MRY
Wormwood Studios
anduin The line is: "We walk among numenera - detritus of fallen worlds and antediluvian wars. Not everything in the Reef knows that its wars ended long ago." My own impulse would have been to use "forgotten" instead of "antedilvuian" to have an echo F/W structure for the two sources of detritus. Then I would probably use "forgotten" as the pivot point for the Reef. Something like: "We walk among numenera - detritus of fallen worlds and forgotten wars. Forgotten by us, anyway - for some of these things, the battle goes on." I probably would also not use "detritus" because (at least to me?) it means something more disintegrated than fallen apart. I might just have said "the last remains" or "relics" or something like that.
Might've actually changed the line around a bit, too, because it's in response to the question "What dangers are there in the reef?" and the way the answer begins isn't entirely responsive, and she already called you a child in the prior line. I dunno. Maybe just check the Lovecraft line and say, "The oldest and strongest danger of all: the unknown." Maybe add something after that like: "The oldest and strongest danger of all: the unknown. The Reef is full of weapons and tools we cannot possibly understand, and every time we wield them we gamble with our lives." Or even use "roll the dice" in some way to explicitly hint at the d20 system.
Incidentally, basically this is why the rest of the writers were able to produce entire worlds while I agonized over the ways in which a clerk would patronize you.
Might've actually changed the line around a bit, too, because it's in response to the question "What dangers are there in the reef?" and the way the answer begins isn't entirely responsive, and she already called you a child in the prior line. I dunno. Maybe just check the Lovecraft line and say, "The oldest and strongest danger of all: the unknown." Maybe add something after that like: "The oldest and strongest danger of all: the unknown. The Reef is full of weapons and tools we cannot possibly understand, and every time we wield them we gamble with our lives." Or even use "roll the dice" in some way to explicitly hint at the d20 system.
Incidentally, basically this is why the rest of the writers were able to produce entire worlds while I agonized over the ways in which a clerk would patronize you.