Our third installment begins with an epiphany.
Yes, the fuel tank and engine I selected at the start... aren't the ones that came on the ship. They're extra ones. Better ones. Being held for me in a base.
Well. Thanks to those who pointed it out.
I head over to Blue Fire, the base in question, and find out a bit about nodes and micromodules. It's confusing. I put it off for a later date.
Also fuck you too maybe I'd be doing better if you'd given me proper instructions and better weaponry than a fucking mining laser and if everything in the universe wasn't trying to kill me, rob me or use me as a meatshield which will get killed and robbed and
Yeah, here's the new stuff over on the left. It's slightly better. Also, for some reason, 1000 credits' worth of minerals. I don't question it, I just sell those too. I have enough experience points to level up a stat, which I promptly put into Trade; before I can start fighting and killing and dominating, I need to be able to
buy decent stuff.
So, feeling a little better about myself and setting out to take a cargo of artifacts to a Graalian planet on some far-flung arm of the universe, I cheerfully go from star to star - I can't make a direct run to that star system, because it's far away and I need to stop to refuel. So I stop by at, uh, Vitta Pyronis or something. I refuel at the nearest planet, head towards the gate to warp to my destination...
Oh dear.
Quickly, I glance at my map. There's a base nearby!
I... don't think it's a friendly base. This is not a good star system. I'm going to die.
My initial reaction to this was "haha you want me to help you fight Dominators suck a dick". I think realised I was slightly mistaken; he doesn't want me killing a Dominator ship, he wants me to
kill the other Space Ranger who's helping him fight them off.
These people are
insane. Abandoning this accursed star, I flee for the portal...
And don't get very far.
Okay, second attempt. I make it to Vitta Pryonis, and manage to make it to the gate with only a few scrapes. Looks like I'll need to stop over in Kraha, then hit my destination, Sheat.
Also he asked me for help again and I took another screenshot because I'm disgustingly immature. Heehee you go in the front I'll go in the back heehee roger captain heehee let's double team him heeehee gang rape metaphors
This is Kraha. It is not an improvement.
Who's the smartass who told me to set these guys to Strong again?
Okay... Minionaver? If that place isn't Dominator-free, I'm quitting this horrible job. And possibly quitting the space ranger business forever.
Just to boost my spirits, I stop in at a military base to refuel and get mercilessly insulted. Well at least my head isn't shaped like a penis whose mutant foreskin has entirely swallowed the glans.
Oh God
Massive battle going on. At least three sides are involved. I don't stop to rubberneck.
Graalians have WACKEE architecture because they are WEIRD
Finally, Sheat is within reach. I'm so close.
It's quiet here. Too quiet. Oh god there's going to be a Dominator mothership down there.
My goal planet. Ten days to get there, fourteen days left on the mission deadline. I'm smooth.
Did he say... uh...
What... what does he mean by... yeah. Let's move on.
So relieved by finally succeeding in my mission, I hit F3 to save, screenshotting the glorious moment. The more keen-eyed amongst you may spot the mistake I made in my haste here.
I know it looks too perfect and therefore set up but I honestly did that.
Anyway.
Suicidally depressing loading accidents aside, I get a quest from the saturday morning cartoon alien which basically amounts to "go back to where you came from". Not sure if this was scripted or a happy coincidence.
I accept the job, and go to the trading center to buy some weapons, which are going for a low price from this planet, allowing me to sell them on for a major profit elsewhere (indicated by the three thumbs up).
Uhh.
Sure.
Good lord. A
friendly soul in the grim darkness of the far future. I think I'll note down his name. Actually, no, he's being patronising, he's a cunt too.
Ooh.
Not enough danger and excitement for one day/update, I decide. Besides, I made the run last time with four whole days to spare out of 84, I have plenty of time.
Uh.
Well.
This is not quite what I expected.
Oh God my opponent is a monster. He has some horrible spread-shot, a laser like mine, and glowing blue homing missile... orb... things. I run for it and look for powerups.
If you squint, you can see him on the other side of the sphere. These stages are set around a pseudo-3D sphere, kind of like the ones in the Sonic 3 minigames except not really it's just a sphere.
There's the bastard.
I hit him with the infamous noserammer, and unload the dreaded might of the industrial laser at his cockpit ineffectually. He does the same back.
Hmm. Equal amounts of damage dealt on both sides. There is hope, brothers. Shall Crotchduster triumph and make his first kill before he dies to a horribly huge Dominator army again?
no
doesn't
look like it
We successfully escape with the tiniest sliver of health, and eventually, hunting in desperation, find... a health pickup! Our mysterious assailant is now, as they say, going to "get his".
Let's listen to our favourite song.
FOR TODAY
IT IS A SONG
OF VICTORY
FUCK YES I AM THE BEST SPACE RANGER EVER
Triumphant, I emerge into an unknown star system. Checking my map, it seems I'm only one or two systems over from our own. I set autopilot to head for the gate, sit back, crack open a beer and relax.
Oh god are you fu