Items descriptions

[cardtrick]

Generally, I agree with Fryjar, especially about the lines NOT to see in-game. For what it's worth, I think the writing is good, and my problem is more with the premise than the execution. I.e., I don't like lines about someone's death that force an opinion on my character (maybe my character deeply regrets each kill that he makes). I also don't like lines that are completely out of any character . . . it seems like Fallout 2 syndrome, too much immersion-breaking "humor."

I also have a big problem with the weapon descriptions, much more than I do with the death lines.

For one thing, they're too active. Weapons are inanimate objects. A gladius can't excel at something, a greatsword can't sacrifice for something. Nor is the greatsword currently cleaving something: perhaps it "can cleave the heaviest armor" but I really don't like always seeing that my sword "cleaves the heaviest armor" when it may in fact be sitting unused in my pack at the moment.

Also, they sometimes assume too much. Only if LITERALLY all gladii in the world were created for the Imperial Legion should you have that in the item description.

Finally (and here I may be misunderstanding what you meant by item descriptions), I think they're too short. I'm assuming these are the descriptions you get in the inventory screen, when examining your weapons. In that case, my preference is for a short paragraph. I would like one or two lines physically describing the weapon (the Khopesh description is a pretty decent example of this). I would also like one or two lines giving commonly known facts: i.e., how it is generally used, by whom, and how common it is (the Shamshir description is a decent example of this).


All that said, there's nothing awful about any of this, and I wouldn't complain if I saw these descriptions in a game. But since you asked . . .

 

[cardtrick]

As an addendum, here's a quick example of what I might like to see for the gladius:

As short as the average man's forearm, the double-edged steel blade of this sword projects from an ornate bronze hilt. A versatile weapon designed for thrusting and slashing in close quarters, the gladius is favored by the Imperial Guard and makes a common sight throughout the remnants of the empire.

 

[SimpleComplexity]

I personally like long weapon descriptions with further informations, i got this feeling of motivation when i find a new weapon, so that i open my inventar and read about the weapon before i use it, its just shows me that the developers really put much love in the game.

As short as the average man's forearm, the double-edged steel blade of this sword projects from an ornate bronze hilt. A versatile weapon designed for thrusting and slashing in close quarters, the gladius is favored by the Imperial Guard and makes a common sight throughout the remnants of the empire.

i like this, what i also like is some humor in the weapon descriptons like the Crowbar in Deus ex: Hit somebody with that. Repeat.

 

[MisterStone]

Re: Items descriptions and death lines

Khopesh – This exotic sickle-shaped sword has a straight base and a crescent-shaped end. The inner edge is used for hacking, the outer edge for slashing.

Greatsword – Sacrificing speed for power, this massive two-handed sword cleaves the heaviest armor.

Here's mine:

Greatsword - With a long straight grip, no guard, and a broad, curved blade nearly the length of a grown man's arm span, this weapon resembles nothing else so much as a gigantic butcher's knife massively scaled up for use in battle. Awkward at close quarters and too heavy for the average fighter, in the hands of a specialist it has excellent range and power, and readily rends flesh, sinew, bone and all but the most resilient armor.

Khopesh – This sword has a straight base about two hand's widths in length, from which extends a wicked crescent-shaped blade. It combines the hacking contour of an axe on its convex edge with sickle-like sharpness on the opposite side. In the hands of a skilled wielder, the tip of its concave edge can bypass sword guards or even shields, teaching a cruel lesson to the uninitiated.

(Looks like those are too long... oh well, it gave it the ole' college try anyways.)

Although it is obvious I ripped off a lot from the original descriptions, there are a couple of points I want to make about the greatsword: 1) just because a weapon is big doesn't mean it is "slow". It might be hard to use up close, or unable to thrust, etc. etc., but no one would wield a weapon that they thought of as "slow"... that would be a death wish. 2) Even really heavy swords cannot cut through strong armor such as plate. That doesn't mean they don't hurt the person under the armor, just that metal armor isn't that easy to cut through. Even chainmail. Of course, you may or may give a rat's ass about realism on this point.

See #18 on this page: linkhttp://www.thearma.org/essays/TopMyths.htm

Those guys know wtf they are talking about.

 

[Vault Dweller]

I split the original thread. Here is what we for swords:

Writer #1:

Gladius - This short-bladed sword was crafted for the Imperial Legions. It excels at stabbing unprotected abdomens and severing exposed limbs.

Khopesh – This exotic sickle-shaped sword has a straight base and a crescent-shaped end. The inner edge is used for hacking, the outer edge for slashing.

Shamshir – This curved sabre is favored by desert marauders. Normally worn horizontally, its curved blade is designed for slashing or thrusting from horseback, although it is often used afoot.

Greatsword – Sacrificing speed for power, this massive two-handed sword cleaves the heaviest armor.

Writer #2 (our original editor)

Gladius- Little more than 2 feet of sharp metal, in the hands of the Imperial Legion this blade once conquered the known world. Small, fast and deadly against lightly armoured opponents, this blade is a soldier's first choice for close-quarters combat. <additionally> Simple to make, and with a design that hasn't changed in centuries, this weapon was turned out by the thousands during the height of the empire's expansion.

Khopesh- The descendant of an ancient design, this blade, with its heavily curved and forward facing edge, has more in common with an axe than a sword. The point is used to pierce armour and the curve is used to trap the opponent's blade. Long since superseded by the simple design of the gladius, in the hands of a practiced user, this is a deadly weapon.

Shamshir/Scimitar- Originally used by mounted desert raiders, this blade has been adopted by many mercenary footmen. Its heft allows for more powerful blows, and the curve of the blade focuses impact along the cutting edge. An effective weapon in open melee, but too long and slow to be of much use in a closely-fought struggle.

Great Sword- Imported from the wild southern tribes, this huge weapon seems more suited for slaughterhouse work than the cut and thrust of combat. Powerful enough to slice even heavy armour, slow enough that your rickety old grandmother could likely dodge the swing.
<alternate>A strong man's weapon, a great sword can stop a charging horse with one swing. A good thing too, since one swing is all you have time for.
<historical>Imported from the wild Southern tribes, this infantryman's weapon can smash through a wall of pikes or slice the legs off a charging horse. Its slight curve increases the impact of the first slash, but its lack of a second edge means that there is no backslash. The weapon of choice for the courageous, the suicidal and the immensely strong.

Writer #3 (Cardtrick):

As short as the average man's forearm, the double-edged steel blade of this sword projects from an ornate bronze hilt. A versatile weapon designed for thrusting and slashing in close quarters, the gladius is favored by the Imperial Guard and makes a common sight throughout the remnants of the empire.

Writer #4 (Mr. Stone):

Khopesh – This sword has a straight base about two hand's widths in length, from which extends a wicked crescent-shaped blade. It combines the hacking contour of an axe on its convex edge with sickle-like sharpness on the opposite side. In the hands of a skilled wielder, the tip of its concave edge can bypass sword guards or even shields, teaching a cruel lesson to the uninitiated.

Greatsword - With a long straight grip, no guard, and a broad, curved blade nearly the length of a grown man's arm span, this weapon resembles nothing else so much as a gigantic butcher's knife massively scaled up for use in battle. Awkward at close quarters and too heavy for the average fighter, in the hands of a specialist it has excellent range and power, and readily rends flesh, sinew, bone and all but the most resilient armor.
...
So, comments, ideas, way to improve, style preferences? Do you prefer factual descriptions ("this is a sword. It's long, pointy, and sharp.") or would you rather see some flavor (history of this particular design)?

Also, about names. I'm in favor of using generic names like short sword instead of going with historically accurate names like gladius. Any thoughts on that? Or would you rather see made up names?

 

[SimpleComplexity]

well

writer1: too short descriptions for my taste

writer2: has some humor sometimes, a little bit history behind it, overall nice

writer3: not much examples, but sounds too objective, imo.

writer4: pretty awesome to read, could use some more historic content/humor

writer 4 with a little bit additionally historic or some humor content would be my choice. from the writing skills it is top, otherwise writer 2

So, comments, ideas, way to improve, style preferences?

pretty alright so far, haven`t looked particulary for mistakes, though.

optional you could add facts to the weapons like:
blade length:
overall length:
... etc.

my game philosophy is: the more content, the better.
IF: the game doesn`t sucks, of course.

I'm in favor of using generic names like short sword instead of going with historically accurate names like gladius. Any thoughts on that? Or would you rather see made up names?

Short Sword / Greatsword etc. sounds more like the class of the weapon. I`d really like to see historically accurate names, it offers the option for the player to read more about his favorite weapons and so he can learn more about them and the gameworld would become more realistic. Made up names are probably just the lazy way of avoiding historically correct names. Made up names for made up weapons is alright, though. When this game would be set in a Science-fiction world, then its logical to use made up names, but in this case, i think its not a good desicion.

 

[callehe]

Put the description in context with the world. The reference to the imperial guards on one of the swords are a nice touch. A liberal use of references to culture and history of the AoD universe is desirable.

 

[MisterStone]

Maybe there could be a separate historical/usage description for the items, based on a character's lore skill, knowledge of combat, etc.?

Too much of a pain in the ass?

 

[MacBone]

I only have time for a quick post right now. Here are the revised swords and some crossbow descriptions:

Gladius – Favored by the Imperial Legions, this short-bladed sword is good for stabbing unprotected abdomens and severing exposed limbs. Gladii are typically made by either forging separate pieces of slag together or from shaping a single strip of metal.

Khopesh – This exotic sickle-shaped sword has a straight base and a crescent-shaped end. Appealing to mercenaries' desire for a versatile, close-ranged weapon, the khopesh was brought back from one of the Conquests. The inner edge is used for hacking, the outer edge for slashing.

Shamshir – This curved sabre is favored by desert marauders. Normally worn horizontally, its curved blade is designed for slashing or thrusting from horseback, although it is often used afoot.

Greatsword – Designed for power rather than speed, this massive two-handed sword can cleave the heaviest armor. Its larger size makes it prized by the nomads of the far South, although its girth makes it unwieldy on horseback.

Standard crossbow – Compared to conventional bows, the crossbow has a stronger punch and can penetrate chain mail and most plate armors. It can be carried loaded, making it a faster firing weapon than a normal bow, but it has a heavier weight, longer reload time, and greater inaccuracy. Animal cartilage holds together the frame, usually made of yew or ash.

One-handed crossbow – This crossbow is light enough to be held in one hand. Although it lacks the power of heavier crossbows, this crossbow can be concealed more easily and has a faster reload time, making it a favored weapon among assassins and highwaymen.

Double-shot crossbow – Designed by the weapon smiths of the Eastern hordes, this crossbow has two bows and two triggers and is capable of firing one or both bolts simultaneously. Although less accurate than a normal crossbow, the double-shot variant does greater damage if both bolts are fired, and if only one bolt is used, there is no need to reload the weapon before launching the second bolt.

Standard crossbow bolt – The most common type of quarrel, this bolt is effective against most opponents, although it may not pierce some armors.

Armor-piercing bolt – Although this quarrel doesn’t cause as much damage as other bolts, it can punch through most armors.

Serrated bolt – This “hollow-point” bolt causes greater damage to unprotected opponents, though armor limits this quarrel’s effectiveness.

Give us your comments/revisions/rewrites!

 

[MisterStone]

Standard crossbow – Compared to conventional bows, the crossbow has a stronger punch and can penetrate chain mail and most plate armors. It can be carried loaded, making it a faster firing weapon than a normal bow, but it has a heavier weight, longer reload time, and greater inaccuracy. Animal cartilage holds together the frame, usually made of yew or ash.

One-handed crossbow – This crossbow is light enough to be held in one hand. Although it lacks the power of heavier crossbows, this crossbow can be concealed more easily and has a faster reload time, making it a favored weapon among assassins and highwaymen.

Here's mine:

Standard Crossbow - This weapon consists of a short but powerful bow made from wood, sinew and horn mounted crosswise on a long wooden stock. A spring-loaded mechanism keeps the bow cocked and ready to fire at the twitch of a finger. Its main drawback is that reloading is slow, and requires either a bulky mechanism or a strong back. Combining unequaled penetrative power with range and ease of use, the crossbow is popular among militias and professional military units alike.

One-handed crossbow – A smaller and lighter version of the crossbow, its stock is designed to be held in and fired with one hand. While it lacks the power of its larger cousin, it can be concealed under a cloak or robe while cocked. This, and the fact that it can easily be trained on a target while the off-hand remains free, makes it especially popular with bandits, assassins, and other miscreants.

Once again, a debt is owed to the original descriptions!

I made these descriptions in such a way that the last sentence gives information about the usage of the weapon... maybe a character without the necessary expertise would not know this information.

 

[jeansberg]

Serrated bolt – This “hollow-point” bolt causes greater damage to unprotected opponents, though armor limits this quarrel’s effectiveness.

No.

The other ones are pretty good.

 

[covr]

I like Writer #2 version best.

 

[callehe]

Maybe there could be a separate historical/usage description for the items, based on a character's lore skill, knowledge of combat, etc.?

Too much of a pain in the ass?

I think that would be really nice touch - it would give another dimension to the lore skill and your fighting experience, though that would probably need a lot more work (probably doable with the help of codexers).

 

[MacBone]

MisterStone,

I like what you've done with the weapon descriptions.

Revised bolts:

Serrated bolt – This quarrel's jagged edge can cause greater damage to unprotected flesh, but armor lessens this bolt's effectiveness.

Armor-piercing bolt – Having a long, needle-like head, this quarrel was designed to punch through most armors, although it doesn't cause as much damage as other bolt.

 

[golgotha]

MisterStone,

I like what you've done with the weapon descriptions.

Revised bolts:

Serrated bolt – This quarrel's jagged edge can cause greater damage to unprotected flesh, but armor lessens this bolt's effectiveness.

Armor-piercing bolt – Having a long, needle-like head, this quarrel was designed to punch through most armors, although it doesn't cause as much damage as other bolt.

Serrated bolt – This quarrel's jagged edge can cause massive damage to unprotected flesh, yet remarkably inefficient when facing substantial armor.

Armor-piercing bolt – Due to its much streamlined tip, this quarrel is designed to penetrate through all but the heaviest of armors at a penalty of overall stopping power.

The way you're approaching them is good, I just feel they can easily be improved.

 

[SimpleComplexity]

Mister Stone`s descriptions are teh best.

Here is mine:

Armor-piercing bolt: A bolt, that pierces armor.

Serrated bolt: A bolt, that is serrated.

Simple, but quite complex.