Despite rumors of cancellation we are back to the Let’s Play of a game that unfortunately was not cancelled. A game made by a Mexican.
What you fags must understand is that this game can only be played in short bursts between long pauses of assimilating huge amounts of nicotine and caffeine. So with blackened lips and yellowed teeth I bring you back to the game.
Last time we left of with the mission of finding our BOS comrades.
The first person we meet is Ruby, Wasteland Prostitute.
Huh? Wasteland Prostitute? The only one? Let’s see what she has to say.
Selecting the JRPG dialog option gives us more:
Ruby: I’ve lived here in Carbon all my life. We got raiders and radscorpions… but I guess things could be worse.
Like how? Like having raiders, radscorpions and AIDS on top of that? I WANT TO KNOW!
Me: Tell me more about these raiders.
Ruby: The raiders control Carbon, really. They take what they want, and sometimes people get hurt or killed. But they ain’t all bad, you know? Least they know how to party. Not like those soldiers…
From this we concluded that Ruby is quite stupid. But we also ask about the comrades we’re looking for:
Ruby: Yeah, I remember seeing a bunch of people in armor. They didn’t pay any attention to me, if you know what I mean, so I didn’t pay any attention to them.
I know what you mean. You’re not only dumb, you’re also useless. Or are you?
Me: How much for your… services?
At this point the game lets us know that we don’t have enough money. Shit. I’ll be back after some looting, don’t worry.
The notice about the money also made me think: Hey… money? In my action game?
Well, it turns out this game is an RPG. Seriously. It has skills and you can equip various items.
The skills are actually modified perks from the previous games with some new ones thrown in, only you can buy 6 levels (or less) of each with skill points you get at level up.
Well, time to explore the town a bit more.
Nearby we find a totally out-of-place device which serves as a save point. It wouldn’t be a true console game without save points, I guess.
There’s also a trader here.
Haw haw. All sorts of goods to all sorts of no-good people. Mexican humor.
At the moment no trade is possible as I have no money and I suppose I need the items I already have to deal with the raiders in the bar so let’s get to it.
Upon entering the bar we find said raiders roughing up the bartender for free drinks. Goddamn raiders.
Armpit? Well… I… Good thing they didn’t call him Ugly Face, I guess.
Bartender: I ain’t servin’ you bastards a freakin’ thing unless I get paid for the last six rounds!
Raider 1: Ha ha! We’re gonna trash your place, then we’re gonna kick your ass…
Raider 1: … and then we’ll have another round!
Time to deal with them!
Well, that was fast. They dropped some caps and laying around the bar I found some stimpacks. People leave them all over the place.
So let’s talk to the bartender:
Wait, what? He’s name is actually Armpit?
So it seems. Armpit.
Me: How does a classy looking guy like you get the name Armpit?
Armpit: Ha! My real name is Arnold, but everybody calls me Armpit. So what? I’m just an honest guy sellin’ rotgut liquor to the sad schmucks in this town. But I got plans, see… big plans…
Of course he does. All bartenders do.
Me: Big plans, huh? Maybe you need a partner to help you in these… plans.
Hmm… I smell an incoming quest.
Armpit: See, I got this recipe for booze using fermented radscorpion poison. I got the gear to make the stuff, the contacts to distribute it… but no poison. So, partner, for every radscorpion tail you bring me, I’ll pay you a few caps.
Me: 10 caps a tail, huh? All righ.
Armpit: I got me a partner! There’s radscorpions all over the place, but the warehouse is a sure bet. The mayor out in the square can help you get in there.
Alrighty. Mayor->Warehouse->Radscorpions->MONAY!!!
Armpit also has something to say about the raiders:
Armpit: Ah, those raiders are a bunch of bums, and their leader is a twisted chick. She’s nice on the eyes, but with a heart like a bullet, you know?
Oh, I know. And a pussy like a shotgun I believe. We leave Armpit and his spot-on comparisons for the moment to meet the mayor.
This guy is Richard, Wasteland Mayor. Hmm… I’m beginning to see a pattern here. Also, he has a revolving marker above him. That means we have to talk to him.
He sais he knows something about the paladins but I have to help them in return by clearing the warehouse of radscorpions.
Richard: Radscorpions are huge mutated versions of the pre-war insects. Evolution. The world has changed, and there’s not much place for humans in it any more.
The mayor is a smart fellow. He knows about evolution.
In the warehouse we are greeted with this:
Hah, 25 radscorpions. Shouldn’t take long.
Oh, but I was so wrong. The warehouse is made of several levels, each with around 20 radscorpions in them. And rats too. Even more than radscorpions.
There’s also albino radscorpions:
They’re stronger than regular radscorpions. Because they’re albino.
There’s also radiation shooting radscorpions:
They’re stronger than albino radscorpions. Because they shoot radiation.
One of the walls has an attempt at blowjobbing NMA.
It failed.
There are also boxes to break which have various loot in them. Other various loot just lays around for you to get. Like stimpacks. And caps. And ammo.There sure isn’t a draught of anything in this wasteland.
Finally, after killing around 100 radscorpions and rats, we get to the last level, accessible only after operating some crane to lift-up a box.
Here we find… the first boss.
He’s presented to the player in a very cinematic manner: rat walks carelessly by and the big radscorpion kills it. These guys sure know their stuff.
Thanks for the hint, I guess.
Obviously the door locks behind me and I can’t get out. Inventive. Much like the circular shaped room with a big obstacle in the center so you can run around while shooting.
He dies fairly quickly.
On the way back more rats have spawned. This is the beginning of a new pattern.
Back in town I collect the rewards for the radscorpion tails and also notice more people have appeared. Looks like they were hiding from the raiders or something. Talk about living gameworld. I was almost impressed. But then again, my mother used to tell me: Son, you get impressed easily. What, are you dumb?
Among the new people is a Wasteland Stranger. By now I got it: This seems to be some sort of job naming convention. This guy’s job is to be a stranger.
Wasteland Stranger: I’m a stranger, girl. Didn’t your folks teach you not to talk to strangers? No, you never knew your folks. You’re a child of the bomb, raised by rats, adopted by the noble knights of the Brotherhood.
So he’s a stranger. And I’m raised by rats. Got it?
Christ.
Ruby has moved in the bar and has a quest for me:
Mr. Pussy? Oh, I’ll find your Mr. Pussy, all right. I have money now.
Me: Uh… how much will this cost me?
Ruby: My cat, Mr. Pussy. I haven’t seen him in days. Sometimes he goes down into the nasty hole next to the bar… Can you find him for me?
Mr. Pussy’s gone down the nasty hole. Hahahaha!
So I’ve got a new quest in the quest log. Yeah, it has this too
Find Ruby’s Cat: The town prostitute thinks her cat is lost in the crater behind the bar. Keep your eyes open for the elusive “Mr. Pussy”.
So she’s just the town’s prostitute, not of the whole wasteland, and her cat is elusive.
Outside the bar we meet Vidya, Wasteland Doctor
She also has a quest about retrieving a box of medical supplies from the warehouse:
Vidya: There’s a small box of medical drugs inside the warehouse. If the townspeople get it, they’ll just take the drugs to get high. I need you to bring that box to me.
Well, the box of drugs was in one of the breakable boxes. Thank God, because there are also unbreakable ones. As a rule of thumb, wood boxes break, metal ones don’t.
Vidya: You found my medical supplies! Thank you! Here, a reward… and a little something extra to help you if you get into trouble.
A reward AND something extra. We’ll isn’t that nice. Some more stimpacks.
Back to the mayor:
Bug hunting. He’s very cool about it.
Me: Yup. Radscorpions all dead.
Nadia is cool too. You can't see it through the speech impediment, though.
Richard: Excellent! Well, a deal is a deal. The Brotherhood paladins went down into the crater at the edge of town. Here’s the key to our little “elevator”.
Ah, they’re in the nasty hole. There we go next in the hope to also find Mr. Pussy, but first let’s see what some people around the town have to say about the hole. Because you see, you can ask people about new things you find. It’s like a real RPG.
Armpit: That hole’s been there since the war. Half the town fell in back then, along with some radioactive goop. Heh. I used to play down there when I was a kid, until I grew an extra toe. You wanna see?
Half the town? Were they high on medicinal supplies?
Notice also the extra toe thing which may either be another Fallout 2 reference or just plain stupidity.
Wasteland Stranger: That hole? Don’t know much about it, and I’m not interested in poking around down there. I’ve spend enough of my life underground…
Hmm… what does he mean? He’s from a vault maybe? This guy sure smells fishy. I bet he’ll be some important character later on.
I should also visit Ruby again before going down the hole. She has also has a hole I’m interested in if you know what I mean.
10 caps? Mkay… for 10 caps I get a black screen, a vibrating gamepad and Ruby telling me that women know what women want.
I tell you, it wasn’t worth it. Speaking of vibrating gamepads, it also vibrates in the rhythm of a beating heart when you’re low on HP. The lower you are the stronger the vibrations. That’s innovation right there
I don’t know what the hell happened while I was with Ruby, but the windows behind her seem to be broken or some such now and polygonal light shines through them. Living gameworld, like I said.
OK, so down the hole we go:
Upper level. Oh no.
There we find more boxes to break:
Dozens of burrowing bugs to kill:
Mr. Pussy which is dead:
Also radscorpions of course. This time they don’t drop tails anymore. I guess the quest is over and they know about it too.
To my surprise, when Armpit said that half the town fell down the hole he meant it literally. There’s buildings here. Huge portions of the town. Which fell through that hole I just came through.
Oh man.
The scenery is beautiful, though. They obviously had knowledge of surrealism.
By the way, you die if you fall in the black.
And you just might, because:
We get to play some Super Steel Brothers. Yeah, you actually have to jump from one part to the other. I swear on my tits.
Further down a few levels and dozens more bugs and radscorpions we find this:
Beautiful. :tear:
And this:
What are those you ask? Spawning pools. Radscorpion spawning pools. I fucking kid you not. Those things open and radscorpions come out of them. Thankfully you don’t have to destroy them. They just kinda fade away after they exhaust their radscorpion supply.
Finally, we get to the last level, where we find the first twist in the story:
WAT? What the fuck is he talking about?
Me: Don’t tell me you think that the raiders are the next stage in evolution.
WAT? This line should have had [Intelligence] in front of it. However, unlike in POS 2, in this game you get to say clever stuff like that without the need to spend points on skills.
Richard: The raiders wanted your head, for what you did to their friends in the bar. Either I gave you to them, or they burned the town. My choice was clear.
Motherfucking faggot!
Me: What about the Brotherhood paladins?
Nadia has only one thing on her mind. Her mission. A true brother.
Richard: Your Brotherhood paladins? Yes, they came to town … but they left suddenly, after they spoke with the woman who leads the raiders – the Raider Matron.
Me: So instead of fighting the raiders, you come after me.
Richard: Hmph. I’m tired of hearing your foul-mouthed attempts at communication.
WAT? This makes no sense.
Me: Maybe you like your raider boyfriends better.
Nadia doesn’t speak much, but when she does you’d better beware.
Richard: I’m not normally a violent man, but I think I’ll enjoy killing you. You’re outnumbered… and I’ve got a few surprises to guarantee your death!
I’m just one person, it ain’t that hard to outnumber me, now is it?
Completely nonsensical dialog over, the fight begins.
Richard, Wasteland Mayor is tougher than the huge radscorpion. He throws hundreds of grenades and raiders keep spawning.
Here I thought I may just give up this Let’s Play because I had to kill him 4 times. The first time the game froze right after he died, the second time I ignored this warning:
and rocks actually killed me while I was trying to loot the cave and the third time the game froze again. Finally, the fourth time I quickly ran out and left the loot behind.
It’s also worth mentioning that if you want to exit the cave before killing the mayor you get this:
So, mayor dead and all, we head back. Obviously the bugs and radscorpions are back, in even greater numbers and this time there’s raiders too. Not being able to take more of this shit I just ran through all the levels up to the surface. The other pattern I was talking about before becomes more and more clear.
And what do we find on the surface? The raiders got really pissed off:
Armpit: It was that stranger… from the Brotherhood!
Raider Matron: You’re just an innocent bystander, aren’t you?
Armpit: Yeah! I ain’t done nothin’ wrong!
Raider Matron: Fry him, boys.
Armpit: [screams]
Raiders: Ha ha ha!
Raider Matron: Mmm, that fire feels nice.
Raider Matron: Time to show these people that you don’t mess with the raiders.
Raider Matron: Burn everything that moves and then burn everything that doesn’t.
Raider Matron: Meet me back at the mill when you’re done.
Finally they leave. I quickly run to Armpit who’s not dead yeat! OMG!
Armpit: Everyone else… they’re in the warehouse… most of ‘em. When the raiders started shootin’, the doc took a bunch of folks in there are locked the door. But some of us… well… we was too slow…
Me: I’ll go to the warehouse… and on the way, I’m going to kill lots of raiders.
Oh yeah! Fucking raiders! Messing around with my partner like that.
Me: I don’t suppose you want to buy some radscorpion tails now…
She’s not very empathic.
Armpit: Heh… so much for my big plans… I got the recipe for radscorpion tail liquor right here… it’s gonna make somebody rich… not me, though…
And he dies. Or something. I don’t care.
I find a gate which I can examine. I find interesting info:
The trader is still around it seems, hidden behind some cars
I do some trading, like in an RPG and head for the warehouse but they won’t let me in:
Oh God, here we go again.
Town is separated in more levels now, each level with around 20 raiders and dogs, or what seem to be dogs, one of the level doesn’t allow you to get back to the previous one and the last one takes you back to the town center through the previously unopenable gate. They broke the pattern here. At least you don’t have to go back through all the levels.
Some highlights from the town levels:
Jumping again:
Raiders beating up Brahmins:
At least they don’t decorate their hideouts with human corpses like in POS 2. Or do they? I don’t know, I’ve not been to one of their hideouts yet, but I feel I will soon.
After all the raiders are dead shit starts to explode randomly. Why? Because it’s cool to have shit explode randomly, I suppose.
I did it!
Ruby has another interesting quest! Grandmother necklace. Oh yeah. Next up: Auntie's rope.
And I can finally get rid of Mr. Pussy
I don’t give a shit about your Mr. Pussy, but thanks for the reward.
I get some stuff for helping out, because you see there were innocents in the town which you could save by pressing a button. They also gave you 10 caps each.
Me: [Intelligence]More raiders will come, until everyone in this town is dead
Vidya: You’re right. The raiders will never leave us alone now… What do we do? Will you help us to deal with them?
Me: I guess I can take care of the raiders for you
So, I push the plot forward.
Next time, more of the same.
.
