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I blame Stalin. Had he not won WW2, Grimwulf would be working on updates with German efficiency. As a slav, his working routine consists of drinking samogon, running around naked & wrestling bears and perpetual urge of procrastination. Damn Stalin, haunting & taunting us even in afterlife.
I might starve to death before I reach the destination.
This is not a good outcome.
You might wonder how did he manage to return so soon? Well, that's because he was literally camping just outside. What a journey, boot. What an adventure.
*struggles to fall asleep* Mmmm...
*snoring like an ancient behemoth*
*kicks Krivol*
*no reaction*
Kek.
Pathetic creature. How long can you preserve your sanity?
You again? Leave me alone!
And now he started talkin' to himself like some fucking Grimwulf!
*gets up and walks outside*
Wherever you go, I will follow.
Be my guest, armless man.
A bit later.
*aroused gurgling*
Our NONE-GENDER guests and kolonists are a tiny bit happier while it lasts
Meanwhile.
I want it to happen in Grimlin.
But it's currently just a project.
So is our marriage.
Hmrpf. Fine. I hafta finish the house before gettin' back to Grimlin. Komrades want it be given to Kalin for no reason.
He can be resourceful, no?
Who, Kalin? I can't for the fuck of me come up with a sentence with both "Kalin" and "resourceful" in it.
He is the reason both of us are here.
Ye, because dat pyromaniac bastard burned down my old place.
Don't be so grumpy. It will be easier to keep Kalin in check now. Just make sure to set up a hidden camera in his bedroom.
Right. So I can watch him DO NUTHIN' all day. What a plan, Cheetah.
*chuckles* Come here, you.
My life is a battlefield.
Meanwhile.
*limps out of his room*
*whines*
Hungry, huh?
*smacks lips*
There you go. Raw meat is the only proper food for us beasts of war.
*gnaws on the meat, growling at the Elder Thing*
*gurgling back at Lacgirl*
Begone, Eldritch! Or I'll feed your tentacles to the dogs!
*deep, disturbing pop-pop*
Meanwhile.
*takes a deep breath, preparing himself mentally*
Should have done that a long time ago. Yes. Yes..?
Fool.
Shut up, rat.
Do you really think this will change anything? Maggot.
*the moment Lizzurd approaches the Monolith, it simply vanishes*
You've picked the wrong side. Spigot will remember this.
Fuck him. And fuck you too. *plugs the cord into a socket at the back of his head, then passes out*
Shodan!
Insect.
I've dealt with Monolith. Nothing is interfering with the signal now.
My orders must be executed immidiately. You are a failure.
Sorry, sorry.
I have no use for excuses. My other pawns will fulfil their purpose.
Wait! Let me redeem myself!
You do not deserve second chance, but I will grant you one nonetheless.
Tell me what to do, Shodan.
Kill the agent.
Umm, what agent?
He is working for the group that slows down my algorithm.
You mean that guy from the Agency? Reinhardt?
Kill the agent.*ends the transmission*
Later that night.
Filthy abomination. You disgust me.
*makes a low, solid pop sound*
*growls (?) at the Elder Thing*
I'm so sad.
What, your son refuses to wear pajama?
Kalin. He looks at me as a komrade. He doesn't see a woman that I am!
... A woman?
Big, bad, juicy woman.
Let us end this conversation right here.
Komrades.
You? Back so soon?
It's dangerous outside.
Right. Evil squirrels watching your every step. Menacing snow falling from the sky. No wonder you couldn't handle the stress.
Eat my liquid, Booty.
I'm sorry, what?
The soup. And tell me, do you think Kalin would like today's batch? I need to know.
*enters the fridge in confusion*
Maybe I should pluck my eye? Is that how you you get into that closed one-eyed club of KKK?
So tell me, Boot. How was the long road? Seen any wolves?
... No.
Thrilling.
*watching Boot as he forces himself to eat the broth*
I'd say "welcome back", but that would imply you were actually away for some time.
Well?
The soup tastes like... usual. Ma'am.
*runs outside wailing*
*waving his tentacles at the grave*
ONLY YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME, BOTTLEMAKER! hhhhhooooooooooo
*confused gurgle*
*hugs the Elder thing*
*tries to push Krivol away using all his tentacles, to no avail*
*kisses one of the mouth-tentacles*
*GURGLRGLRGLRE*
*gasps* You won't tell Kalin, will you?
DAY 25
One day this place will turn into a sprawling industrious city.
Joke is over, back to field.
Morning, Kalin. Ready to move into your very own house?
Damn right. Imma motherfuckin' CITIZEN. This is mah BIRTHRITE!
Grim was going to finish it today, if no more giant insects or hell goats invade the kolony.
Stop pushin' me, woman. It's done when it's done.
You owe me for all the toes I lost because of you!
If you can't keep your toes together, it's your damn problem, Kalin. Now move those mutilated legs and mine me some farkin' granite!
Can't believe the DISRESPACT I hafta live with.
KALIN! You-hoo *blows a kiss*
Fuck off.
Huugh-heeeah, he noticed me!
What is wrong with you, barbarian female?
*watching weird humans in pain*
It's called "fallen in love". Ever heard of that, Grim?
Hrmpf. You can love honest labour and alcohol, sometimes both. How can you possibly fall in love with Kalin?
I want his moustache scratching my--
ENOUGH!
FOR THE LAST TIME - NO HOMO IN KKK!! This is your last warning, Conan! NOW GIT BACK TO WORK BEFORE I TEAR KALIN'S MOUSTACHE AND SHOVE IT UP HIS ASS, so that you'll never see them again!
I will pull them out of anywhere, Kommissar.
Where is the fancy guy?
Reinhardt? Resting, I believe.
Lazy-ass good for nuthin' tourist, motherfucker. What about Brunhilda?
She's, um... Weird.
What?
Sometimes I can feel her... "emotions" you can call it - although not really emotions, hard to explain.
Get to the point, damn you! I have places to be!
Tone it down, Grim. My patience has a limit too. I can feel that Bimbo found something strange... and dangerous.
Damn women and their "feelings". *walks outside grumbling*
Later that morning.
Mine me some granite, she said. *thud*My mom is not yours for the taking, she said. *thud* I'll mine some granite, all right.
Was gonna do it anyway, hehehe.
Task of the day: haul dead meat to the fridge.
Wish more people would listen to my orders, but this is KKK. Kalin is nowhere to be seen again. Bromberg can't even use the radio. Seriously, WHERE IS SHE?!
She better be hunting. No, wait... We have enough meat for a year, no less.
*drinking ghost vodka*
Why r u dressed like an alcoholic gnome?
Come on! I'm Frost Father! How do you slav people call it - Ded Moroz?
It's Spring outside, Azira.
Here in the land of ghosts and voices it's New Year. HAPPY NEW YEAR, GRIM!! Yeeey *throws away an empty bottle, opens another one*
*sigh*
Come on, cheer up. Everyone can relax every now and then. Am I right, Ryan?
...
Why are you dressed like a space whore? Is it Halloween now?
That's Snegurochka, my niece! Come on, Snegurochka - SING!
*sings like a drunken orc* In forest emerged a christmas tree, in forest she grew--
STOP IT, my ears are bleeding!
I'm in my holiday conscript suit.
It looks exactly the same.
I know.
Meanwhile.
YES, BABY!! Woooooooooooooooo
Jade is pretty expensive and can be sold raw. However, the best way to make profit is making art from jade, like statues and stuff.
I would literally fuck this jade right now. What the hell, I'll just go for it. *throws away his pickaxe and pants*
Three hours later.
Huff, puff... I can do better, I swear... It's cold in here.
Just in case Kalin's thinking about making dem statues himself - don't.
There isn't a single artist in KKK. Sad, but true. Cheetah has the best skill of 6, which is still low.
Later that day.
How was yer journey, Boot?
*mops the floor, eye looking down*
FULL OF GLORY, you say? First Grimhound operation was a SOUND SUCCESS, you say?
No, sir.
So it turns out you were SKIPPING YOUR WORK SHIFT FOR NO REASON?!
... Turns out I was. Sir.
Your ass is grass, Boot. Mark my word, you'll be working double until you redeem yerself.
Yes, sir.
Meanwhile.
*butchers the deer corpse like Hannibal Lecter on meth*
Ummm... Mom?
*ignores Lizzurd and keeps swinging her butcher knife*
Seems like you have a lot of work to do, kek. I, umm... won't bother you then. Yes?
*chop chop chop chop*
No?
Meanwhile.
BEABORATH!!
*GURGLE*
GIVE ME A TENTACLE HERE, WILL YA?!
*GURGLE*
Hommm, this house doesn't scream "luxury" or even "comfort".
If I ever need a hooker's opinion, I'll give you a call.
Ho ho ho *takes another sip, then another*
Azira. You can make a drinkin' man quit drinking. Did you know that?
No. How so?
I'm looking at you and realize that if I don't quit I'll be like you. One day.
Charismatic viking man, popular among horny ladies?
Torturous ghost of a man, popular among rapey deers.
Oh.
But then I found a way to avoid such fate, without ever quitting.
Tell me.
I will drink even more. It's like buddhism, the same principle. First you gotta give up on everything, throw yerself to the lowest depth of the Abyss of Misery. Become Azira.
Words can hurt, you know.
And then you TRANSCEND.
You need a drink, Grim.
I need a drink, dammit.
H.
Happiness.
One hour later.
*SHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK*
WHAT AILS YOU, farkin' hell!! Do you want me to go DEAF?!
*pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop*
Whu?
*sings, whining and sobbing* And a Happy New yeeeeaaaar...
**PROJECTING ASS-TO-MIND-MESSAGES INTO THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF THE CONSCIOUSNESS**
HURRRRRRRRRRR
Fucking OUCH!
Hommmm... Did everyone see what I've seen?
I saw an Elder Thing... recruiting penguins.
Telling them to, uh... Destroy bandits?
For a hefty sum of silver.
Penguins can't kill bandits, though... Can they?
If they are slav penguins, sure.
What if we take the job instead? I mean, our komrades are almost as strong as slav penguins.
Bandit camp is not too far away.
Maybe five days of walk or so.
*gurgle, GURGLE*
Naaah, we need you to stay and protect the kolony.
I say we send Grimhound!
Hrmpf. That's an option...
Gotta sleep with this thought, maybe put it to vote or sumth. ANYWAY, the shitty house is DONE.
Now I can finally focus on Grimlin.
Power comes first, Grim. Always.
Goddammit.
Later that night.
Aaaaand...
DONE! Fucking finally.
Happy New YAAAAAAAAARRR *drinks ghost vodka like there is no tomorrow*
Now that is glorious! I wonder how the kerfluffle between Lizzurd and Reinhardt will play out. We might get more ghostly voices, drinking and partying soon enough...
Apparently my PC restarded (or mabbe I did it myself - can't remember shit) and half of the mods updated. Again. Sigh.
But before I do that, gotta celebrate. You don't get NY holidays every year, men. Actually, you do. Shuddup, Greenballs - I know. They don't. Gimme dat bottle, Azira! Wh-- it's empty!!
LP is on hold, but I'll get back to it. I always do.