Andyman Messiah
Mr. Ed-ucated
Update 03: The third update
Hey, you crazy crackers, here the third update of the infamous let's play “Let's Play Final Fantasy VIII” by your pal Andyman Messiah, the only sexual predator you can trust. In this update we're going to do a bunch of shit we should have done in the first update but didn't get around to for various made up reasons. Let's do it!
Haha, no, you don't!
What Quistis is trying to do here is give us a 'brief' explanation about how Guardian Forces work in this game. Okay, first of all there's nothing brief about that shit, and secondly we're going to cancel that tutorial. Yes, you can skip the tutorials and you should do this all the time! If you need a tutorial that is literally on how to click the same button four times in a row I'm going to fucking find you and push you off a fucking cliff four fucking times. That's not a threat, it's a promise. There is most definitely a difference. Look it up, assbrain.
Instead, I'm going to explain this junction fuckness for you.
There is nothing complicated about the junction system.
Alright, tutorial done.
Everything ok up till now? You can always check back by accessing the Tutorial from the Menu.
1: no. 2: fuck you.
Oh yeah? Well, we'll see who's quicker, you cunt. My cancel button against your cockless mouth.
Ready to go? The Fire Cavern used for the test is located east of here.
Thank god for the colorblue cyan.
World map! We're free, free to do anything we want! We can... go to exactly three different places. Let's go to the one place that fucking sucks, the Fire Cavern!
On our way we're assaulted by an overgrown mosquito.
Quistis will give you a tutorial on how to use your gunblade. R1 is the trigger, “pull” it when you're hitting the enemy.
I guess I better explain how this shit is supposed to work. Fuck. Alright, first of all a gunblade is not actually a gun in any way you may think a gun is supposed to be. You can't fire bullets with a gunblade. Instead, the gun-aspect of the blade is a mechanism that, when triggered, fires a blank, causing the blade to vibrate and thus, if applied to the enemy at the right moment, causes a little extra damage. That's how I've come to understand things, but I drink alcohol so I'm hardly someone you can trust around firearms or blades or any combination of the two.
I don't defend gunblades, but I also don't see what's so bad about them. It's Final Fantasy, god lord jesus who draw fanart in heaven.
If you can't tell, I'm starting to get that reluctant feel again, like I had with FF7. What does this mean for the future of children everywhere? I have no idea. All I know is that we have a fire pokemon to catch.
Out of my way, janitors. There's an oblivion gate inside this cave and I have to close it!
We're also asked to choose a time limit. 10, 20, 30 or 40 minutes. If you don't pick ten minutes a horrible demon will appear and tear your cock off.
So here's the fire cavern. It's firey.
My job is to support you in battle. Everything else is up to you.
Fine.
You know, the boys often choke on this test when I come with them. I guess my charm makes them nervous.
(Whatever...)
I'm just kidding.
I guess I was right. You and Seifer are in a class of your own. You both have amazing strength and potential.
Gee, thanks a lot. Now how about we go and kick some demon ass, huh?
Meet Ifrit.
He's a pussy.
The challengiest challenge here is actually watching out for the time limit. See, when you run from battles you save a lot of time, but saving time right here in the fire cavern is actually not very important. Sure, 0:00 equals game over, but if you want the best rank you actually have to defeat Ifrit and let the time run out. The more time you have left when you walk away from the battle will peel off your score according to ye olde rule of “time well spent”, etc. The trick to that is beating him and leaving the game on for a few minutes while you're on the experience screen.
Who would have thought a fire demon would be weak against ice? Summoning Shiva is actually not the best way to go, as summon animations just takes too goddamn long, so throw some blizzard at him. He'll go down quicker than a desperate intern.
And no, you don't get experience points for bosses is in this FF.
In fact, FF8 makes it a point to remind you about this every single time you defeat a boss, escape a battle or otherwise fails to collect those precious points. It's almost like if they're yelling at you.
Quistis reminds you that since the cave is full of fire monsters, casting ice on them might just be a good idea. I'll have to give it some serious thinking once I get back home.
And back home I got.
Now change into your uniform and assemble at the 1F Lobby.
In the next, slightly longer update we're going to put on our school uniform and have somecake total fucking war, dammit!!
Hey, you crazy crackers, here the third update of the infamous let's play “Let's Play Final Fantasy VIII” by your pal Andyman Messiah, the only sexual predator you can trust. In this update we're going to do a bunch of shit we should have done in the first update but didn't get around to for various made up reasons. Let's do it!
Haha, no, you don't!
What Quistis is trying to do here is give us a 'brief' explanation about how Guardian Forces work in this game. Okay, first of all there's nothing brief about that shit, and secondly we're going to cancel that tutorial. Yes, you can skip the tutorials and you should do this all the time! If you need a tutorial that is literally on how to click the same button four times in a row I'm going to fucking find you and push you off a fucking cliff four fucking times. That's not a threat, it's a promise. There is most definitely a difference. Look it up, assbrain.
Instead, I'm going to explain this junction fuckness for you.
There is nothing complicated about the junction system.
Alright, tutorial done.
1: no. 2: fuck you.
Oh yeah? Well, we'll see who's quicker, you cunt. My cancel button against your cockless mouth.
Thank god for the color
World map! We're free, free to do anything we want! We can... go to exactly three different places. Let's go to the one place that fucking sucks, the Fire Cavern!
On our way we're assaulted by an overgrown mosquito.
Quistis will give you a tutorial on how to use your gunblade. R1 is the trigger, “pull” it when you're hitting the enemy.
I guess I better explain how this shit is supposed to work. Fuck. Alright, first of all a gunblade is not actually a gun in any way you may think a gun is supposed to be. You can't fire bullets with a gunblade. Instead, the gun-aspect of the blade is a mechanism that, when triggered, fires a blank, causing the blade to vibrate and thus, if applied to the enemy at the right moment, causes a little extra damage. That's how I've come to understand things, but I drink alcohol so I'm hardly someone you can trust around firearms or blades or any combination of the two.
I don't defend gunblades, but I also don't see what's so bad about them. It's Final Fantasy, god lord jesus who draw fanart in heaven.
If you can't tell, I'm starting to get that reluctant feel again, like I had with FF7. What does this mean for the future of children everywhere? I have no idea. All I know is that we have a fire pokemon to catch.
Out of my way, janitors. There's an oblivion gate inside this cave and I have to close it!
We're also asked to choose a time limit. 10, 20, 30 or 40 minutes. If you don't pick ten minutes a horrible demon will appear and tear your cock off.
So here's the fire cavern. It's firey.
Gee, thanks a lot. Now how about we go and kick some demon ass, huh?
Meet Ifrit.
He's a pussy.
The challengiest challenge here is actually watching out for the time limit. See, when you run from battles you save a lot of time, but saving time right here in the fire cavern is actually not very important. Sure, 0:00 equals game over, but if you want the best rank you actually have to defeat Ifrit and let the time run out. The more time you have left when you walk away from the battle will peel off your score according to ye olde rule of “time well spent”, etc. The trick to that is beating him and leaving the game on for a few minutes while you're on the experience screen.
Who would have thought a fire demon would be weak against ice? Summoning Shiva is actually not the best way to go, as summon animations just takes too goddamn long, so throw some blizzard at him. He'll go down quicker than a desperate intern.
And no, you don't get experience points for bosses is in this FF.
In fact, FF8 makes it a point to remind you about this every single time you defeat a boss, escape a battle or otherwise fails to collect those precious points. It's almost like if they're yelling at you.
Quistis reminds you that since the cave is full of fire monsters, casting ice on them might just be a good idea. I'll have to give it some serious thinking once I get back home.
And back home I got.
In the next, slightly longer update we're going to put on our school uniform and have some
