Let's Play: Oblivion - Shiverwinter Islepeaks

[Brother None]

Does anybody else feels rage building deep inside you when reading these "dialogs" in OB?

Only when I remember some people were using this expansion as "proof" that Bethesda could do good dialogue, Fallout-level.

 

[JarlFrank]

Yes, that was exactly my reaction when I found out, too. Basically, when you finish a quest that gives you a mighty artifact at level 1, this artifact is much less mighty than if you finished the quest at level 20. Luckily, there's a mod that removes this unbelievably retarded design decision.

I thought you were using such a mod?

You mean Jimbob is using such a mod? Yeah guess he mentioned it in the beginning of the thread but I have no idea if that mod works for the expansion, too.

 

[DraQ]

Does anybody else feels rage building deep inside you when reading these "dialogs" in OB?

Only when I remember some people were using this expansion as "proof" that Bethesda could do good dialogue, Fallout-level.

It still looks like fucking PS:T when compared to vanilla oblibian.

Yes, that was exactly my reaction when I found out, too. Basically, when you finish a quest that gives you a mighty artifact at level 1, this artifact is much less mighty than if you finished the quest at level 20. Luckily, there's a mod that removes this unbelievably retarded design decision.

I thought you were using such a mod?

You mean Jimbob is using such a mod? Yeah guess he mentioned it in the beginning of the thread but I have no idea if that mod works for the expansion, too.

There is a mod adding a (weightless) scripted item to your inventory, that levels all the levelled uniques with you.

 

[JarlFrank]

Does anybody else feels rage building deep inside you when reading these "dialogs" in OB?

Only when I remember some people were using this expansion as "proof" that Bethesda could do good dialogue, Fallout-level.

It still looks like fucking PS:T when compared to vanilla oblibian.

More like a really really bad sitcom compared to an even worse heroic fantasy cartoon for kids.

 

[Admiral Rimjob POOBUM]

I still can't tell how much my mods are affecting Shiverwinter lolpeaks, truth be told. I can breeze through 95% of enemies, then run smack-dab into a level 15 or something monster who smacks me across the room without breaking a sweat, so presumably something's up... but whatever it is, it doesn't seem to extend to levelled quest rewards. You might recall that the Fatness Armah I had forged earlier was weaker than my current common-as-muck steel set, too.

 

[Admiral Rimjob POOBUM]

kingcomrade bravely enters the Fringe, now under control of the forces of Order. They appear to have cunningly transformed it from the Bitter Coast into the Ashlands.
But the Ashlands were cool, so I won't complain.

Dark Seducers! Running backwards and forwards and looking silly.

Oh, there are Knights of Order in town. We quickly dispatch them.

No, I can't be bothered commanding them. The fight will be horrendously easy either way, might as well leave it to her.

bai

What exciting adventure awaited kingcomrade now? Is it:
A) A generic dungeon crawl
B) An interesting dungeon crawl

You have three guesses.

"You want me to go in alone, right?" kc asks.

So off he goes.

Oh, this is the one I was in before that I couldn't find the interesting part in. That would explain it.

I heard yes

This is the room where kingcomrade left his chocobo. He looks around, desperate to make amends and begin their relationship anew, but it is nowhere to be found. Saddened, he continues into the dungeon.

In his rage, kingcomrade chases down a priest of Order. The fire in the corner smells of burnt chocobo. "Fluffy," he sniffs.

Into the next level of the dungeon, and to kingcomrade's surprise, he is attacked once more by Knights of Order.

A Knight stands, exposed, with his back turned. The perfect opportunity to snipe him in the back, kingcomrade thinks.

Seven arrows later, the foe dies. Bows are very useful in this game, you know.

Sounds like I might be here already. That was mercifully short.

No I haven't. I don't see it, at least. But I'm sure kc knows better.

Oh, there it is.

lol it's the fruity black man from Seyda Neen

He asks to tag along with our hero. kingcomrade agrees instantly, as he is a Paladin.

I'm not sure what reaction they were trying to invoke with this particular line. But it failed.

He instantly runs around the corner, down the stairs, attracting the attention of all the Knights... and then runs away again.

He and the priest kept alternately running after, punching, and running away from each other. It was quite interesting to watch. And horribly, uniquely depressing.

kingcomrade starts feeding hearts into the Obelisk.

The cavern is inexplicably collapsing :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: How dramatic :!:

Uh where are we now

Bits of ceiling keep falling down and killing Knights. It's good because it saves me having to lethargically left click.

lol the ceiling knocked him out

Up the stairs, through this just-opened gate. Nothing can go wrong at all.

Surprise :!: :!: :!:

kingcomrade wanders into the next area, and is immediately buried in rubble.

He took it slower that time.

BUT HOW AM I TO RESTORE MY HP : : : : : THIS GAME IS SO COMPLEX AND HARD

Prick.
Avoiding the collapse actually gets fairly difficult at this point. I have to chug one or two minor healing potions, at least, which I think I've only done once up to now.

Ah, the escape. Not sure where the lightning bolts are coming from.

You hear that : I survived :!: Thank you for telling me, Friend Journal.

man this hot chick is so impressed i have such a huge penis this game makes me feel so good about myself

I would rather not.

Just as I was about to enter the palace, I got the following message:

Yes, the idiot who followed me into the Isles and proceeded to gibber about completing a quest we'd already completed, and who I left to die. He's still wandering around out there somewhere. And he still seems to think I care.

You hear that? She's wackee!
Well, that was refreshingly to-the-point. What of Jyggalag?

No, I rather think I will prefer him.

I hope all my conversations with him in future are like this.

 

[Deleted member 7219]

Does anybody else feels rage building deep inside you when reading these "dialogs" in OB?

Only when I remember some people were using this expansion as "proof" that Bethesda could do good dialogue, Fallout-level.

Nobody on the KKKodeXXX though.

 

[JarlFrank]

She looks like she's about to give someone a blowjob.


And why does that black guy look like somebody I've seen before? Like, in a movie or a series or something.

 

[racofer]

man this hot chick is so impressed i have such a huge penis this game makes me feel so good about myself

:D
I was thinking the same thing when I read that, imagining Pete Hines smiling and jerking off while hearing those words.

 

[DraQ]

imagining Pete Hines smiling and jerking off while hearing those words.

Ugh, Pete Hines just smiling was more than enough for me.

 

[Inziladun]

Wtf, why does she look like a fat little prepubescent boy?

And why does that black guy look like somebody I've seen before? Like, in a movie or a series or something.

 

[racofer]

Wtf, why does she look like a fat little prepubescent boy?

And why does that black guy look like somebody I've seen before? Like, in a movie or a series or something.

Holy crap. And then Bethesda complained that Limbo of the Lost ripped them off.

 

[DraQ]

Wtf, why does she look like a fat little prepubescent boy?

1.

2.
dark seducer


Connect the dots.

 

[Shoelip]

Aren't Dark Seducers supposed to have wings anyway?

 

[Athiska]

These ones are found lacking. Perhaps it's because they wear "light armor" and not slips, as they're meant to be warriors, not skanks. Really.

 

[Shoelip]

Which explains perfectly why they're called dark seducers... Right?

 

[Admiral Rimjob POOBUM]

And off we go, to Xaselm! No doubt it will be a most interesting and imaginative adventure.

We come down from above, like an avenging eagle. An avenging, obese, rapist eagle.

As soon as he enters the dungeon, kingcomrade is introduced to those annoying fire traps that he found in Lady Syl's escape route. Clearly, no idea is to be put to waste by only being used once.

A new enemy :!: A rare enough occasion to be worth noting.

kingcomrade flees dramatically from a fire trap which does no real damage.

Within the labs of experimenting, a corpse stands up and attacks :!: It is very scary.

Yawn more boring skeleton enemi-

Holy Jesus this thing is powerful as hell what is going on
And once again kingcomrade discovers the strange and incomprehensible behaviour of the FCOM levelling mods as apply to the r00flewinter Shiverpeaks.

Moving on, he discovers some corpses, suspended above bowls. They're very nice bowls. Being wackee, kingcomrade takes one.

lol I can make animals fight
stop this is immoral and wrong grargh

There is a fishman here.
He doesn't seem to do much.

STOP I HAVE A BOWL

It's hard to tell from this screenshot, but it seems kingcomrade is fully capable of swinging his axe - two-handed - and killing things, while still dangling the bowl in front of him.
What good design.

Ah, here she is.

gluarargh go and get me ingredients gluaglaguaglaguaglaguagaglaugweg[selhp[ponxkn ;ln [ ]le[fgl,
[fkhlporjk]#ejtpkja
[elsr[y

I ask her about the torture victims. I can't remember what her explanation was. It was neither informative, sensible nor amusing.

Well, it's a garden, right? So it should at least not be a generic boring dungeon. In fact, it's an open-air, beautiful area full of genuinely interesting characters and challenging puzzles.
And if you believe that, please kill yourself.

This one is different because he's purple.

I will call him Pinny. Pinny Pincushion.

This seems to be the first McGuffin I need.

yus

Another of those weird reptilian skeleton things. They do this when killed, for some reason.

Second McGuffin. Only two left.

I enter a new area, the something of breath.

kc wanders around for a bit, before using his brilliant powers of deduction to discover that he should be following the creepy green "breath" that blows down certain corridors with a sighing noise. It's vaguely disturbing.

Aaaaand here we are.

I enter a new area. The name, this time, was particularly worth noting.

Yes.

As you can see, it's a very interesting new area.

Could this be... a somewhat decent item? Good god. Next we'll have an interesting dungeon.

ew blud

Okay now please let me out of here.

omg now I am level three

hey what's that OH MY GOD IT'S HORRIBLY STRONG

So we take the other option; run past the skeleton, use the lever to open the gate, and run like hell.

Back to Relmyna whatshername.

I initially thought picking the Gatekeeper's body parts would be a purely cosmetic choice. However, it turns out that some of the body parts give me such powerful abilities as boosting endurance 20 points for 60 seconds. Game-breaking!

k

"I'm about to perform the ritual," she warns. "Stay well away from the cistern, over beside me.
"k", kingcomrade replies.

Backflip!

Might as well hang around and watch for a bit.

ok mate I'll get that one for you

lol it's that guy who betrayed the Redguard in the town

Okay, we've had our fun. Back to Sheogogoogle.

PLOT TWIST INCOMING

WOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAH :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!:

And with that, we depart.
It's becoming difficult even to extract entertainment value from this shit.

 

[Deleted member 7219]

I wonder if there is a link to this thread on the Bethesda forums? I can only imagine the nerdrage from the fanboys over there.

 

[Bluebottle]

Hmmmm....remind me of something.
Oh, yes....

 

[JarlFrank]

So, is there anything in this game they didn't rip off?

 

[Admiral Rimjob POOBUM]

Here we go
You bastards

kingcomrade reaches heady new heights of POWAH.

We're heading off to save the Golden Saints from the attack on their base by the forces of Order. Dramatic :!:
So, bets on what their base looks like? It can't be the same dungeon that I've been through over and over over the entire expansion again... right?

It's down here somewhere.

Spriggan or something
It had an item on it called "Gnarl Bark". This made me think of that Barkley: Shut Up and Jam Gaiden game, and made me wish I was playing it instead.

Impressive

Well, at least I have someone to blame this time, then.

The dastardly fiends! Fear not, fair demonic evil warrior, I will save you from the forces of good!
wate

Two good dialogue lines which were entirely necessary

Look, it's... another fucking ruin :!:

Oh, no, sorry. This one has a very small stream of harmless lava or something going through it, and I have helpers, so it's clearly a fresh and interesting experience.

And here we have the new iteration of the giant fucking vagina barrier. These need smashed too, incidentally. Anyone beginning to worry about the folks at Bethesda?

As you can see, this next area offers a pleasant view of some shiny golden heads.

my god you are ugly

no I'm serious you're really fucking ugly

This is the chime, apparently. It's used for calling the souls of the Golden Saints back from the Waters of Oblivion into the Shiverwinter lols. I remember the lore stuff about that from Morrowind, so I'm curious to see what horribly stupid things they've done to it.

And the great barrier is smashed, allowing me access to the beautiful girl.

Yes. Yes, I have.
He's apparently after the "Wellspring" of the Golden Saints at the heart (of course) of the dungeon.

You know, if the bus I took in the morning was cut off, it wouldn't mean I couldn't get back home. It also wouldn't be the end of my existence.

I'll follow the waters to your Wellspring any day, ba... female.

wat

o

I can't even think of any lewd comments to make here.
I don't think I want to.

Chimes! How convenient.

The cover removed, the great well lets out its water of life flow once more.

What good grief has it

Dear god so it has I did not notice

Oh my.

You tell 'em.

kingcomrade is rewarded with a set of Golden Saint armour, which is surprising in that it's actually better than what he's wearing at the moment. The downside is... uh...

Yeah.

All gayed out, we return to Sheogorath. He greets us, not with horrible wordplay or stupid puns, but with boring waffle.

kc: "we haven't failed, lol"

You know, I think he might be trying to get something across to me here.

bi
Well, that concludes the main quest of the Shivering Isles. I hope you all enjoyed this LP an-

"durrr who will sit in da throne durrrrr"

Ah, looks like we're off to a generic root/tree-type dungeon this time! I can hardly wait.

 

[Brother None]

And here we have the new iteration of the giant fucking vagina barrier. These need smashed too, incidentally. Anyone beginning to worry about the folks at Bethesda?

Hmmm...

Actually, my first association was "goatse"

 

[sportforredneck]

jimbob, you are truly a hero of man to be able to get through this game, and make it entertaining to see.

 

[Admiral Rimjob POOBUM]

Hu-hu-hu-huuuuurrrrrgh we goooo
Incidentally, this is the third photobucket account I'm on now.

So I'm travelling to the great library of Jyggalag in Knifepoint Hollow, which is presumably this thing down here.

It is. As you can see, Knifepoint Hollow avoids being either another generic root dungeon or another generic ruin dungeon by being... both.

Inside the library, I find... Palpatine?

Mytheria.
Really.

nope

nope

nope

yup

Didn't Sheogorath tell me this on some irreverent tangent too? Is this supposed to be... oh, fuck it.

nope

How unexpected!

Can kingcomrade win a BATTLE AGAINST FATE? Only time will tell!

Let's head to Milchar first. I fast travel to the nearest location to it, the root dungeon where I had to consume dangerous levels of hallucinogens to survive.

fuck off I already destroyed that Obelisk

And here we are. Looks new and interesting.

oh bloody hell ow more unexpectedly strong enemies

why are the knights helping them bloody cuntfuck rawjtfaet[gkwset

kingcomrade manages to escape the ravenous horde, and enters the grove of reflection. Pleasingly, there is no pointless dungeon to wade through here. But how is he to "reveal his true self"? And will he be able to bear the sight of the miserable little pile of secrets that lies within his heart?

Ye gods.

Ah where the hell did you come from
Anyway, this is a fairly hard fight, to be honest, and I have to chug a lot of buffs and healing potions to get through. Might be because my weapon is far stronger than level 3 Oblivion characters are capable of acquiring in the vanilla game? Either way, it was a pleasing challenge.

im so kool

kingcomrade Jesus walks to his next objective, the... um... Howling Halls, or whatever they were called.

A new town! Doubtless full of wackee characters and crazee quests :!: Let us explore, and see what we find :!:
Fuck you

uh

Anyway, our hero enters, killing an Apostle in the entrance hall. Based purely on his womyn's intuiton, he equips the fallen foe's robe.

As a result, the Apostles do not attack him! And this guy is... uh...

pffffhahahahahaha

Okay they're doing that on purpose

Nobody seems to mind me taking the offerings. God I love communist deities.

yeah well you're a furry

Ego stroke ego stroke keep playing buy Fallout 3 kids ego stroke

nope

nope

nope

Discreet? Discretion is kingcomrade's middle name! Clayton Discretion Hussein, in full.

Nothing says discretion like AXE MURDER

huh

So exciting :!:

I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO FILL YOUR DARK SOUL WITH LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Pretty colours :!:

Her bodyguard, an intuitive and sharp young man, decides that the best way to protect his mistress is to attack the guy hanging behind and watching with his weapon sheathed.

leave me alone ow

Well, that was a pleasingly dungeon-hack-free quest. And it looks like we're nearly done with this whole abortion of an expansion pack. Things are looking up.

kingcomrade - fitan against fayt since 16/10/05

I'll soak my staff in the waters of YOUR font of madness. Hur hur. Hur.

Every new use I see for them, I become more and more certain that the order crystals are supposed to symbolise some form of contraceptive. Maybe the rapex.

So here... we.... gooooooo :!: :!: :!:
Looks like we're nearing the end. This might be our last uninspired dungeon crawl, thank Odin.

 

[DefJam101]

God this game sucks. :shock: