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When that happens Fiodor will face death like true Bogarus son. With head high, wearing strategic layer of filth protecting him from cold and swearing. (And broken heart. Et tu, Brute?)
Who knows mby it will end up well, or mby not. I aways believed that as long as game is fun it is worth playing. If it would spoil your fun though ignore my vote please.
Then i also want to mention some facts!
1. Alchemists are not sacred and therefore don't believe in god.
2. Alchemists have veeery bad morale.
3. And also very foul mood!
4. Especially lizard alchemists!
Its more like our general morale is bad enough so things like going on battlefield to kill happier and/or richer people sound a lot more attractive. We are more mundane helgast.
Rasputin entered the room, looking extremely self-satisfied. Katrina was accompanying him this day, carrying a letter in her hands. Ambassador Boris, Patriarch Alexej and Kaznachei Yuri were already waiting in the meeting room. Yuri was noticeably drunk.
I am waiting for your apologies. Starting with you, Ambassador.
I am man enough to admit my mistakes. Expecting adequate negotiations with T’ien Ch’i was very naive of me.
You, above all people, should have known better!
The whole arrangement was messy from the start. They accepted my invitation, but instead of proper diplomatic delegation we received some sort of ethereal being. It called itself a “hologram”.
What the hell is a hologram?
Probably another meaningless word in their barbaric language. Anyway, I suggested discussing our borders, and it suddenly thanked me for “removing rebels”. Then it said something about showing it’s appreciation “next turn”.
Turn? Turn of what? Turn of some cycle?
Turn of Bu-Ti’s dirty arse, for all I care. Can’t you see they have no idea what are they talking about? It’s just random words! Go on, Boris.
Nothing else to say. I wasn’t sure if this being is mocking me, or is it actually retarded. So, I just left.
And what did you do after that? Did you try to stop Alexej from sending all our forces to the east, while they were needed in the west? No. Did you warn me that there is a danger of foreign invasion? No.
T’ien Ch’i is small and helpless. Let the puppy bark – it won’t bite you anyway.
WRONG AGAIN, BORIS! Katrina, show them.
With pleasure, Gospodin Rasputin. We’ve just received this letter from Rimtooth Pass.
I ordered Sviatoslav to go there with what little men he had left.
And in this letter is his report?
Umm, actually, no. I’m sure we’ll receive Sviatoslav’s report sometime soon, but this letter came here first. One of Sviatoslav's fighters Dreaad wrote this to his wife.
How did you get it?
I have my ways. Don’t ask.
We shouldn’t read this.
I’ve read it already, Patriarch! It contains all the information we desperately need. I’ll make sure his wife receives this letter, later. Someday.
Just read it already, damn you!
Ahem. “To my beloved wife Marusya”
Yuri poured himself another cup of vodka.
“It’s been almost a week since we arrived in Rimtooth Pass. The cold here is different from the rest of our homeland. The wind, it howls. The only thing that warms me here is the thought of your strawberry breaast”
Skip to the point!
Actually, I would like to hear the complete version.
Right, so next he describes the hardships of military service, while comparing his wife’s body to different fruits and vegetables… Aha, found that part. “Sviatoslav noticed them first.”
“We saw seven horsemen, led by a strange senile person. Our leader was expecting a trap.”
“I swore to fight in the front lines, although my armor prevented me from moving as fast as everybody else. No matter. This plate cuirass was your wedding gift, I ain’t gonna fight without it!”
Marusya is such a caring wife.
Shh. “I owe my life to this cuirass. I owe my life to you, little pickle. That arrow could kill me, but instead it just scratched my manhood.”
“I swore to fight in the front lines. But I wasn’t ready for this. Not the arrows!”
“I have let down my squad. Most of them died. The senile man that led the enemy horsemen suddenly charged ahead.”
“And caught a javelin. With his face.”
“And then the enemy routed.”
“I wasn’t ready for this. Sviatoslav sent me back to the city as a punishment – so I would bring reinforcements, and stay away from battle this month. Do you know what that means, watermelon? It means that soon I will count all your seeds, and then…”
Enough, Katrina.
Dreaad, KEY CHOICE! Sviatoslav gave you time to think. Since you are a capable man and all that, and apparently you are allergic to arrows, maybe it isn’t worth risking your hide in the front lines, after all?
1) DA, it’s hard to find capable commanders around these parts. Your leadership is probably better than your combat skills.
2) NET, you want to spill blood and protect your marrow squash!!!
In the end he mentions by name every voi that died because of him. I used this to compile a modest report, here:
You could just show us the report, skipping this ridiculous letter.
Hm. I guess?
These horsefuckers invaded our province, killed our people! They want a war? I’ll give them a war they never forget!
Why would they launch a suicide attack at us, while being so miserably small themselves?
Not many people support their faith even in native lands. Bu-Ti’s dominion is extremely weak.
What’s more important, whoever is responsible for developing T’ien Ch’i combat tactics, he knows nothing about warfare.
I thought you were against this war, Ambassador?
No, I was against attacking Trollhome back when Rasputin made this suggestion. This way the rest of the world would see us as warmongers – we don’t want that.
Why? It suits me just fine. Let them fear.
Too late for that, Grigori. We are now engaged in a defensive war against foreign aggressor. And since these people and their goddess are absolutely insane, there can be no diplomatic solution to this. This is exactly the message I wanted other nations to understand.
What message, my Ambassador?
Bogarus can be a powerful ally, and not once in our history did we violate a formal agreement. However, if somebody tries to mess with us – we won't show any mercy.
It doesn’t work like that, Boris. There will be consequences.
I know. Once we conquer T’ien Ch’I, Bogarus shall become a global threat, due to massive economy boost. Their people might be stupid, but their land is rich.
What are you going to do about that? I have some experience in falsifying financial reports. Err, only theory, of course.
I have some ideas. An international forum was founded recently, where different nations are allowed to deliver public diplomatic messages worldwide. I shall explain our position there.
Horosho! Tell them we don’t have a choice in that matter. That we tried to negot…
LISTEN TO YOURSELF, you pathetic scumbag! You tried to negotiate. NEGOTIATE! These people worship overgrown brainless vagina, just because our Pantokrator was desperate enough to put his indiscriminate dick inside her! You tried to NEGOTIATE with them! You would have more luck if you said that Grand Cathedral is actually Pantokrator’s Pissoir – I bet they would worship this building instead!
Rasputin was mad with rage.
From now on, we invest everything into wiping T’ien Ch’i from the face of the world. I want to end this in quick and extremely bloody manner!
What? We can’t abandon our eastern expansion, Grigori!
Forget about the east! You’ve sent this purple cretin to lead all our forces against Janvar’s personal army! Do you really think he will make it out alive?
* * *
Knyaz Iyul Chetverti and Batushka Artemy still haven't achieved any understanding. In fact, they could barely talk to each other.
Janvar’s men were glad to see Iyul coming back. At first.
But then Chaos itself engulfed the battlefield.
Iyul’s tactical approach was questionable at best.
Artemy was on his own wave, while Iyul tried to talk things over with Sergei.
The situation was quickly becoming desperate. Something had to be done.
The battle of Morassia soon became legendary. People praised Knyaz Iyul Chetverti even more than Sviatoslav or Artemy.
His strength, compassion and honor are said to be unequaled. But most of all, people praise his VALOR.
By the time he returned to the city, Iyul was already a Hero.
I love Dominions. No matter what kind of plot you have on your mind, the game will always find a way to screw it. Our overcautious and maybe even cowardly knyaz is now also HEROICALLY VALOROUS! Roleplay THAT, Grimwulf!
Cowards having their hair turn into purple is just baseless superstition. Artemy surely knew that as well, he probably just went with it because he has certain sense of drama.. so to speak.