Part 17: In which we finish this awful fucking game and never have to play it again
Time to take down the Guardian's third and final generator and assault the Black Gate!
The Dungeon of Serpents unsurprisingly has snakes in it.
Though really, so does every other dungeon in this damn game.
So far the dungeon is just a simple maze of locked doors. It's made a bit confusing by the fact that doors don't always have logical exits on the other side, as I illustrated in a previous update.
Eventually I stumble across a drake:
But despite the Dramatic Boss Music Change, it isn't much of a threat, nor does it drop the Dungeon Key. Sad.
It is, however, guarding the ladder to the second level:
What ever happened to those annoying-but-short dungeons? I'm actually starting to miss them now.
The ladder may as well have been a teleporter, since there's no way back
up it.
Another drake fight yields a special green key, and, oddly, a random rat carries the Dungeon Key.
Weird.
Soon after, I find the cube, which is guarded by...snakes.
Kinda pathetic, as far as guardians go, but I guess it's at least going along with the theme of the dungeon?
Again, here is the PC version of the Cube for reference:
And here is the maze inside the Cube which it seems I will not be doing:
As is standard operating procedure now, we take the smaller <shape> and the bigger <shape> explodes:
A full-grown dragon guards the way out:
For those of you keeping track, that's three dungeons that have had dragons...and none of them were Destard.
After the dragon there is an annoying swamp-filled maze...
...and by "annoying" I mean "might be enough to make me rage-quit this entire fucking LP if I wasn't so damn close to being done."
It's a "maze" filled with random entrances that open and close based on flipping switches. Because there's no logical design to the doorways, and because you can't see which switches open which passagways, making a map is practically impossible. It's not interesting or challenging, just pointless and obnoxious.
Eventually I find my way to freedom...hey, this ladder looks kind of familiar...
...yup, for some reason, I'm back on Spektran. I have no idea why, but after that little slice of Hell - I'll take it.
Time to report our success to the Good Doctor.
HOLY SHIT HE'S RIGHT OH GOD RUN.
Anyway, The Cube is awesome, and it performed the same basic service in the PC version, too:
The Cube is a cool artifact. It forces anyone you speak with to tell the truth. Of course it only really does this in the case of people who were lying to you as part of the plot.
For instance:
Great stuff. I love that it worked not only on the plot-required NPCs, but anyone who played a role in lying to you throughout the entire game. One of the many fantastic "little touches" that the Ultima series is known for.
So, before we leave for the Final Battle, let's see if they thought to include it in this version. We return to Trinsic and speak to the same NPC shown in the example above - Klog, head of the Fellowship in Trinsic.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand...
...nothing
Sad. One more thing - time to go to talk to BATLIN!
Damn. Guess it
was too much to hope for.
For the record, here is what happens when you talk to Batlin while holding the Cube in the PC version:
Pretty sweet, right? Ah, well.
Time to head back to Buccaneer's Den and see what people have to say
this time. Time to get our Lasso of Truth on!
WHERE IS HOOK, MOTHERFUCKER?
Oh. Well. That was easy.
Time to talk to the formerly un-cooperative guard.
Wow, apparently the Cube makes you tell the truth
and turns you into a giant pussy.
Hook's key has a skull on it, because pirates are awesome and Hook is awesome and skulls are awesome.
Searching his place, we find a couple of notes and a "Black Gate" key.
One of notes confirm that he is (unsurprisingly) responsible for the
murder kidnappings...
...and that the Fellowship plans to
murder kidnap Lord British and the Avatar.
The other is a note from Eliza
beth to Hook...
...telling him to sail to the Isle of the Avatar and use the Black Gate key to enter the Final Dungeon where they are presumably building the Black Gate.
I'm just happy I didn't have to go through yet-another console-exclusive dungeon crawl to get the Black Gate key.
Time to head to the Isle of the Avatar for the
end of this Godawful LP that has drained valuable hours of my life which I will never get back and forever tarnished my immortal soul final showdown!
Wow, this looks almost as good as the original.
:/
Dude, you
do know what the name of the island is, right? Pretty sure it's not Isle of Giant Annoying Red Muppet Who Doesn't Even Get a Voice Actor in This Shitty Port.
We enter the first building we see.
The drama of the walk down this hallway is kind-of ruined when your enemies are just more giant rats.
I think I've killed more Giant Rats and Snakes in this game alone than in every other RPG I've played...combined.
Check out all that furniture and space. This is actually kind of a nice basement.
I wonder if I could make it my hideout? The island
is named after me, after all.
In any other game, I'd think this was probably some sort of puzzle room, since I can push the blocks and barrels around.
But, it looks like this is actually a dead-end, and since I haven't actually used my Black Gate key yet, I opt to explore the rest of the island. That's a shame, somehow it would've been appropriate if the Final Battle in this awful game was essentially being fought in yet-another monster-filled basement.
Eventually I stumble across the Dungeon Hythloth:
It starts off with your standard "key hidden in the same room" crap, though this time the designers go all-out and hide the key under a
giant boulder.
I can only assume the key is made out of Caddelite.
I fight my way through...well, the same monsters
every dungeon has...and through lava, which is new.
Eventually I find a door the Black Gate Key opens, confirming I'm in the right place.
Though it's just a fucking wooden door, so I don't know why I'd need a Black Gate Key when I could just use a Black Gate Axe or Black Gate Hammer, but whatever.
I enter the next room, and...
Wow...that was the shortest dungeon
ever. I wanted to take more screenshots of it, but there wasn't really much else to show. Go forward, go left, go right, cross lava, unlock door...OH SHIT BOSS FIGHT.
Oh well. At least I finally found Eliza
beth and Abraham. Let's do this thing.
Oh good. Just like in the PC version, Batlin flees before I can kick his fat ass back to Ultima VI. I presume this is so that he can return in the SNES version of Serpent Isle? *twitch*
I move for the red key on the ground...
Oh lord. I honeslty thought the Guardian was going to show up in-person at this point, but it looks like we have in fact been spared from
that much stupidity.
We take "Batlins key" and go through to the next room.
If it means the end of this LP? You're better fucking believe I want to do this.
Here is the Black Gate chamber:
It honestly doesn't look as bad as I'd thought it would, given how lackluster all of the Generator Rooms looked.
As in the PC version, we use the three smaller versions of the Generators to disable the "shield" around the Black Gate.
Placing the first shape triggers the weirdest taunt in the history of Video Game taunts:
I can't figure out if this is supposed to be sarcastic, or if he's genuinely pleased for the Avatar, who he is assuming is 3 years old.
Number two!
What is this I don't even
And number three.
Uh, if it means there will be no more Ultima games on the SNES? Fuck this, I'm out. Later Britannia.
No problem, you loveable muppet you.
Yeah whatever. This game
came from Earth, so it kinda deserves it. So what's my reward?
...sigh. Fine, you stupid fucking game. We'll do it
your way.
RETCON-PUNCH!
Alright. So. We equip Rudyom's Wand (remember
that?)...
...and fire away.
Dude, whatever. Like I said before - Earth made
this game, right? Fuck 'em all and let 'em burn.
"Avenged the
disappearance of Spark's father"? Really, game? Can you even avenge a
disappearance? Like, is that a thing? Even in these final moments, you must continue to mock me?
And honestly, you're going to mention Spark in the epilogue? Why the fuck would I even remember who Spark
was? It's not like he was a companion in this version.
Speaking of companions - I never really noticed until now, at the end - but the
only one of the Avatar's companions who show up in the
entire game is Iolo. It's not that they don't
join, they're not even
in the game. It's like when actors refuse to return for sequels to movies they
know will be awful. What's the excuse? Could they not think of a good reason for the Avatar's oldest friends to not come along? Not like they stopped them in Ultima IX.
Okay, I guess that's enough bitching. What's my reward for finishing the "right" way?
Well, auto-restarting game aside...that's that. We've actually managed to finish Ultima VII on the SNES, which means, yes, this LP is actually fucking
OVER!!
Codex Achievement Unlocked: Completed LP of Ultima VII on the Super Nintendo!
Reward unlocked: Profile picture upgrade!
->
Reward unlocked: Bonus movie - Let's Finish Ultima VII...on the Super Nintendo!
That's right - as a little "thank you" for those of you who have suffered through this LP right along with me, I've made a video showing the last 5 minutes or so of the game, so you can see just how anti-climatic and lackluster the final dungeon really was:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5pYdNNENLI
You're welcome.
Note: Ultima VII PC screenshots are, as always, courtesy of Nakar's Ultima VII LP: http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/Ultima VII/index.html Thanks, person who will probably never read this!