablo?

For quite some time I've thought that there was something wrong with the ending to Diablo. Not with the ending itself, wich is dark, foreboding and consistent with the rest of the game, especially when you discover in the sequel that what you feared actually happened, but with the way it's done, and more specifically with each of the 3 characters' end. The end video is exactly the same for all 3, with the exception of the heads being swapped on the body, which is likely that of the warrior since he wears an armour. It felt cheap the first time I discovered that, and it still feels cheap now when I decide to replay the game.

 

[Infinitron]

hoopy I like how the first featured commenter flames her for DLC and subscriptions.

Anyway, the games with message are out there, but Call of Duty outsells them. Deal with it, baby.

Look at how she describes the leeriness she sees in some of her younger team members, and let her choice of words sink in: "A lot of the younger people who are in the industry, one of the things that really matters to them, is they don't want to feel like they're making games…"

She catches herself.

"They're kind of sick of the games being…"

She catches herself again.

Oh god, the industry is infested with cinematic-storyfags.

Bro you missed the best image of that comic.

It wasn't the point of my post so I didn't want to post the entire thing. But since you insist:

 

[evdk]

^I blame the playstation.

also, bullshit. The ending to Dark Seed 2 was perfect. PERFECT. You think you've seen mindfuck? You don't know mindfuck.

Well yeah, the guy's a retard. "Ending to QfG3 RUINED THE ENTIRE SERIES!!!1!!" I can only comment on the games from his list that I actually played, but he's generally off the mark mostly because he didn't understand the ending. So when it comes to games I haven't played, I do not really believe him that the endings were horrible, even if he accompanies it by WTF cinematics. Three strikes and you are out, asshat.

 

[LundB]

I can tolerate a movie with a 'message', though it better be subtle, or at least written in a non-idiotic way. The movie had also better be genuinely good, since an attempt to shove the writers' often ignorant viewpoints down my throat can turn a bad but tolerable film into something absolutely infuriating.

Translated to gaming, for a game with a 'message' to be even tolerable, it would have to be:
A: Well written.
B: A good game.
I don't often see the combination of the two, and it's never been in games that try to force a 'message' on me. These people just can't resist trying to make their games 'socially relevant' before they've figured out how to master those two prerequisites for it not to be shit. Their priorities are ridiculously skewed.

In other words, many video games are stupid and not worth one's time, but it's not due to the lack of a 'message'.

 

[Oriebam]

^ would (next-gen) brofist

 

[Admiral jimbob]

MC Popamole brings the word from deep cover
I may not respawn but truth regenerates forever
For every mole I pop more come filled with hate
Ammo drops everywhere but now it's too late
My squadmates never fall but I'm getting kinda wary
There's a red rim round my vision and things are getting hairy
My compass is shattered, I see no straight line
I see no way back from hell for me and mine
My life's scope has narrowed to one long corridor
When I fall, Saint Proverbius kicks open the door

You can call me he who raps behind the walls
A defender of justice standing up with Ron Paul
There's no turning around, the doors sealed at my back
Diplomacy's no option, naught to do but attack

They say AoD sucks but won't get through Vince's ego
Head further up his ass than even Umberto Eco
Haven't played it as yet 'cause I'm busy popping moles
There's no time for glory except the kind that's in holes
Wasteland 2 my destination, Brian Fargo under fire
Ticking over with potential like a burning live wire
Mass Effect fans descend like obese vultures
Before it even starts its potential to rupture
They want to turn our last hope into a Bioware game
But these fuckers so fat I don't need autoaim

You can call me he who raps behind the walls
A defender of justice standing up with Ron Paul
There's no turning around, the doors sealed at my back
Diplomacy's no option, naught to do but attack

Sometimes I wonder if my people worth the fight
All in all the Codex is a fucking weird site
Some call it Grognard Stormfront, it's pretty much true
Take care or they'll indoctrinate you like the Jews
You can like good old games but still be a bad man
Even Harris and Klebold were massive Doom fans
Trannies and Nazis and Brazilians, oh my
But ain't one of those deviants as crazy as I
They call me MC Popamole, I am the Codex Devil
That's my sword of truth and it won't scale to your level

You can call me he who raps behind the walls
A defender of justice standing up with Ron Paul
There's no turning around, the doors sealed at my back
Diplomacy's no option, naught to do but attack

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

Anyone know if DefJam can rap?

 

[Cowboy Moment]

I can tolerate a movie with a 'message', though it better be subtle, or at least written in a non-idiotic way. The movie had also better be genuinely good, since an attempt to shove the writers' often ignorant viewpoints down my throat can turn a bad but tolerable film into something absolutely infuriating.

Translated to gaming, for a game with a 'message' to be even tolerable, it would have to be:
A: Well written.
B: A good game.
I don't often see the combination of the two, and it's never been in games that try to force a 'message' on me. These people just can't resist trying to make their games 'socially relevant' before they've figured out how to master those two prerequisites for it not to be shit. Their priorities are ridiculously skewed.

In other words, many video games are stupid and not worth one's time, but it's not due to the lack of a 'message'.

Honestly though, nothing forces game developers to stroke the player's ego, aside from publisher greed and stupidity I suppose. You can just as well make a cover shooter based on Forsyth's Dogs of War, with all the assorted baggage. The only reason they don't, is because it wouldn't instantly appeal to 13-year-old boys. It's like that Errant Signal video about game adverts.

 

[evdk]

Honestly though, nothing forces game developers to stroke the player's ego, aside from publisher greed and stupidity I suppose.

So, EVERYTHING forces them to, actually.