Death lines

[callehe]

Dry and factual is the best choice, save humour for the dialogues instead.

I was under the impression that people first get knocked out and then you get to deal out the death blow? is this correct? in that case the more actiony of the death descriptions should be avoided. ie

*npc lying on ground unconscious* *hit for 5 hp*
*The <profession> dies, his face twisted in hate. He won't be missed.*

makes no sense... your own are better in that department.

 

[Section8]

First of all, I'd say go with male and female lines. There is only so much "their" I can take.

The <prof> drops to his knees, and then keels limply forward onto his face.

<prof> goes down like a sackful of things that can't support their own weight.

With a sickening crunch, the <prof>'s ribcage collapses inward and he falls down dead.

The <prof> looks downward, fixing his eyes on the length of steel impaling his body. As if realising what has just happened, he crumples in a bloody heap - dead.

The <prof>'s life was hard, and death is even harder as he falls to the ground and watches his own broken body slowly die.

With a dramatic clutch at his failed heart, the <prof> falls down dead, his body unable to take anymore shock and trauma.

As he falls to the ground, the <prof> feels the utmost sorrow as his unremarkable existence draws to a close.

<prof> remains conscious just long enough to fully understand the indignity of death as he experiences his own.

Blood slakes the ground as one final wound rends the life from the <prof>.

<prof>'s intestines tumble end over end onto the ground as a savage blow disembowels him. He is quick to fall in a heap after them.

The force of the blow is enough to cave <prof>'s skull in. He dies instantly and slumps to the ground.

An astonishing strike snaps <prof>'s spine in half at waist level. He folds over on himself and falls dead to the ground.

That's a few, I'll keep adding. Although, would it help to have categorisation rather than just whatever springs to mind? Like a set of blunt, piercing, slashing, etc with standard variants, and over the top critical variants?

 

[DenialofSelf]

I thought of varying weapon types while writing those. I kept writing obvious melee deaths, but the nagging "what if" this was a ranged death kept bothering me. I would definitely be all for weapon-type specific death lines. I actally lean towards the more verbose ones as well.

 

[Kingston]

The <prof>'s skull cracks as the flail embeds itself deep into his head. His eyes roll upwards and he collapses to the ground, the flail firmly stuck in his cranium.

The <prof> grimaces as the blood flows from the fatal wound. He does not want to die, but nature intends otherwise.

The <prof> gives you the middle-finger before his dying breath.

With a sturdy blow you drain the strength of the <prof>. His legs cannot carry him any longer, and he falls over, a dead man.

The <prof>'s eyes glaze over. He sees now beyond the veil of our world.

In one startling move your spear impales the <prof>. Your adversary can only wince in pain for a few moments before he ceases to breathe.

You slice the <prof>'s belly open. He dies momentarily, his hands covered in blood and guts.

The <prof> succumbs to the comfort of death.

Your hammer strikes the <prof> on the side of the head. He hurtles to the ground and will never get up.

"If he dies, He dies." - a silly rocky spoof.

 

[Fryjar]

So far, I like Kingston's lines the most, except for the middle finger one.
This is imho the direction you should aim at. Not too verbose, but still distinctive und unique.

 

[Kingston]

Yes the middle finger one was lamez0rz. Probably should have put in something like "With his dying breath, the <prof> curses at you."

Writing these things is fun...

Bleeding, bruised and tired, the <prof> slumps to his knees. He does not struggle against his forthcoming demise.

Your exceptional blow shatters the <prof>'s skull. Fragments of bone litter the air. Needless to say, the <prof> is as dead as they come.

Things get damaged, things get broken. The <prof> understood this well.

The crossbow bolt hits the <prof> in the neck. The <prof> tilts his head, in awe of your pinpoint accuracy, and falls to the ground.

Your axe cleaves the <prof>'s face. Removing the embedded axe will be more problematic.

Your slash leaves a large incision in the <prof>'s artery, which begins to overflow with blood. Defiant to the end, the <prof> waves his weapon at you, only to collapse to the ground. He bleeds to death instantaneously.

Your sword punctures the <prof>'s lung. He feels the pain, alright.

The <prof> sighs loudly as the lights dimmer and fade away.

 

[Walks with the Snails]

You guys think it's the sights and sounds, but it's really the smells that make an impression. That's what's not represented graphically or audially by the computer either. Guess there's such a thing as being too realistic, though, it would probably be depressing more than anything. "You disembowel the warrior and the undertone of rotten eggs and partially malted barley lies alongside the familar metallic whang of freshly spilled blood. You wonder if you'll ever be able to choke down a beer again."

I kinda wonder about the incongruence between these flowery descriptions if you're just seeing a mass of pixels slump over in response with no sound, too. "Sickening crunch? I never heard a sickening crunch and I've got the volume cranked up." "Blood spurts out of his severed neck? Looks like his head is still attached firmly to his body to me." Stuff like that is probably better left to the imagination. Humor doesn't bother me, though. "You hit female raider in the groin. She takes it like a man, meaning it hurts really bad" still makes me grin.

 

[Section8]

familar metallic whang of freshly spilled blood.

You impale the buxom young virgin with your Familiar Metallic Wang of Freshly Spilled Blood +2.

 

[Walks with the Snails]

Something smells fishy. Oh wait, it's her. With a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach you wonder if yet another trip to the apothecary is in order.

 

[MacBone]

More PC death lines:

The <profession>’s blow caves in your chest. A rib pierces your heart, and you die almost immediately.

You move a second too late, and the <profession> strikes you on your upper arm, knocking it almost completely off. Within minutes, everything goes black.

The <profession> lands a killing blow. Blood wells up in your mouth, and you keel over, dead.

The <profession>’s blow rips open your face, squashing your right eye, smashing several teeth, and jamming your nose cartilage into your brain. Death is instantaneous.

The <profession> sidesteps your attack and then nails you at the base of your skull with his weapon’s hilt. You fall, and the <profession> quickly finishes you off.

The <profession> aims a well-placed blow to your femoral artery, completely severing it. You feel your strength draining from your body. Your vision clouds, and death claims you.

 

[Shoelip]

Are there only going to be messages for deaths? What about just normal critical hits and whatnot?

And I thought that characters drop unconcious instead of dying imediately.

 

[Vault Dweller]

Are there only going to be messages for deaths? What about just normal critical hits and whatnot?

Yes we have those, of course.

You hit the <profession> for <amount> points of damage, the armor absorbs <DR> points.

You dodge the <profession>'s attack.

You expertly dodge the <profession>'s attack and counter-attack immediately.

Critical strike! You hit the <profession> for <amount> points of damage,
/bypassing armor
/causing massive damage to vital organs
/knocking him down
/crippling him
/disarming him

Your net misses the <profession>

Etc.

And I thought that characters drop unconcious instead of dying imediately.

We replaced that with dialogues.

 

[Shoelip]

Ah, I see, no more knockouts at all then?

 

[bylam]

NPC Death

Your adversary slumps to the ground, leaking blood.
Your opponent collapses beneath the weight of your last blow.
You stike the <Profession> in a vital organ and they crumple to the ground, dead.
It takes the <Profession>'s brain a few moments to register your last blow, and then they fall nervelessly to the ground.

PC Death (Reverse them)

You slump to the ground, leaking blood. You have died.
You collapse beneath the weight of your opponent's last blow.
The <Profession> strikes you in a vital organ and you crumple to the ground, dead.
e.t.c.

By the way VD it really depends on the tone of the entire game. Does the game poke irrevent fun at the player a lot? Does the game take itself seriously?

Probably the most important thing is that the death lines are consistent with the tone.

 

[Vault Dweller]

By the way VD it really depends on the tone of the entire game. Does the game poke irrevent fun at the player a lot?

No.

Does the game take itself seriously?

Yes.

Based on the feedback from this thread, I wrote a few lines. Better?

PC death:

Your death is quick, but painful. By the time you realize that your life is about to end, the darkness is already washing away the pain.

NPC death:

The <profession> spits out blood, sneers at you and falls down dead.

The <profession> clutches the wound, but blood continues to flow through the fingers and he goes down with a surprised look on his face.

The last wound is fatal and the <profession> dies instantly, before the body hits the ground.

The <profession> gasps in pain, tries to say something, but chokes on blood filling his throat and and collapses.

 

[bylam]

I think those are fine (though you need to clean up the grammar). The important thing to remember is that players will know what is happening; most people won't bother to read the death lines after the first few times.

You really can't go wrong as long as the lines are brief and to the point. Most of the examples that have been posted so far have been too descriptive for my taste.

 

[Kingston]

I think the death descriptions could use richer language.I mean "surprised" alone has been used so much it only registers just as a generic z0mg! -look. Use something that defines the expressions more, e.g. perplexed, bewildered, dumbfounded, dismayed, startled etc.

Also, a few notes...

Your death is quick, but painful. By the time you realize that your life is about to end, the darkness is already washing away the pain.

Avoid repetition ("pain"). There are good online therasaurases if you can't remember any synonyms.

The <profession> spits out blood, sneers at you and falls down dead.

I like it, but It feels a bit too much like a list, it requires some more fluency. Might I suggest "Spitting blood, the profession sneers at you and falls down dead."

The <profession> clutches the wound, but blood continues to flow through the fingers and he goes down with a surprised look on his face.

As said before, perhaps you could replace "surprised" with something more unique. I also thing "goes down" could be changed to something like "crumples down".

The last wound is fatal and the <profession> dies instantly, before the body hits the ground.

Looks fine, although I find the sentence structuring slightly odd.
What is the emphasis on? The fact that the <profession> died instantly or that he didn't have to hit the ground before dying? Both basically mean the same thing. The latter part doesn't really feel like it is necessary. Either take out "instantly" and the comma (also change "the" to his/her), take out the latter part or place some more emphasis on it. I would probably write it "The last wound is fatal and the <profession> dies instantaneously, his body not having enough time to even hit the ground."

The <profession> gasps in pain, tries to say something, but chokes on blood filling his throat and and collapses.

Pretty cool.

All in all they're all pretty good, but could use some tweaking. And that's just my humble opinion, I could be giving you shit advice.

 

[miles foreman]

I notice a lot of the descriptions use "his". Have you made sure that these won't be used with female characters?

Ideally, it would be nice to avoid using his/her, but if it's impossible we can use male/female lines.

You're specifying sex when you define NPCs, right? Just create a wild cards that can be applied by the program when it generates your descriptions.

 

[Twinfalls]

WWTS makes a very good point about the use of smell in description, which *really* should be heeded. I'd say go with his tack for a large whack of the lines - you'll distinguish your game effectively.

 

[dagorkan]

First, I'd like to recommend KC's post. If you need descriptive phrases keep them short, as simple and non-specific as possible.

Also,

You guys think it's the sights and sounds, but it's really the smells that make an impression. That's what's not represented graphically or audially by the computer either. Guess there's such a thing as being too realistic, though, it would probably be depressing more than anything. "You disembowel the warrior and the undertone of rotten eggs and partially malted barley lies alongside the familar metallic whang of freshly spilled blood. You wonder if you'll ever be able to choke down a beer again."

I kinda wonder about the incongruence between these flowery descriptions if you're just seeing a mass of pixels slump over in response with no sound, too. "Sickening crunch? I never heard a sickening crunch and I've got the volume cranked up." "Blood spurts out of his severed neck? Looks like his head is still attached firmly to his body to me." Stuff like that is probably better left to the imagination. Humor doesn't bother me, though. "You hit female raider in the groin. She takes it like a man, meaning it hurts really bad" still makes me grin.

Exactly. It disturbs me how you guys seem to relish the most bloodthirsty Sin City-ish descriptions. For a gritty, 'dark', realistic world like AoD I don't think text suggesting 'violence iz kewl' is a good thing. Walks got it right, if you're gonna pick gruesome details at least pick ones that you'd actually see/notice in the real world.

Used well descriptions could help reinforce the player's impression of combat as being unpleasant and dangerous, and not something your character would want to participate in, that direct confrontation is the last resort.

Of course you the player will enjoy combat, but I find the actiony pseudo-realistic stock violence difficult to believe - 'immershun-breaking' if you want.

 

[Kingston]

I'm not sure how you would incorporate smells though. Its not like the stench of a rotting corpse appears just as you hit the guy with a hammer. I do agree on emphasising the danger of combat. Building this kind of atmosphere might require a lot of text though, here is my go at it anyway:

"The hammer lands a clean blow on the side of the <prof>'s head, the impact pulsating a cloud of sweat and blood. Your sinuses are filled with the foul miasma and you find it hard to keep yourself from vomiting."

"You land your blade into the <prof>'s gut. His sticky breath bathes the air around him as he groans at his pains. His sweaty hand clings to your arm and his grip tightens before he suddendly drops to the floor."

 

[MF]

Death. Death never changes.

 

[Walks with the Snails]

Exactly. It disturbs me how you guys seem to relish the most bloodthirsty Sin City-ish descriptions. For a gritty, 'dark', realistic world like AoD I don't think text suggesting 'violence iz kewl' is a good thing. Walks got it right, if you're gonna pick gruesome details at least pick ones that you'd actually see/notice in the real world.

Used well descriptions could help reinforce the player's impression of combat as being unpleasant and dangerous, and not something your character would want to participate in, that direct confrontation is the last resort.

Of course you the player will enjoy combat, but I find the actiony pseudo-realistic stock violence difficult to believe - 'immershun-breaking' if you want.

Yeah, pretty much what I was thinking. A lot of the suggestions make me think of a cartoony Quentin Tarantino movie. All my experiences with dismembering human beings lie thankfully in the post-mortem category at this point, but it's not really an insurmountable stretch to extrapolate a little. It is mostly unpleasant. And it's funny, too. Funny more in the "you can laugh, cry, or puke, so choose one" category, but still. Maybe it sounds like you're putting thoughts in people's heads, but I think there's a little bit of universality. Anyone who has a character concept "Yeah, my dude's a total psycho and totally gets off on this stuff and this touchy-feely crap breaks my character concept" probably has no earthly idea of what such a person would really think anyway, so why not inject the human element rather than a clinical examination of what body parts fly in which direction. That spells immersion to me more.

 

[MisterStone]

Here's mine. I think that simple is better. In any case, if you go into too much detail it becomes ridiculous after the exact same death sequence is repeated 50 times throughout the game.

For blunt weapons:

• 1) A powerful blow from your <wep> causes the <prof>'s head to snap sharply to one side. It hangs at an unnatural angle as <he> staggers and then collapses forward, lifeless.
  
  2) Your <wep> connects with the <prof>'s head with a <nauseating> crunch. <He> spins and topples limply to the ground, eyes off-center, mouth agape.
  
  3) Your <wep> connects with the <prof>'s ribcage with a resounding snap. Blood streams from the <prof's mouth> as <he> coughs wetly, tries to raise <his> hands to <his> chest, then keels over in a quivering heap.

For slashing weapon:

• 1) Blood bursts out in a sudden spray as you swiftly draw your blade across <the> <prof>'s neck. <He> clutches at the streaming wound, staggers, then topples forward, lifeless.
  
  2) You pull your blade sharply across the inside of <prof>'s upper arm. The <Prof> clutches <his> armpit as <he> falls to one knee, then collapses, twitching, in a pool of dark arterial blood.

For hacking:

(same as crushing, slightly modified)

For impaling/stapping:

• 
  1) Your <wep> finds the <prof>'s eye socket, penetrating to the back of <his> skull. <He> instantly stiffens, then slowly topples backwards onto <his> back, lifeless as a post.
  
  2) Your <wep> pierces deeply into the <prof>'s chest. Blood streams from <his> as <he> groans wetly and feebly claws at the weapon. As you jerk it free, frothy blood sprays forth, and the <prof> crumples lifelessly to the ground.

Er... I still don't understand: are they doing the KO then death blow system? If so, the all of that is useless, I guess.

What do you all think? Boring? Too long? I'd be grateful if someone with a better understanding of anatomy/medicine could correct these descriptions and make them more realistic.[/list]

 

[kingcomrade]

NPC dies a suitably gory death.