Right...better finish what I started.
5 more boxes where I measure up US boxes to European boxes, then I'm done.
First up, that MicroProse box I promised earlier, where not only real-life items are used on the cover, but in this case real-life people - the original release of
Sid Meier's Pirates!
He may be a handsome looking devil, but he's no Jack Sparrow. While the image gets the message across that this is a game about pirates, it just irks me somehow - video game boxes should not have real-life imagery on their covers - that's cheating.
The thing is, this is one of two US box covers for the game, the latter of two. This is the second one, the original box cover:
This is more like it. A drawn image that doesn't leave any ambiguity about what's going on in this game. Let's see what Europe came up with.
This is the cover most Europeans are familiar with. A simple image of naval combat during the Age of Sail, but sadly it only hints at the game's content (yes, I'm aware of the giant "PIRATES!" logo above).
I'll be honest, I went in blind on this one. I wasn't aware of the second Pirates cover until I did the research, which instead of making this a sure Euro-win, made this a US-win.
The score so far:
Europe 7
US 4
Next up is the crime against vision that is the box cover art for
Impossible Mission 2.
Just to make sure everyone is on the same page, Impossible Mission 2 takes place in a skyscraper complex of 8 towers that Agent 4125 must navigate through alone to find the code fragments to Atombender's safe, while dodging his non-humanoid robots with nothing but his agility and the occasional software hack, all in a race against time before Atombender blows up the world (?!?). So yeah, pretty much like the original. With that said, let's start with the original US box cover from 1988.
At least it has a skyscraper and a timebomb, which is
somewhat relevant. It also has a falling guy, which is something that happens A LOT in the game. The rest of it, however...I'm at a loss for words here. It clearly states "I'm a product of the 1980s!" but fails to accomplish anything else.
In 1989 the game is re-released, now with EGA and VGA support (beforehand it was only 4-colour CGA). They changed the box cover, and we got this:
For those that haven't seen it, this is a follow-up of the same image used in the first box cover for the game. It's the same skyscraper, same background, the same falling guy. The only difference is that most of the atrocious 80s artstyle has been thrown out (yay!) for...a couple of humanoid robots firing upon the falling guy (ugh).
Well, the game DOES involve robots, so that makes it legit...right?
Before I give you the European cover, let's have a look at Strike 3 for the US.
This is the NES cover for the game. It has a skyscraper, bonus point for the New Retro Wave outfit of the girl, but her mere presence (not to mention the gun) just makes the whole thing look horrible. He works alone, in case anyone forgot. Also, the two of them look familiar somehow, like they're caricatures of famous actors from the late 80s or something. Just another case of an illustration hi-jacked for this role.
But then we get to the European version, where one hopes some shred of common sense would prevail.
Cool image, except this isn't the latest Dirty Harry film. Skyscrapers are in, the protagonist is in, his "name" is visible, the ticker tape is relevant to the game, but that cannon of his...Agent 4125 is supposed to be UNARMED. Even if he had a gun, he never uses it. This looks like the cover art for Die Hard if it had starred Clint Eastwood instead of Bruce Willis.
It's the most sensible of the covers, but the truth is it's just as bad as the others. No points awarded.
Score so far:
Europe: 7
US: 4
(Common Sense: -1)
Now we get to a game that (to me anyway) is a clear case of "How could you screw this up?" The game in question:
Midwinter 2: Flames of Freedom, the sequel to Mike Singleton's over-ambitious arctic post-apocalyptic "real-time" strategy game from 1990 that takes place in what's left of the Azores. A group of survivors from mainland Europe have settled this new piece of land, only to have a second group of war-like survivors land on the island and attempt to take it over. The first game dealt with an Earth that's frozen due to fallout from a comet strike, the sequel deals with a world that's starting to thaw out and humanity crawling from its hiding places to try to assert dominance again. And all the vehicles visible? You can use them in-game. Yes, even the tram.
Before I can show you the atrocity of the Midwinter 2 box, I must show you the Midwinter 1 box first, so you can see where I'm coming from.
(I'm aware that there are minor differences between the US and European versions of this game cover, but they're negligible, most concernig publisher logos.)
This is nice box art because it gets a few basic themes across. The main image is kept within an egg-shaped frame, the game's title has an attention-grabbing look and colour, the image displays what's contained in the game (arctic warfare) and everything's in colours that's relative to the game and its content. You really can't go wrong with this.
So when Europeans grabbed their copy of Midwinter 2, they got this:
(Yes, I know that's the Atari ST version, MobyGames didn't have the European PC version.)
This one follows in the footsteps of the prequel's box cover, almost down to every detail. I'll admit I have no idea what the Da Vinci-esque man is doing there spread-eagled across the image, but at least he serves as a nice divider between the various activities that can be done in the game (yes, all of those vehicles (and more!) can be driven in Midwinter 2). For anyone that's even just glanced at the cover to Midwinter 1, it's clear as day that this is the sequel to that game.
But then some suit-wearing mouth-breathing mongoloid :patriot: decides that he can do better.
Talk about sucking everything out of a game in one fell stroke. The factions mentioned in the note are in the game, and the shackles are relevant to the struggle for freedom that Midwinter 2 is about...but beyond that this is as far from the original as one can imagine. What the fuck, America?
Score so far:
Europe 8
US 4
Now we step into the 21st century and get a lesson in the priorities between Europe and the US. The game in question?
Serious Sam: The First Encounter. The first game to try to be like Doom since Doom 2. Everyone knows Doom's cover, the iconic last stand against a heap of demons by a battle-scarred marine. Well, someone thought it was a good idea to try to copy that for the US cover of the game.
Not bad at all. It's drawn, even though it's going for ultra-realism. It shows the protagonist in the thick of it, fighting baddes from the game, in a setting that's in the game, and all without looking overly silly (except for that fire-spouting thing at the bottom. What is that?) This cover does two things quite brilliantly: It tells people what to expect of the game, and it shows a connection to Doom.
Most of Europe, however, got a dose of minimalism instead:
It takes balls to go for the minimalist approach with a black background. While there's nothing wrong with this image, it could be better. This one uses the in-game model for Serious Sam instead of a hand-drawn recreation, and he IS spouting a really big gun. But the US cover accomplished so much more.
Bonus image: The Potato version of the SSam1 box cover:
(Makes you think those monsters are his friends.)
Score so far:
Europe 8
US 5
Finally I'm gonna bring you another Freescape title, this time it's
Total Eclipse from 1988. The plot is that you, a prestigious archeologist in the 1930s, has discovered that an old Egyptian prophecy about the end of the world is about to come true with the next total eclipse of the
heart sun. There's a way to avoid the cataclysm, but it involves a ritual in a pyramid in Egypt. You arrive there with only 2 hours to spare before the eclipse...
So how did our favorite competitants succeed in getting this across? Let's start with the US:
Interesting. This clearly suggests that the player will be facing dangers and threats in an Egyptian setting. The eponymous eclipse is just a small detail in the background, but the biggest problem here is how misleading the image is. While there are dangers and critters in this game, the truth is that the focus is more on exploration, navigation and puzzle-solving. It reminds people of Indiana Jones, and makes you immediately wonder where he's left his whip.
Europeans, however, got this:
Here the title of the name literally steals the show. There's a pyramid, there's a total eclipse...and that's it. A very striking image (that's actually taken from the game, you get that same vantage point showing the eclipse if you lose the game) but it actually doesn't tell you anything about the game except for a couple of obvious themes. If I could take a neutral stance here, I wouldn't vote either one, but the fact that I've owned a copy of the European version (it's right next to me as I type this) for over 25 years makes me partial to the imagery, so Europe gets the vote here.
Final Score:
Europe 9
US 5
I could go on with a few more boxes (UFO: Enemy Unknown vs X-Com: UFO Defense; the original SimCity) but this has been too much work already. I hope you've enjoyed this and aren't too butthurt about it.