Let's Play Charles Barkley - Shut Up and Jam! RAAAGGGEEEE

[Murk]

The overarching story of the first chapter is the process of redemption for Barkley himself, as he confronts people he hurt in the past and comes to terms with loss and personal-tragedy, as well as his own inner-shadows.

If it dropped the lulz trappings it'd top bioware in story-telling without a doubt, at least in so far as a story of self-redemption goes.

fun fact: You can play the whole game of CBSUAJ:G in Al Bhed.

edit: oh and a new page, wooo -- I'll see if I can slam'n'jam an update in here tonight (gonna be late, past midnight for me anyway, as I work till 11:30).

 

[Cenobyte]

This is seriously awesome.

 

[Murk]

Mein freunds, I have good deal for you. A mini-update for the price of a full update! 50 or so pics this time.

We finally gear up to leave Cesspool-X for good, but before that let's put the clandestine gift from Dikembe to use and get our hands on them sweet Nikes.

Let’s see how this looks on our studly protagonist… ooh, nice speed boost. Almost as fast as the newly joined Hoopz.

We rest up at the inn and get ready to bail when Denizi calls out to us.

Does this make us a furry too?

Anyway, the next area is mostly one large room with some bridges and shit. We clear out the enemies, one of whom looks something like this:

This is where Vinceborg’s attack would come in handy, but alas. Luckily Hoopz has a ‘rapid fire’ attack that can target multiple opponents for something like 6 shots. Most of Hoopz’ abilities are gun related, cuz… ya know, he a nig.


Afterwards we find this goody (guard item, we give it to Hoopz who’s a bit on the light side of armor, and also important as he has the best attacks).

In the south west quadrant of the sewers we find a ladder leading up to this room with a chest and a note.

Fuggin’ spacejew’s holding out info on us again, or so it seems… BAH! Who can you trust these days?

Anyway, we make our way over to the next area – the ladder directly south of us leads further into proto-new-york, but before that let’s go check out that separated area with the vending machine.

Well, I never!

Hrmm, I want in…

…Oh, guess we’ll be back here eventually.

Hrmm, usually I’d tell him to fuck off but the last time we gave a street urchin a neo-shekel he ended up helping us out when some troopers were trying to zap us, eh… why not.

Round three mofacka, let’s do this!

…or not… >;(

…annnnnd fuck you, I’m too lazy to keep going. Plus I said save-point to save-point. Next time we’ll dive deep into the Hollywoodesque lair of the cosmetic surgeon and see what time it is in silicone valleys.

…holy fuck that was terrible. I apologize for that last part, damn exams got my shit all fucked up.

 

[Cenobyte]

Interesting pump

 

[ghostdog]

We need moar b-balling. But as Charles would say to Hoopz... exams first, vidcons later.

 

[anus_pounder]

Are the pump quotes really actual posts or an exaggeration of whatever gaming group its making fun of.

 

[Cassidy]

Weeaboos cannot into Silent Hill when posting about games OST lol

 

[Murk]

Are the pump quotes really actual posts or an exaggeration of whatever gaming group its making fun of.

Exaggerations I believe, though I'm afraid I do not know that for a fact. It just seems way too caricature-like to be from an actual person in any serious manner.

 

[Hieromancer]

To be fair, Yasunori Mitsuda is a very talented composer.

 

[Murk]

I've always hated waiting in the Doctor's office... especially if the doctor in question is turning people into Elks or some weird displacement of color and metal.

Step lightly my friend, for this is my sanity you are treading on.

Aight, let’s get this mind-fucking over with. I’ll start with animu doucherodiccus prime on the left with the green hair and work my way to the right, as they all have something equally hate-rage inducing.

Hmm, interesting question. Who would you rather have your child talk to – Jasede or Black Cat? Personally I’d make my child take tutoring lessons from her royal majesty Voulurnicus Rex.

Next up, the kinda orange guy.

On to Rudolf the unfinished furry reindeer.

A guy with a scar on his face… could be… a normal human being mayhapse?

What an interesting paradigm. The decadent have enough money to indulge their ridiculous fetishes and needs of material and fleshy desires but hardworking people are given the shaft and left to bleed out…

… SUBTLE SHIT BRO

Regardless, this Dr. Allard is starting to sound like a serious cuntbag and a half – not to forget the note we found earlier from him which already painted him as 10 pounds of douche in a 5 pound bag.

Hmm, another vaguely normal looking person (old lady on top right)…. Oh well

Okay well it looks like there isn’t shit for us here so lets get on our way to proto neo new York… jesus the fuck is oh whatever.

Oh god please don’t tell me this is …

… fuck. This.

Fuck this noise, Barukree! Tell the fucker what time it is!

Since we’re back I figure we should try the old lady again, maybe something’s opened up…

MOTHERFUCKER! OH fuck this, I’m sick of this polite bullshit. Furries, freaks, Salvatore faggots and everything else. This shit stops now.

The top bodyguard manages to knock one of us out but we ‘roid right back up and finish ‘em off for a nice chunk of XP.

GATDAMN MOTHERFUCKING NO WE AINT PAY’IN NO GATDAMN MOTHERFUCKING TOLL YOU FUCKING FUCK!

Well fuck, looks like these bastards have a really strong attack they hadn’t used last time, one that can potentially knock a nigga out.

Anyway, the rewards are well worth it, DING!

Looked great, did jack all shit. Heh, I remember that move being worth something. Anyway, Allard spends his turns giving us Ass burgers but it doesn’t really matter as we end up slamming his face up his ass and back out again.

There was a QTE event here and I ended up fucking up on the first of the 3 parts because I tried to take a screenshot and didn’t react in time for either. FUCK. Anyway it wasn’t too bad but if you mess up on all of them then you end up dead.

Anyway, TILL NEXT TIME YOU BASTARDS.

Soon to come: Old friends, confrontations from the past, and taking on Witcher’s jobs from a bulletin board cuz holy shit really I guess ok.

 

[ghostdog]

That drizzt poem was hilarious

Also :

Wait a minute... Allard is actually... DAVID GAIDER ?!

 

[anus_pounder]

The QTE is pretty much a trap. Missing all of them just reduces your entire group to 1 HP. Most people would use up their items healing the party at this point.

However, as we'll soon discover in the next installment of the LP, theres a cheap inn to recover health (10 shekels i believe) BEFORE any fight starts. So yeah, don't use up chicken fries or dews.

 

[Murk]

There's a few situations, like the first QTE, if you fail enough of them you actually die and start again from the QTE's beginning (popamole checkpoint regent health etc.) and yessss - I didn't use any healing, though I have enough to go around if it comes to it

I don't believe I showed it but I stocked up on healing items like a motherfucker in Cesspool X before heading out. Since I tend to not grind much in this game combat is some-what of a mixed bag in terms of success, like early on Saga Frontier 1 fights, where even basic enemies can do enough damage to knock out someone.

Ghostdog, pretty much exactly what I was thinking while reading that, hah.

 

[Chuftie]

Will you be doing the sideboss that gives the secret item?

 

[LusciousPear]

There's no game released in the past 5 years with dialogue this good.

 

[Murk]

Will you be doing the sideboss that gives the secret item?

Spoiler

You mean Ghastly Darklord?

Update coming tonight bros. The next week is gonna be hectic again for me but when the holiday kicks in I'll have a lot of time to probably put out at least 2 more updates.

The Dialog really is magnificent -- and there's a damned lot of it too. Main reason why I use the screen-shots of it instead of just transcribing it -- though that might be worth while to avoid uploading 200+ pics everytime. I guess I'll try looking for a script of the game to copy/paste, otherwise I'm afraid I wouldn't have the time to manually retype it all.

 

[DwarvenFood]

Mikayel
So did you ever finish this ?

 

[Murk]

No, but I did play a fresh copy with a friend. I still have the save points so I can resume it. School will end on December 20th and after I get the finals' scores graded and submitted I'll have some time. I think now's as good a time as any to pick it back up and see if I can help generate any buzz alongside it.

ALRIGHT, TO BE CONTINUEEEEDDDDDD (I may just do a few minor updates until then).