Let's Play: Phantasy Star 0! Fuck you, No$Zoomer. (Hiatus?)

[Pliskin]

What is this i dont even

 

[spekkio]

What is this i dont even

 

[Erebus]

I vote FOnewearl. I like her hat.

 

[Luzur]

so, Annie, how is that Wizards Crown remake coming along?

 

[Sinestris]

EDIT: Alright boys and girls, change of plans. I've finally managed to finish all the endings in my hard copy of the game, so here's how things are going to go.

We'll start with a HUmarl, because humans have the best story and by far the most interesting endgame, and we'll also use her to do all the side quests. Then we'll have a FOnewearl to show differences in combat between classes and show you the differences in stories. And then we'll end with a RAcaseal to demonstrate how to play a Ranger and show the plot differences there too. Luckily the game is pretty easy to finish in short order, so while the HUmarl run will take a little time, the FOnewearl and RAcaseal runs will be much, much shorter.

And yes, the HUmarl will be cynical and carting around a fuck-off huge gunblade as soon as I find one.

Coming the day after tomorrow (shut up, I have to testify in fucking court tomorrow, I will be too busy trying not to faint); Creating our HUmarl!

 

[ghostdog]

so, Annie, how is that Wizards Crown remake coming along?

That, or (presumably) blond girls are sooo predictable in their avatar choices. I'll go for the second one, I don't think Annie would LP Phantasy Star zero. I'm ready to get trolled and believe sinestris is a female version of Dexter.

Anyways, I haven't played any of the phantasy star games and I want to see this LP.

 

[Sinestris]

Much as I would dearly love to go off the deep end and murder a few of the people who manage to get away with horrific shit, I have a boss who is quite literally the sharpest man who ever lived and he'd know it was me.

But yeah. I need to go sleep so I can at least pretend to be bright eyed and bushy tailed.

 

[Sinestris]

So yeah. Court utterly sucked, and the defence tore the case to absolute shreds. Twin suspects are a fucking nightmare, and that defence lawyer was the king of the bastards. I hope he dies in a fire.

Update 1: Meet Our HUmarl

Ignore Alys, she's there for the express purpose of a really neat exploit to gain an extra couple of levels before the first boss. She'll be getting deleted in fairly short order.

Ignore that comment about Humans being the beginner race. That's bollocks, and an unfortunate holdover from Phantasy Star Online. Back then, the HUmar was supposed to be the easiest class for a beginner. Which was bullshit, because the RAmar (and later RAmarl) were far easier to use if you'd never played before.

We'll be using Techniques to heal and buff and nothing else.

The only remotely tolerable hair...

Dye it blonde...

Blue, white and brown...

A green MAG...

And here we are!

We'll name her after my second favourite character from Phantasy Star 2 (the first being Kain) as a reference that will make a bit more sense when I explain it in a later update.

And we're done.

: Whoa. For a second there, I felt like I was being torn apart and remade. How very strange...

Next time: Lots and lots of words!

 

[Sinestris]

Update 2: Infodumps, Words and Kai

But before we get to the words, enjoy a whole bunch of pretty pictures from the surprisingly good opening movie.

There are a whole bunch of short anime-style clips throughout the game, and they're downright excellent. It's just annoying that you get quite a lot throughout the beginning stages of the story, and they're almost non-existant by the end. And there's some stuff at the end that deserves prettiness.

Cryptic Infodump Time, brought to us by a narrator who won't turn up again for the rest of the game!

: Once, there was prosperity.

: Three tribes thrived of old, and gave birth to divinity.

: Then, there was war.

: The rift between god and mortal cut through the tribes like a blade.

: Then there was desolation.

: A vast emptiness, and nothing more. Two centuries went by…

: People survived, and pushed back against the edge of oblivion.

: Until today…

Yes, boys and girls, that's our moon in the future. I fully expect Star Wars jokes to be flying everywhere.

:In the middle of a bright sky, a shadow covered the moon. And the forgotten ones swooped down from the heavens.

Say farewell to the narrator. Pity, he actually has a good voice.

Welcome to Dairon City. We’ll be spending a lot of time here.

This is Kai. He's a HUmar with a surprisingly laid-back, friendly personality who I'll be talking about more at the end of the update. He also carries a fuck-off huge Gunblade.

: Where do you think I learned how to use one in the first place?

: You always were very by-the-book. Not that I’m criticising, mind you, but it wouldn’t hurt you to relax a little.

: Actually, the Guild would probably fall apart if all it’s hunters were as laid back as me. I guess you’d better stay who you are. Don’t ever change! Now, I know we both know the answer already, but I have to ask.

: Are you sure you’re prepared to join the Guild as a hunter?

: Good answer. I’ve got high hopes for you, Shir.

Basically, the human story assumes that you know Kai. I generally prefer to think he trained us, which is why he keeps such a close eye on our progress and basically acts like our big brother. But your milage may vary.

: But I know you’ll do fine with or without me here yakking at you.

: How well you know me.

: But let’s stop by and see the mayor, for starters. He’s also the head of the Hunter’s Guild, you know.

: You’ll need his permission before you can officially join up.

Wait, what? Common sense in a video game? Did I turn over two pages at once or something?

: It’s no big deal. Just a quick chat, no formalities. C’mon. His office is the big building at the back of town.

Here’s Dairon when we’re not in pretty cutscene mode. This is our hub – when we’re not on a mission, we’re here or in the Guild. There’s people to talk to, shops to buy and sell at, and most importantly…

Kitties! (Yeah, my priorities are screwed. I love cats. Plus we get something cool if we find all three cats.)

Here’s the second, near the weapon and item shops. We won’t be finding the third till we unlock something later.

Millio and Cyan, a couple of brats who constantly fight about being Hunters. They’re… tolerable. And they give us a quest later on which lets us see Kai’s cranky side, so they’re already better than any teenaged character from a Final Fantasy game.

Natsume, a RAcaseal who works on the cables that let people communicate between cities. She’s… meh. She’s not brilliant, but she doesn’t suck either. Her quest is kinda fun.

Ohyo, an aging Cast. I don’t mind him, actually – he’s got a classy older gentleman vibe going on. His quest is kinda sweet and shows you the softer side of a later ally NPC, plus it’s hard as fuck if you’re not prepared.

The pink chick up the front here is our item shop. She sells healing items, telepipes, Technique disks and Traps. The bloke up the back is the weapon shop. He sells weapons, armour, and units that you can add to your armour if it has slots.

The custom shop. He lets us upgrade our weapons, but we won’t cover that until it’s actually applicable, later on in the LP. Just don’t forget that he’s there.

Gray’s an NPC here mostly for helping newbies find the Quest Counter and explaining the Custom Shop. He also has new things to say each chapter, which are nice and flavourful, and apparently he hands out quests, although as far as we’re concerned we talk to the girl at the counter for that. Having said which, he facilitates one of the best scenes in the game, so he’s hard to hate. And I’m kinda jealous of that tie-scarf-thing.

The quest counter. The blonde girl handles our item bank and lets us transfer stuff from character to character. The dark-haired girl is the one we talk to in order to take a quest.

Ms. Lindow, the Mayor’s secretary. She’s… well, meh. Again. She explains classes and mags and stuff, but you guys have ME for that, so we won’t be talking to her much.

Our first glimpse of the mayor. Final-fucking-ly. It’s worth noting that in almost any other JRPG ever made, he’d be evil, corrupt, insane or all three. This guy, however, is actually pretty nice, competent and hard-working.

What. The. Fuck. He dresses like a gay circus ringmaster!

: Shir, was it? If you have Kai’s mark, I know you’ll do us proud here. His recommendation means quite a bit. As a hunter, Kai’s performance has always been exemplary.

: Do you really want me to answer that in front of your friend here? It would be a shame to destroy whatever illusion you’ve managed to build up.

: I like him already.

: Always a comedian, Mr. Mayor.

: Ha ha! I try, I try. But where were we? My name is Dairon. I’m the mayor of this city, and it’s Hunter’s Guild master. It’s a pleasure to welcome a student of Kai’s into our membership.

: That’s the spirit! Keep up that attitude and you’ll do just fine.

: For reasons we don’t understand, the air and soil are rife with toxins, save the few pockets of land we inhabit. Even within those pockets, creatures we know simply as hostiles prey on our citizens. But we cannot allow these threats to stop us. For the sake of all people. We must repair the damaged land, and build upon it a society where all of us can live safely.

So there was this event 200 years ago, and people call it the Great Blank. Civilisation got pwned, humans spent almost a century hiding underground, the Casts went into hibernation, and the Newmen straight up vanished. Mankind is starting to rebuild, but the hostiles keep attacking because, well, there’s only so much inhabitable land to go around. The Casts are waking up, but whatever sent them to sleep wiped their memories too. In short – we all be fucked. And the best part is, because it happened so quickly and violently, all knowledge of what caused it is gone. Kaputski.

: That’s why us hunters exist. At least, that’s the impressive-sounding version. In reality, we do a little bit of everything.

: Exploring ruins, looking for missing people, clearing out hostiles, you name it. Whatever the people need.

In other words – mercenaries with morals. As opposed to a great many hunters in Phantasy Star Online, who had no fucking morals whatsoever. And I’m not just talking about NPCs either.

: We don’t have a choice. Even the hostiles alone present a massive hurdle to our progress. If we stand any chance of overcoming that threat, it’s through teamwork. None of us can make it alone. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. It’s up to each of us to do what we can. Hunters just the same. Not many people have the strength required to fend off hostiles. That’s why those who do must fight. We do all that we can to make life better for us and our fellow man. That’s the hunter’s creed, and the one guiding principle that binds us together as a community.

: Sorry, I seem to have gotten a bit carried away. That’s more than enough for today.

: Shir. On Kai’s recommendation, and by the power vested in me as guild master, I hereby appoint you as a hunter.

Do you think he does weddings too?

: Whew, finally! Welcome to the club, Shir. Don’t go doing anything crazy just because you’re official now, okay? Just do what you can to help out until you get a feel for the job.

More common sense in a video game. Enjoy it while it lasts, folks.

: Now that you’re a guild hunter, you can visit the Quest Counter for work any time you wish. They’ll act as go-betweens, telling you what issues the people of Dairon City have asked for assistance with. That’s all I have to say, Shir. I look forward to watching your progress from here.

Whew! That's one of the biggest info-dumps in the game, and certainly the largest we'll have for a while.

Next Time: We finally get to go shoot stuff!

But wait! We're not quite done yet!

Let's chat about Kai for a bit. Kai is probably... scratch that, definitely the most likable NPC in the game, with a couple of others coming in damn close later on.

What's special about Kai is that he has a backstory that would normally be an excuse for massive heaping piles of unneccessary angst... and it doesn't happen. He's cheerful, he's friendly, he's competant and he looks after your character like he's your big brother.

He's a HUmar with a special unique weapon, a Gunblade called Axeon. He has masses of HP and enough attack power that he stops being useful as an attacker much, much later than (almost) anyone else. He is, put short, one of the best characters SEGA has written in quite some time.

And now we're done.

 

[lightbane]

Update 2: Infodumps, Words and Kai

Yes, boys and girls, that's our moon in the future. I fully expect Star Wars jokes to be flying everywhere.

This is Kai. He's a HUmar with a surprisingly laid-back, friendly personality who I'll be talking about more at the end of the update. He also carries a fuck-off huge Gunblade.

Don't worry, he must be gay, japanese male characters with giant swords? Yeah, not overcompensating for anything at all (and the last pic demonstrates my theory).

The rest of the choices (if any) of the game are like this?

: We don’t have a choice...

Indeed.

: Shir. On Kai’s recommendation, and by the power vested in me as guild master, I hereby appoint you as a hunter.


And that's all? If he's so clever shouldn't he ask for a test with a high mortality rate to cull only the best and strongest of the rookies and exterminate the weak?

 

[spekkio]

Moar plz.

 

[Sinestris]

And that's all? If he's so clever shouldn't he ask for a test with a high mortality rate to cull only the best and strongest of the rookies and exterminate the weak?

I told you the common sense didn't last long, didn't I? And the job itself has a reasonably high mortality rate - the bosses we meet during story quests are actually significantly weakened, and the first boss for the humans is fucking hard as it is. *wince*

I fucking HATE the Burn status effect.

(And frankly, if Kai's gay, then one of the later NPCs is downright flaming.)

 

[Mattresses]

C&C guys, this is the real shit

 

[Sinestris]

Upate after next, the options become significantly less retarded. I'm going to extort money from someone, mess with her head, and be a complete bitch at every possible opportunity.

 

[Pliskin]

The plot thickens.

So yeah. Court utterly sucked, and the defence tore the case to absolute shreds. Twin suspects are a fucking nightmare, and that defence lawyer was the king of the bastards. I hope he dies in a fire.

You are obviously a Brit (or, at least, from one of the related Commonwealth nations). Notice the spelling of the word "defence" --- with a "c". Not to mention your use of the expletive "bastard", and propensity for throwing in the random "fuck" here and there. Very British of you.

Let's chat about Kai for a bit. Kai is probably... scratch that, definitely the most likable NPC in the game, with a couple of others coming in damn close later on.

What's special about Kai is that he has a backstory that would normally be an excuse for massive heaping piles of unneccessary angst... and it doesn't happen. He's cheerful, he's friendly, he's competant and he looks after your character like he's your big brother.

He's a HUmar with a special unique weapon, a Gunblade called Axeon. He has masses of HP and enough attack power that he stops being useful as an attacker much, much later than (almost) anyone else. He is, put short, one of the best characters SEGA has written in quite some time.

...and, I believe, a REAL WOMAN. Only a female would gush so over this particular character. A male masquerading as a female --- or, indeed, a tranny --- would have undoubtably been unable to restrain themselves from commenting on this NPCs rather obvious faggotry. In fact, madam, I bet you like him. You want to marry him, don't you? "Sinestris and Kai, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G..." *eh-hem*

Elementary, my dear Kodex!

 

[lightbane]

Don't forget she seems to like kittens. Black cat's alt or her twin sister? Which is better and why? Discuss!

 

[Luzur]

Robo-tits.

its the future alright.

 

[ghostdog]

UGh, generic anime cutey faces with no art style whatsoever. That's why I like old snes jRPG's much more.

No matter, Moar.

I'd also like to see , as a subplot in each episode , various stories from your forensic adventures, real or not.

 

[Sinestris]

Pliskin - I'm an Australian who was brought up by an expat Brit, so well guessed! *applauds* And yes, I'm a woman. I have a itty-bitty minor crush on Kai, but certainly not as much as you seem to think I do. But again, well worked out.

ghostdog - Much as I'd like to share, I'd get sued if I did. I signed a confidentiality form when I first started the job, and it's pretty clear on the consequences of spouting off anywhere, even the internet.

 

[Sinestris]

Well FUCK YOU TOO No$Zoomer.

Apparently all the available DS emulators are spyware and/or malware, according to my vast shield of protective programs. (Seriously, when AdAware, AVG and Windows Security all agree on something, it's scary... not to mention the firewall on campus incinerating my attempts to procure a non-infected copy...)

So, until I can find an emulator that doesn't make my protection spaz out, this LP is on hold. But fear not, Codexians, for I had something prepared for this very eventuality...

 

[ghostdog]

You know it could simply be a false alarm, or more likely an intentional false alarm. Cracks/keymakers and other hacks are listed as "dangerous" by many anti-viruses, especially when the said security program is free. Maybe some emulators are now in the same boat ?

Hmm, from a quick search I done, that seems to be the case. I've downloaded nozoomer from here and my comondo antivirus hasn't detected a virus. I also analyzed it online with virus total which uses multiple online checks. Here are the results Only 3 out of 40 give a warning and they don't mark it as a virus , but as a "ProcessPatcher", which is probably due to the function of the emulator.

So, I'd say mark it as a safe file and continue. But of course do this at your own risk, I'm not responsible if your PC mutates into a cannibalistic cyborg and eats you alive .

 

[Occasionally Fatal]

updated my stalker.txt

and you can have AVG make an exception for the folder you use the DS emulator in.

 

[Captain Rufus]

I havent played this one yet.

No matter how many times Sega fails to just make a REAL Phantasy Star, I keep buying these damned real time quasi roguelike ones because it says Phantasy Star on the box.

I am a consumer whore for Phantasy Star.

Shit, I have a damned Nei figure standing next to my 89 vintage Genesis, and Red Ring Rico next to the Dreamcast.

(But I have an Ultima shrine and a Wizardry Mordorcharge card in my wallet so I can keep my Codex cred, not that I had any to begin with.)

But like my consumer whoredom, this thread involves Phantasy Star, and thus I will follow it.

(Its not like Sega will ever give us the PS1 and 2 remakes in English. Instead we get furry Werehog shit instead. GODDAMNIT SEGA WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?)

 

[Sinestris]

Shit, I have a damned Nei figure standing next to my 89 vintage Genesis, and Red Ring Rico next to the Dreamcast.

Are you my long-lost twin or something? I have a Rune figure on my desk and Red Ring Rico sitting next to my (sadly bricked) Dreamcast. Ah well, at least you should appreciate my backup plan.

On the No$Zoomer front, I've tried downloading it from fifteen different places, and every single time it either gets fried by the firewall here or my spyware freaks out and says it's high risk malware and automatically nukes it. I won't even start on my inability to get my hands on any other DS emulators, it makes me swear.

Oddly enough, I'm not having trouble with any of the emulators for older consoles, just my PS2 and DS emulators. Gah...

 

[spekkio]

Have you tried Desmume from
here?
Saves should be transferable.

Your problems with no$zoomer are 99% your AV's fault.