Let's Play Oblivion: The Adventures of Snails!!!!1! (Finito)

Here goes!

Chapter 11: Nekkid Bitches?! Dis Really Be Paradise!

Chapter 11: Nekkid Bitches?! Dis Really Be Paradise!

Well, it is finally time to get the Amulet of Kings back from Mankar Camoran.

It's about damn time! I jest 'bout went crazy wid all dem dumb-ass sidequests!

I think you went a bit past crazy, Snails!

YEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, let's get our asses back to Cloud Ruler Temple.



Alright, where's da damn clown dat's pullin' dis shit!

I think that would be Martin. He's right over there.



I don't know what you'll find in Camoran's Paradise.

Probably nekkid bitches!

You're not far off the mark, Snails!

Damn straight!

I do know the portal I create through the Mysterium Xarxes ritual will close behind you. You'll have to find another way back.

So you don't even know how I can get back. I don't like dis one bit!

Well, it is the only way to beat the game, so you just have to press on.

YEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

I believe that Mankar Camoran acts as the "anchor" for Paradise, just as a sigil stone anchors an Oblivion Gate in place.

So Mankar is a Sigil Stone. Got it!



Kill Mankar Camoran, and you will unmake his Paradise.

Shall I open the portal to Paradise? Are you ready?

I am as ready as I will ever be!

Speak fo' youself, white boy!



Farewell, my friend. Our fate is in your hands. Bring back the Amulet of Kings.

Brace yourself.

Aw hell!





Here we go!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, we arrive in Paradise. Here are a few screenshots.







As I step on the path, Camoran gets on the PA and starts yapping at me.



So goodbye yellow brick road
Where the dogs of society howl

You can't plant me in your penthouse
I'm going back to my plough

Back to the howling old owl in the woods
Hunting the horny back toad

Oh I've finally decided my future lies
Beyond the yellow brick road

Ahhh-ah-ahh!! Ahhhh-ah-ah-ah-ah!!
Ahhh-ah-ahh!!



Here a triceratops-like daedra attacks me. He does not put up much of a fight.



The path suddenly ends at a bluff, so I jump over and swim to the nearby shore ...



... where I encounter a topless woman!!

Alright! Dis is startin' ta look like my idea of paradise!

Apparently, I must have installed some kind of topless mod and forgot about it, but I did not think I was playing with any mods. Well, whatever!

You ... how can you be here?

No matter. You are too late to stop Lord Dagon's victory. Soon we will return to Tamriel, to rule over it as lords.

While you will remain here in the Eternal Garden ... forever.

Gaiar Alata is the Master's name for this place. We usually just call it Paradise.

This is the Savage Garden. At the top of that mountain lies the Terrace of Dawn, which leads up to Mankar Camoran's palace ... Carac Agaialor.

Beneath the mountains lies the Forbidden Grotto, the only way out of the Savage Garden.

The Forbidden Grotto is the only way out of the Savage Garden.

Bitch, you jest told me dat!

Those who earn the Master's favor are given the Bands of the Chosen and allowed to leave the Garden.

Alright, so to get out of this garden, we need these bands. Now, where will we find them?



Here is another one of the "Ascended Immortals." She mostly repeats the same shit the last bitch said.



Dat's what happens when you make a deal with de Devil!

You got that right!



That looks like the way out, but it seems to be guarded.



Meet Kathuted. He's the guard 'round these here parts.





Basically, he gives us the option to fight him or to perform a quest to free a prisoner trapped somewhere in these gardens. Since, by this point, I was hurrying to finish the game, I picked the quick option.







Yeah right!



The Bands of the Chosen are on his body.



When I equip them, I cannot unequip them.

Man, 'dis sucks!



Well, Camoran is yapping again! I think he is lonely.



What de fuck is you talkin' 'bout?



... The Moonbase of I'm-Gonna-Kick-Yo-Ass-If-You-Don't-Shut-Up!!





That this game is a piece of shit?



So Tamriel is a part of Hell?

I knew this world wuz fucked-up, but goddamn!!

This is why Elder Scrolls games are so painful to play! They are set in Hell! :eureka:



So, I guess I have been closing Liberation Gates all along!

No. We wuz closin' dem!

Damn straight!

It's time for more ranting!

Aw not more o' dis shit!





How is it that Conan O'Brien got the Tonight Show?



The truth has been in front of you since first you were born: the Daedra are the true gods of this universe.

Julianos and Dibella and Stendarr are all Lorkhan's betrayers, posing as divinities in a principality that has lost its guiding light.

What are Scholarship, Love, and Mercy when compared to Fate, Night, and Destruction? The gods you worship are trifling shadows of First Causes.

They have tricked you for Ages.

Why do you think your world has always been contested ground, the arena of powers and immortals?

Cuz dey don't got nothin' better to do?

It is Tamriel, the realm of Change, brother to Madness, sister to Deceit.

Your false gods could not entirely rewrite history. Thus you remember tales of Lorkhan, vilified, a dead trickster, whose heart came to Tamriel.

But if a god can die, how does his heart survive?

He is daedroth! TAMRIEL AE DAEDROTH!

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

Sorry, got a bit carried away there.

"This Heart is the heart of the world, for one was made to satisfy the other." You all remember this. It is in every legend.

What? You mean those old books? Never touch the things!

Daedra cannot die, so your so-called gods cannot erase him from your minds completely.

Finally, Camoran shuts up for a while.



Alright, it is time to enter the Forbidden Grotto. Snails needs the handcuffs for this.

Aww! I jest know dat Cameron is gonna try some kinky-ass shit on me! YEEEE!!



The journal is here to state the obvious.



This looks a bit less pretty than the Savage Garden.

A little ways in, Snails comes across this fellow.



Can you really do it? Can you bring this eternal nightmare to an end?

Can you defeat Mankar Camoran? And free all the souls of the poor fools who followed him?

I guess.

Listen, I can help you. You need my help if you are ever to leave the Forbidden Grotto.

And jest why should I trust you?

I was at the sack of Kvatch. They had no chance. We took them by surprise, and we carried the walls in the first assault.

But they fought on anyway. Desperately. They seemed to think this decadent, mundane world of theirs was worth defending.

I was slain after the battle was over. Three townsfold hiding in a cellar attacked me when I entered their house, hunting down survivors.

They tore me to pieces, although I have no doubt they were immeadiately killed by my companions.

I've had plenty of time to ponder my deeds since I came here. Ponder, and regret. An eternity of regret.

For my weakness, the Master sent me here, to torture my former comrades who showed similar ingratitude for his gift of eternal life.

No one wearing the Bands of the Chosen can leave this Grotto. The doors will not open, and there is no other way out.

I can remove them, but I will need time. The Dremora overseer will be here any minute to check up on me. You need to play along until he leaves.

Just act like a prisoner, and do as I say. Once Orthe leaves, we can find a quiet spot to remove those Bands.

Is that what they are calling it these days?

You're still here?

Where else would I be? Spinning in my grave?

Is Batman still here?

Of course!

Good! I was starting to get tired of dis cracka' writin' dis 'Let's Play'.

That does it, Snails! You are going in the cage!

Good. Follow me, and don't worry. You can trust me.

I hate it when people say dat!

The guard now approaches.



















Aw man!



I don't like dis!



Aw hell! I really don't like dis!



YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Hep me! Hep me! HEP ME!!



Well, apparently Eldamil was trustworthy after all!

Dat wuz some time to trust one of those cultists!

We had no choice, Snails!

YEEEEEEE!!!!



We are let out on the other side.





Unfortunately, I took a wrong turn and ended up fighting Orthe anyway.

Does dat mean I got nearly roasted fo' nothin'?

Apparently.

I hate you man!



Anyway, I wonder what this lever does.



Oops!

Well, better him than me!

Anyway, we eventually meet back up with Mr. Hooded.

You made it. I didn't think you'd have any trouble. Let's get these Bands off you ...

... there. You're not a prisoner of the Forbidden Grotto any longer.

Let me come with you. Let me help you kill Mankar Camoran. I am not without power.

Whatever.

I am no match for Mankar Camoran, but perhaps together we can find a way to defeat him. Lead on.

It's time once again for the Camoran radio show!

Man, I'm gonna stuff dis bitch's microphone up his ass when I get to him!

Well done, champion! Your progress is swift and sure. Perhaps you will reach me after all.

You think I mock you? Not at all.

In your coming, I hear the footsteps of Fate.

You are the last defender of decadent Tamriel. I am the midwife of the Mythic Dawn, Tamriel Reborn.

Is that a fork of the Tamriel Rebuilt project?

I welcome you, if you truly are the agent of Fate.

I tire of the self-styled heroes who set themselves in my path, only to prove unworthy in the event.

Did he shut up?

I think so, Snails.

Good!



Well, it looks like this road is closed!



Here is another Clanfear (a.k.a. Triceratops Demon).



Who the hell is this guy?



A Medrike? What the hell is that?



Well, anyway, it dies, and I never see another one like it.



I'm finally outta dere! The sun never looked so good!



This is an ass-shot of Mehrunes Dagon

Doesn't look so scary now, does he?



Well, we've finally arrived at ol' Mankar's pad!



Who was she again?



Oh, the red-drink bitch! I remembers her!





Apparently, Camoran had a son as well!

Now who would fuck that crazy-ass!







I enter the castle.



Well, if it isn't King Crazy-Pants hisself!



He has a long-ass speech, but you know what, fuck it! Let's get down to business!



I just whack Camoran a few times, and the battle is over.





I make sure to grab the loot off his body ...



... and the others.

The place looks to be crumbling around us? Where do we go now?

You mothafu---

Find out in the final update!

Same Oblivion Time! Same Oblivion Channel!

Now you're talking, West!

Just one more update left!

BTW, I have taken a little time to improve some of the older chapters, so if you can stomach Oblivion, you might want to reread them. There is a bit more combat now.

This LP is actually more enjoyable than the game itself :D . That's quite a feat.

barker_s said:

This LP is actually more enjoyable than the game itself :D . That's quite a feat.

Click to expand...

Not with Oblivion.

The final update should be ready in a few hours. In the meantime, could you guys bump this topic one last time?

For great *bump*!

BUMPITY

Speaking as one who never could play this game's main quest, I must thank you. It is a humanitarian service you are performing.

bumpity-bump

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