NSFW Best Thread Ever [No SJW-related posts allowed]

[Caim]

I wish I had bought a fleshlight instead of Warlords expansion :<

Well, both of those are grindfests that have you do the same thing over and over again.

 

[Hoaxmetal]

Well, both of those are grindfests that have you do the same thing over and over again.

Yeah but one leaves you sweaty, tired and guilt ridden about your life, the other is a fleshlight.

 

[LESS T_T]

http://imgur.com/a/yceJt

From the game's description: "Journey of the Light might be one of the Hardest games on Steam. At the beginning of each Chapter, you are given one sentence, and that is your only guide There are various hints across the forest, but these are hard to find if you don´t know where to look from Can you solve all 7 Chapters?* *Game might be hard sometimes, check out the Community Hub for guides (Or be the first to write one!)" The answer is... NO. No, you can not solve all (7? 8?) chapters. You can not even solve the first one. Because a solution doesn't exist. The other levels don't exist. The game has achievements for completing Chapters 1-8. The developer, Lord Kres, is the ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD who has gotten any of the achievements (Chapters 1-3). NO ONE, not even the developer, has gotten any of the achievements for Chapters 4-8. Furthermore...

If you look at the game's installation folder there are files named "level0" through "level11". When the game starts it loads level1, then level2, then level3, then level4, then level5. See the screenshots below. If you replace any of those with one of the other files it will load that file instead. This way, I have documented what each of the files contains. You can try it yourself. level5 contains the first level. When the files level6-level11 are loaded, they all start up with "Chapter 1 Don't Go In To The Light" and the same level. level0 is an intro file that doesn't appear in the game. level12 is the pause screen. In case the game gets updated, I have done a "Delete Local Content" from Steam, deleted the game's folder, reinstalled, and preserved a backup copy of the freshly installed game files, as proof and to be able to compare any potential future changes.




Because of the identical files, the game compresses down nicely, to 161.6 MB

Some people commented with doubt that even though the file sizes were so similar, that it may be an artifact of Unity padding or something similar. It is interesting to note then, that all of the files level5 - level11 happen to contain the text "Chapter 1", but that none of them contain the text "Chapter 2".





Interestingly, this one does not appear in the game's intro. nice... "vanihs" "dissapear" and "won't never rise again"











If you load any of the files level5 through level11, they all look the same. This leads me to conclude that is the extent of the content created for this game, which is sold as a "hard" game with 7 or 8 chapters, but instead there is one unsolvable level.






You can download and decompile the game code with a free tool such as JetBrains dotPeek. (JourneyOfTheLight_Data\Managed\Assembly-CSharp.dll) And here we have it. There is code to Load the four previously mentioned scene files, and Load Chapter1. Even leftovers to load scenes from his other game Voxelized. And in layman's terms, there is code to switch the Light's state when the E button is pressed. That is all.

The developer Lord Kres presents more false and misleading information. He was pissed about the new refund policy. Here he claims there are hints in the trading cards. To get trading cards, you must first have played for 2 hours. At that point you are no longer eligible to request a refund.

What can you do? Well, on the game's store page, there is a flag button on the right hand side where you can Report this Product. I don't believe you even need to own the game to do this. The most appropriate category appears to be Legal Violation because of the deceptive, misleading, and fraudulent advertising.

 

[RK47]

 

[Havoc]

Spine? Spire? What's the difference!

 

[Infinitron]

http://imgur.com/a/yceJt

lol 97% off: http://store.steampowered.com/app/371440/

He knows what's coming.

Game Has Only One Level?
29 JULY - LORD KRES
Hello all.
I just heard that someone had tempered with game files and noticed that there is only one level.
That is not how it is supposed to be.
It seems that i did something wrong when i released the Bug Fix #1.
I did tested the game after the bug fix, but i only checked that the bugs are gone.
I will roll the game back to it's former state and then fix the bugs again and make sure this wont happen again.
I am very sorry about this issue.
Thank you for letting me know about this.

Feel free to leave a comment

 

[A user named cat]

This guy is hilarious.

Next excuse: "I am now dead. please be patient. i will post pic on twitter"

 

[Dreaad]

Broke my hand at work....

 

[Ninja Destroyer]

I'm #sorry that my #scam was #discovered. I #hope my next one will be #harder to #find.

#Lord #Kres #Steam hobo developer

 

[Astral Rag]

Spoiler

Why does this game not exist

 

[A horse of course]

Reminds me of modders who stop producing updates for a while because "I'm taking care of my sick mom" or "my hard drive crashed and I lost the last 6 month's progress"

 

[JarlFrank]

Reminds me of this:

 

[pippin]

 

[Drax]

What the Hue?

 

[Astral Rag]

Spoiler

http://steamcommunity.com/id/SakifX9/recommended/342870/
http://steamcommunity.com/app/342870/screenshots/?p=1&browsefilter=trendyear

 

[Renegen]

I blame Steam, they opened the floodgates and let every mobile garbage in their store to make more bucks and now you have scammers that have gotten through.

 

[LundB]

Reminds me of modders who stop producing updates for a while because "I'm taking care of my sick mom" or "my hard drive crashed and I lost the last 6 month's progress"

Funny thing is, when I've been sick is pretty much the only time I actually do regular work on project shit like the Witcher modesty mod. Sick people have more time to sit around with nothing better to do than some dumb shit on the computer.

Don't get why these people can't just say "I had other stuff I wanted to do more", especially when they're not getting paid.

 

[Infinitron]

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/art...01-BioWare-Romances-Can-Be-Pretty-Predictable

The BioWare Romance Trap

I am not the first person to notice that "romance" and "adventure" are two story flavors that naturally compliment one another. A pure romance story with no adventure can be kind of dull and talky. An adventure with no romance can feel sort of emotionally empty. But by blending the two, both ideas get the extra punch that gives them mass appeal. The pressures of the adventure can shove our oil-and-water leads together, giving us lots of character-revealing conflict and meet cute banter. Later the adventure can tear them apart again just as their romance blooms, in order to maximize the sexual / romantic tension.

You can see these forces at work in classics like The African Queen. You can see how the idea solidified into a genre in films like Romancing the Stone. Today the "action romantic comedy" is a staple of Hollywood releases. Now the studios cynically design films by mixing guy-friendly action with female-friendly romance to create ideal date-night releases. You can argue that Hollywood is perhaps too simplistic in their assumptions about what men and women want, but you can't argue with the mountains of cash they make with this thinking.

I'm sure BioWare was thinking of exactly this sort of synergy when they designed their character romances. You can look at the romances in Knights of the Old Republic (2003) and see the Han / Leia influences in their execution. The romances flowed with - and emerged from - the events of the story. They unify the overall story arcs with the individual character arcs to give a more potent emotional payoff. Were they written broadly? Yes. Were they filled with cliches? Sure. But one of the appeals of adventure romance is how they can take a cliche plot between broadly written characters and sell it anyway. As long as the leads are likable, the audience will cheer for them, even if they can feel the story ticking through the clockwork motions of the classic three-act story structure.

On top of these romance plots, KOTOR also had "friendships". These were pretty shallow compared to the romances. They never impacted the main story and they never advanced when you were out on a mission. To advance the friendship with one of your friends, you just had to visit them between missions. They would then tell you a bit of their backstory. The writing in these parts was excellent, but they were all flavor and no plot.

At some point between KOTOR and now, the romance angle became unmoored from the plot. The romances became disconnected and eventually isolated from the world in which they took place. Instead of joining with the main plot to form a cohesive whole, they became these optional little side-stories, like the friendships.

I don't think this change was deliberate. I doubt the BioWare writer ever sat down and said, "You know what our games need? More scattered and unrelated elements!" Instead, this is a result of an aspect of the story being promoted to a feature on the back of the box. The same thing happened with choice: Something that once arose naturally from the needs of the story grew into something was was imposed on the story for the sake of gameplay and a feature list.

In Star Wars, the romance of Han and Leia was woven into the story. The main plot didn't pause to give the two of them time to flirt, but instead their relationship was one of the driving forces in the plot. Sometimes they were forced together, other times they were torn apart. Sometimes they bickered and sometimes they aaaaaalomost kissed. But whatever they were doing, their relationship was relevant to everything else that was going on. If you wanted to match Leia up with (say) Lando or pair Han up with (say) Mon Mothma, then it would either require a major re-write to properly integrate those stories, or you'd have to leave the plot the same and the romances would became an extraneous distration from the story. And if you wanted the viewer to choose which romance they saw? Then you'd have no choice but to cut the romance plot out and leave it as a parallel but unconnected series of events.

What happened here is that the romance concept was changed from something in service of the story to being in the service of the player. Once that happened, the designers were pushed into the long, thankless, expensive, complicated task of trying to give everyone as many options as possible. If the romance exists for the player's gratification, then they will naturally want options that reflect their preferences and tastes.

KOTOR had two romances: One between the male player and Bastila, and another between a female player and Carth. Now check out the options in Mass Effect 3:

Heterosexual Female: Kaiden, Garrus

Homosexual Female: Liara, Kelly Chambers, Diana Allers, Traynor.

Heterosexual Male: Liara, Ashley, Tali, Miranda, Jack, Kelly Chambers, Diana Allers

Homosexual Male: Kaiden, Cortez.

We went from two romances to fifteen. (Although a lot of those overlap, just swapping out one gender for another.) And yet people are still unhappy. They didn't get enough choices. Or the character they like is the wrong orientation. Or someone else got more choices and that doesn't feel fair.

Not only do these romances take place apart from the story, but they limit the writer's ability to design interesting teams. What if the writers want add a character who would be inappropriate as a romance option? Perhaps someone old, or underage, or celibate, or faithfully married, or grotesque. They're already having a difficult time pleasing everyone, and every un-romanceable character makes the job that much harder. This would naturally push the character designs towards a "Fast and the Furious" approach, where everyone on the team is young-looking, sexy, and available. That runs counter to the sci-fi theme of strange aliens and characters from all walks of life.

This also pits the fanbase against each other and breeds animosity. After all, the characters are all made from the same finite game budget, so having one more option for straight ladies means one less option for straight dudes. If lesbians make up 2% of the player base, then it might seem unfair to some people that they get a third of the romance options. But if you're in that 2%, then it probably seems pretty damn unfair that straight guys get so many more options than you do. People on all sides can feel frustrated and to them it feels like BioWare could make it all better with just a slight change in their favor. So BioWare ends up with everyone demanding they do contradictory things, and the only way to solve this is to spend less on the core game and more on these side-romances that only a tiny fraction of the players will see.

While it's easy to blame BioWare for this mess, it's worth noting that they got here simply by giving fans what they asked for. I don't think anyone is in the wrong here. Everyone is just saying what they would personally like from the game, and our preferences are inherently incompatible. A gay man and I can both enjoy another zone where we shoot some more bad guys, but we don't both benefit from the option of romancing Tali. The content in the main story is ostensibly there for the benefit of everyone, but romance options only appeal to a sub-section of the audience, and therefore exclude everyone else.

Personally I'd gladly give up romance options aimed at me if it meant that we could return to the days of having romance plots that meaningfully connected with the main story, but I know I'm in the minority.

 

[Rivmusique]

What if the writers want add a character who would be inappropriate as a romance option? Perhaps someone old, or underage, or celibate, or faithfully married, or grotesque.

Get a load of the privilege on this guy.

Or

What if the writers want add a character who would be inappropriate as a romance option? Perhaps someone old, or underage, or celibate, or faithfully married, or grotesque.

Get a load of the beta on this guy.

MotB romance seems like it would be something he'd like. The male PC + Safiya one anyway, female PC gets Gann from what I've heard, don't really know how it goes.

 

[Jaesun]

Gann was bi-sexual until Atari made them cut that...

 

[Caim]

If they wanted to go with the underage romance they could have gone with Grunt as a romance option.

And isn't Liara pretty much a child in the eyes of the Asari?

 

[Crooked Bee]

John Walker believes "gameplay" should be banned from video game discussions: http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2015/08/05/your-banned-list-of-gaming-words/

Gameplay Oh, the behemoth of evil wording. It means absolutely nothing. And yet it’s somehow a word that major gaming sites will use as a scored category when judging a game. It’s the gaming equivalent of saying “moo-cow”, except without actually describing a cow. The closest it comes to defining anything is “how a game feels to play”, which is about as helpful a thing to tell someone as what a pair of trousers sounds like. Others try to understand it as “what you actually do in a game”, which would render it as the most superfluous word ever spoken. What you actually do in a game is not something that either warrants nor sensibly can be scored. “In this game you run down the corridors and shoot the robots – 7/10.” “In this game you build a base and fight the invading orc army – 4/10.” It is an awful, awful word, and it must never be uttered anywhere, by anyone, ever again. Entirely verboten.

Makes sense. Who cares about mechanics and systems and how those all come together when actually playing the game, which is what is usually meant by "gameplay," anyway.

Pretty symptomatic, coming from Walker especially.

 

[Jasede]

This movie had good moviewatch. I really wish Dance of Dragons had better bookread.

 

[Inspectah]

RPS love it's walking simulators, so it's no surprise that they don't care about gameplay

 

[Crooked Bee]

RPS love it's walking simulators, so it's no surprise that they don't care about gameplay

Especially Walker (since both Richard Cobbett and Adam Smith do care, to various degrees). I honestly feel like he's at least 50% of the reason(s) why RPS is terrible.