Angthoron
Arcane
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2007
- Messages
- 13,056
Sarcastically positive review of Pillars of Eternity
Wow, where do I even begin with Pillars of Eternity? This game is a true gem, an absolute masterpiece of mediocrity. From the graphics that look like they were designed in Microsoft Paint, to the voice acting that could put a coma patient to sleep, Pillars of Eternity is a non-stop thrill ride of "meh."
And let's talk about the story - where do I even begin? It's like the writers got together and said "Hey, let's see how many cliches and tropes we can fit into one game." Epic quests, mysterious pasts, moral dilemmas - check, check, and check! It's like a choose your own adventure book, except the choices don't really matter and the adventure is boring.
But the real star of the show is the combat. It's like playing rock-paper-scissors with a bunch of robots. Exciting, right? And don't even get me started on the character customization. I've never felt more empowered than when I was choosing the exact shade of my character's hair.
And don't even get me started on the world-building. It's like the game's writers took a history book, threw it in a blender, and poured the resulting sludge all over the game world. But hey, at least it's a unique sludge!
In conclusion, if you're looking for a game that will make you want to gouge your eyes out with a spoon, then Pillars of Eternity is the game for you. It's like a warm hug from your grandma, except instead of making you feel loved and comforted, it just makes you want to nap.
Wow, where do I even begin with Pillars of Eternity? This game is a true gem, an absolute masterpiece of mediocrity. From the graphics that look like they were designed in Microsoft Paint, to the voice acting that could put a coma patient to sleep, Pillars of Eternity is a non-stop thrill ride of "meh."
And let's talk about the story - where do I even begin? It's like the writers got together and said "Hey, let's see how many cliches and tropes we can fit into one game." Epic quests, mysterious pasts, moral dilemmas - check, check, and check! It's like a choose your own adventure book, except the choices don't really matter and the adventure is boring.
But the real star of the show is the combat. It's like playing rock-paper-scissors with a bunch of robots. Exciting, right? And don't even get me started on the character customization. I've never felt more empowered than when I was choosing the exact shade of my character's hair.
And don't even get me started on the world-building. It's like the game's writers took a history book, threw it in a blender, and poured the resulting sludge all over the game world. But hey, at least it's a unique sludge!
In conclusion, if you're looking for a game that will make you want to gouge your eyes out with a spoon, then Pillars of Eternity is the game for you. It's like a warm hug from your grandma, except instead of making you feel loved and comforted, it just makes you want to nap.
