Editorial Instant Classic!

[Selenti]

A Hypothetical Scenario

[Scene: Interior of dimly lit room. A bay of floor-to-ceiling glass windows are at the far end, but the light is harsh and by virtue of its brightness washes out any details. Two shadowy figures can be seen in the foreground. The sepia tone of the filming lends a gritty ambience.]

Unidentified Male Voice: It's falling neatly into place. They've bought the line... hook and sinker. As far as they're concerned, we haven't the slightest idea how to design a game.

Unidentified Male Voice #2: Are you sure?

UMV: Absolutely. Just earlier today I found a post exploring my cocksucking ways. That's pure hate, right there.

UMV2: That's... that's beautiful. So, then, we're ready to move forward.

UMV: Yes. Fallout 3. It will be perfect.

UMV2: Turn-based. We'll have to get some of the old voice actors from the first one to get that feel. Talking heads, of course... moral ambiguity, a focused, linear plotline to maintain interest, with elements of non-linearity for a truly replayable experience.

UMV: And me?

UMV2: It's very simple. Tell them we think we can "move the genre forward" by switching it to real-time. Add something in about rocket launchers, and speed. Oh! Here's a good one. "Fallout, to us, is a guy riding around on a motorcycle shooting mutants with a shotgun." Yeah, that'll resonate. Resonate with their PISSED-OFF, BITTERLY CYNICAL SOBS OF DESPAIR.

UMV: (awed) That's amazing. You're a genius.

UMV2: Quiet. I'm not done. As we get closer to release, mock up some screenshots in Oblivion's engine. Use lots of Bloom. As we get closer, add lens flares to really make them go berserk. Then... then... the coup d'etat.

UMV: (almost panting now) What? What is it?

UMV2: When the preview builds go to press, all the magazines will gush about how all our PR was wrong, how authentic and true to the source material we were... that's when it'll happen...

UMV: What?

UMV2: We'll wake up. Wake up and realize it was all a dream. And then we'll design one shitty ass game, and we'll go home, and we'll roll on our water beds while stuffing benjamins down our trousers. That's life. The idiots get shit--and we get waterbeds and benjamins.

UMV: What about the rashes? From the benjamins, I mean. They chafe on my crotch.

UMV2: There's cream.

 

[Vault Dweller]

VD, I think you are stressing yourself too much with this Oblivion. I think it is better to put energy into something other than raving about a game that you hate anyway, and about the industry that you despice so much. But hey, maybe it's actually a stress relief or something? Or just fun?

Stressing? Raving? Hate? "Despice"? Way too much drama here. You do realize that I didn't write that dialogue?

 

[elander_]

VD, I think you are stressing yourself too much with this Oblivion.

I agree. NWN2 and Gothic 3 will own Oblivion completely. If millions of people like this shit and will play it who cares. At least they are having fun. Just let Oblivion have its quick moment of glory before their forums become infested with trolls beatching how Oblivion is not what they expected.

 

[bryce777]

The only way it could be better is if the car had radiant AI and drove itself, or if he drove it off the lot and the engine exploded and the only way to make it run was to install an engine built by 14 year old larpers in their moms' basements...and to do that you had to pay the manufacturer AND the dealer, but not the teenagers....

 

[Levski 1912]

<snip>

That's absolutely beautiful.

 

[Atrokkus]

Stressing? Raving? Hate? "Despice"? Way too much drama here. You do realize that I didn't write that dialogue?

I do realize that, but at the same time I am also amazed at your vigor when it comes to criticizing Oblivion in any way possible, and in *every place* possible, including the official boards. I'm just curious, is it that fun?
(don't get me wrong, I share your feelings towards this game)

And I utterly despice that word, "despise"....

 

[RGE]

Pete: You betcha! Faster than man has ever travelled. In fact, I'm only supposed to sell these to fighter pilots, since they're the only ones trained to withstand the G forces this baby pumps out.

Good one.