POOPERSCOOPER
Prophet
About 10 years ago I attempted an interview with Chris Avellone for Duckandcover.cx where I made questions I thought were pretty direct and not much bullshit like a typical gamer website interview. The PR department at Obsidian apparently didn’t like his return responses because they were maybe a bit too spicy in response to my spicy questions. Eventually it dragged on and a lot of back and forth until he said he couldn’t do the interview in which I called him a faggot. I kind of felt bad about it and apologized to Chris about 5 years after that but I always wanted to do a real interview with him because I think he is one of the best RPG designers who has real insight in the ability to make things interesting. During the #metoo accusations I thought about doing another interview but I figured he wanted to stay out of the limelight but when it became apparent that it was a false accusation I reached out. He wasn’t too into it but since he knew me and I wasn’t really attached to any website anymore he agreed but it was to be kind of “unofficial”. He didn’t really want to do it through email but he was coming to Los Angeles in the near future so we arranged a meet up. This is how it went:
Chris had a flight coming in around 12pm but he had to drop off his luggage where he was staying and agreed to meet up late afternoon. We met at a coffee shop and it was pretty cool, Chris is a really nice guy and actually cares deeply about his fans. He is the same Chris we have all seen pics of or have seen on videos interviews and he treated me with the same level of respect as other “reporters”. We talked for a while about old RPGs like Fallout 1 and how it changed the game and what I thought was the magic of Planescape in which he took extremely well. Now Chris has a very feminine persona about him and I always assumed he was gay until the #metoo situation but in my experience lots of true RPG players are pretty out there (myself included) so sometimes he can be a bit hard to read. Anyways I never got around to asking my interview questions before the coffee shop said they were closing up and Chris suggested we go the nearest bar to grab drinks and talk more.
It was a warm evening in downtown Los Angeles and if you know anything about the town the women are about 3-4 points more beautiful than any other city in the world. You won’t last long in the town if you don’t have huge tits and a nice ass, I noticed this very clearly on our way to the bar. The most beautiful woman I have ever seen walked by us and I couldn’t help but gawk like there was nothing else that mattered in the world. Perfect face and long brunette hair in a tight fitted dress, the simple pleasure of life of the man with a watchful eye. I had to remember why I was here and then I refocused my attention on Chris who was watching me the whole time and gave me a sly smirk like he knew what I was doing. When we got to the bar Chris suggested cocktails which is my go to choice anyways. He mentioned how there was so many hot babes in the bar which I agreed but who really says “hot babes” anymore? Anyways I move onto my questions for him like what he really thought about Fallout 3 and Divinity Original Sin 2 and he told me exactly what I wanted to hear. He thought Fallout 3 was a trash RPG and shouldn’t have even been called Fallout. In regards to Larian he thought they didn’t know how to write for games and were primarily just a goofy bunch of dorks that liked having interactive environments but not really any substance to the art of story and role playing. This was like gold to my ears, I got to hear Chris actually say his opinions without having to do the PR bullshit like most developers do which doesn’t really tell anyone what they really think just what is kosher for business. We went into the topic of Obsidian and his hatred for Feargus Urquhart in which he got visibly angry and animated so I tried changing the subject. He has a bit less hatred for Josh Sawyer so we talked a bit about him and how they had a feud ever since Josh became project lead on Fallout New Vegas instead of him. I always wanted Chris to make “the next real Fallout” and I told him this which made him smile. We were having a good time and seemed like we connected on a lot of topics and views.
Few drinks later I asked him about how he would approach a Planescape 2 if he was given the option or whether he even had plans for it. He did and they were actually detailed but by this time I was very drunk as the drinks at this bar were extremely strong. I had to tell him to hold that thought while I went to the bathroom but the whole room was kind of moving around and twisting which doesn’t usually happen to me but maybe I had too many drinks? Felt almost like I had something else but I couldn’t recognize it. I went to the urinal and starting to unzip my pants to pee but I felt something big and blunt being pushed into the small of my back like a big flashlight and as turned a bit and grabbed it I realized it was no flashlight but a throbbing dick. As I did my partial turn I see Chris looking me square in the eye and grinning and at that moment I felt like Karissa who was trapped and couldn’t do anything under the influence of MCA. I thought MCA was one of the best RPG’s developers in the world and in doing so I accepted it and pulled my pants all the way down and put my hands on the wall and whispered to Chris to show me how he changes the nature of a man.
