Let's watch Shepard's ass save the galaxy!

[Brother None]

Goddammit dudes have a point.

I retroactively change my poll vote to Carth.

 

[Elhoim]

You could have made her hotter...

 

[RK47]

A dark figure stood in an isolated room. He appears restless. His right hand moved towards his waist, searching for the handgun that is mysteriously absent and he realizes he is not alone.

: You have ten seconds to tell me what is going on here.

: Or what? You'll collar grab me? Shoot me? Kill off another alien species? Make the necessary sacrifices to save the galaxy?

: You know what I can do, now start talking! *collar grabs*

His hand merely passed through the figure.

: Extreme One, I am the Codex. I've watched you. Studied your nature and despaired at your extremities as well as your lack of consequences from your choices...

: What do you mean? Humanity took a step forward from my decisions. I've made hard choices like the Rachni and don't forget the Council's fate...

: SILENCE! And watch...

The Extreme Incarnation turned around to see a familiar scene...

: Eden Prime ? What of it? I was there. I found the beacon. I did whatever I could...

He stopped as the scene changes to another familiar encounter with a major difference. He wasn't there.

Cole : We're not hurting anybody! Hell, most of the time, I don't even know what's in the packages. I just thought there might be something we could use.

: He's lying, he's a smuggler's aid. A little threatening and he gave me a bit more than a pistol.

Cole : Yeah, there's one more thing. I was going to sell it after this was over. But you probably deserve it more than I do.

: Sounds as if she's begging them for more freebies. Pathetic. I doubt she could get the smugger contact's name out of him. Too soft.

Ashley : Who's your contact at the spaceport, Cole? What's his name?

Shepard : He might have something to do with this whole attack, Cole. We need his name. It's important.

Cole : Yeah, okay. You're right. His name's Powell. Works the docks at the spaceport. If he's still alive.

: HEY CODEX, ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING?

: ...

: Are you trying to tell me that no matter how I handled it, it'll turn out the same?

: *smiles* You are learning.

: Bullshit. Roffles. Game over, man!

: Not all choices lead to the same end, yet one cannot help but feel some choices you've made...whether you rely on threats of violence or calming influence, would lead to exactly the same thing. As I've shown you just now. And about to do so again.

Powell : My supervisor's dead. The entire crew's dead. It doesn't matter now, does it.

Shepard : Anything hidden nearby that we could use against the geth?

Powell : A shipment of grenades came through last week. Nobody notices if a small pieces go missing from the military orders.

Ashley : You greedy son of a bitch! We're out here trying to protect your sorry ass and all you can think about is how you can rip us off?!

Powell : I never thought you'd actually need those grenades! Who'd want to attack Eden Prime? We're just a bunch of farmers! How was I supposed to know?

Shepard : Forget about him, Williams. He's not worth it.

Ashley : You're luck the Commander's here, Powell. Hand over those grenades.

: OK, so is she going to give him a blow job or something? Cause I showed him the barrel of my shotgun and he cooperated.

: No way in hell that'll work...There's just no way it'll lead to the same...

: God-fucking-dammit. This is..impossible! It's a trick! It's like I was given fake choices.

Powell : Take it. I don't need it. I didn't want anyone to get hurt. Really. I'm sorry.

Familiar scenes flashed on screen. Saren commanding the geth to set up the bomb, him activating the beacon. And Shepard's timely arrival to defuse the bombs.

Meanwhile, the Extreme Incarnation is having a hard time dealing with this revelation. History is repeating itself, no matter what path this Shepard takes, it's the same path he had walked. Does that mean Wrex would betray her as well? Will she be forced to sacrifice either Kaidan or Ashley in Virmire, too? He balled his hands into a fist and aimed at whatever he could strike at. And pummel the floor he did.

: Motherfucking extreme choices *wham* ...lead to the same..motherfucking end? *wham*

Satisfied, he looked up at his female counterpart standing before the beacon much like himself that day. He knew what would happen. Ashley would fuck up. And he,... she would have to save the day.

: Wait...something's...different.

: Whoa. Codex, we need to talk...

 

[PlanHex]

I smell good times a-comin'

 

[fastpunk]

Heh, just finished replaying ME last weekend. I tried to play a male, but dammit I just couldn't. I mean Shepard's lines are pretty cringe-worthy sometimes and the male voice actor makes 'em somehow worse. So after Eden Prime I restarted as a female, all biotic. Was pretty fun, and I gotta give it to Jenn Hale, her voice work was very good.

...even though I'm certain Kaidan's ass won't be as nice as Liara's. These are the sacrifices we make.

Having just played the game, I can tell you that if you play a female Shepard and romance Kaiden the sex scene shows Shepard's ass and side boob. So it's all good really.

 

[Monocause]

Does that mean Wrex would betray her as well? Will she be forced to sacrifice either Kaidan or Ashley in Virmire, too?

Spoiler

You can avoid Wrex's betrayal. You cannot avoid sacrificing K or A.

 

[WhiskeyWolf]

She's buttugly.

 

[Annie Mitsoda]

She's buttugly.

While in character generators I often take a perverse pleasure in making really uniquely fugly critters (oh, you should have SEEN my Saint's Row 2 character, jesus GOD), the real challenge in ME is making one that doesn't look like this guy. Not an easy thing to accomplish.

 

[LeStryfe79]

Most romances in real life are both terrible and uninteresting. RPGs work as shortened, compact experiences. Its tough to accomplish everything without seeming overly cheesy. Also, if I was in the business of making games, the first thing I would drop from a game like mass effect is female romance. I'm not sexist, but if women want better romances, they need to make up a higher percentage of RPG players. That way, companies can justify spending the resources on catering to them more.

 

[Rorschach]

So I just got done beating the game on INSANE MODE (yeah, I played it three times) and I must say that all the higher difficulties do is show just how ass the combat system is.

I can't count the number of times an enemy just said fuck it, ran up to my party and melee-ed us to death. There is litterally nothing you can fucking do about it. If you can't Lift, throw, and singularity all of them then you're boned. And there isn't any tactics involed anywhere in the whole fucking game. Just get some armor with two slots and stick a health regenrator in each and be prepared to wait for half of the fucking game as you sit behind a rock sucking your thumb because you had the audacity to try and shoot someone.

That and so many random things are insta-kill. I had to save 113 times because half the time when I turned a corner or walked in a room a rocket or sniper would one shot me. And the geth creeper-stalker-ghost-whatever the fucks became nearly impossible as ten of the fuckers would jump around and one shot everyone in my party.

So either the game is way to easy or gets dialed up to 11 for no fucking reason.

 

[DefJam101]

HAVE SEX WITH WREX

DO IT

 

[DefJam101]

Was pretty fun, and I gotta give it to Jenn Hale, her voice work was very good.

Also, this. The female Shepard voice work was very well done despite the sometimes idiotic script.

 

[NamelessNPC]

Fuck Wrex, HAVE SEX WITH DOGS BOWSER!


... A WOMAN?!

 

[GMonkey]

She's buttugly.

While in character generators I often take a perverse pleasure in making really uniquely fugly critters (oh, you should have SEEN my Saint's Row 2 character, jesus GOD), the real challenge in ME is making one that doesn't look like this guy. Not an easy thing to accomplish.

For obvious reasons, I tried to make a main character that looked like this guy. I failed horribly.

 

[Brother None]

Honest opinion, RK47? AWESOME.

: Extreme One, I am the Codex.

Yes. Yes you are.

PS: Annie, SR2 is made for horrifying characters, tho'. The first character I made was a mini-makeup wearing black man with a British accent, and by the time I was done with all he was wearing was a bowler hat and a Borat-style mankini. It's just what the game is for.

 

[Annie Mitsoda]

Most romances in real life are both terrible and uninteresting. RPGs work as shortened, compact experiences. Its tough to accomplish everything without seeming overly cheesy. Also, if I was in the business of making games, the first thing I would drop from a game like mass effect is female romance. I'm not sexist, but if women want better romances, they need to make up a higher percentage of RPG players. That way, companies can justify spending the resources on catering to them more.

And what percentage ARE they? MMOs like WoW (hate it as you will) place female/male players as 60/40, actually. And how high a percentage does it need to be to make something that isn't crap? And isn't "well there needs to be more of them before we make it not cater to dudes" somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophecy? This isn't "catering to," but just having a game bother to make it not completely dogballs. Not preferential treatment, just equal.

Also, even that aside, we're talking about PLAYING a female character, not being a woman who is playing a female character, even. I'm just asking for non-cringing romance stuff. And even in this context, I'm asking out of curiosity to see if they take a more "macho" or "sensitive" kind of tactic with writing a romance for a female character. Something makes me think it'll be more "sensitive," not just because that's typically how they've written male romances in the past BUT because they want to play to the concept of Shepard - no matter what the gender - as being a tough no-nonsense badass (Paragon OR Renegade).

RE: Most romances being boring - well, real LIFE is boring. I just want to see a romance written in a way that doesn't act like character development and the real world are not simply Things That Happen To Other People.

Also you are possibly the first person ever whom I have heard describe RPGs as "shortened, compact experiences." I get your point, but the phrasing just made me chuckle wryly.

NERDY EDIT: sure, this is tabletop, and circa 2000, but even with that in mind, a Wizards of the Coast study put the amount of females gaming at 21%. Unfortunately, there's not been a lot of research on the gender divide of players for individual RPGs that aren't MMOs or tabletop titles, but I would presume it's less stark a division than you might imagine. Also, figure this: what percentage of gamers do you think like old-school, turn-based RPGs? How large or small would THAT number have to be for you to dismiss it as not worth paying attention to?

 

[Kaiserin]

Kaiden definitely leans toward sensitive with a dark side, it's pretty cheesy. You get to pull rank on him in bed though, I thought that was funny.

 

[RK47]

She's buttugly.

Hard to generate a decent looking chick, I don't know where to start there's no breast or waistline sliders. Sometimes she looks great at certain angle, then when they start zooming in and do the facial expressions she looks damn ugly.

Also : Kaidan's winning? Oh gawd.

 

[RK47]

The Extreme Incarnation turned around to address the Codex once more, but his attention was immediately drawn to the new arrival.

: Oh, fuck. Not you!

: What? Where am I?

Shepard scanned her surroundings for a moment. Her reaction is calm. Devoid of anger. Satisfied after seeing identical metallic walls surrounding the room, with lights that give unnatural bloom, she finally addressed the dark skinned man in front of her.

: I'm Commander Shepard from Alliance Navy. Who are you?

: Shit. Look, this may sound strange. My name's Shepard, too.

: Are you with the Navy as well?

: This is pointless, listen! We're the sa-

His voice was suddenly cut off. Surprised, he reached out with his hands and found himself trapped in some sort of barrier. His lips began to form the words starting with F and the likes.

: That was close. I cannot allow him to do that.

: What did you do to him? And who are you?

: I am merely an observer, Shepard. It seems the beacon...brought your mind here.

: The beacon...Yes, it detonated right after I shoved Kaidan out of harm's way! Am I ... dead?

: *smiles* Not yet. Perhaps in the sequel.

: What? Unh! My head...

: Looks like it's time for you to return, Shepard.

Shepard vanished into thin air. And the Codex waved his right hand, bringing down the sound barrier around the Extreme Incarnation.

: Why did you do that?! I could've saved her the trouble! Tell her everything she needed to know...

: This is HER world, Extreme One. It is not yours to meddle with. Your role is merely to watch and learn.

: Are you trying to change how I do things?

: Answer me this, what can change the nature of man?

: Bullshit.

: Sigh.

With no more words to exchange, both men turned their attention to the screen once more.

Shepard : Minor throbbing. Nothing serious. How long was I out?

Chakwas : About fifteen hours. Something happened down there with the beacon, I think.

: I don't get it.

: What do you not understand?

: Why do they say the same thing? I mean, Ashley fucked up in my universe. But in hers, Kaidan did. But they both ended up getting saved by 'Shepard' and said the same thing. Why is it like this? Why isn't there a universe where whoever fucked up here dies because 'Shepard' didn't risk his or her butt to save theirs?

: Bioware.

: Bio-what?

: *smiles*

: Asshole.

 

[Kthan75]

Man, you've taken LPs to a new level.

Congratulations on a great job, please continue.

 

[Kthan75]

Also: Carth.

 

[Jaesun]

I wanna see me some Anomen/Carth/Kaiden ass!

This LP is pure awesome. MOAR.

 

[MetalCraze]

Reading this LP is much more entertaining than playing Bioware games. And the writing is much better than biowarian shit. More.

 

[Jaesun]

Reading this LP is much more entertaining than playing Bioware games. And the writing is much better than biowarian shit. More.

Quite true. This LP thread is more entertaining that actually Playing Mass Effect.

I was entertaining the thought of playing ME again (I've only played it once), but now I don't have to!

 

[ghostdog]

The codex character is brilliant. Moar!