Conan
Arcane
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2013
- Messages
- 189
I was chatting with my old acquaintance Fluent when I mentioned how the other day I enjoyed a fantastic little pastry. It was a cheese-strawberry, my favorite and with just enough sugar to be sweet without becoming sickly. Fluent in his usual one-upmanship pompously reported that he had eaten an entire cake yesterday.
"Did you like it?", I asked.
Now, Fluent, being Fluent, replied, "Of course! I like every cake I eat!".
At least this was consistent behavior. Fluent liked everything he did. Sort of a happy-go-lucky guy.
"What sort of a cake was it?".
Apparently, this was the wrong question to ask.
"A... err... brown cake.", replied Fluent hesitantly.
"So, Chocolate?"
"Not exactly.", he said looking both miffed and angry juggling the two emotions perfectly.
"Well?", I asked, now curious.
"If you really insist on knowing, the brown part was Shite.", he said as the latter feeling started to dominate the spectrum of emotions bubbling within him.
I must have looked horrified for his face assumed the most indignant expression.
"You didn't really have to eat it, did you?", I asked, concerned. "Just because you buy something you don't necessarily have to finish it!"
"It was larger than your cake, how you given *that* a thought?! Eh? How about that? I mean are pastries even real cakes? They are just a poor man's biscuits", retorted the eater of cakes.
"I guess that's true", I said sounding confused at this strange analogy, "but your specific cake does not sound what you'd call scrumptious. I am sure there exist cakes not made from.. you know.. shite", I replied flabbergasted.
"Well, it was my choice and a bigot like you won't understand that some of us really like this kind of stuff."
This gave me a pause. Now, I must admit that the thought hadn't really crossed my mind. If there existed a bakery that made shite cakes then it implied that there existed customers willing to consume the produce. Maybe I was a little too bigoted and could not judge Fluent solely from my point of view.
"I see, I give you that. But still...".
Fluent must have sensed my embarrassment because the chagrin on his face started to turn into bluster.
"But still... what? I wish you'd eat that cake too, just to prove you are not a bigot."
Gods in heaven, this man had me by the rights. "Err.. how about tomorrow eh? I have urgent work to do.", I blurted out.
Fluent smiled a predatory smile. "Don't you forget what you promised!".
I got up and directed myself towards the exit with a few perfunctory words of farewell. As I walked out I found my pace quickening and by the time I had seen myself out I was hurtling like a rocket towards my car. Not tomorrow, not ever. No thanks, Mr Fluent. you can have your cake and eat it too, I shouted to the wind as I fled from his sight. I rather prefer my Pastries.
"Did you like it?", I asked.
Now, Fluent, being Fluent, replied, "Of course! I like every cake I eat!".
At least this was consistent behavior. Fluent liked everything he did. Sort of a happy-go-lucky guy.
"What sort of a cake was it?".
Apparently, this was the wrong question to ask.
"A... err... brown cake.", replied Fluent hesitantly.
"So, Chocolate?"
"Not exactly.", he said looking both miffed and angry juggling the two emotions perfectly.
"Well?", I asked, now curious.
"If you really insist on knowing, the brown part was Shite.", he said as the latter feeling started to dominate the spectrum of emotions bubbling within him.
I must have looked horrified for his face assumed the most indignant expression.
"You didn't really have to eat it, did you?", I asked, concerned. "Just because you buy something you don't necessarily have to finish it!"
"It was larger than your cake, how you given *that* a thought?! Eh? How about that? I mean are pastries even real cakes? They are just a poor man's biscuits", retorted the eater of cakes.
"I guess that's true", I said sounding confused at this strange analogy, "but your specific cake does not sound what you'd call scrumptious. I am sure there exist cakes not made from.. you know.. shite", I replied flabbergasted.
"Well, it was my choice and a bigot like you won't understand that some of us really like this kind of stuff."
This gave me a pause. Now, I must admit that the thought hadn't really crossed my mind. If there existed a bakery that made shite cakes then it implied that there existed customers willing to consume the produce. Maybe I was a little too bigoted and could not judge Fluent solely from my point of view.
"I see, I give you that. But still...".
Fluent must have sensed my embarrassment because the chagrin on his face started to turn into bluster.
"But still... what? I wish you'd eat that cake too, just to prove you are not a bigot."
Gods in heaven, this man had me by the rights. "Err.. how about tomorrow eh? I have urgent work to do.", I blurted out.
Fluent smiled a predatory smile. "Don't you forget what you promised!".
I got up and directed myself towards the exit with a few perfunctory words of farewell. As I walked out I found my pace quickening and by the time I had seen myself out I was hurtling like a rocket towards my car. Not tomorrow, not ever. No thanks, Mr Fluent. you can have your cake and eat it too, I shouted to the wind as I fled from his sight. I rather prefer my Pastries.
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Keep seething though, and writing about me! I'm sure it's going to get to me one of these days and I'm just gonna explode or leave the Dex. Sure. 
