NSFW Best Thread Ever [No SJW-related posts allowed]

[Jick Magger]

Goat Simulator was 'legitimized' by PewDiePie and a horde of shitty Let's Players who'll screech like children at the slightest amusement. If anything, I slightly like The Slaughtering Grounds more because it was unintentionally bad, unlike Goat Simulator which was a cynical cash-grab capitalizing on dumbass teenagers.

I don't get alot of the appeal of intentionally bad works. Alot of it just comes off as people just making works as lazily as they can and slapping a ridiculous name on it like "Meganado Shark versus Anacondasaurous Rex" so that gullible hipsters looking for a bad movie to ironically like will flock to it. At least shit done by people like Tim and Eric have a level of craft behind its badness designed to make the viewer feel uncomfortable, shit like Goat Simulator is literally just releasing the game half-finished because these fucking morons will eat it up on the name alone.

 

[Clockwork Knight]

Goat Simulator doesn't seem "intentionally bad" to me from the videos I've seen, the premise is silly and good hipster youtuber bait (bored goat causes chaos in town), but the gameplay is defined as "fuck around in this map and try to discover all the secrets" and it does that well enough, like a simplified Tony Hawk. The only part of it that is clearly fucked up are the ladder climbing animations, which had no way of being done seriously anyway.

 

[Average Manatee]

French Efficiency:

Actually fairly reasonable. Consider that the French talent pool is a lot smaller than the English/USA talent pool and so finding candidates is a much harder and more expensive job. Keeping good people on hand so that competitors don't snatch them up is a good idea.

Employees complaining that they don't like the experience is kind of laughable when the alternative is being laid off. Would they rather be repeatedly fired after every game and then re-hired by Ubisoft a month later? That would be far more inconveniencing to them and probably more expensive to Ubisoft as well.

 

[sexbad?]

French Efficiency:

Actually fairly reasonable. Consider that the French talent pool is a lot smaller than the English/USA talent pool and so finding candidates is a much harder and more expensive job. Keeping good people on hand so that competitors don't snatch them up is a good idea.

Employees complaining that they don't like the experience is kind of laughable when the alternative is being laid off. Would they rather be repeatedly fired after every game and then re-hired by Ubisoft a month later? That would be far more inconveniencing to them and probably more expensive to Ubisoft as well.

Well, it appears that they have to go through a full application process anyway to get onto a new project, regardless of what they've done for the company before. It seems like the only benefit over being laid off in the meantime is the likelihood that the employees are still getting paid, and the company can still count them as employees on whatever paperwork it does for government benefits.

It would be funny if a bunch of people stuck in this spot decided to make a game of their own, since they apparently aren't given any jobs during their stay there, and released it under the "Ubisoft Interproject" label.

 

[Ninjerk]

French Efficiency:

Actually fairly reasonable. Consider that the French talent pool is a lot smaller than the English/USA talent pool and so finding candidates is a much harder and more expensive job. Keeping good people on hand so that competitors don't snatch them up is a good idea.

Employees complaining that they don't like the experience is kind of laughable when the alternative is being laid off. Would they rather be repeatedly fired after every game and then re-hired by Ubisoft a month later? That would be far more inconveniencing to them and probably more expensive to Ubisoft as well.

Well, it appears that they have to go through a full application process anyway to get onto a new project, regardless of what they've done for the company before. It seems like the only benefit over being laid off in the meantime is the likelihood that the employees are still getting paid, and the company can still count them as employees on whatever paperwork it does for government benefits.

It would be funny if a bunch of people stuck in this spot decided to make a game of their own, since they apparently aren't given any jobs during their stay there, and released it under the "Ubisoft Interproject" label.

The whole idea of the place screams for someone to stay there and improve it or create an ongoing game for passersby to add to.

 

[Average Manatee]

Well, it appears that they have to go through a full application process anyway to get onto a new project, regardless of what they've done for the company before. It seems like the only benefit over being laid off in the meantime is the likelihood that the employees are still getting paid, and the company can still count them as employees on whatever paperwork it does for government benefits.

That's a fairly normal system. Where I work whenever a position opens up anyone within the company wanting to be promoted has to apply on the same level as any outsider looking for the job. It's intended to help prevent nepotism or accusations of racism/sexism. I would say that re-applying to do the exact same job that you were previously hired for is a bit much, but there could very well be some legal reasoning behind it due to French law.

 

[pippin]

https://archive.org/details/internetarcade

 

[DragoFireheart]

Scaling to your level is fucking stupid.

fix

Double fixed.

 

[Cyberarmy]

Another milestone for gaming!S2W (Shave to Win)
Warning: Thats a Kotaku link!

Assassins Creed: Unity DLC bundled with shaving gel.


Edit:

 

[Astral Rag]

 

[Unkillable Cat]

Lemmings 3D came with a pack of Jelly Beans back in 1996, you know.

My favourite tie-in product of all time has to be the "There's Something About Mary" Hair-Gel pack. It was even labelled as a "100% hand-made organic product".

 

[Angthoron]

Another milestone for gaming!S2W (Shave to Win)
Warning: Thats a Kotaku link!

Assassins Creed: Unity DLC bundled with shaving gel.

Call us when a Bio game comes with lube.

 

[Jick Magger]

Wasn't the limited edition japanese version of No More Heroes 2 bundled with a roll of toilet paper?

 

[Angthoron]

This actually reminded me of a joke about a shitty customer in a shopping center receiving a giant box of condoms just as he's about to leave.

"Why? So that shits like you would never reproduce"

Some gamer groups should receive complimentary gifts like that.

 

[Astral Rag]

Spoiler

 

[Astral Rag]

 

[Unkillable Cat]

Wasn't there a bug in Battlefield 3 where if a soldier crawled along the ground he became some elongated montrosity?

 

[Astral Rag]

Wasn't there a bug in Battlefield 3 where if a soldier crawled along the ground he became some elongated montrosity?

 

[thesoup]

It would be funny if a bunch of people stuck in this spot decided to make a game of their own, since they apparently aren't given any jobs during their stay there, and released it under the "Ubisoft Interproject" label.

That's essentially how Fallout got made for the first two years of development.

 

[Ninja Destroyer]

Another milestone for gaming!S2W (Shave to Win)
Warning: Thats a Kotaku link!

Assassins Creed: Unity DLC bundled with shaving gel.

Call us when a Bio game comes with lube.

More like Dragon Dildo of Equality.

 

[Clockwork Knight]

Oh man, I jumped a little on that second Watson video when he spawns right behind you. Who thought that skipping on the walking animation for Watson was a good idea? Instantly reminds me of this.

 

[A horse of course]

Oh man, I jumped a little on that second Watson video when he spawns right behind you. Who thought that skipping on the walking animation for Watson was a good idea? Instantly reminds me of this.

In fairness, skipping walking animations and just teleporting an NPC is considerably more reliable than placing your bets on the NPC's AI and pathfinding abilities. But that would break muh immershuns and be a poor use of the $50,000 C-list celebrity mocap session.

 

[Clockwork Knight]

Well, you could make him teleport if the player gets too far away (a sign he got stuck), or teleport him to specific points in any given "screen", so when you entered a room he'd already there doing something even if he technically followed you into the room (doesn't make much sense but you'd treat it as videogame logic). Making him constantly teleport to your heels when you're not looking just to stare at the back of your head is just horrible.

 

[Astral Rag]

More LOL Ubisoft news:

Ubisoft details The Crew's Season Pass. Early access to DLC ( ), plus exclusive stickers and rims. It can be yours for only £20!

 

[Unkillable Cat]

This may have been posted before (since it's about a year old video) but the sheer amount of derp within could not be denied...or contained.

30 Game Changing Video Games according to Mental Floss.



Notable bits of trivia:

# The first video game device AND video game were made in 1947, "Cathode Ray Tube Amusment Device", though it was never made available to the public.

# ...that's it.

Choice bits of derp:

# Legend of Zelda created the action-adventure gaming genre.

# Doom is listed along with the box cover for Doom 3.

# Super Mario 64 inspired ALL future 3D games.

# Goldeneye was the first game ever to feature multiplayer deathmatch. (Deathmatch has been traced as far back as 1987 with "Feud", though just mentioning Doom is sufficient. Also, she mentions Spacewar which is NOT deathmatch...how?)

# Grand Theft Auto III was the game that put "sandbox gaming" on the map.

# Halo revolutionized first-person shooters with its introductions of features like...being able to carry more than one weapon, easier grenade access and regenerating energy shields.

# First female protagonist in a game? Metroid in 1986. (Ms. Pac-Man doesn't seem to count for some reason.)

# She mentions "Hunt the Wumpus" as the first game to inspire a sequel, but otherwise has no idea about the game.

# Haunted House gets mentioned at #28 as "the first horror survival game", followed quickly by Alone in the Dark and Resident Evil that take the remaining two spots for "popularizing" the genre. (Really? AitD? What about Silent Hill?)



(Also, she says "nucular".)