Update 05: Another dog
Once upon a time there was some kind of stone wall.
Then we crashed right through it.
Change my bedsheets but wasn't that very unnecessary? I mean, couldn't we have gone around it like the other
boats vessels? Not to mention that it's a complete waste of time?
Hey, ain't you the fella spent two years playing through Final Fantasy Seven?
...
So our heroes run out to the... very calm beach. What the hell? Wasn't there a bunch of explosions and people dying all around here like just a second ago? Did we get off on the wrong beach or something?
Well, let's give this shit a try then. And here's some direct3d for all you raffsets at home. Notice how we can see that everything looks like shit? Yeah, it does. I'm not going to do anything about that. Fuck smoothing.
I had to buy like three new computers and hook them all together to some sort of extraterrestrial robot lifeform to be able to run graphics this high-end. I have to lp this shit in my freezer. Have you ever seen a horse playing a playstation game on three computers with an alien, all stuffed in a freezer? It's actually more common than you might think.
There's Selphie. Ignore her and dash like a fart up the stairs with Seifer. Here comes our first victims: two regular galbadian joes. G-joes, if you will.
The first thing you'll probably notice is that Squall has a frozen icethunderboltfire or some shit attached to his bladegunswordrevolver. That is the result of me playing a whole bunch of fucking cards.
In this game you don't buy weapons, you upgrade them. What's fabulous about this is as long as you have the necessary components you don't actually need to know about the existence of the upgrade in order to make it. Hence why I collected a plankton of cards, turned said cards into components via GF abilities and upgraded Squall's gunblade into the Lionheart – the ultimatest gunblade in the game. Let's call it cheating without actually cheating.
Also: Squall is level 15. Fuck fucking the level scaling. Yes, it sucks but it's also been exaggerated to hell and fuck. I will only turn on the no encounter ability occasionally when I get tired of meeting monsters every five steps.
So anyway, we kill those two G-joes. That's 98 more if we want the best rank. And Squall just leveled up. Hell yeah, boy. You and me, we're gonna have a great time fighting level 100 bite bugs.
So Squad B makes their way through the beautiful city of Dollet. Stopping only occasionally to deal with G-joes jumping down at them from bridges...
or their courageous captain Seifer Su-- Almasy shouting like a retard.
If I didn't hate him so much I would be inclined to agree with Mr Dincht here.
Anyway, back to the crusade of wiping out the Galbadian army! Who in their right mind can fail to acknowledge the mighty corporal Hiding in der Fountain, Galbadia's so far only properly trained fountain camoflague expert?
Yes, he surely held Squad B up at least two seconds all by himself.
The same can be said about their special mechanics forces. They pretend to repair vehicles just like any other mechanics but when approached they go kamikaze on your shit!
*girlish scream*
Total enemies killed so far: 6 out of 100!
We are the greatest mercenaries in the world!
I think that's all of them.
Well then, we're on standby 'til the enemy comes. Standby... how boring...
Just how boring can it be? This is a battlefield, right? I'm sure something will happen. Right, Squall?
Oh well.
Dude, it's only been like a minute.
SUDDENLY!
The dog makes the sound a dog makes... then runs away... Something's up. Hide your asses, gentlemen.
Oh great, yes, behind the fountain is a great place to hide. Well, at least it's better than standing right out in the fucking open like Seifer.
Hey, there's a G-joe.
HEY G-JOE, GET YOUR EYES TESTED!
Another G-joe.
And another, and another, and another, and another, and holy shit what is going on?
It's the enemy.
Where the hell they going?
Any ideas, Seifer?
YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
What?! Oh hell no! Squall, say something, man! I don't wanna go up to that spooky tower!
I stand by the captain's decision.
...Captain's decision?
..uh?
Get your filthy hands off me, you brute!
It's a good opportunity to test out my training. Thanks to you, I feel like I can take on anyone. Even if they fight dirty, like you.
You'll thank me when the time comes.
What the hell... I thought you guys didn't get along? You're like, all buddy-buddy now.
Oh hey, while we're on this subject! You know, I honestly never got the impression that Squall and Seifer [bi]didn't get along[/b] per se... just that they were both well-trained gunblade specialists that tried their hardest to surpass each other at every turn, and over the course of the game that doesn't really change. As for the training fight earlier, remember that this is a school that maintains a small jurassic park, open 24 hours, totally unsupervised, with very lethal dinosaurs running around, as their default training room. That training fight was a fucking pussy fight and you all know it.
Alright, time to wrap this update up and throw it down... to date... or something, whassup Zell?
Listen. This ain't no ordinary battle. It's an exam, an important one. I'm tellin' ya, we have to stick to orders.
Then you stay here. I don't need any boy scouts.
What was that!!!?
Don't take him seriously, Zell.
Read as: shut the fuck up.
Seifer, if we're gonna go, let's hurry.
The enemy is headed for the facility. We, Squad B, are to secure the summit. Move out!
YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Alright, in the next update we're going to do all that cool shit I promised we'd do in the previous update. It's going to be great. Promise. Double promise.