Let's Play Pokemon Emerald!

Oh great, now God's going to feel loved!

E: Become an hero

Nietzche said:

God is dead

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Alrighty then, boys, girls and some of you people in the back!
Welcome back to Let's Play Pokemon Emerald!

When we last left our heroes, God had teleported an annoying fat man blocking his way, to only He knows where only to get himself killed by the box art for Ghouls and Ghosts. He was resurrected immediately, although not without proper cursing. While Bubbles and Flappyjack went on to level 10 and beating Brendan's sorry furry ass, God was left to be hassled by a queer pokeball salesman who also explained the joy of teleportation devices, something God found so interesting he repeated himself. Now the gang is rejoined and not only has God been allowed back in but he has also taken a quest to become a hero!


"Oh, God is going to be a fantastic hero!"
"No he's not!"
"I even made a list."



"That's great, God!"
"I know."
"You see, Flappyjack. Now let's be supportive of God's decision!"
"He's an evil, twisted man in a suit who giggles like a little girl over the most childish things! That man will never be a hero!"
"But..."
"NEVER!"
"Hehehehehe!"
"Hello again!"
"NEV... oh, it's you. What is it now, you little pervert?"

"I thought you already said that?"
"Be quiet, female."
"But…"
"Shut up! It's a Japanese thing."
"???"
"Well, sure makes sense to me!"
"And that’s what makes you a man, man!”
“Hahaha!”
“Hahaha!”
“Hahaha!”
“Man hug!”
“Get the fuck out of here before I beat you to death with your own spine.”
"Oh yeah? You're one of them, huh?"
"Yeah."
"God?"
"Asshole?"
"Make me, big guy!"
"I love being a hero."

<>


"Tha..."
"Thank you, Professor Birch. It was on the list."
"What list?"
"I'm going to be a hero so I made a list!"
"Oh."
"I'm gonna be a hero! Just like that gay dude on MTV! Booyaaaaahahaaaa!!!"
"Is he on the, uh, pill, Bubbles?"
"He's a hero, Professor Birch, not pregnant..."
"Well, in any case... For beating Brendan in a... um, most violent pokemon battle..."
"Booyah!"
"... I have something for you, Bubbles."
"That better be cake you got there in your hand, neckbeard."
"Well, um, almost."


"Awesome!"
"Yes, isn't it?"


"I sure did!"
"Bubbles, you realize he was standing next to you this whole time?"
"He sure was!"
"And I broke his spine."
"You sure did, God!"
“Ow.”
"He can't move his head in any other direction."
"He sure can't!"
“Well, obviously he alrea… ah, forget it.”
“Why do you do this, you little pervert?”
“It’s... a Japanese... thing...”
“…”
“Hey... that’s also... a Japanese... thing...”
“…”
“Yeah, okay, I'm going to hit you again.”
“Hey, no fighting in the lab! Please go outside! Ahem! Now, allow me to show you how you use the pokedex, Bubbles! The pokedex is a high-tech tool that automatically makes a record of any Pokemon you catch.”
“That sounds awesome, Professor Birch!”
“Yes, Bubbles! It sure is! This nifty little gadget provides you with all the data you need. Like how tall they are, what they sound like and where you can find them!"
"Wow!"
"…completely wasted on a female…"
“Shut up, spineless!”
"All the things you need to become a Pokemon Master, just like your father, is in this gadget!"
"Father..."
"Yes, Bubbles. Now is the time to seek out your father.
"What's so special about your father, Bubbles?"
"Well, he's..."
"But wait, I think Brendan has a gift for you first. Brendan? Brendan? Oh, get up on your feet, son! Now's not the time to be relaxing!"
"Ow!"
"Do you have something for Bubbles, Brendan?"
“Cough it up, you little rat.”
“…yes…”

“Cool!”
“ army, here I come!”
“Meh.”
“With these you can befriend even more pokemon!”
“Capture, you mean?”
“No, no. Befriend.”
“But we throw these pokeballs at them and trap them inside.”
“Oh but it’s mostly legal! And all Pokemon have signed special ‘befriending contracts’. Yes, it’s most definitely called befriending. So it’s really just a friendship ritual!”
“Of course, most of these contracts were signed at gunpoint.”
“Details, details!”
“In fact, it would be most heroic to save pokemon from…”
“It would, wouldn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I guess I’ll put it on the list then! Right after saving the world. No worries.”
“Ugh…”
“Alright, Bubbles! And you. Let’s go befriend the crap out of all sorts of pokemon out there!”
“Yay!”
"Well, uh, I guess you're all set then! Goodbye and good luck, Bubbles!"


And so Bubbles, Flappyjack Mudkip and God, the most badass Pokemon Catching Troika that ever was, finally went out to shape their destinies.

"I'm going to be the greatest Pokemon Trainer ever!"
"I'm going to be the mightiest Mudkip ever!"
"I'm going to be the best Jack Bauer there ever was!"




"GODDAMNIT!"


To be continued...

You didn't go with E.

OccupatedVoid said:

You didn't go with E.

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Yes, I did. I merely slapped them all together since I got a new tie thanks to that prick, Cassidy. God is indeed on an epic quest to become a hero. See that list? See that slow motion hero walk? Surely the stuff of heroics! :wink:

Locue said:

OccupatedVoid said:

You didn't go with E.

Click to expand...

Yes, I did. I merely slapped them all together since I got a new tie thanks to that prick, Cassidy. God is indeed on an epic quest to become a hero. See that list? See that slow motion hero walk? Surely the stuff of heroics! :wink:

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I'm not a prick

And I should have linked to this, because that's not what exactly "becoming an hero" means in the Internets:

Become an Hero

There comes a time in every man's life when situations spiral out of control and he finds his back against a wall. Maybe somebody stole his iPod. Maybe he just killed his wife and kids. Maybe he looked in the mirror and saw a fucktard. Whatever the reason, you can either get up and face the music, or you can tell the world and whatever deity you believe in to fuck off. In the latter case, pull out your list of final solutions and place a check in the suicide box. Tonight, you dine in hell.... But, are you "An Hero"?

Simply pwning one's self IRL is no cause to become "An Hero". Without exceptions,"An Heroes" are made, not born. When otherwise normal and rational people fondly eulogize and honor those that have killed themselves before them, that's when "An Hero" is made. Like it or not, somebody out there probably gives a shit about Curt Kobain. Could anyone say the same about you? That's why you'll never amount to anything. You'll never be "An Hero". (But don't let us stop you from trying. Having said that, becoming an hero is shit because you won't get to see the results of your endeavours. However, if you do a school shooting and don't kill yourself, you just might. With a lot of luck. Don't expect not to get raped and murdered in prison, or executed in the electric chair.)

The phrase "An Hero" dates back at least 100 years ago last thursday, to the proto-An Hero, Mitchell Henderson, who famously shot himself after losing his iPod. /b/tards jumped on a grammatical error made by one of his myspace friends, and it is now immortalized as the banner under which we mock those courteous enough to remove themselves from the gene pool. Since then, an heroes of all ages have bravely been removing themselves from the gene pool, including 3 year olds

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Cassidy said:

Locue said:

OccupatedVoid said:

You didn't go with E.

Click to expand...

Yes, I did. I merely slapped them all together since I got a new tie thanks to that prick, Cassidy. God is indeed on an epic quest to become a hero. See that list? See that slow motion hero walk? Surely the stuff of heroics! :wink:

Click to expand...

I'm not a prick

Click to expand...

Of course not. Did you not notice that funky smiley?

And I should have linked to this, because that's not what exactly "becoming an hero" means in the Internets:

Become an Hero

There comes a time in every man's life when situations spiral out of control and he finds his back against a wall. Maybe somebody stole his iPod. Maybe he just killed his wife and kids. Maybe he looked in the mirror and saw a fucktard. Whatever the reason, you can either get up and face the music, or you can tell the world and whatever deity you believe in to fuck off. In the latter case, pull out your list of final solutions and place a check in the suicide box. Tonight, you dine in hell.... But, are you "An Hero"?

Simply pwning one's self IRL is no cause to become "An Hero". Without exceptions,"An Heroes" are made, not born. When otherwise normal and rational people fondly eulogize and honor those that have killed themselves before them, that's when "An Hero" is made. Like it or not, somebody out there probably gives a shit about Curt Kobain. Could anyone say the same about you? That's why you'll never amount to anything. You'll never be "An Hero". (But don't let us stop you from trying. Having said that, becoming an hero is shit because you won't get to see the results of your endeavours. However, if you do a school shooting and don't kill yourself, you just might. With a lot of luck. Don't expect not to get raped and murdered in prison, or executed in the electric chair.)

The phrase "An Hero" dates back at least 100 years ago last thursday, to the proto-An Hero, Mitchell Henderson, who famously shot himself after losing his iPod. /b/tards jumped on a grammatical error made by one of his myspace friends, and it is now immortalized as the banner under which we mock those courteous enough to remove themselves from the gene pool. Since then, an heroes of all ages have bravely been removing themselves from the gene pool, including 3 year olds

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Nobody gives a shit about Encyclopedia Dramatica. Don't get me wrong, I've gotten some laughs out of it but God's going to become a traditional hero like Duke Nukem and George Washington. Not an hero. Sorry.

Of course, if you all want to... Let's have another poll!

What will God become?
A: An hero
B: A hero
C: The hero
D: kingcomrade

Duke Nukem

I pick comedy option D just to see how that would turn out.

True. D for me, too....

There are all those funny pictures of KC around... do something with em

D.

Though wouldn't that mean that KC was God?

Feel the fear.

B

Quality thread, thanks for the work.
I bet even playing through a game like Pokemon would be fun if I had a narrator like that to go with my exploits.

Imbecile said:

D.

Though wouldn't that mean that KC was God?

Feel the fear.

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D too

Expect "Warhammer 40k meets Pokemon"

Use this as the God "avatar" if D wins:



Or a part of this:

http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/4821/kcjj7.png

We all know a KC option is always going to win any poll.
I therefore suggest that only every 17 1/2th vote for it should be counted.

Now, now Nedrah. That wouldn`t be fair at all! Granted, I`m not up to date as far as the kingcomrade mythos go, but we must respect democracy! :wink: Update will once again be late. My keyboard died while I was channelling the spirit of Texas so Im actually typing this out using Ms Words insert symbol thing. If that`s not devotion to a cause I really dont know what is! I guess, maybe a sure sign of madness and loneliness? *sniff* Anyway, thanks for the support (hah!). Keep voting and I`ll be back as soon as possible. And if you want kingcomrade I`ll give you kingcomrade! Best I can.

Alright, I'm back and I'm ready to transform God into... a man called kingcomrade.

Jeez, guys. kingcomrade? I mean, what? I know I put it there as an option and all, but... Man, I don't even know the guy. He spells his forum name in the lower case, for christ's sake?! Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. But don't worry. I'll follow through. I'm a professional. At least as long as I can until I am FORCED to peel that boyishly handsome face off of him.

Now, since I don't know the guy other than the fact that he shuns the upper case family of letters like the plague, I had to find out as much as I could and so, as any biotechnologially engineered Heath Ledger-clone should, I did my research and so here's what I now know about kingcomrade! He is...

1: from Texas! I don't know how I know this. I think he mentioned it in some thread. Or some other guy mentioned it in a thread. Either way, he's from Texas and if he turns out to be another russian/polish/german guy, I will find him, devour him, buy myself a ticket to San Antonio, shit out his remains and proceed to smear them on the Alamo where his texan spirit can finally rest, dripping down one of those pearly white walls. All before getting deported and kicked in the face by Shawn Michaels.

2: apparently not fat like his avatar! What is it with slightly overweight people getting monstrously obese avatars? You think it's funny, huh? I'll tell you what's funny, bitch. I almost lost 90 percent of jokes! Yeah, that's right. I had to make a completely un-funny sidequest and buy up all the rare candy I could find, just so that I can have the brilliant joke where Flappy and Bubbles yell "beached whale!!!" at him with not just one, not two but three exclamation marks! Totally out of character for Bubbles but I nailed it and she's not in any union I know of. And besides, all good fat jokes come in stereo. Yeah, this is nothing but quality, folks.

3: an avid Warhammer-player. I base this upon Cassies comment and on several Warhammer-related threads. I have never played Warhammer in my entire life and so I will not comment on the game. However, I have also never taken a big blue cyborg cock up in any of my private spots and I'm sure that works in my favour.

Disturbing 90's inspired Image Comics character!
"Uh, I have some trouble relating to this, Andy."

Yeah, well, suck it up.

I could go on and on and on, but essentially God is (eventually) going to turn into a fat european shit stain on the Alamo while Flappyjack and Bubbles capture racoons and take over towns. I hope you will all enjoy this new direction I'm taking regarding this Let's Play-threa and I'll see you all again as soon as the next update is ready, which shouldn't take too long despite my new Vista-powered machinery.

All the best.

What the hell is goin on in here

kingcomrade said:

What the hell is goin on in here

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Madness.

But I deliver. Don't worry.

kingcomrade said:

What the hell is goin on in here

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You woke up famous, Billy

Any chance on a new year suprise update?

Nope, but I can hint on a late than nevar update coming some time after 3rd. That was a turd joke but it's also the truth. Write up your calendars, boys and boy-ettes! 3rd January, all hell breaks loose.

Seriously speaking, I'm sorry. It's Christmas and all the Happy New Year swing-thing. What was I going to do? Retire my family and friends with a shotgun blast, just to play Pokemon? Get serious. I don't even have a shotgun. I was raised a pacifier and you just can't bloody kill someone with that. I can say though, no matter the delays, I will never, and that's a NEVAR!, give up. This thread will be finished and now that I'm all done sticking my nose up asses, things will be faster all-around.

By the way, do you want this to be a 100 procent play-through? 'Cause if you do, let me tell you this straight away: hell no it won't! Nothing personal.

Happy new year and christmas and all other sorts of jazz. Fusion on ya, lads and lad-ettes! I'll see you all later. That's a threat.

Edit: By the way, if some of you wonder "does he have a plan for this let's play and story?" then yes, I actually do have a plan. And I have an ending that will not change despite how many changes you people make God go through. It's going to be epic. Or incredibly sucky. Depends where you come from, I guess. :wink:

Aaaaand... we're back? Seriously guys, never ever fucking get yourselves employed or socially competent. Just stay at home all day long and make LPs in your underwear instead. It's what I would have done if I wasn't such a cowardly fag. Now where the fuck were we?



Ah yes. We were about to get new shoes from our dear mother. Well, it's definitely the most useful upgrade in the game so let's pry them from her cold, living hands and be on our way!

"This is so awesome! I didn't know I needed special shoes to run. Look Flappyjack, they're even called "running shoes"!
"Makes sense... I guess."
"Oh this is the best day of my life! Now all I need to do is press "B" when I want to run!"



"I thought that was standard issue in other games?"
"Not in Pokemon, silly!"
"Guess not. But still..."

SHAZAM!

"Damn! What the hell?"
"Is... is that you God?"



"Nay! It is I, Kay-Zee, slayer of the ungodly, sniffer of thy laundry and protector of those who need protection! Kay-Zee!"
"Cool bulge, Go, I mean Casey!"
"Indeed it is, Bubbles! Indeed it is! And it's Kay-Zee!"
"You look like Captain Marvel..."
"I say thee nay, homosexual simpleton mudfish! Kay-Zee is my name and I look only like Kay-Zee! Remember it, fool, lest I smite you with my enormous rod of wonder!"
"'kay..."
"I am serious, my Patrick Stewartly looking friend! Oh, how I would smite you over and over again until the break of dawn!"
"Oh, I wish I could be smited!"
"No Bubbles, I shant be smiting thy precious and firm teeny-bopper ass! Nay, it would not be proper of me at all."
"Aww..."
"Aww, indeed, Bubbles. I understand your frustration."
"Well, will you be coming with us anyway?"
"Well..."
"That sure is an impressing looking bulge! Don't you think so too, Flappyjack?"
"...pleasesaynopleasesaynopleasesayno..."
"Yes! I do believe I shall accompany you."
"Fuck!"
"Bulge!" :D
"But you're a superhero!"
"A fantastic observation, Anal Kin!"
"You said you were going to be a hero!"
"And indeed I shall! I have even updated my list!"



"You've spelled "Tokyo" wrong, idiot."
"Intentionally! I reserve my extraordinary abilities for those who deserve it, you Jap synthesizer you!"
"(sigh)"
"And do not think even for a moment, nor a second, that I will ignore my heroic duties while accompanying you, lest I zap thy face! I am a superhero! My will be done! And all that."
"Who's the homosexual mudfish creature, Kay-Zee? Could be a good start."
"(sigh)"
"I think so too, Bubbles, but the contract says I have to kill him at night, when he's asleep, by suffocating him with a pillow made out of plastic bags!"
"Oh my."
"Indeed, Bubbles! Well, let us be off immediately! Now that we have pokeballs and the ability to run, the world is our oyster and we shall go through it like a chainsaw!"
"Chainsaws are cool!"
"Indeed they are, Bubbles, but you should never play with chainsaws."

And so, the most awesome party ever FUCKING FINALLY left Littleroot Town to achieve superstardom in the world of Pokemon Emerald.

______________
Meanwhile, in a laboratory somewhere, two scientist dudes are talking! Let's listen in and establish some plot-within-the-plot!

"Oi, mate, the saviour of Hoenn is in deep trouble!"
"Hand me a fag and call me a son of a bitch, old bloke, looks like you're right. We must act!"
"We must send our best man to stop it!"
"But who? Who is up to such a dangerous task?"

A mysterious tough guy rises from a bed. Bandages all over his body. He's bleeding. He has enormous muscles. He's everything you wanted to be when you were eleven and he has an even bigger penis.

"... I'll do it."
"What? But your wounds! They have not yet healed! You are in no shape to..."
"Don't give a fuck. I owe that son of a bitch a world of pain."
"No, no, we should send someone else. We..."
"You send someone else they get killed faster than you can jerk off to Eliza Cuthbert."
"Err..."
"Yeah. Now shut up and let me save the world. I'm your last hope and you know it."

The mysterious tough guy leaves the room.

"What a remarkable man."
"He's going to get himself killed. This is crazy!"
"Perhaps, but these are crazy times..."
"Hm."
"Too dramatic?"
"Go jack off somewhere."

Who would be up for such a dangerous task?!
And what is this dangerous task?!
Who is the saviour of Hoenn?!
Will there be icecream?!
The answers will chock you and leave you wanting for more!!
To be continued!!
(we reserve the right to withhold possible updates for as long as is needed, so don't sit up all night)

Locue said:

"Oh this is the best day of my life! Now all I need to do is press "B" when I want to run!"

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Heh. See? MSPaint pictures makes the thread all the more entertaining.

"They sure do, Sovy!" :D