Schattenjäger
Scholar
Okay, so welcome to this humble LP of the greatest adventure game EVAR!
:eerie:
Let me introduce you to our hero, monsieur Gabriel Knight. Like most of us, he's a smug bum that doesn't contribute to society in any way. Contrary to our local forumites, though, the man drowns in pussy everyday.
Things you need to know about Gabriel Knight:
- He is a bum with a hick accent
- Does not and never worked in his life
- Never went to college
- Parents died in a car crash when he was a child
- Was raised by his grandmother
- Spent all his inheritance to open St. George's rare books, which is a business failure.
- Is a failed crime novelist.
- Chases pussy up and down, night and day, every day(it's the only thing he is good at, apparently).
- Has frequent nightmares of a nigress turning into a cheetah.
- Is extremely vulnerable to black women(as we will find out later, the men of his family have a weakness for the nigress. It's like their kryptonite. - 10 resistance to niggers.)
Lately, Gabriel has decided to write a novel about the voodoo murders that have been terrifying N'oleans. He's having a creative block, though, and his nightmares have been getting worse. The man is stressed out.
And so our story begins with our hero waking up from his last nigress nightmare and being greeted scornfully by his radical feminist nipponic secretary Grace Nakimura, who secretly resents the lack of sex between them:
And so we are free to explore the bookshop. First off, we pick up the tweezers on the table.
Then we take the magnifying lenses and read today's newspaper, which has some news on the voodoo murders Gabriel is investigating.
The police says the general public of new orleans is in no danger, as all of the victims were members of the underworld. The police also claims that the "voodoo" part of the murders is just a scene, a scare tactic and a distraction from the real motive behind the murders.
Gabriel also reads his horoscope. He's an Aquarius.
The horoscope warns Gabriel of dangerous storms ahead, and suggests caution. Gabriel takes a look at the cash register...
And finds a gift certificate for St. George's rare books.
Looking around a bit more, we find out that the sinister painting with the skull and the snake was painted by Gabriel's father, who was quite the grimdark fellow. We also find a poetry book written by Gabriel's grandfather(a kraut), which reads:
"Drei Drachen,
Drei Drachen kriegen in meinen Schlaf
Die Seele wollen sie lebendig zum Frass
Feurigen Atems, gespaltener Zumge"
Maybe the local krauts can translate it for us?
Now we head to the back of the shop, to gabriel's room.
Here we find out that Gabriel lives in this mess, and that he keeps a very large stock of shiny bids so that he can see a lot of titties at Mardi Gras. Gabriel picks up some hair gel and a flashlight. Because you know, this is an adventure game. Everything you can pick eventually has its use.
Ok, so Gabriel heads back into the front of the shop so he can talk to Grace.
This game has a lot of conversation. A lot of the game points are achieved by questioning people throughly, and a big part of the fun of the game is finding out all the information about the rich and well developed game story. I would go crazy writing everything down, so I will just escribe the main points. Also, all those who have not played this game must play it IMMEDIATELY. It is awesome.
Anyway, talking to Grace we find out that she is a college girl taking a break from her studies in New Orleans, and if that's not obvious enough, that she has a crush on Gabriel. We also find out that Gabriel rarely pays her salary. Grace lays down the messages left for Gabe:
- Dana called
- Susie will press sexual harassment charges.
- Your friend Mosely(a detective investigating the voodoo crimes) left some stuff for you at the precinct.
- Granny called, she wants Gabriel to visit and go through his father's stuff.
- A man called Wolfgang called from Germany and asked to speak with Gabriel urgently (Seltsam, nicht wahr?)
So gabriel picks up his black leather coat and rides his Harley through the streets of New Orleans.
:extreme:
In the next update:
Gabriel visits his granny!
Gabriel manages to get into the crime scene of the latest voodoo murder!
Gabriel has a shocking encounter with am attractive nigress and falls in love!
Stay tuned!
