Emotional Vampire
Arbiter
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2008
- Messages
- 6,927
Now, normally when you make an LP of a game you do it because you know the game's good and you want to show people how cool it is. Or you know it's bad and you want to show how much it sucks.
This LP...
...is different.
I've never played Magna Carta: The Phantom Of Avalanche and I only have a vague idea about what it is. I know it's a jRPG from Good Korea, which I could call kRPG but no one would fall for that one. Then again it does come with a patch, which is amazing in itself. See, that's because koreans, unlike japs, actually game on their PCs. Mostly shitty grindan MMOs, but still, let's give them this much credit.
I also know the art was done by that one dude who often draws soft erotica and everyone likes him but not me because he's too freeform for my tastes.
So there you go. Into the unknown! Let's play!
I guess this is where I'm supposed to post link to YT intro, and I'll do just that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTsbx8EF8lA
But you're welcome to skip it, the only notable thing in it is that the main hero has painted nails. Yes, that chick in white with the sword is a man.
Let's just move on to the main menu.
Holy mouse control, Batman! A cursor! I see this is a hardcore PC position after all, there's even current version number. Also I don't think we need both Load *and* Continue but whatever, maybe they felt if they gave us only three options to choose from it would look poor.
On with it, then.
Well that's convenient, I'm pretty sure this single panel describes 90% of story in this game. Someone wants to be more human so he goes and kills the planet and becomes ultimate human but in fact loses his humanity in the process! Probably.
The game starts with a movie they ran out of the budget for. There's this chick standing in deep space and as the camera goes around her there's this dude behind.
And then he kills her. OR DOES HE?
That's the wo-man from the intro you didn't see. Seems like we'll be playing him through this game. And don't be fooled by that arrow in the dialogue window, THE DIALOGUE DOES NOT WAIT FOR YOUR INPUT! IT JUST APPEARS AND GOES AWAY! That's so innovative I'm beginning to think the term "kRPG" is well deserved after all.
Also, all this is voiced in korean. Which sounds better than japanese actually.
Because the text just floats by I can't alt-tab and write it down with funnay avatars. I hope it's only like that in the cutscenes or this LP will quickly become several gigabytes big.
Anyway, after that Mackbethian exposition we finally get into the game.
The controls are Desert Strike-like, that is when you press forward the character moves forward relative to him, which ends up in me accidentally going the wrong way first time I try to move.
Cool story bro. Reflecting upon my life, I probably should've tried using the mouse here. This diaologue window does NOT go away by itself, so I guess I'll be adding funnay avatars soon and alt-tabbing fifty times whenever someone ask me about grapes. Thank god.
Let's got left then. It should be noted that as you probably can see for yourself, the graphics are fucking bad. Now I know that shouldn't really matter in a game with captivating story and thourough character development, but when I don't know where the fuck I am supposed to go because I can't tell a ridge apart fro-
Well I guess here's the other feature, other than the wo-man protagonist, straight from a jRPG. Random encounters. I kind of hoped for a tutorial with rats, I have no idea how to play the game. Here's what I manage to figure out: the system is, obviously, in turns. The first blue circle is how far you can move, the rest seems to be a filler. The orange circle is your attack range. Then there are Turn Points, which can be used both for attacking and moving, so if you move too much, you can't attack, and so on. It's all startingly similiar to 3rd ED, actually.
Now that's out of the way... what in the nine hells I am fucking killing here? They look like crossovers between hamsters and kohlrabi. Well one of them does, the other is a jello and kohlrabi. What the fuck is with asians and jellos. And I shit you not, the hamster one attacks by farting. Yes, I'm 100% seriuous here, he just turns around and FARTS at you and then you explode.
Well, trying to not look at them, I execute jRPG Strategy #1 - hit them with sword until they die.
I hit them and hit them and they don't die. I have no idea how many HP they have.
BITCH. It does more damage than me FFS!
What the f...
...
wat.
This LP...
...is different.
I've never played Magna Carta: The Phantom Of Avalanche and I only have a vague idea about what it is. I know it's a jRPG from Good Korea, which I could call kRPG but no one would fall for that one. Then again it does come with a patch, which is amazing in itself. See, that's because koreans, unlike japs, actually game on their PCs. Mostly shitty grindan MMOs, but still, let's give them this much credit.
I also know the art was done by that one dude who often draws soft erotica and everyone likes him but not me because he's too freeform for my tastes.
So there you go. Into the unknown! Let's play!
I guess this is where I'm supposed to post link to YT intro, and I'll do just that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTsbx8EF8lA
But you're welcome to skip it, the only notable thing in it is that the main hero has painted nails. Yes, that chick in white with the sword is a man.
Let's just move on to the main menu.
Holy mouse control, Batman! A cursor! I see this is a hardcore PC position after all, there's even current version number. Also I don't think we need both Load *and* Continue but whatever, maybe they felt if they gave us only three options to choose from it would look poor.
On with it, then.
Well that's convenient, I'm pretty sure this single panel describes 90% of story in this game. Someone wants to be more human so he goes and kills the planet and becomes ultimate human but in fact loses his humanity in the process! Probably.
The game starts with a movie they ran out of the budget for. There's this chick standing in deep space and as the camera goes around her there's this dude behind.
And then he kills her. OR DOES HE?
That's the wo-man from the intro you didn't see. Seems like we'll be playing him through this game. And don't be fooled by that arrow in the dialogue window, THE DIALOGUE DOES NOT WAIT FOR YOUR INPUT! IT JUST APPEARS AND GOES AWAY! That's so innovative I'm beginning to think the term "kRPG" is well deserved after all.
Also, all this is voiced in korean. Which sounds better than japanese actually.
Because the text just floats by I can't alt-tab and write it down with funnay avatars. I hope it's only like that in the cutscenes or this LP will quickly become several gigabytes big.
Anyway, after that Mackbethian exposition we finally get into the game.
The controls are Desert Strike-like, that is when you press forward the character moves forward relative to him, which ends up in me accidentally going the wrong way first time I try to move.
Cool story bro. Reflecting upon my life, I probably should've tried using the mouse here. This diaologue window does NOT go away by itself, so I guess I'll be adding funnay avatars soon and alt-tabbing fifty times whenever someone ask me about grapes. Thank god.
Let's got left then. It should be noted that as you probably can see for yourself, the graphics are fucking bad. Now I know that shouldn't really matter in a game with captivating story and thourough character development, but when I don't know where the fuck I am supposed to go because I can't tell a ridge apart fro-
Well I guess here's the other feature, other than the wo-man protagonist, straight from a jRPG. Random encounters. I kind of hoped for a tutorial with rats, I have no idea how to play the game. Here's what I manage to figure out: the system is, obviously, in turns. The first blue circle is how far you can move, the rest seems to be a filler. The orange circle is your attack range. Then there are Turn Points, which can be used both for attacking and moving, so if you move too much, you can't attack, and so on. It's all startingly similiar to 3rd ED, actually.
Now that's out of the way... what in the nine hells I am fucking killing here? They look like crossovers between hamsters and kohlrabi. Well one of them does, the other is a jello and kohlrabi. What the fuck is with asians and jellos. And I shit you not, the hamster one attacks by farting. Yes, I'm 100% seriuous here, he just turns around and FARTS at you and then you explode.
Well, trying to not look at them, I execute jRPG Strategy #1 - hit them with sword until they die.
I hit them and hit them and they don't die. I have no idea how many HP they have.
BITCH. It does more damage than me FFS!
What the f...
...
wat.
