One of the worst reviews ever! Witcher sucks.

[MountainWest]

Yes, according to Game Daily it does. Why? Well:

Gameplay only marginally surpasses that of a hack'n-slash role-playing game. Players must click on hostile enemies to draw their swords and then continuously hold the cursor over the target throughout the fight, clicking at certain intervals.

You don't have to hold the cursor continuously over the target, you fucking liar. And you don't have to click on the monsters: you can click on the sword icon, idiot.

When done correctly, each click starts a new link in the combo chain. With an easy or medium difficulty setting, the cursor turns into a flaming sword whenever it comes time to click.

It does at hard setting as well. To lazy to find out, eh?

The more stages the player unlocks, the more impressive Geralt's moves become, ultimately leading up to a finishing maneuver. Unfortunately, all this clicking quickly becomes tiresome, especially when confronted with multiple enemies

That's funny since the group attack skill seem a tad over powered compared with the others and quickly dispatches a group of enemies. But you didn't play the game long enough to find that out, now did you? Say past chapter one?

or ones that move out of sword range before the lumbering Geralt can swing at them.

Oh noez, teh enemy uses defense, what to do?! And lumbering? Come on man, you didn't find the word you were looking for and used the negative 'lumbering', right? Moron. Admit it, you wanted to review Halo 3 but got stuck with The Witcher.

Atari broke down the sword fighting styles into three categories:

Atari? How fucking dumb are you cocksucker?

Strong attacks for heavily armored enemies, fast attacks for more agile foes and a group attack that does light to moderate damage to multiple targets. Players switch between the three modes throughout a fight, and unless they read through the monster encyclopedia, they'll have to guess which style fits what foe.

You even said it yourself moron: why guess when you can read the monster encyklopedia? What's wrong with you?

Drinking potions, using items and casting spells help to further enhance combat. Dodging and parrying happen automatically, determined by the character's skills, but double-clicking around will activate Geralt's acrobatic side as he jump flips over enemies. However, we couldn't help feeling that a plain old jump button would have sufficed.

Ah, the good ol' jump button that's always been the centerpiece in isometric/over the shoulder RPGs.

Generally speaking, the enemies and monsters Geralt confronts aren't that difficult. After adding a couple move enhancements, players will dispose of them with just a few sword swings.

I would've agreed with you if you had played past the first chapter and on hard difficulty. It does become a bit to easy halfway through chapter two. But you didn't try hard difficulty and you didn't play past chapter one so I'll call you a dumbfuck instead. You're more likely to die in chapter one than in any other RPG released the last couple of years save Gothic 3.

However, the game often sets Geralt up to lose.

LIAR! It happens twice in chapter one and once in chapter two and only in one case are you truly fucked. And that case is:

One quest has him getting drunk, and before the player knows what happens, he gets shoved out (without his sword drawn) in front of two large creatures spitting damage at him. Drunkenness blurs the screen, slows Geralt's movement and decreases his damage. As a result, he ends up losing half his health before players fully understand what happened.

True, you're set up. But if you'd bothered to listen to the dialogue following the battle you'd given an explanation. Preceeding the fight Geralt - you! - get piss drunk on booze, black out and even though the quest giver is trying to stop you, you "decide" - piss drunk as you are - to show those fucking monsters who's the boss. It's funny for fucks sake. And it happens once. The other TWO instances are hard at worst.

Similarly, when he hunts down a band of thugs, he gets pushed into a tiny area with no room to maneuver, where a gang instantly descends upon him.

Oh noez again. I entered a small house I knew to be the thugs hideout and they attacked me! And exactly how did you get pushed? Fucking moron.

Geralt seems like a guy just looking for something to do. He spends an inordinate amount of time wandering around, looking for random encounters.

Funny, I have at no point "wandered around, looking for random encounters". There are "random encounters" a lot of them - but they happen as you're on your way to another quest. Much like in every other RPG ever made.

Gamers can pick up special hunting quests called Contracts, but he can't complete them until he brushes up on his monster lore and learns all about the creature before confronting it and collecting trophies. That assumes the quest doesn't get broken, the way it did when we furthered one of the primary quests before collecting the reward for one of our side ones. It resulted in everyone at the local inn evacuating, including the person who was supposed to give us a bounty.

What? The person you meet in chapter two? Not that you'd know that since you didn't play past chapter one, but looool if that's the case.

The Witcher also has a day and night cycle, with the worst monsters coming out in the evening. Although there's nothing wrong with this, areas to rest and further the clock are spread out, and nothing is quite as annoying as waiting for some NPC to wake up

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? You do know you can wake sleeping NPCs, right? You're not so utterly retarded you didn't notice that? I don't even think you played through chapter one. You watched someone else play, right? You watched an eight year old boy play for a couple of minutes and then wrote this piece of shit, right?

, or for the sun to set so that some monsters can finally rise out of the water, but all of these issues build up to a larger one. It's hard to care about the story or any of the characters. Even though the game graphics generate some pretty good looking characters, they all lack facial expressions, and most don't even use hand gestures.

Oh my god! No hand gestures?! I retract everything bad I've said.

With that said, characters rattle off lines while staring blankly into space, like statues with moving mouths. This game even has the silly role-playing convention where players can walk into any house and poke through the cupboards, cabinets and chests to take anything they please without repercussions.

It makes me feel dirty agreeing with you, but on the stealing bit I do. Yuck.

Then toss in the side story about non-human races like Dwarves and Elves forming guerilla squads against humans, and the narrative becomes almost impossible to take seriously, especially since the humans nicknamed these groups "squirrels."

Yeah, 'cause elves should be Legolas and dwarfs should be Gimli like in real life. Everyone knows that.

With the annoying combat, uninteresting characters and messy dialogue, it's probably a good thing that The Witcher lost his memory.

Congrats! You've written one of the worst pieces of shit I've ever layed my eyes on, you lying hack.

 

[slipgate_angel]

Although I haven't played the game, that does seem rediculous. Is that reviewer the reason why our PC games our being dumbed down?

More debunkers please.

 

[MountainWest]

He's got a flawless 100% "no" on "Do you recommend this review" . He must be proud of himself .

 

[cardtrick]

Dear God . . . the Witcher is really getting shafted in reviews for absolutely no good reason. I almost prefer this review, which is at least obviously retarded, to many of the others, which have similar failings but are better disguised.

 

[spacemoose]

fucking hell. I'm starting to think that reviews really are bought and paid for.

 

[Kingston]

That has got to be one of the shittiest reviews I've ever seen. I mean holy fuck, what a fucking retard. I can't even think properly.

 

[pkt-zer0]

Steven Wong? More like Steven WANG, m i rite? *sigh*

Why'd he give the game a 6/10 if the characters/dialogue/combat sucked, though? Oh wait... graphics. I get it now.

 

[Lingwe]

He obviously wasn't offered enough to write a good review. Serves the makers of the Witcher right for not playing the reviewing game properly.

 

[JrK]

Haha, look at that string of bashing the article comments. Never seen a review being hated this much.

 

[Fresh]

Haha. Hilarious review of the review!

Recommend-article rating = 100 % NO... Brilliant:

 

[Deleted member 7219]

I just don't understand how many bullshit reviews there are about this game. Its pushed down its ranking over at Metacritic to about 83, when this game is well deserving of at least a 90.

 

[Palikka]

"Not even witches could help Atari make a fun video game."

Truly a great review :D

 

[Elhoim]

OMG, what an idiot...

 

[Yannos]

I can't believe this review ... It's been long since I've been so captivated by an RPG and almost every point he brings up is a plain lie. This guy obviously played this game until he couldn't get past the beast or something, just has to be. I hope people don't get influenced in purchasing this game by cuntrags like this one!

 

[MetalCraze]

This is one of the most retarded reviews and reviewers I've ever seen.
Goddamnit, now I actually WANT to play the Twitcher very much.

VD, make this a newspost!

 

[Nutcracker]

Oriental fuck wouldnt know a ood game from a detadchced sharks fin of which he fukced the orifice

 

[Hümmelgümpf]

Thanks for giving us a good laugh, MountainWest.

 

[pug987]

At least Witcher seems to be very well received by the players. Player reviews in many gaming sites give the game 9-10/10.

 

[MetalCraze]

Player reviews in many gaming sites give the game 9-10/10.

let's hope that's not only because of tits.

 

[JarlFrank]

or for the sun to set so that some monsters can finally rise out of the water, but all of these issues build up to a larger one. It's hard to care about the story or any of the characters. Even though the game graphics generate some pretty good looking characters, they all lack facial expressions, and most don't even use hand gestures.

WTF? Oblivion had even less facial expressions and hand gestures. None at all, in fact. And it still got a high rating. Again, WTF?

But meh, that review is so obviously dumb that nobody could take it serious. He doesn't even know who programmed the game and says it's Atari, maybe because their logo is on the box and he thinks CD project are the guys who manufactured the DVD on which the game shipped

 

[DraQ]

WTF? Oblivion had even less facial expressions and hand gestures. None at all, in fact. And it still got a high rating. Again, WTF?

Lies! Lies and misinformation! There were facial expressions in Oblivion, whole two of them - pissed off expression and retarded bliss expression.

 

[Jasede]

On a tangent, the only reason I am not trying out Oblivion for the heck of it is because they made my dear furries able to wear shoes. Digitigrade used to be cool.

Nevermind, on with hating the review.

 

[DraQ]

On a tangent, the only reason I am not trying out Oblivion for the heck of it is because they made my dear furries able to wear shoes. Digitigrade used to be cool.

Yeah. Furries are the only ones with non-retarded facial animations, though, but it doesn't make the game suck any less.

Nevermind, on with hating the review.

As you wish.
...they might be halfbrothers of their daddies, now that I think about it, but it's less common situation.

 

[JarlFrank]

On a tangent, the only reason I am not trying out Oblivion for the heck of it is because they made my dear furries able to wear shoes. Digitigrade used to be cool.

Their feet even look like normal human ones.

 

[DraQ]

Their feet even look like normal human ones.

And they have normal fucking nails.