Kodex Kommunistic Kolony in Rimworld, Season 1

[Grimwulf]

OW, what was that?

I've kicked you in the head.

WHY?!

So that you wake up and stop making this hellish sound! I want to sleep too!

I don't like you, Kalin. You are mean, ugly, and lazy.

Spoiler

A typical Kodex Kolonist.

Hello Friend's Diary

This is a bad place inhabited by bad people. I'm trying to seduce Ian, but she's not interested. Yet.

Kalin doesn't seem to be dying. Unfortunately.

I've tried to tell Dreaad that his Master Plan could use some improvements.

But he only replied with incomprehensible slavic swearing.

I feel so miserable. Forced to live with these plebs.

Meanwhile not so far away

The deers came back.

And this time they developed a cunning inflitration plan.

Gods have mercy on the Kolony.

4th of Winter, 5500

Good morning, Shrek.

I've written a poem for you, pretty lady! Ahem. You look like a woman and talk like a man. I want your heart and whatever you... hide... down there. Uhh, I am not very good at that.

Spoiler

Can you please find Dreaad and ask him to come visit me?

He is very busy right now. Important Kolony business.

Spoiler

Urrgh. What am I eating right now, Grimwulf?

You sure you want to know?

Probably not.

You there! Green guy!

Kommissar Grim?

There, I made this meal just for Kalin. Go give it to him, would ya? Send my best regards.

A bit later.

YYYUUUUUUURGH

Grimwulf said you need to eat it all.

Spoiler

Get out. GET OUT! *throws foul-smelling jelly chunks at hello friend* I'D RATHER EAT AZIRA'S SOCKS THAN TOUCH THIS SHIT EVER AGAIN!

I was just delivering food...

Spoiler

Hello friend! Why the sad face?

Spoiler

I don't think I belong here. You know?

All of us ended up here by accident. Gotta do our best to survive.

Grimwulf mentioned he was in cryo sleep when your starship crashed. And so was Kalin. Were you in cryo sleep too?

How do I put it? I was definitely sleeping during the crash landing. Let's just leave it at that. Hey, look! It's Kalin!

Spoiler

I would recommend staying in bed.

Shut up. Need to focus. Gotta build a snowman. Gotta punish Grimwulf. Just... try not to... vomit. *gulps*

Kalin! I see you're feeling better!

Spoiler

Fuck you, Grimwulf. This will be a Man of Snow. A man of dignity.

I think he is delirious. Whatever you gave him to eat, Grim - I'm pretty sure it can be distilled into a rockin' moonshine!

Meanwhile.

Come on, Ian. Trust me, Rya-- err, Hello Friend is not a bad guy. You two will make a sweet couple.

Spoiler

You are my only love, Dreaad. If you want me to join this Kolony, then marry me. I want to be your husband.

I will... think about it.

Spoiler

Dreaad, wait! WE ARE DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER! DREAAAAD!!

Later that day.

Grimwulf. Get outside and prepare to be STRICKEN by the overwhelming aura of glory emanating from the Man of Snow.

Spoiler

I'm busy. Gonna make a gud table.

Fair enough. He ain't going anywhere. He'll be waiting for you outside. Patiently.

Spoiler

You don't look so well, Kalin. Maybe you want another Today's Special?

Fuck you.

Need some help, men?

Spoiler

Azira! You tell Grimwulf about the Man of Snow. Were you AWESTRUCK when you saw it?

Saw what? Kalin, I'm pretty sure you are hallucinating.

Aaand it's done.

Spoiler

Later that evening.

So you finally decided to start building houses, Kommissar Grim?

Spoiler

More like a house. I have needs, green guy. You know how communism works.

But the Town Hall isn't finished yet.

It has doors, chairs and even a table. What else do you need?

Floor? Furniture? Proper walls?

Ever heard of Ukraine? Ancient civilization that was conquered by Second Soviet Union some thousands years ago. Consider this architecture to be Ukranian style.

This style sucks.

Several hours later.

So. We finally have a table. Took you long enough, Grimwulf.

Spoiler

I had a bad dream this night, men. A nightmare, no less.

Do you want to talk about it? I happen to know a lot about dreams. Maybe we can find out the source of your fears.

Great. Here we go with Freud mumbo-jumbo.

In this dream I was a wolf hunting for deer.

Spoiler

A deer?

Probably a moose. They are all the same to me, except this one. Something wasn't right with this particular beast.

Spoiler

Something isn't right in your head, Grimwulf.

Then the Ball Measurement game started. You know I'm pretty gud at this, right? I ain't afraid of no deer. Moose. Whatever.

Spoiler

This might indicate your sexual dissatisfaction, Kommissar Grim.

No. This dream was an omen of things to come.

Spoiler

THE END IS NIGH!!! THEY ARE COMING FOR US!

Spoiler

Jesus, calm the fuck do-- What's that?

The ground is shaking...

Earthquake?

More like... Stomping. Of something very, VERY big.

Spoiler

The sound is coming from behind the Prosperwall.

Spoiler

Let's pretend we didn't notice. Maybe it will go away?

Later that night.

Who's that?

Spoiler

Umm. An elk?

I mean, what is it doing here? How did it get past the Prosperwall?

Through the door, I suppose.

Did you check its papers?

Kalin is responsible for security.

Alright, fair enough. This elk is not our problem.

Grimwulf's Captain Log

I don't trust the new guy. I think he's working for the deers. He is smart, vicious and well-spoken. Just like them.

What bothers me even more, though, is that giant monster wandering around.

I can only imagine the sheer amount of PROFITS we can fetch from its horn and furs. As we all know, making profit is the essense of Kommunism. But I doubt we have the firepower to take that beast down. Or don't we?

Maybe I should put this matter to a vote again.

1. Send Azira to snipe this thing from afar. More like shoot it once and hide somewhere.
2. Send Kalin to club it to death. Yeah, that will work for sure.
3. Send Grimwulf to show some hit-and-run voodoo. Risk losing the only valuable member of the Kolony.
4. Build some inane walls around it and wait until it starves to death. That will take a shitload of time and effort.
5. Ignore it completely. Make a wise decision for a change.
6. Tame it..? Naah, zero chance. Literally.
6. Other options? Come on, head voices - give me ideas.

 

[Kalin]

Woah, I live, and of course the assassination attempts continue. Poisoned food and suicide missions, so eager to steal my share of the pay.

Well bros I ain't going, I'll fight the whole colony before I engage a fricking elder god in melee!

 

[Reinhardt]

We have Ryan, why not send him? Maybe he will impress Ian and she will join too.

 

[Grimwulf]

We have Ryan, why not send him? Maybe he will impress Ian and she will join too.

Ryan and Dreaad cannot into violence. If I send any of them, he will just stand and GAZE at thrumbo until one of them starves/freezes to death.

Spoiler

Pretty sure it won't be Thrumbo.

 

[Reinhardt]

But if Azira shoot this thing and Ryan will be closest target? If our hunter really lucky he can even shoot Ryan himself. It's win-win situation. I mean - everyone must bleed at least once. It's like a rite of passage.

 

[Grimwulf]

But if Azira shoot this thing and Ryan will be closest target? I mean - everyone must bleed at least once. It's like a rite of passage.

Oh, I see. It's an option for sure. Ryan can run around like a toreador, while Azira shoots that thing. However, thrumbos walk much faster than humans due to the sheer size. And there is no telling if Rya Hello friend can survive at least one good stomp / impale of thrumbo's horn.

 

[Lizzurd]

Is its horn is really as sharp as described? I mean, can it chop the human by half?

 

[Grimwulf]

Is its horn is really as sharp as described? I mean, can it chop the human by half?

I asked Google about it. Here is the result:

Spoiler

 

[Reinhardt]

Oh, I see. It's an option for sure. Ryan can run around like a toreador, while Azira shoots that thing. However, thrumbos walk much faster than humans due to the sheer size. And there is no telling if Rya Hello friend can survive at least one good stomp / impale of thrumbo's horn.

We can send both our empaths and let this thing choose his target. Maybe thrumbo will be too confused and won't move at all.

 

[Bliblablubb]

I for one am happy to see Kalinski survived. Another marvelous achievment of Kommunism no doubt. Not that we like him, but someone has to do all the heavy lifting so the other bright minds can do their... important thinking stuff, right?
Has anyfag checked his eyesocket? Not that he has secretlly regrown that thing as well...

1. Send Azira to snipe this thing from afar. More like shoot it once and hide somewhere.

Dis one. While I am tempted to say "position Kalinski right behind it to ensure a hit", it is probably better to hide him somewhere far away. If he gets hit again somefag else needs to work for a change... nuh-uh.

 

[Horus]

Well i won't vote for hunting it in any case but if it comes down to it. Shoot him with azira and lure him with jew hellofriend into our old friends cryptosleep facility. After that if we are fast enough we can seal the wall after them and consider it long term investment.

Well that or just keep Hellofriend around and hope the slavers come soon.

 

[Grimwulf]

After that if we are fast enough we can seal the wall after them and consider it long term investment.

 

[ERYFKRAD]

Well i won't vote for hunting it in any case but if it comes down to it. Shoot him with azira and lure him with jew hellofriend into our old friends cryptosleep facility. After that if we are fast enough we can seal the wall after them and consider it long term investment.

Well that or just keep Hellofriend around and hope the slavers come soon.

Hey I'll take this one.

 

[Kalin]

Well guize, if it walks into a chokey area we could maybe seal it in and wait for it to die, pretty sure that's how the spear-chucks of Urth harvested tusks an sheit.

But shooting at the elder god? That would be seriously bad juju, it'd probably reck our entire kolony!

 

[ERYFKRAD]

it'd probably reck our entire kolony

It'd wreck you, if anyone at all. But then you'd probably get immunity to elder gods.

 

[Lizzurd]

Just curious - is it able to cut and destroy walls?... Maybe the abandoned facility will appear to be not the prison but Pandora's box.

 

[Reinhardt]

Can we build a door, shoot and hide behind it? I mean - it's winter, right? Good investment for our resources.

 

[Horus]

Agreed with kalin, even with the best case scenario we lose 90 kg of meat and a pilot/doctor/soldier/enterpeneur Azira.

Can't say it's worth the risks of at this stage.

 

[Grimwulf]

Just curious - is it able to cut and destroy walls?

I don't think so. But who knows?

Can we build a door, shoot and hide behind it?

We have plenty of doors, but anything can go wrong at any moment. There is no safe way to deal with major threats in Rimworld. Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't.

 

[Reinhardt]

We have plenty of doors, but anything can go wrong at any moment. There is no safe way to deal with major threats in Rimworld. Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't.

Who cares? I'm full of great ideas, just need to test them in real combat. If you ever need great tactician - you know where to find one. Just recruit few more kolonists first.

 

[Horus]

Can we build a door, shoot and hide behind it?

We have plenty of doors, but anything can go wrong at any moment. There is no safe way to deal with major threats in Rimworld. Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't.[/QUOTE]
It's painfully obvious you did't hear about our great lord and savior TURRETS.

 

[Reinhardt]

Actually, that's it. Cadet Biegler from Svejk. If we get someone like him - it can be me.
Young idiot with illusions of grandeur and notebook with battle plans.

 

[Grimwulf]

It's painfully obvious you did't hear about our great lord and savior TURRETS.

Hivemind said I should forget about turrets.

 

[a bear named spigot]

DON'T DO IT

 

[Horus]