NSFW Best Thread Ever [No SJW-related posts allowed]

[tuluse]

tl;dr

Send this thread to Retardo or at the very least rename it "Codexers Perpetually Rage at Kotaku and Tumblr Feminists" or something.

I second that notion.

And my axe


...or something

 

[Dexter]

Reading the first three pages of this thread I'm not sure what is supposed to have changed other than a few people perpetually complaining about said thread existing every second page.

 

[Broseph]

So? This shit is getting tiresome and the thread is unworthy of its name.

 

[Clockwork Knight]

The thread isn't a living being, it's just a repository of what users post here. So if people are unsatisfied with this sort of content, they just have to bury it with other funny stuff.

 

[kazgar]

Times like this I wish for sgc_meltdown to return from whatever inter-dimensional journey he is on and provide us a glimpse of what he has found.

 

[evdk]

The thread isn't a living being, it's just a repository of what users post here. So if people are unsatisfied with this sort of content, they just have to bury it with other funny stuff.

Can't. Every other post is some variation of "Them bitches, eh?"

 

[RK47]

Times like this I wish for sgc_meltdown to return from whatever inter-dimensional journey he is on and provide us a glimpse of what he has found.

reallllllly? are you sure that's what you want?

 

[kazgar]

Times like this I wish for sgc_meltdown to return from whatever inter-dimensional journey he is on and provide us a glimpse of what he has found.

reallllllly? are you sure that's what you want?

I'd assume I'd instantly regret it, but compared to tumblr/kotaku reposts, its a regret worth having.

 

[Xor]

Times like this I wish for sgc_meltdown to return from whatever inter-dimensional journey he is on and provide us a glimpse of what he has found.

Some day he will return, and lead this thread to the promised land.

 

[catfood]

I want to play a black, Muslim, feminist, lesbian, knight that is also otherkin. She will be so strong and so awesome with weapons that she will show sexist Bohemian Knights where their place is. Also she will destroy the preconceptions about Muslims faith and teach the Bohemian peasants religious tolerance. Also she has to be slightly overweight and have OCD - she has to touch every opponents helmet before killing them. And of course I want a romance sub-plot in which I can seduce a noble woman, marry her and together we will take over the Kingdom and rule it as Queens. Also we will adopt a Mongol/Tatar child to be our heir. The nobles will be so amazed by what I accomplished that they will recognize our rule and defend us with their lives if need arises. Also the character needs to have a dark and tragic past because of which she practices self-harm until my love interest will show that she doesn't have torture herself anymore and will heal me with her love. I thought what weapons she could use and I came to a conclusion that swords are too phallic so her main weapon will be throwing rings like those Xena had. She will have at least six of them and they will return to her after each use like boomerangs. And don't give me shit that weapon like that wouldn't be believable. Video games are full of unbelievable things and are historically inaccurate, obsessing over one thing like that, just shows the person is a bigot and should be put out with the trash.
The characters also is required to posses triggers that put her a on rage filled downward spiral and gives bonus points to strength and stamina. Her trigger would be slavery. Her mother was a slave when the Crusaders attacked the middle east. So every time she sees a situation when one man tries to diminish the freedom of another, she just goes of the rails. Another trigger would be sex without consent. They could even build a scene around it - where in a tavern a pig (because he doesn't deserve to be called a man) grabs milkmaid's butt or breasts and it starts an awesome bar fight.
Also because she is a Muslim she should be well educated and well spoken it contrast with majority of Bohemian population which still clings to a hateful religion (Christianity). Of course her love interest would be super intelligent also and that is why I would fell in love with her.
My character also has to be a vegetarian, so she will scoff at people who eat meat. There even should be a sub-quest when you can sneak at night and release all the pigs into the wild.
The game also needs to have a house building mechanic and a bunch activities that I can do beside doing the story. Like growing crops, fishing, working as a blacksmith, miner, healer etc.
I especially like the healer activity going from village to village and saving lives of Europeans that didn't know any kind of medicine back then, also didn't bathe. Only Jews did bathe in Europe that is why Poland didn't have the black plague. There were too many Jews, so they kept the Poles clean.
Oh I almost forgot my love interest that will rule beside me has to be Jewish. She has a noble blood but her father fell in love with a Jewish woman, so they raised in Jewish tradition.

I don't understand why game developers don't make such games. It's a game it doesn't have to 100% like it was in the middle ages. If anything creating a game that would be like the middle ages, would just propagate hate, misogyny and lack of tolerance. Game developers should strive to create game that are as inclusive as possible, because this is the best way to teach the younger generations how the world should work. Bioware is good at it, at times, but they still have a long way to go.

And this is my honest opinion, I wouldn't waste my time on a pointless circlejerk

 

[felipepepe]

Hipster Sonic + Dubstep.

I couldn't make this up as a parody if I wanted too...

 

[Tytus]

Sonic Boom?!

My Little Pony should sue them over the name. The have the more awesome Sonic Rainboom!

Just like Crandy Crash Saga sued Banner Saga.



Also why all video games these days are so in love with sand worms?

 

[Angthoron]

Also why all video games these days are so in love with sand worms?

Simple symbolism, observe:

Feminists have sand in their vagina.
Worms symbolise the penis.

I leave you to connect the dots.

 

[LundB]

Reading the first three pages of this thread I'm not sure what is supposed to have changed other than a few people perpetually complaining about said thread existing every second page.

"(Part 3)"

This is not the first thread.

 

[Dexter]

http://www.p4rgaming.com/if-tetris-...of-us-maybe-people-would-still-be-playing-it/

If Tetris Was More Like The Last of Us, Maybe People Would Still Be Playing It

by Jack · February 7, 2014
Tetris is a game that retro gamers love to cling to because it is supposedly a timeless classic. It’s not, but The Last of Us is. Name one thing Tetris does better than The Last of Us. Go ahead, name one.



The Last of Us just swept the DICE Awards winning in over ten categories, proof that this game is completely superior to Tetris in every single way. Sure, Tetris wasn’t even in the running, but do you think Tetris could possibly win for outstanding achievement in character performance? I don’t think so. And don’t even get me started about outstanding achievement in story.

The problem with Tetris is that it focuses on one thing: gameplay. That is the worst possible thing you could do with a video game nowadays. Video games aren’t meant to be played, they’re meant to be experienced. It’s how we already know that The Order: 1886 is going to be game of the year. We don’t know much about this game, but it looks and feels like a winner and that’s good enough for most of us.

Of course, Tetris has worked hard to reboot itself in an attempt to remain relevant in this day and age. The newest Tetris game, Puyo Puyo Tetris, halfheartedly attempts to capture some of the elements that made The Last of Us great. Borrowing many concepts from Puyo Puyo, Tetris tries to create characters from the Tetriminos and places itself into the Puyo Puyo universe. Unfortunately, it’s quite evident that they have zero experience writing an epic story as we feel nothing for these characters. The Last of Us made us cry, but we don’t feel anything for Tetris.

And you know what? The gameplay in The Last of Us is so much better than anything Tetris has done. We can shoot zombies in The Last of Us. Can you do that in Tetris? What can you do? Place some lines over and over until you’re bored? I never understood why people were so attached to this block game. Speaking of blocks, the graphics are just terrible. The Last of Us almost looks like a movie, Tetris looks like another generic indie pixel game. No wonder The Last of Us got outstanding achievement in art direction because it looks like no one even bothered to direct Tetris.

In the future, maybe retro gamers will get a clue and start putting The Last of Us on their list of great retro games rather than Tetris. I mean, it got outstanding innovation in gaming so The Last of Us is clearly going to set the tone for gaming going forward. Has Tetris left any significant mark on gaming history? Well, it doesn’t matter because The Last of Us has just wiped it away.

http://www.gamepur.com/news/13605-s...2014-graphics-looks-continuous-cinematic.html

This translates to via Google Translator: "The game is so good it looks like a continuous kinematic. Enough said XD"

He then added that graphics/visuals in The Order: 1886 are incredible, they are even better than Infamous: Second Son, however he later admitted that both these games are different. Read below the tweet showing this conversation below.

In addition to this, Angel Playstation stated that for Sony, The Order: 1886 is a candidate for GAME OF THE YEAR 2014 award.

 

[Tytus]

http://www.p4rgaming.com/if-tetris-...of-us-maybe-people-would-still-be-playing-it/

If Tetris Was More Like The Last of Us, Maybe People Would Still Be Playing It

by Jack · February 7, 2014
Tetris is a game that retro gamers love to cling to because it is supposedly a timeless classic. It’s not, but The Last of Us is. Name one thing Tetris does better than The Last of Us. Go ahead, name one.



The Last of Us just swept the DICE Awards winning in over ten categories, proof that this game is completely superior to Tetris in every single way. Sure, Tetris wasn’t even in the running, but do you think Tetris could possibly win for outstanding achievement in character performance? I don’t think so. And don’t even get me started about outstanding achievement in story.

The problem with Tetris is that it focuses on one thing: gameplay. That is the worst possible thing you could do with a video game nowadays. Video games aren’t meant to be played, they’re meant to be experienced. It’s how we already know that The Order: 1886 is going to be game of the year. We don’t know much about this game, but it looks and feels like a winner and that’s good enough for most of us.

Of course, Tetris has worked hard to reboot itself in an attempt to remain relevant in this day and age. The newest Tetris game, Puyo Puyo Tetris, halfheartedly attempts to capture some of the elements that made The Last of Us great. Borrowing many concepts from Puyo Puyo, Tetris tries to create characters from the Tetriminos and places itself into the Puyo Puyo universe. Unfortunately, it’s quite evident that they have zero experience writing an epic story as we feel nothing for these characters. The Last of Us made us cry, but we don’t feel anything for Tetris.

And you know what? The gameplay in The Last of Us is so much better than anything Tetris has done. We can shoot zombies in The Last of Us. Can you do that in Tetris? What can you do? Place some lines over and over until you’re bored? I never understood why people were so attached to this block game. Speaking of blocks, the graphics are just terrible. The Last of Us almost looks like a movie, Tetris looks like another generic indie pixel game. No wonder The Last of Us got outstanding achievement in art direction because it looks like no one even bothered to direct Tetris.

In the future, maybe retro gamers will get a clue and start putting The Last of Us on their list of great retro games rather than Tetris. I mean, it got outstanding innovation in gaming so The Last of Us is clearly going to set the tone for gaming going forward. Has Tetris left any significant mark on gaming history? Well, it doesn’t matter because The Last of Us has just wiped it away.

http://www.gamepur.com/news/13605-s...2014-graphics-looks-continuous-cinematic.html

Is this article even real? It's a not mock-article? What?

 

[Infinitron]

:facepalm:

 

[evdk]

Is this article even real? It's a not mock-article? What?

P4G is a spoof site, bro.

 

[Dexter]

The second article is real enough...

 

[Murk]

The problem with Tetris is that it focuses on one thing: gameplay. That is the worst possible thing you could do with a video game nowadays. Video games aren’t meant to be played, they’re meant to be experienced.

fake/troll... right? right?

Reading the about section on the site and some of the articles leads me to think it's a joke site; and so I applaud him for his efforts to be like the westboro baptist church forum (that only succeeds in trolling other atheists).

EDIT: evdk said it first

 

[racofer]

Still, we should use the next 2 or 3 pages of this thread to rage about that.

 

[Baron Dupek]

Article is too obvious, not so many clever stuff so...

 

[Clockwork Knight]

Sonic Boom?!
My Little Pony should sue them over the name. The have the more awesome Sonic Rainboom!

Sonic has them too.




-

http://www.cnet.com.au/what-the-hell-is-going-on-with-xbox-one-updates-339346578.htm

What the hell is going on with Xbox One updates?
By Nic Healey | February 6, 2014 |

Microsoft's updates for the Xbox One continue to be a source of great confusion (and some concern) for Nic Healey.

(Credit: Microsoft)

Back towards the end of January, Microsoft announced an update for the Xbox One exclusive Dead Rising 3.

At 13GB, this was a massive update by anyone's standards. Whole games can be downloaded with less damage done to bandwidth and storage space than that.

The patch, as we reported at the time, not only included a bunch of important fixes (such as achievements not unlocking) and new features (such as impulse trigger support) it also, according to the press release, contained "content for DLC chapters three and four".

"Hang on," I thought to myself. "That's not free DLC is it?"

And no, of course it's not. It's the last two parts of a projected four chapters of DLC that'll cost you US$30 for a 'season pass' or US$10 individually.

Maybe it says more about the quality of my net connection at home than anything else, but I'm not exactly excited about downloading data for game content I'm not actually intending to buy.

So I got curious - if the 13GB update is only data for chapters three and four, then how big is the download for the first chapter DLC, Operation Broken Eagle?

I asked Microsoft via its local PR team. The response took a while — eight days after my initial request — and it wasn't quite what I was looking for.

The PR rep responded that they had been "instructed by Microsoft that we can't share the information you're after". They went on to say "we can't really discuss or advise on DLC sizing in general".

That's a weird response from Microsoft given that, as soon as Operation Broken Eagle was available for download, I got my colleague Seamus (the current keeper of the CNET Xbox One) to check how big the download was.

It was 20.86MB. That's megabytes, not gigabytes. In fact, the season pass download — which only confirms you've paid to be able to play all the DLC — is over three times as big at 73.62MB.

So now I'm even more confused — was the content for Operation Broken Eagle included in the 13GB update after all? If so, why wouldn't Microsoft just say that, when it was already being open about having content from Chapters three and four in there? Or was the content for the DLC in the original game files all along (which is really quite impressive in terms of game production)? Or has Capcom got so damn good at programming, it really was just a 20MB add-on?

Now I get that Dead Rising 3 is a third party game, but it's an exclusive title and given the game's commitment to using as many of the new Xbox One features as possible, it's not unlikely that Microsoft had a bit of say in the development cycle.

Today, Microsoft announced the first Xbox One system update. This is going to add some truly useful features, including a battery indicator for the controller (finally), support for USB keyboards and some storage management features (presumably so you can see how little hard drive you have left after downloading 13GB updates).

Titanfall

(Credit: EA)

That's going to drop on 11 February. However, on 4 March, we're getting a second system update colloquially being called "countdown to Titanfall".

In case you've been living under a gaming rock, Titanfall is being touted as the must-have game for the Xbox One (even though it's also available for 360 and PC).

It's a giant-armoured-mech shooter that's entirely online multiplayer.
According to Marc Whitten, chief product officer for Xbox One, the March update "will contain many new features and improvements, most significantly to our party and multiplayer systems". He adds:

Available on March 13, Titanfall is a team-based online multiplayer game that showcases the power of Xbox Live, and we will be shipping a new party and multiplayer system that will help make Titanfall the must-have game for this generation.

My concern here is that there will be more than a few people who have no interest in playing Titanfall. There will even be a few who have no interest in playing multiplayer at all, as blasphemous as that might sound.

So Microsoft has stated that this is the "system update to prepare your Xbox One for Titanfall". I'm now forced to ask if this update has features that don't relate to Titanfall and if it will be of any benefit to those who aren't going to play the game. Oh — and, by the way, how big is it? (I have indeed asked Microsoft for some clarification and will update if and when any info comes to hand.)

When Microsoft envisaged an Xbox One that was 'always on' the Internet, consumers everywhere (including the US Navy) went feral, with many people citing poor connectivity and data usage caps as (very good) reasons why this could be a problem. Microsoft responded by changing its policy.

Personally, I'm not convinced that epic-sized updates of potentially irrelevant content is exactly the policy shift we were looking for.

Bolded parts serve as TL;DR.

 

[bot]

Serves them consoletards right. I'm edging on Schadenfreude so hard right now.

 

[Brinko]

http://www.dailydot.com/esports/blizzard-esports-tespa-partnership/

Blizzard, the developers behind esports blockbusters like StarCraft 2 and Hearthstone, are launching an ambitious program to fund collegiate esports throughout North America.

A new initiative called the “Membership Milestone Program” is being developed in a partnership with The eSports Association (TeSPA) to “establish the foundation of a vibrant eSports ecosystem that is supported from both the grassroots and professional level,” according to Blizzard spokesman Steven Khoo.

The program will grant money, merchandise, in-game rewards, and valuable connections with Blizzard personnel to help colleges around the continent run professional-level esports tournaments.

Collegiate esports clubs in the program will automatically receive websites, mailing lists, manuals, and t-shirts to help organize. Blizzard will throws more into the deal as clubs grow. When a club reaches 65 members, Blizzard will offer product sponsorships and $300 cash to organize events. At 80 members, clubs can have their equipment—computers, keyboards, mice, headsets, and more-—upgraded by Blizzard. The highest level, 300 members, yields $500 organizing cash, in-game rewards for the company's newest esport, Heroes of the Storm, signed gear, a meet-and-greet with Blizzard, and more.

“TeSPA has been a positive force in the eSports community built from the ground up by a small group of dedicated fans,” said Mike Morhaime, CEO and cofounder of Blizzard Entertainment. “By partnering with TeSPA we hope to give back to the players in a very new way to add fuel to an already thriving collegiate scene.”

One of Blizzard's biggest competitors in esports, Riot Games, the developers behind League of Legends, are pioneers in the collegiate esports space. Through the company's hugely successful Collegiate Program, Riot provides mostly merchandise and in-game money as prizes. That relatively small offering has helped build a dynamic and growing collegiate League of Legends competitive scene.

TeSPA dates back to 2010, when it organized a small inaugural tournament at the University of Texas Austin. Back then, the group kept its ambitions much smaller, calling itself the Texas eSports Association.

In 2011, TeSPA organized the Texas StarCraft Showdown and gained sponsorship from companies like AT&T. The event was a huge success and subsequent TeSPA tournaments, like the Lone Star Clash 1 and 2, featured world class talent and were widely praised by esports fans.

“Our goal is to empower passionate students to bring their eSports dreams to life,” said TeSPA co-founder Adam Rosen. “By doing this, we hope to cultivate thriving eSports communities while fostering the next generation of entrepreneurial business leaders in the gaming industry.”

In September 2013, TeSPA changed its name to the broader ESports Association, and announced plans to establish campus chapters across all of North America. It's specifically targeting 75 of the most influential campuses to seed student gaming programs on in 2014.

TeSPA’s chief competition in collegiate esports is the Collegiate Starleague, a long-running tournament founded by Duran Parsi that pits North American schools against one another in an NCAA-style season.

Adam and Tyler Rosen, the twins who cofounded TeSPA, are widely considered the driving force behind the group's success. As students responsible for hosting large tournaments, their professionalism won them scores of fans across esports. They’ve obviously impressed Blizzard brass as well.

In the past, automated IP address bannings have hamstrung college tournaments. Blizzard’s anti-cheating and piracy systems have been known to mistake tournaments—large clusters of computers on the same connection accessing Battle.net—as a threat. Although Blizzard has an appeals system set up to lift the “blacklisting” of IPs, appeals were not always handed in a timely manner.

Blizzard’s direct involvement in organizing these tournaments should help alleviate these types of issues.

Add to that prize money, equipment, and visibility, and you may have the recipe for collegiate success.

Open recruitment of students begins today at tespa.org/apply/.

Can't wait to see this on ESPN right after professional darts on Sunday.