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The Journal of John G. Blastowitz

St. Toxic

Arcane
Joined
Jun 9, 2006
Messages
9,098
Location
Yemen / India
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It was a day like any other. The air smelled like shit and I was pissing needles.

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My job was to report on the mythical existance of a criminal puppetmaster, going by the name of Kingpin.

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Rumour had it, Kingpin was up to his ankles in murder, theft, extortion and other bad shit. That's why they sent me.

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Instead I had been drinking and fornicating with loose women. Now all that firewater and unprotected sex came back to bite me in the ass.

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As I went to the nearby alley to relieve myself, two guys came crashing through a wall, looking all kinds of menacing.

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Jumping back, I armed myself with what was available to me. "I don't want any trouble", I said, flailing my pipe wildly to and fro. They seemed ready to believe me right there and then.

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"Hold your horses, Jimmy" they seemed to say, flashing their badges. Shit... Feds. Why did it have to be Feds?

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Johnson did the talking. I could tell straight away that he was the hardcase out of these two.

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The kind of cop who played by his own rules and wouldn't take no for an answer. A real maverick.

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From what I got out of the interrogation, somebody had stolen Brown's pants, and the agents were in full pursuit of the perpetrator.

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I smelled a scoop. The kind of scoop you only see in the funny papers in a mental asylum. I told them this was my exclusive. They said they couldn't stop me.

Who I am? Renowned war photographer and all around nice guy.

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I've seen my share of filth and decadence. Held a gun or two in my lifetime.

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But never before have I been this deep in the shit. The appearance of these two strangers, plunged me straight into... a Life of Crime.

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spekkio

Arcane
Joined
Sep 16, 2009
Messages
8,295
1280x960 is not enough to do this game a justice.
I would go with 6400x4800 instead.
 

St. Toxic

Arcane
Joined
Jun 9, 2006
Messages
9,098
Location
Yemen / India
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The problem with a crime like this, is that everyone's a suspect.

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Everyone's guilty until proven innocent. Their guilt washed away with blood. They would all pay.

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They knew it as well as I did. There was no fucking around with this thing.

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Besides that, Brown was getting unstable. A man can be without his pants for only so long.

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: I gotta have my pants, playa! It's chilly as shit out here, dawg!

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: ...

A thorough search of the alley yielded little more than a torn piece of paper. A clue left behind by the perp, or just litter, the kind you'd expect to find in the capitol of sin?

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Brown had a good hand with vagrants and other degenerates. It's like the colour of his skin created a special bond between him and these kind of people. Suffice to say that they instantly treated him as one of them.

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: What's happening, playa?

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: Get me something to drink and I'll tell you somethin'.

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: Shit, nigga'. Don't be makin' me take my dick out in public, dawg.

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: Goddamn, son. Alright, look, the combination to the safe is 36 26 36. Left right left. Just leave me alone, alright.

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: Safe? Like, whit money inside? Mothafucka'!

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: Drop it, Brown. We're on a case. Come give me a hand with this uncooperative witness here.

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: Yo man put that pipe down!

Sometimes you've got to break a few faces to make an omelet.

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I watched in wonder as the FBI training took over. The two agents made it look like an intricate dance.

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It took a while, but eventually she pointed a pathetic, broken finger down a dark alley and said one word, before passing into unconciousness.

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: Pants.

Sure didn't look the part.

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At the end of the alley there was a warehouse. Doors rusted shut. Walls tagged by hood scum. Two armed fucks keeping an eye on the place. This could well be it.

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: What the fuck are you doin' back here?

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: Johnson, FBI. I'm looking for a middle-aged guy with a pair of stolen pants. Have you seen him?

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: Man, get the fuck out my face motherfucker!

Sometimes you have to accept that the opposition has you beat, for the time being. It's easier to swallow pride than buckshot.

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We made camp in the alley, waiting for nightfall, and a chance to get past the armed guards. Surviving on what we could find, biding our time.

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But the trail of blood led anybody willing to follow it straight into our midst.

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Resting uneasily, we knew that at any point the hunters... could become the hunted.

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poocolator

Erudite
Joined
Jun 25, 2008
Messages
7,948
Location
The Order of Discalced Codexian Convulsionists
We had ourselves a Kingpin COOP game, Toxic, Satori and I; and it was Good, like the Lord's Good, but Better.

This is the story of our adventures.

Be prepared to have your mind blown (by cheap hookers and drunks-astray looking for a quick buck).
 
Joined
Jan 28, 2010
Messages
918
Location
:(
I could never get through even the beginning of this game. I mean, you die in like 5 hits, while the enemies take about 20-30 shots to get killed.

And I'm not a shitty FPS player. I can get through Quake on hard (nightmare's a bit unfair) without quick saving no problem.

Maybe the game gets better when you find more powerful weapons, but I was never that interested in it anyway, since it seemed like a piss poor attempt at being edgy. The F-word is being used almost non-stop in Kingpin.
 

St. Toxic

Arcane
Joined
Jun 9, 2006
Messages
9,098
Location
Yemen / India
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At the first sign of light, the way had been cleared. The watchmen were gathered around an early morning radio show, with full attention on the summary of last night's baseball game; oblivious to everything else.

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With the glee of hyperactive children, the two FBI agents scrutinized the contents of the warehouse. Despite their best efforts, pants continued to elude them.

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Eventually Johnson was alerted by sounds from deeper within the complex. His whole appearance changed in the blink of an eye, from cold, calculative badge to soldier ready for combat or, perhaps an even more appropriate description, primal hunter engaged in seeking out a dangerous prey.

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johnson.jpg
: Shut your traps. We got company.

Brown, in contrast, seemed unfazed. Remaining his cheery self, he proposed we create a diversion to lure whatever hostile forces there were and ambush them when ample opportunity was created. So we started shouting and breaking windows.

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Ten minutes later it was evident that we had achieved nothing more than possibly alerting the enemy. The only option left was a direct blitz attack on their assumed location. We all rushed into the office armed with metal pipes, crowbars, broken glass bottles and whatever else we could find along the way, with Johnson taking the lead. The fat, unarmed fuck hiding in the office barely had the time to blink before we were on top of him, beating him senseless.

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He tried reaching for the phone; a one last pathetic glimmer of hope in his eye. Luckily I had anticipated this move.

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:Shit... What was that fucking combination?

A pot of gold was just a sheet of metal away.

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A violent make-over later, the safe was open revealing its riches like a clam showing off its pearly centrepiece, and just like a clam the warehouse tightened its grip around us. An audible alarm was going off, and we could hear the inaudible footsteps of armed peons within our own heads. We beat it as fast as our feet would allow us, fervently looking for a way out.

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johnson.jpg
: Goons. Lots of them. We're not getting through this way.

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We backtracked, eventually finding a safer, though less comfortable way of escape. Once again I was reminded of my second tour in Vietnam, tunnel-running with Charlie on my ass. All that was missing was the overhead mortar fire and a bullet lodged firmly in my skull.

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End of the line. Pulse was rising.

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: Catch your breath. We go on three. Stay tight.

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: Do you mean on three, or One - Two - Three then go?

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:Man, I'm getting too old for this shit.

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As I was jumping down, I could already hear the sound of gunfire and shouting.

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: Get to cover!

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: Die you rat fuck!!

I hugged the wall on my way down.

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The first few seconds my mind was chaos. I stuck my head out of cover. There was a trail of blood leading one way.

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And a trail of feds heading another way. That was the last I saw of them that day.

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I followed them up the vents, trying to keep up, picking up speed. I rolled out like a big, sweaty meatball on the other end. Alone and in the open, adrenaline punching me in the chest like a sledgehammer.

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Grabbing a corner, I took the full blow of the grim realization: I was a POW... in hell.

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ghostdog

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Dec 31, 2007
Messages
11,086
Hell yeah, I used to play this game on lan with a bunch of friends. Good fun.
 

St. Toxic

Arcane
Joined
Jun 9, 2006
Messages
9,098
Location
Yemen / India
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The cold silence of isolation gripped me with all of its might. I was alone, left behind by the men I thought were my comrades. As if superimposed over my eyes, images of my 67' tour in Vietnam were swimming around against the pale concrete.

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I grabbed my ears, in futile attempt to drown out the screams of my personal demons. Amidst all the turmoil I could distinguish the sound of footsteps, running, coming closer.

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: He's over here.

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: Man, I ain't goin' near that shit. That cracka's trippin'!

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I... must've hit my head on the way down.

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The next few minutes after that were like a blur. Johnson took the lead, guns blazing.

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Brown wasn't far after him, wildly swinging his '32 and screaming.

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: WHITE DEVILS GONNA DIE!

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: Die motherfucker!

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The two thugs were trying to stop our escape. Running up, Johnson took the 12-gauge in the chest without even farting, and emptied his gun into the thug's gut. Looking back toward Brown's general direction, I could sense there was something wrong. It didn't take long to find out how wrong.

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The sight of blood was enough to make Brown go ballistic. He lunged at the remaining meat-head, smothering him with his body-fat and foul odor while swinging his piece around like a medieval mace, all in an appalling display of negroid violence.

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: What the fuck do you fuckers want, huh?

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: Gimme my pants, bitch!

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: :cough: You assholes are shit out of luck. The shipment should be halfway to Poisonville by now.

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: Fuck playa', makin' me freeze my dick off 'cross the state line. Still, beats where you're going, motherfucker. :stomp:

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: :squish:

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: :chirp:

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: Now, how about we get the fuck out of here?

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The agents were suspending their investigation until we reached Poisonville. Luckily Johnson knew a fence, operating out of Skid Row. Maybe we could score some train tickets.

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: It's Johnson, FBI. Open the fuck up.

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: Aw, shit. Is that black maniac with you?

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: Hey! Hey, motherfucker, I heard that shit!

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: Train tickets, bitch!

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: Man, ain't no trains runnin' the Skid Row route no more. These days you're lucky if you can find a working toilet.

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: Well, unless you want me to take a giant shit on you and flush, you better tell me the quickest way to Poisonville.

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: Wh.. What the fuck do you want to go there for? Shit, I guess you could take a short-cut through the sewers and hitch a ride from the Super, maybe take a train from there. But, the sewer is the Rats' turf, and you'll be crossing plenty of angry motherfuckers from there on.

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: :glare:

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: ...

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The local booty could smell the danger on us, as we pressed towards the back alley where the notorious sewer gang, the Rats, had their hide-out.

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As we approached, a badly bloodied figure emerged out of the shadows, dragging the carcass of another unlucky soul behind him.

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: Hey, shitheads. Where d'ya think you're going?

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: Police business.

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: Get the fuck out of the way, cracka'!

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: Wait! You're gonna get yourselves killed!

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: I ain't gonna die til' I get my pants on!

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With the first blitzkrieg-like assault, Johnson easily managed to disperse the gang. The Rats were soon scurrying all into different directions, hiding behind dumpsters or climbing over walls to get out of there.

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: Get back here you little shits!

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Brown helped in rounding them up.

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On the sewer approach, we could hear another crackhead breathing heavily in the next room. As we opened the door, he ran out, shooting wildly in panic and screaming at the top of his lungs.

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His cry was answered by that of the three loaded shotguns that were waiting for him on the other side.

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We halted at the entrance to the sewers, the way you would at the edge of a cliff, catching our breath. The fall was imminent, but Johnson did his best to ensure a soft landing.

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: Alright you shits, let's take this one nice and easy. I don't want to see any heroics in there and...

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: Fuck this shit! I'm gonna be shitting ice-cubes any minute. I don't have all day.

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My own pants did little to comfort me, as we plunged deeper, into the abyss that is...

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