NSFW Best Thread Ever [No SJW-related posts allowed]

[Ulminati]

Gotta say that Gaben looks a lot better with that beard.

While by no means attractive, he did manage to upgrade his image from obese man-child to jolly grandfather. For his sake I hope he keeps it. It makes him look more trustworthy and respectable, which I can only imagine is a plus for his company.

 

[Fens]

he now looks like someone dragged him out of the woods, put him in a polo shirt and stole his shadow with a camera

 

[Menckenstein]

Gabe looks like he's had a stroke.

 

[Gragt]

Am I the only one who thinks that he looks like a fat version of Steven Spielberg?

Now that I think of it, Half Life2 is pretty much the video game equivalent of a Steven Spielberg flick.

 

[Infinitron]

Am I the only one who thinks that he looks like a fat version of Steven Spielberg?

Now that I think of it, Half Life2 is pretty much the video game equivalent of a Steven Spielberg flick.

I was thinking Robin Williams myself.

 

[racofer]

Am I the only one who thinks that he looks like a fat version of Steven Spielberg?

I had that impression too.

 

[lulurkinglurkerlurk]

In comments

Drew Karpyshyn, Mac Walters, David Gaider and all other BioWare writers are brilliant, while avellone is primitive religious fanatic and totalitarian scum.
BioWare created Baldur's Gate II and Throne of Bhaal, still superior to all avellone's vile fabrications.
Fortunetly, Hasbro and WOTC decieded to destroy city of neverwinter twice to remove avellone's horrible crap from glorious D&D and Forgotten Realms.

Succesful troll? In my book he/she is, I get flamed pretty hard

 

[Cassidy]

American Codexers should report Something Awful to the FBI if they think there are paedophilia discussions taking place. Even if they aren't actually committing child rape, the FBI can put them on a watch list for admitting they have sympathies for it.

Partyvan is too busy justifying the "donations" they get from MPAA and RIAA to bother with an Internet forum.

rape apologists, genocide advocators, pedophiles and My Little Pony fans

And there has to be one guy that combines all of those.

Someone should nuke that shit hard enough to put it offline for a looong time.

 

[DraQ]

>be fat
>give away games for christmas
>own a large company ("factory") for making games ("toys")
>loved by everyone
>grow a luscious grey beard

Do I have to say it? We knew it all along didn't we.

Oh. Herpler's gonna jelly.

 

[Oriebam]

American Codexers should report Something Awful to the FBI if they think there are paedophilia discussions taking place. Even if they aren't actually committing child rape, the FBI can put them on a watch list for admitting they have sympathies for it.

Partyvan is too busy justifying the "donations" they get from MPAA and RIAA to bother with an Internet forum.

Something Awful is one of them LP hubs, right? That shit is going to be made considered illegal by the MAFIAA, right? another reason to report

 

[Wyrmlord]

A bunch of immature jokes about Gabe Newell. I only copy-paste, but I did not make them.

>Gaben at E3 2011
>Seven forklifts bring him onto stage
>It takes several hours for him to stand upright
>He leans into the microphone
>Crowd shaking with excitement and suspense
>"Team...Fortress..(cough)3...
>Crowd cheers
>...You will be...able..
>Crowd draws in breath
>To...customize...your own...
>Crowd jumping at this time
>...Dragon dildos
>Crowd screams
>Gaben presses button on microphone that drops all his clothes at once
>Bulletproof cafes drop ceiling, but not fast enough
>Several bullets hit Gabe
>Bullets bounce back, hitting several in the crowd
>Gabe then reenacts meatspin

>Gaben at E3 2011
>doesn't announce Ep 3
>fans are so mad they put him in a rocket with the sun as its course
>rocket lifts off
>the earth follows the rocket
>scientists all over the world find out earth was actually a moon orbiting Gaben
>rocket is closing in on the sun
>sun swallows Gaben and earth
>Gaben's fat fuels the sun for an extra 10 billion years

>Gabe rolls on stage
>kills people in process.
>has to use gravity gun to set self on stage
>sweating with visible sweat spots.
>Gabe takes a sandwhich out of his backpocket and starts eating it in front of the audience, crying while doing so.
>gabe takes a big breath, audience gasps in excitement.
>gabe takes all the air in E3, suffocating everyone.
>Gabe announces to dead audience that Left4Dead 3 is coming out.
>rolls away.

>E3 2011
>Lights go out
>Spotlights point to center of the ceiling
>Gaben is being lowered by multiple reinforced steel cables
>He's wearing a moon costume that barely contains his obese body
>he's slowly orbiting above the crowd towards the microphone stand
>cable snaps unexpectedly
>Gaben falls straight into the crowd
>Dozens of people are crushed by him and either dead or seriously injured
>E3 is cancelled forever

>Gaben at E3 2011
>Finished a demonstration of Dota 2
>Suddenly, lights dim
>Crowd falls dead silent
>After a little while, Gabe's voice is heard
>Oh, just one more thing
>The number 3 fades in on the right side of the big screen
>Crowd starts to get excited, but only a small "woow" rolls through the room before it is quit once again
>The letter E appears on the left side of the screen
>Crowd is now roaring
>Gaben announces
>Have a nice E3!

>gabe waddles on-stage
>discusses portal 2 development
>says we'll see her in episode 3 with gordon
>leaves
>suddenly crowd is like oh wait.

 

[Multi-headed Cow]

I'd let Gaben reenact meatspin with me any day.

 

[racofer]

Instead of acting butthurt over the interwebs, Gabe simply...

 

[Freelance Henchman]

I <3 half life santa

 

[Infinitron]

http://www.videogamer.com/pc/the_el...f_skyrim_an_inspiration_to_alan_wake_dev.html

The amazing success of The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - 10 million sales and counting - has convinced Alan Wake developer Remedy that it is worth persisting with the development of games with a strong focus on storytelling.

"The Call of Dutys and the Battlefields are doing extremely well in the US," Remedy head of franchise development Oskari Hakkinen told Eurogamer. "Those are the type of games that are in popular demand, so it's really positive to see Skyrim and other RPG games that have a lot of story in be successful as well.

"It gives us motivation to do story-driven games, because there's obviously an audience out there of people who enjoy story as well.

"Seeing something like that being successful, we don't need to consciously try to make our stories any less than they are, not try to make them any simpler. Our stories are not necessarily complicated, but our games are very story heavy. And, just to see games like Skyrim succeed, it's like, let's not try to make it any less story-heavy."

Skyrim was 2011's second biggest money maker behind Modern Warfare 3.

Even the site realizes this is derp:

VideoGamer.com Analysis
Linking Skyrim to the popularity of story-based video games seems an odd one to us. Skyrim's success is primarily thanks to its open world nature and freedom, which other games can't offer, not its amazing storytelling.

Comments:

Woffls
Skyrim's story is boring as *****, and I don't know anyone who played it for that. I played it for picking stuff up off the floor and putting it in a chest so I can go back later and just, like, I dunno, look at it and stuff.

munkee
Yeah, how the hell did he get story-based from Skyrim? I played it for hours and hours. I still don't know, or care, what the story was.

:patriot:

Mastorofpuppetz
Skyrims focus on Storytelling? LMAO, Its story is not very good. Skyrims focus is NOT story, its on Big open world exploration, prettiness and dungeon Crawling for the casual masses. Get real. Skyrim = Quantity over quality.

Woffls@ munkee
I skip all the text, even for main quest stuff. Even if I made the effort to read it, I would probably forget most of it because at the end of the day you're just going from A to B and getting something for someone. There's surprisingly little context for your actions actually delivered to the player; it's as if they're expecting you to research the lore to gain an appreciation of what you're doing.

 

[DraQ]

Instead of acting butthurt over the interwebs, Gabe simply...

And this, not his lack of vagina, is why Gabe won't ever be in the center of a shitstorm like the one engulfing Hamburglar Herpler.

 

[Deleted member 7219]

I'm not religious at all, but if I were, I'd be tempted to worship Gaben.

 

[Menckenstein]

Gabe has a good sense of humor but let's not turn this place into VSN. TYVM.

 

[DwarvenFood]

That was a hilarious reply by Gabe

 

[Kraszu]

Woffls@ munkee
I skip all the text, even for main quest stuff. Even if I made the effort to read it, I would probably forget most of it because at the end of the day you're just going from A to B and getting something for someone. There's surprisingly little context for your actions actually delivered to the player; it's as if they're expecting you to research the lore to gain an appreciation of what you're doing.

" because at the end of the day you're just going from A to B and getting something for someone." He got a point there, reading shouldn't be optional, quest should require from you the knowledge of what you are doing, or at least make that knowledge help to get better results, but Bethseda carters to everybody so there can be no coherent connection, you have your quest arrow to follow no matter what the story is you follow it to kill or take something or steal something, and then you follow the arrow again to take the reward. Skyrim doesn't even have a description of what the quest is about in quest book because that is an irrelevant information for completing them.

 

[Infinitron]

Woffls@ munkee
I skip all the text, even for main quest stuff. Even if I made the effort to read it, I would probably forget most of it because at the end of the day you're just going from A to B and getting something for someone. There's surprisingly little context for your actions actually delivered to the player; it's as if they're expecting you to research the lore to gain an appreciation of what you're doing.

" because at the end of the day you're just going from A to B and getting something for someone." He got a point there, reading shouldn't be optional, quest should require from you the knowledge of what you are doing, or at least make that knowledge help to get better results, but Bethseda carters to everybody so there can be no coherent connection, you have your quest arrow to follow no matter what the story is you follow it to kill or take something or steal something, and then you follow the arrow again to take the reward. Skyrim doesn't even have a description of what the quest is about in quest book because that is an irrelevant information for completing them.

True. This Woffls guy is weird, it's like he's complaining that Bethesda have addicted him to a type of gameplay that he isn't sure why he even enjoys.
But if you enjoy the game, can you really complain?

 

[Clockwork Knight]

Woffls
Skyrim's story is boring as *****, and I don't know anyone who played it for that. I played it for picking stuff up off the floor and putting it in a chest so I can go back later and just, like, I dunno, look at it and stuff.

Woffls doesn't realize it yet, but this is also the primary objective in real life

 

[DraQ]

" because at the end of the day you're just going from A to B and getting something for someone." He got a point there, reading shouldn't be optional, quest should require from you the knowledge of what you are doing, or at least make that knowledge help to get better results, but Bethseda carters to everybody so there can be no coherent connection, you have your quest arrow to follow no matter what the story is you follow it to kill or take something or steal something, and then you follow the arrow again to take the reward. Skyrim doesn't even have a description of what the quest is about in quest book because that is an irrelevant information for completing them.

This is the part where Skyrim's atrocious interface actually works to it's advantage - as long as the quest isn't radiant and includes some directions, it's easier to pay attention than to fumble around, trying to activate the right quest marker. It's also the least painful as it minimizes the time spent in horrid, sanity draining interface screens.

Even if the quest is radiant, it's still better to just look at the map once and then try to find your route in first person.

 

[racofer]

This needs to be preserved in here:

Is Skyrim Teaching Your Children How to Perform “Rim Jobs” and Other Homo Erotic Sex Maneuvers?​

"If you are a responsible parent, then the world of MMORPG first person shooters should be something of a foreign language to you. In games like Skyrim, players are teleported to far away lands that are cream filled with demonic spell crafting, violent shirtless blood shed and exposed not only Satanic critters, but bombarded with gay under tones of fecal fornication."​

...​

"The spells the player are taught are directly out of The Book of Wiccan and are far more dangerous than anything your child is watching on that Wizards at Waverly Place and Sabrina The Teenage Witch. When a player casts a spell, you will see the hand gesture is that of how homosexuals fling devil DNA juices at each other after a long night of fecal frenzy ass assassinations. This is subliminally teaching your children that they need to go in their rooms, demon whack their sin staff and produce sin milk into their hands and than fling it in the face of the first person they come in contact with after their taint tugging session."​

...​

SKYRIM LINGO: DOVAHKIIN – Is the supposed citizens of Skyrim, but is a code word that means:​

D – Dirty​

O – Orifice​

V – Violation​

A – Always​

H – Hurts​

K – Keep​

I – Injecting​

I – It​

N – Naiant​

...​

"Skyrim Jobs – Skyrimming is a street term the gays use when talking about applying their tongues to the outer rim part of another man’s sewer spout, while that man is being hung upside down. See the gays have weird fetishes and are close to Satan. Satan speaks to them and tells them news ways on how to experience demonic orgasmic sin. Satan has recently taught our fecal fisting bandits that if you hang each other upside down and let the blood rush to the head, the anal dumpster becomes more sensitive to touch and we all know gays wake up and fall asleep just day dreaming about sticking something up their own or someone else’s sewer hole."​

Fucking

 

[Freelance Henchman]

Not sure if parody