16, 15 and tons of meh. Fits Volourn alright.
Olidammara, the god of r00fles!
The domain of the pretty princess is trolling after all.
: How marvelous, now the princess of fools joins us.
: The codex as always keeps denying it, but you know I am the island of reason in your little sea of denial and hypocrisy. R00fles!
: Hopefully you will end up like our last cleric…
: BRO, STOP WHINING. WE GOT SHIT TO KILL AND LOOT TO STEAL.
The pretty princess gets some proper gear. The journey to the mouthouse goes smoothly…
: Hey look, we’ve found a prince for our pretty princess.
: R00fles! You mock me because you know Bioware titles are superior to whatever “RPG” the codex is circle-jerking to at the moment.
: The oversized amphibian is hardly a challenge for one of my skill.
: See, as always I have to show the codex how it’s done!
: But Volourn-chan! That is a mean way to deal with unwanted suitors, you hurt their feelings!
: They are no doubt drawn by the princess’ charm, yet all they will find here is not love but harm.
: R00fles! You know the truth, but you rather cover it up with a swarm of in-jokes.
: It looks like that frog… got squashed.
: Where do you think you’re going? I haven’t finished killing you yet.
Running Fox slays the last frog with a sneak attack followed up by an attack of opportunity critical hit.
Well alright, it wasn’t the last frog. They’re piss easy though considering most of the party is level 2 now.
: Bandits! They’re bound to have some loot we can take from them!
: I need to murder somebody and you just happened to be near.
: There’s nothing like splitting an evil man in half with your oversized sword.
: BRO, I THINK THAT WAS YOUR LIVER THAT JUST FLEW OVER THERE.
: Did you just shoot me in the kn…
Running Fox gets hit for 8 damage knocking her out. That’s more damage than she has total HP
Hoverdog brutally murders the last bandit in the courtyard, that’s what the asshole deserves for dealing 8 damage with a lucky shot to our cunning rogue.
Running Fox gets healed and experiences
as she gets +1 to attack rolls, +6 HP and +1 to reflex saves upon level up.
: Eeek! A spider! They’re so un-kawaii!
: Meh, we’ve killed bigger ones.
The party enters a guard tower currently inhabited by a weak arachnid.
I fucking hate spider webs.
: You moron… you let me get hit aga…
: THIS BUG NEEDS TO BE WHACKED BROS.
The spider lies dead, the party helps themselves to the contents of chest it was guarding…
: Send query to Primary Node. “Why was the spider guarding a chest? How is such a course of action acceptable for a spider? To what purpose it was doing that? What was its motivation?”
Data packet sent.
Incoming data packet from Primary Node.
: Further counterproductive queries will result in the dismantling of Node “Wyrmlord” and the deletion of “wrlr.exe” and its backups. Focus on the simulation. That is the imperative. The decline must be stopped.
: Resume simulation.
The party goes back to Hommlet, sells stuff and rests at the inn and resumes the exploration of the moathouse. No hostiles are encountered along the way.
: Son of a bitch! It bit me in my arm!
: Fear not codexer, the power of Bioware our lords in heavan will heal you! R00fles!
: Somehow that doesn’t sound very appealing.
: I see you decided to die. A wise choice considering your complete lack of an awareness of your surroundings.
: Who the hell thought cross-breeding bats and mosquitoes was a good idea?
: Hepler or Gaider maybe? They’re big on this cross-species romance thing.
Lindblum strikes down the last of the D&D flying chupacabras. The party decides to check what is behind door number 2…
: I will loot your blood-soaked corpses after I beat you into a bloody pulp!
Maybe sending hoverdog there wasn’t such a good idea.
: I’m feeling… a bit… woo…
BLOBERT and the brigand in front of him are blocking the door so I can’t send in the other bros to maim and kill everyone inside. Oh and stabilize hoverdog obviously.
The good news is hoverdog stabilizes by himself. The bad news is the brigands decide to attack him since there are no better targets around. Yeah, that is the disadvantage of being on the wrong side of the choke point.
: May rainbows fill your heart with love you bad person you!
That is something did not expect from Rolly Polly.
: Oh come on bro, don’t die now! We had so much murdering and looting to do!
RIP hoverdog, the incline of your dual-wielding
will be missed.
Now I need to do something so that BLOBERT doesn’t die as well. With the crap he’s being hit with, even his massive constitution won’t help him for long.
: Blessed be Lord Gaider, who bestowed upon us the Jade Empire!
: NOT FEELING WELL BR…
: r00… r00.. r00fles!
: Where is your Bioware now?
: Subject Volourn has been terminated. Contact Primary Node regarding a new test subject.
Deleting volourn.txt...
Done!
FUCKING 20 DAMAGE CRITICAL HIT INSTANT-GIBBING OUR HEALER!
: That’s for hoverdog you asshole!
: YOU SHALL ALL DIE FOR KILLING MY BRO!
Luckily, BLOBERT stabilizes on his own thanks to his massive constitution.
Now that I think about it I should have used grease…
: DIE! DIE! DIEEEE!
: NOOOOOOOOOOOO…
: While your body may soon become rotten, your sacrifice shall not be forgotten.
RIP Lindblum, a lucky critical hit is the only way such lowly filth could kill an UBERMENSCH of a barbarian like you!
The only brigand left is a guy with a crossbow, hopefully the rest of the party will kill him easily even if all the “in your face” melees are dead or unconscious.
I think Jimbob killed that last guy, running fox got hit with a lucky shot dealing 7 or 8 damage *again*.
The party loots what it can and returns to Hommlet…
Nice rolls!
: Point me in the direction of people that you need maimed and I’ll do the rest. For a fair share of the loot of course.
Random wanted DEX as his best stat so that is where the 17 goes into. 16 CON and 15 STR isn’t bad for a fighter anyway. I got him power attack, cleave and long sword focus as feats. He’ll fight with a long sword plus shield.
Third Reich superscience has bestowed these godly rolls upon our third Cleric, the lawful neutral Strangelove.
Domain law, death and
magic occult? Sounds like a patron top secret nazi projects to me.
: We’re off to destroy zee untermensch decline am I correct?
: Personally I want to acquire unimaginable arcane power, but these fools are just interested in material riches.
: Das ist wunderbar! The Thule-Gesellschaft needs to acquire any sources of occult power available to serve the Fuhrer and the Reich!
: Pause simulation. Request new test subject file from Primary Node.
Sending data packet...
Alright, so Black Cat, Volourn and Hiver are dead.
Vote for another SPESHUL codexer to join our merry band, out of the list in the first post of course and apart from the ones already dead.
Strangelove is our healer now so hopefully we won’t need another healer. But I leave the choice to you.