Alright, let's finish the dismantling of an androgynous man in this loooooooooooooooooooooooooong fucking update. Welcome back, friends, to the fucking of a mind - Final Fantasy VII.
Professor Hojo... I don't have a number... You didn't give me one because you said I was a failed experiment.
What the--? You mean only a failure made it here?
Professor... give me a number. Please, Professor...
Shut up, miserable failure...
Oh man! Well, let's see how he handles rejection.
He... goes into the foetal position and... floats up into the sky... and makes us all blind. Right. Of course.
He seems to handle shit really well.
Shut up, Cid.
Oh hey, this is the main reason why you shouldn't play games in a dark room. We're going to be in whitescreen dialog limbo for almost all of eternity and I will make you suffer just as much as I did by showing you all of it.
...He's a Sephiroth-clone I created after the real Sephiroth died five years ago. Jenova cells and Mako, with my knowledge and skills, have been combined with science and nature to bring him to life.
FACT: This particular shot is only shown for less than a second before the game takes you back to whitescreen limbo.
I WILL MAKE YOU HURT.
Alright, we're back to normal. Well, as normal as this shit is anyway... You may open your eyes without fear of going blind.
Sephiroth is not just content to diffuse his will into the Lifestream; he wants to manipulate the Clones himself.
You missed it but Cid actually rushed over to Tifa and is now busy touching her leg. I presume he will help her up soon as he's done.
Heh. Sure...
Good enough for me.
I wondered where the clones were going, but I was never able to figure it out.
(I couldn't figure it out either.)
The one thing that I did know was that Sephiroth was at their final destination.
(I wasn't pursuing Sephiroth.)
All the anger and hatred I bore him, made it impossible for me to ever forget him. That and what he gave me.
What?! Barret, shoot that fucking traitor!
Can't. Muthafucka's too high up.
Just fire that fucking gun!
What if l hit someone?
What? Like fucking Sephiroth? You've been firing that fucking thing several times. Shoot, you big brown pussy! Go berserk!
No, I don't want to.
Pussy.
Show yourself to me! Where are you?!
Oh.
He is waiting for you, Cloud Farrell. Touch the magic crystal egg and let our Master be reborn!
I will, Sutherroth. Hail Sephiroth!
Hail Sephiroth!
Man, being possessed sure sucks!
You be quiet!
Yeah!
...
Alright, let's see how this-- whoops!
Man, look what you did!
Should we run?
Nah, let's stay here and see if Sephiroth really is inside that crystal egg.
Alright.
Man, what a torso.
Shame about the dick, though.
...
This is perfect! Both Jenova's Reunion and Sephiroth's will! They won't be diffused into the Lifestream, but gathered here! Mwa, haa, ha, ......
FACT: "Mwa, haa, ha, ......." is now officially the coolest laugh ever.
What are you so happy about, Professor? You know what this means, don't you?
What, you mean the end of the world? Meh.
Sephiroth is going to summon Meteor! Every single person on the Planet is going to die!
Yes, but think of the SCIENCE!
I want you all to come with me. There is still much more I want to hear.
Alright!
Do we all get personal cells?
Of course! Personal torture chambers too!
Man, you can count on the Shinra to lock you up in style! :D
You sure can! Any last words you want to tell that... guy before we take you away for interrogation?
Uh huh.
Colin Stryfe does not care, Cloud Farrell only wants to float in the air, resurrect old army buddy Sephiroth! Friend Sephiroth, please take revitalizing rejuvenating reinitializing reboot restoration thingy.
RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!!
What, again?!
RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!!
*sigh* Okay. RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!!
RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!!
HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT?!
FLY AWAY FLY AWAY!!!
HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT!?
FLY AWAY FLY AWAY!!!
That is one pissed off supermechagodzilla!
FLY AWAY FLY AWAY!!!
YOU'RE CONFUSING US WITH THE POWER RANGERS, YOU BIG STUPID PIECE OF FUCK!! LEAVE US ALONE!!
HOLD ON, I'M GONNA SHOOT THAT MUTHAFUCKA IN THE FACE!!
NO!! DON'T DO THAT, YOU'LL---
SHIT!! EVERYONE GET SOMETHING TO HOLD ONTO!!!
AIEEEE!!
OH NO I'M FALLING!!
FACT: Yes, they bounce.
Ooof!!
AARGHH!! BARRET TRAMPLE PUNY WOMAN!!
BUT SUDDENLY!!
Huh! Pretty light?!
Preeeeeeetty liiiiight...
Whoaaaaaaa....
Shut the fuck up and help me get up, Barret.
Hey, are all my prisoners okay?
Y-yeah!
Can't torture you if you're dead, you know!
We're fine! But I think that "#¤%&!! Cloud Colin clone guy got himself killed or something.
Uh huh.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EPILOGUE
I didn't know what to do. I was always like that.
I like to imagine that the guard is extremely afraid of Tifa.
CLOUD JUST CAME IN PANTS!
FACT: This is exactly what happens when you turn your back on people for no apparent reason.
Is it really you, Cloud? I never thought I'd find you here.
Yeah, it's been a while.
What happened to you? You don't look well.
..Yeah? Well, it's nothing. I'm okay.
Damn it, Tifa! Stop looking away when Cloud's having his episodes!
......
What is it?
...it's really been a long time.
FACT: Oh snap.
You got your wish and joined SOLDIER, quit after the Sephiroth incident, and now you're a mercenary. You told me a lot about what happened after you left Nibelheim, but... Something was wrong. I felt there was something strange about the things you talked about. All the things you didn't know that you should, and other things that you shouldn't know that you did. I wanted to make sure... But then I heard... you were going far away... And I didn't want that... I didn't know what to do. So, I thought I needed more time. And that's why I told you about the AVALANCHE job. Because I wanted to be with you... Watch you...
..................
..................
To be continued.
Ding!