Let's Play CK2: The Song of our People

[Vaarna_Aarne]

(I lack pics of the early years of Duchy of Karelia, so I'll storyfag the details for you, and at first pics are a bit scarce, but here goes.)



Gather round, friends and strangers. I am about to sing the saga of the rise of our people, the last stand of the old gods of the North against the coming of Christ. It is a song of blood and steel, warriors and assassins, of many a great king of the bloodline of Karjalainen.

Our tale begins in the frozen shores of the sea in the East, at the waves of vast Onega. There, on the edge of the world, ruled high chief Aimo of Karelia, known to Christendom as Aimo the Cruel from records that spread from Novgorod to Germania and beyond. It is the truth that Aimo was ruthless against his enemies and spent his years at war, but he was also a man of vision. For he knew that the time of tribes and chiefs was over, and it was time to unite against the coming storm in the shape of a cross.

Aimo waged war against the high chief of Käkisalmians, taking the coast of the great lake Ladoga that was rightfully his, driving them to Savo. His warhost marched North, taking the lands of the Lapps there, stopping only once he reached the end of the earth at Kola peninsula. Power and blood at his hands, Aimo laid claim to Uusimaa and Suomi, seizing the richest of lands for himself from his enemies the Tavastians and Satakuntans.

As he left the land of the living behind him for the abodes of Tuonela, his son Lemminkäinen ascended. Young and vigorous, he sired many daughters and claimed the rich lands of Estonia to the emerging realm. He married his daughters to the sons of Jarl Erik of Uppland, known to Christendom as Erik the Heathen, who remained faithful to the gods of his ancestors. Brothers in the eyes of both our gods, Lemminkäinen vowed to stand with Erik and his kin for as long as he drew breath. High chief Lemminkäinen laid the foundations for two cities, that of Viipuri and Kaprio, and the wealth of the lands of Kalevala grew during his wise rule.

Lemminkäinen shared the vision of his father, setting his eyes upon the remaining Northern lands, the remnants of his father's tribal enemies, the Käkisalmians, Tavastians and Satakuntans. But before he could lay down his claims, the death of his sworn brother Erik marked the rise of Jarl Sigbjörn, the husband of his daughter Aamu. Sigbjörn shared his father's hatred of the Christian king of Sweden, and marched to war against him. By himself, he could not win. But with his father-in-law Lemminkäinen marching by his side, though old and silver-haired now, the strength of arms in Karelia left no question to Christendom: They would not march to the North without paying for each inch in blood.





Alright, that's enough of that. Tomorrow, first pic update.

 

[oldmanpaco]

So. This about Russia or something?

 

[Multiple Sarcasm]

I'm watching you, thread.

 

[not an artichoke]

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

So. This about Russia or something?

Actually that happens rather late in the LP.

 

[Merkwürdigliebe]

 

[corvus]

So. This about Russia or something?

Actually that happens rather late in the LP.

Fuck yeah

 

[Онега]

pfffffffft

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

High Chief Lemminkäinen has marched to war against the King of Sweden in support of his son-in-law, the jarl of Uppland. The exhausted forces of Uppland are saved from imminent defeat as also depleted Swedish forces are decimated by the massive Karelian warhost.

Most of the lands under the rule of the Swedish crown are quickly sacked and occupied, making it only a matter of time until King Georg I gives in.

As you can see, the war was ultimately decided in the Battle of Enköping, where the Swedish army was crushed under the overwhelming might of the Karelian warriors. Before that, Uppland's cause was lost.

Our son-in-law, Jarl Sigbjörn. As you can see, the civil war was caused by immensily bad relations, as Sigbjörn is a Content ruler and very unlikely to rebel.

High Chief Lemminkäinen, ruler of Karelia. As you can see, he had a claim fabricated for Savo, which was about to be used before this interruption on the grand goal.

Sweden is allied with Novgorod and Volhynia, who send their armies all the way to Swedish lands through my lands. Ultimately, I'd simply unite my split armies and crush them.

Soon enough however, King Georg I gives in to the demands of the Jarl of Uppland, breaking Sweden as an immediate threat to us. However, lacking pics to cover the years inbetween its storyfagging time.

Following the great victory against the hated Christians at the side of his son-in-law, Lemminkäinen spent a year renewing his strength. Having laid claim to Häme as well, he marched to war against both the Tavastians and Käkisalmians, driving their power to the ground in his path of conquest. The formation of the ducal title of Finland remains his last act on this earth, as he soon passed away.

His grandson Lauri, known in the annals of history as Lauri the Great, would be the one to wear the crown of the Finns upon his brow. Mocked for his ugliness, he would earn fame and prestige as a warrior as he conquered the Kvens and the Satakuntans, and sons his sons would be known as handsome as they took after his heart and not his face. At a young age, he stood at the precipe of history. He had fulfilled the vision of his great-grandfather, and forged a united kingdom of Finns, stretching from the frozen lands of Kola to the rich fields of Estonia. Proclaiming his authority to the world, he became known as the first King of the Finns, Lauri the Great.

It is good to be the king.

Oh yes it is.

His Ugly trait notwithstanding, a solid king.

A great tournament is held in honour of our new title. The next six years are peaceful, as money is gathered for building further prosperity and security for the kingdom.

Then mom died.

Family recap. The first war against Bjarmia is waged, and Onega is gained within a year.

The city of Kargopol (later known as Aunus) is built in Ääninen. Jarl Sigbjörn is also still alive and kicking, but his fortunes are fading after he could no longer rely on the aid of his father-in-law. He is known by an according title.

Love conquers all.

Lauri is old and frail, no longer fit the rule. His son Kullervo is appointed Regent, but it is clear the old King will not be with us for long.

Ultimately the conquest of Bjarmia will be left to future generations, as King Lauri the Great passes away after many months of being confined to his bedchambers. His son Kullervo takes the throne.

Kullervo is a hunchback, and his rule consisted largely of hunting trips and great feasts. It is clear that anyone can be known as a Great man if he parties hard enough.

Kullervo never furthered the annexation of the last Pagan lands of the North, that of Bjarmia. It's up to his son Aimo to achieve true greatness.

This is why brethren over wenches was invented. Also, Estonian lands are so tasty we gotta get them, this only adds fuel to our ambitions (and makes rebellion likely).

This is the religious map of the North right now. As you can see, somehow Baltic Paganism took over in Bjarmia with a new Ugric Baltic ruling elite, so it's only appropriate we get there and teach the Lapps and Komi there to appreciate Ukko again. I also decided against aiming for conquest of the Samoyeds, as the treachorous Komi there have turned into Orthodox Russians. You might also notice that Onega has been lost. This was due to Bjarmia attacked during a civil war with the chief Kantalahti (regular event, bastard always gets a load of allies to jump aboard). I decided to give Onega to avoid three-way war I would likely lose.

Aatos' mother was from House Pärn. It is a shame that the former rulers of Estonia must be dealt with so severely now. Also, Aatos has jailed his brother for being a treachorous ponce. The civil war with the High Chief of Estonia is in progress.

In contrast to his father and grandfather, King Aatos is forever handsome. Narva is seized effortlessly and the valuable province added to our personal demesne as it is stripped from the Pärn dynasty along with the ducal title. This solves one of the large internal problems, the other being that the ruling family in Kantalahti has a claim on our kingly title, which is something that much be dealt with in order for realm stability to increase.

One of our vassals parties too hard.

Fucking Mayors mang, either they're drunk, slitting servant throats, or acting like assholes.

War is waged against Bjarmia for Dvina. The Duke of Bjarmia falls in our hands, and is promptly executed so his son gets the hint.

Execution of captured enemies is a good habit if you're a pagan, and otherwise too. It causes nice disorder among your enemies and has absolutely no penalties for you. The list of bishops, counts, barons and mayors executed on capture in this campaign is too long to recount.

Which he does, and war is ended sooner than later. This is actually an important thing to know: Ruler capture raises warscore to 100%, but new rulers are more likely to accept peace as well. So assassinations are a good idea if you have high score but are at a stalemate otherwise.

A liberal wants to make a portrait of dear old dad.

I guess if he paints him at a right angle his hunchback doesn't look too grotesque.

King Aatos passes away while marching to Bjarmia. His son Lemetti becomes the new king, and the saga continues...

 

[Insane Psychic]

Oh you fantastic Finnish nationalist, I'll be following this. Keep it coming!

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

I did some minor tweaking on the text there, but otherwise it's just a matter of you guys wanting a new update.

 

[Insane Psychic]

Get to it dammit! But don't neglect your LRs either!

 

[Fafnir]

Get to it dammit! But don't neglect your LRs either!

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

King Lemetti begins the conquest of the last remaining independent Pagan vestiges in the North. Once the ducal title can be usurped, the expansion will be finished.

While fighting the war, Lemetti comes across a mysterious book. Eventually, he deciphers it and improves his Learning. Few years later, Bjarmia is fully conquered.

Here's a screenshot of the kind of shit the chiefs (currently countess) of Kantalahti have been putting me through. They're striking alliances left and right and then attack kingdom-wide in an effort to steal the crown. Luckily their war effort has a severe weakness in the size of Kantalahti itself, as those two provinces are all I need to take for the house of cards to topple. Samoyedia also tries to pry itself free, but is put down after Kantalahti has been dealt with.

Here are the borders of the Kingdom of Finland following the conquest of Bjarmia. As you can see, there's a threat forming up in the South in the form of the rapidly growing duchy of Beloozero.

The Romuva Question in Bjarmia is dealt with over the years, with Suomenusko eventually re-established once more.

Hmmmm, I think Beloozero won't be a problem after all.

Like goddamn clockwork, Kantalahti makes an attempt at the crown once more.

The march is made through the collaborator chiefdoms as well, and the revolt is crushed effortlessly as it was more centralized this time. We also marry off our sister to a random courtier to avoid spreading claims.

And thus Aatos become forever handsome.

We decide to take the Turko-Finnic conspiracy to new heights, and start mass-scale marriages between our dynasty and the ruling Mongol dynasty of the Ilkhanate.

Great success.

Our future son-in-law.

King Lemetti I the Great is Just and Kind, making him a very effective ruler, and his massive Stewardship score helps a lot. We've also gained the ducal title of Livonia, and begin total conquest.

Golden Horde arrives, and marriage strategy is expanded. This keeps our borders secure from unwanted Worst Turk and Turk Smell, but also keeps away pesky Christians with the alliances. The Empress Consort of the Khagan is assassinated succesfully without detection (71%/10% chances).

Seven times. Bitch always respawned before I could finish off the marriage deal.

Like I said, seven times. Damn immortal hoebag.

Fuuuuuck youuuuuuu

It was getting rather ridiculous.

But success awaits those who are willing to go for seven times!

We have lost a daughter but gained a chocolate jew.

In a moment of weakness I also marry another daughter to bring in a better Marshal for my armies. Ultimately this bloodline died out, but not due to unfortunate accidents.

We uncover a plot from the son of the former countess of Kantalahti, and finally deal with their bullshit once and for all, removing a major thorn from our side.

Another plot is discovered and put to an end, with the opportunity used to stem the rising power of House Rova. Keep your vassals individually weak, lest your kingdom crumbles in civil war.

Our once-future son-in-law comes of age. Naturally, we take this marital alliance immediately.

We lost a daughter, but gained protection from a situation where we'd need rap magic of a real strong wizard.

A close family check-up, and as you can see we are in a sweet position when it comes to son-in-laws. It's a shame dynastic ties need to be constantly renovated or they have no effect. Bunch of ingrates.

Marrying one of our daughters to the chief of Romny is a risk, but hopefully they won't press the claims and lose them.

Also, the dear Queen has become senile and barely recognizes anyone.

Lemetti is devastated by the loss of his beloved wife and never remarries (larpfag).

Our marital alliances are keeping us busy, as we get involved in every war and rebellion, which is a lot. However, we establish our fierce reputation further as a Christian weakling is beheaded and his carcass fed to a wild bear. The only shame is that he might have been somewhat of a bro at feasts, if not for the fact he followed a foreign zombie made of crackers.

We also take our opportunity as the currently (again) divided Denmark-Lithuania is fighting another crown war and take a county from them. Life is good.

Of note in this war is that the Templars suffered a disastrous military defeat as their numbers were exhausted by attrition battles against multiple Finnish and mercenary armies, marking the one of the rare occasions when heathens soundly defeated the (overpowered) warriors of Christ.

Our not-so-dear son-in-law dies, but we have grandkids from him. They don't appreciate us for some reason, ingrateful little shits. Grandpa would have loved you if you ever visited.

Our new borders. Duchy of Courland is the present objective, with no further expansion planned anytime soon afterwards. The Piast dynasty have expanded dynastically out of Poland, and have become the leaders of the ruling Polish elite of the otherwise Danish kingdom of Denmark-Lithuania. If it wasn't for constant infighting among the House, the Piasts could still be a major power, but presently they're not a threat.

Present map of Europe around us. As you can see, the Mongols completely and utterly defeated Beloozero in a few years.

Religious map. The Romuva Question has been resolved, now it's time to deal with the Catholics and Danish settlers in Liivinmaa.

One of our grandson Khagans is now married to our youngest daughter.

And another daughter is married to the Russified grandson in the Golden Horde.

Demonstration.

His brother is also ripe for Finno-Turkic Conspiracy.

He is married to the Mongolized offspring of the aforementioned bloodline our lowborn Marshal begat.

Lemetti's spies have fabricated claims on Kurzeme, and war is shortly declared against the infirm King of Poland, one of the last Piast monarch's there.

We educate our dear eldest grandson Armas, so the Stewardship skill passes along in the family. It is important to select the best guardians possible whenever possible, especially for potential heirs.

Armas is shaping up well to a future king, being Ambitious and Brave. His father Otso is a skilled Steward as well, and our heir. He is approaching middle-age, but has produced an heir so no worries. We also chew him out about stealing, but nothing drastic is done.

Sadly, King Lemetti the Great soon passes away, and his son Otso takes to the throne. The saga continues...

 

[poocolator]

Golden Whore pays you for seks

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

They're Golden Whores alright. They converted THREE TIMES during the campaign, first to Catholicism, then to Sunni, then back to Catholicism.

 

[Luzur]

so, what fun has Sweden been up to? Poland in the North? Danish Lithuania?

mayhaps you should help them abit.

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

This is very, very retrospective Luzur. Currently I've got 20 years left in the campaign, and I'm just trying to find a good spot to end it.

Anyway, what happened to Sweden...

Basically, Sweden was completely crippled by the war with Uppland where I intervened. They'd be limited to the Southern half of Sweden at best, at one point being only Gotland. Sweden was first largely conquered by Poland under House Piast, but they'd lose it following the massive civil war that ousted Piasts from Poland. After the fall of the Piasts and frequent civil wars afterwards, Uppland and several other duchies in the North would became independent again, but were conquered by Norway and the culture would shift to Norwegian. The King of Sweden later reclaimed Southern Sweden and became a vassal of the Holy Roman Emperor.

EDIT: And there was no way for me to help the Swedes. The duchy of Uppland turned Catholic and thus no Swedish court would marry with me despite my considerable power. Then again, I quite preferred having such a safe Western flank with fractured Sweden.

 

[Luzur]

i would worry (would have worried) more about Norway then Sweden though.

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

Well, you'll see what awaits them eventually...

 

[Fafnir]

The wait is unbearable moar?!

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

I is just so sad you people don't comment or ask questions. Luzur was a bro and asked a question.

 

[kazgar]

take it this is all screenshotted and played out and the like, but personally I prefer the map view than the terrain view (dunno what ck2 calls em, just using my terminology) makes it little easier to follow who's raping who.

anyhow, onward pagan soldiers!

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

I use the country view (I call it that, in CK2 it's called realm view I think) in OTHER Paradox games. CK2 is the only one where I use terrain view, because the map not only looks nice, but because due to the smaller scale you operate on I don't need to keep track of global movements constantly so I only use country view when I do a check-up of the grand scheme of things when planning my next move (read: gloating over my accomplishments).

 

[Kayerts]

I just read through the entire thing--very interesting. I was half afraid my Viking campaign would converge with yours, but it looks like your game is as different as it's possible to be. I'm a little amazed by the extent to which you and Christendom are leaving each other alone; I guess you consolidated your power early enough that Sweden and Norway didn't dare try anything, and the HRE is too far away to really be a concern. Still, I'm surprised Denmark or Poland haven't tried holy warring against you.

What'd you end up doing with the Golden Horde? Did you keep marrying your daughters to them until they collapsed from excessive inbreeding?