Alright boys and girls, welcome back. We’re still playing Pokemon Emerald, only slightly part-time as I’m getting used to working the streets for money! Now where were we?
“Is that muddy little fucker completely healed now?”
“He sure is.”
Ah yes. The gang were about to go see Brendan. But first!
GODDAMN, I love making these logos. But I hate ties. Ties are bad. They look goofy and they tie your neck up real bad. Clearly, the tie had to go.
“Be quiet, narrator! And I love ties. I like my neck tied up… Ahem, alright, now we’re going to do some serious training right now here in the immediate vicinity of the hospital! I’m thinking at least hundred levels and then maybe you’ll finally be ready to kill a bug!”
“I almost had him!”
“Yes, and then you got a weird deus ex machina heartattack in the ass! Be quiet now.”
“Asshole.”
“Hey, you know what, God?”
“What is it, Bubbles?”
“I’m taking Flappyjack with me on my own to see Brendan.”
“You’re what?”
“You’re having a negative effect on poor little Flappyjack!”
“I’M the one having a negative effect?!”
“Oh shut the hell up, you weird Billy Joe Armstrong look-alike!”
“WHAT?!”
“We’ll come by to pick you up when we’re done with Brendan! Just stay here or something.”
“WHAT?!”
“Oh hell yeah.”
And so Bubbles and Flappyjack Mudkip III left God with the ever ominous presence of Ghouls N’ Ghosts lurking in the shadows…
“Oh fuck off, son!”
“Do you think he’s angry at us, little Mudkip?”
“I’m not little, dammit! And who gives a fuck about God?”
“Oh, little Flappy, you’re such a cute little atheist!”
“GOD DAMMIT!”
So Bubbles and Flappyjack ditched God and went out in the forest on their own to do serious training, and after some time…
“I feel stronger!”
“Happy times!”
… they were ready to face Brendan.
“Hi Brendan!”
“’Sup?”
“The fuck?”
“… Brendan?”
“Oh yeah, that’s hot!”
“Uh, what are you talking about, Brendan?”
“Who’s there! I’m not doing anything wrong!”
“How long have you been standing there, female?”
“I’m a girl!”
“And all too much, I think!”
“We heard it all, creep!”
“But we only heard…”
“We heard enough! Are you monitoring innocent pokemon having sex, you little pervert?”
“You can’t prove it!”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah! And you’re going to have to battle my pokemon now! Because even people like me have honor and you’re going to take those hurtful words back!”
“Oh, hell no we won’t. You’re on, yiffster! Let’s tango!”
“No Flappy! He has a grass type pokemon!”
“Yes, Bubbles, and grass type pokemons suck! And they especially suck water type pokemon!”
“Really?”
“Oh yeah. The stories I could tell you about my wild college days would chock you.”
“Alright! Go, Flappy!”
“This time I won’t fail!”
“Let’s fight! Go Dendrosexy!”
“…Dendrosexy?”
Alright, readers. Needless to say this fight is going to be really fucking epic and…
“Critical hit. Okay, I’m done. Hand me a whore.”
Well, I’ll be damned.
“I’m so proud of you, Flappy!”
“Yeah, I know I’m awesome.”
“For a girl!”
“And let me tell you, it’s going to be real nice not waking up to those staring, penetrating, judging eyes every morning...”
“Uhm…”
“Oh well, we should probably head back to the lab!”
“Okay. Let’s go together!”
“I thought we were going together..?”
“Man, what a jerkoff.”
"Oh well. I guess we should get back now. We'll pick up God on the way. He must be waiting for us."
"What? We don't need that asshole!"
"Well, let's just go back and discuss it with him, okay?"
"Alright, alright..."
"I wonder what he did to kill time?"
Good question!
“Hi there, tall, dark and handsome!”
“Fuck off, queer.”
“No need to be that way, kind sir. No need to be rude, kind sir. My name is Dieter Kraft and I work for Pokemart.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And you my friend seem like a highly intelligent fellow!”
“Yes, I am but you don’t and I ain’t helping another kid through college.”
“No, no, nothing like that. I meant to say, you look like a man who know a good deal when you see it.”
“I guess. I mean, I did create this world after all…”
“Excellent!”
“And then I flooded everything. Just to start over, y’know.”
“Absolutely!”
“’Course, all these flying fucks and all these swimming bastards survived.”
“A miscalculation, I’m sure!”
“You’re gonna sell me something, aren’t you?”
“Now, if you could just come with me, sir…”
“I could use an earthquake.”
“And… Hmm… earthquakes, sir? Sorry, I’m afraid we don’t carry those!
“You’re afraid of not having any earthquakes?”
“But we do sell all sorts of stuff for all your eventual eventful Pokemon needs! Whatever you need for your Pokemon we are more than happy to sell it to you!”
“I bet you are.”
“We have pokeballs!”
“Really? We sure could use some of those!”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, see we got this mudkip and…”
“Say no more, say no more, sir! Don’t worry, don’t worry! We got all kinds of pokeballs to cater to your every desire! We got pokeballs, megaballs, timerballs, blueballs, bugballs, ultraballs, diveballs, normalballs, my balls but I’d like to drain them first haha, nestballs, restballs, testballs, c’estballs they’re french but don’t hold it against them, vestballs, bestballs, questballs…”
“How about the normal kind?”
“Normal balls?”
“Yes. Normal.”
“No.”
“No? You don’t have them?”
“No. We’re expecting a shipment though...”
“Oh yeah? When?”
“Right after you’re done with Birch’s errands.”
“Uh-huh…”
“How do transports… or rather, any vehicle get into these towns anyway? They all seem so secluded. And this town has a mountain to the east, a big forest you can only walk or ride a bicycle in to the north and west, and a neighbouring secluded rich family area to the south. I don’t see any roads or…”
“Oh, the cars teleport, sir!”
“Teleport? Oh. Well, that’s handy."
"We have some for sale if you're interested."
"That's real handy…”
To be continued!
Alright, people. Time to choose!
The gang is soon reunited. Will Bubbles and Flappyjack...
A - let God rejoin their adventures?
B - tell him to fuck off since they do much better without him?
C - ask him to use his newly stolen teleportation device to keep an eye on Brendan?
D - put a gag on him and keep him around strictly as a poster boy?
E - do something else to him? (Specify yourself, fool!)
About Flappy, yeah, I would have gotten Doom Cock but I gotta listen to the democracy. Damn you ancient greeks!
