Chapter 54 - Search Your Feelings...
Welcome back to Let's Play Final Fantasy 7, the lp where the author doesn't really give a shit about anything. When we last left our lovable chosen one Cloud Strife, his reality had just been forcibly challenged by challenging forces!
Now join us as we tear down the second plot twist!
Man! If only the game could have ended after this! Oh well, no such luck.
Of course it's an illusion, Tifa. I mean, you might be a bitch but not even you are bitchy enough to, for no apparent reason at all, continue a charade that have plagued me all my life.
Right, hehehe... heh... I wouldn't...
That I wasn't in Nibelheim five years ago. That's it, isn't it?
I see you finally understand.
What you are trying to say is that you want to confuse me, right? But... even making me see those things won't affect me. I remember it all. The heat of the fire... the pain in my body... and in my heart!
Good point, Cloud! What do you have to say about that, Sephiroth?
You are just a puppet... You have no heart... and cannot feel any pain... How can there be any meaning in the memory of such a being? What I have shown you, is reality. What you remember, that is the illusion.
Good point, Sephiroth! Cloud, your response?
Right.
Do you understand?
I don't want to understand.
Alright, Sephiroth. That's a fair question. Can you give Cloud a fair answer?
Oh well, worth a shot.
I want to take you back to your real self. The one who gave me the black materia that day. Who would ever have thought a failed experiment would prove so useful? Hojo would die if he knew!
Hojo?! What does he have to do with me?!
(Well, apparently he's your father...)
Five years ago, you were... constructed by Hojo, piece by piece, right after Nibelheim was burnt. A puppet made up of vibrant Jenova cells, her knowledge and the power of the Mako.
HOLY SPAGHETTI SAUCE UP THE ASS, CLOUD! WHAT... WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO ALL OF THIS?!
*shrug*
Alright.
What's wrong, Tifa? I'm not affected by it. ..I wasn't paying attention to him.
Hi, I have a delivery of
for a Mr Cloud Strife.
All that talk about Hojo constructing you is a lie! Don't we have our memories together? Being kids together, starlit nights...
Peeking at you in the bathroom...
:wink:
:evil:
Alright, alright...
Hahaha, Tifa. Why are you so worried and scared by those words? Hmmm... Shall I show everyone here what's in your heart. Hahahaha, are you not feeling well?
Why are you so scared? Don't worry about me.
WORRY ABOUT WHAT I AM GOING TO DO TO YOU IF IT TURNS OUT SEPHIROTH IS RIGHT!!
No matter how confused I am, I'll never believe a word Sephiroth says.
Yes, it makes too much sense!
Shut up, Guybrush!
There's a lot of things muddled up in my memories. But, Tifa... you said ''Long time no see, Cloud'', right? Those words will always support me.
I lied to you, Cloud.
WHAT?
UH OH! LET'S REWIND!!
..those words will always support me.
I li..
Yes? :D
I li...ke icecream.
Me too! Remember when we ate icecream?
Ahem, yes...
Man, I can't see why you're being weird, Tifa. I am the one you grew up with. I'm Cloud of Nibelheim. No matter how much I lose faith in myself, that is the truth. That's why you shouldn't be scared.
You know... when you've reached a point in your life where you get halfassed inspirational speeches from ex-mercenary ladyboys with psychological problems... yeah, you really should just kill yourself.
No matter what anyone else says to me, it's the attitude that counts.
ATTITUDE! YOU GOT SOME FUCKING ATTITUDE!
Turn that fucking thing down, asshole! Anyway, like I said, Tifa. As long as you got attitude, you can just...
What's not? Aren't I the same Cloud you grew up with?
That's not what I mean. I don't know how to say it.
"I'm sorry I lied to you" would be a good start.
Cloud, I need some time. Can you give me a little time for myself?
You... want to break up?
I'm sorry. It's not you, it's me.
Well, hehe, I didn't even know we had a relationship!
We don't. I'm just... I need to take a break.
We're stuck in the friend zone and you're breaking up with me?
Uh, I'm going to go over there for a moment if it's al..
Cid?
Yeah, I don't think this is any of my business so...
..Oh I see.
What?
OH I FUCKING SEE HOW IT IS!!
Uh, okay...
"#¤%&!!
Cloud! What the hell is your problem?!
I've seen the way you have looked at him ever since he came into the group! Is that it, huh?
Is that what?!
You're breaking up with me because of him!
WHAT?!
A-HA!! SO IT IS TRUE!!
Is what true?
Tifa and Cid have been fucking each other behind my back!
How the fuck should I know about that?
WELL YOU SEEM TO KNOW EVERYTHING ELSE!!
WE'RE NOT FUCKING EACH OTHER!!
WELL WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING THEN?!!
NOBODY'S FUCKING ANYONE!!
...
...
...whew!
Well, except for me.
:!:
Oh no...
I FUCK ALL OF YOU! MOAHAHAHAHA!!!
I KNEW IT!
Knew what?
SEPHIROTH IS FUCKING ALL OF US!
YES!
THE PLOT TIGHTENS!
...what?
THE TIGHT PLOTTENS!
Oh! What does that mean?
It means that...
You mean...
Yes!
Jenova and Tifa...
Yes!!
Jenova and Tifa merged?
YES!! Well, their memories inside of you that is...
And Jenova is a girl?
..um, yes?
And Tifa is a girl too?
...
Well... yes.
That is... TOTALLY AWESOME!!
I think you're misunderstanding what I'm trying to say here. Let me clarify what I...
SHINRA TOTALLY PLANTED SEXTRATERRESTRIAL LESBIAN SEX SCENARIOS DIRECTLY INTO MY BRAIN!!
...
...
...
Right?
...
...
No!
Awww.... So I guess I'm just a clone of Sephiroth and a boy named Cloud that Tifa grew up with then?
I guess.
LAAAAAAAAME!!
Among all those memories...
What a *cough* coincidence.
Shut up, Goggles.
Ha, ha, ha... Oh, I'm sorry. You never had a name!
Shut up, Sephiroth.
You still don't understand? Do you remember that picture we took before we headed for Mt. Nibel? I guess it's not the best piece of evidence since this is a flashback controlled entirely by me, but I still think we should take a look at it.
FACT: Filename is 64_AHAHAHAHAHAHA.jpg
Five years ago, I came back to Nibelheim to inspect the reactor. I was sixteen. The town hadn't changed at all. What did I do...? Oh yeah... I saw my mom... the people in town. I went to Tifa's room. There, I...
Looked at my underwear.
Whoa, man!
Well yes, but I also played the piano!
You looked in my drawers.
Sure did. I even read a letter addressed to you.
Asshole.
I spent the night and went to the reactor in Mt. Nibel. I was excited about it.
That's really "#¤%&!! sad, boy...
Shut up, Goggles! It was exciting because...
Yeah. I always wanted to enter SOLDIER... SOLDIER... When did I enter SOLDIER?
I'm... I'm... That's right. I didn't have to worry about it, because I was...
Cloud?
Let's go, Tifa. I'm... I'm alright...
IS CLOUD REALLY ALRIGHT? WHAT ARE THE GIGGLE PARADE DOING RIGHT NOW? HOW LONG UNTIL BARRET IS TRICKED INTO GIVING UP THE BLACK MATERIA TO THE FORCES OF DARKNESS? FIND OUT IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF LET ME PLAY FINAL FANTASY SEVEN FOR YOU, YOU DAMN DIRTY DEAD N' DUMB DESTRUCTOBOT!!