Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

that library/lab thingy looks cool.

Emotional Vampire said:

I wanted to do FF8 LP. But then I thought about all the effort and was like, "meh".

True story.

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I think you're too emotional to handle FF8, Vamp.

OH HO IS THAT A CHALLENGE, EQUUS FERUS CABALLUS?

YOU BET YOUR JUICY TAMPONS IT IS, DUDE.

OH YEAH. WELL GUESS WHAT, GRASSEATING FUCK. I still don't feel like doing it

Chapter 70 - In which I admit I'm not the FF7 superstar everybody thinks I am

In the previous update I did a whole bunch of shit. Now join me as I take care of the shits I didn't have time for, like picking up Vincent's ultimate gear and apologizing for lying about that there would be more of Vincent's flashback. I could have sworn that there would be one more scene, turns out that's not the case. I'm sure you're all absolutely crushed.



Received Death Penalty and Chaos, Vincent's best weapon and level four limit break respectively. I'm not gonna talk about either as this is where I always quit using goth guy.

Also say hello to Vista.

ANYWAY, last thing on our list was to pick up the key to the ancients.





The submarine computer quickly analyzes the key and finds out that it is indeed a very old key. You might even say it's "ancient".

The Key to the Ancients...

Absolutely.

Alright, now let's fly to the moon.



Rocket Town.



They sure are. You now have to fight three waves of Shinra soldiers. It's mildly annoying at best. Think about what else you could be doing!

Goddamn the Shinra! What the hell're they gonna do with my rocket?! I'm outta here, Cloud! I'm gonna kick those "#¤%&!! Shinra right out of my rocket!



Fuck yeah, it's Rude. A useless piece of trivia about Rude that I might have overlooked to inform you about (I can't remember) is that he will not attack Tifa. He has a crush on her, you see. But shit, I don't have Tifa with me. I'm playing hard difficulty, motherfuckers. Let's do this!



Cool, huh?



Oh hey dumb soldier didn't you see what happened outside I mean the door is open how could you miss it are you blind or something goddammit I hate this so much



I hate you too Cloud you are so dumb I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I HATE I HATE SO MUCH



And a lonely Shinra soldier attacks us. Yeah.

You know that supercomputer that enslaved five humans and kept them alive just so he could torture them until the end of time? Yeah, I bet I could out-hate that piece of shit.



And stay down, goddammit!

We enter the cockpit and Cid takes command!



The crew informs Cid that they are going to launch the rocket and hit Meteor with a materia bomb. That would be the Huge Materia, and obviously these morons never saw Armageddon starring Bruce Willis and Daredevil.



Hey, wait a minute...
Shut up!! Just shut the hell up!

Yeah, you tell him, Captain Highwind!

How's the rocket?

The crew take turns informing Cid about the status of the rocket. Apart from the vital autopilot system, the rocket is totally fine... which actually makes the rocket totally fucking broken. Further questioning reveals that the only mechanic they sent to fix the problem is Cid's personal assistant Shera, which according to Cid promises that it'll take a hundred years.




Cid is pretty fucking hardcore to go into suicide mission mode before Shera has even had a chance to fix the rocket.

Hey, Cid. What're you doing?! There are generations of knowledge and wisdom inside the materia. We're gonna borrow their powers and save the planet from Sephiroth. There's no way we can lose the Huge Materia. You understand that, right?
Yeah, I understand. I understand that Materia is precious, and I also understand what you're thinking. But listen, shithead. I don't give a rat's ass whether it's science or magical power. No, I guess if I had to choose, I'd rather put my money on the power of science. Human who used to only roam around on the ground are able to fly now! And finally, we're about to go into outer space.



I was able to earn my living thanks to science. So to me, there's nothing greater! Now quit your worrying about what Shinra's gonna do! I don't want to regret not having done something later.




Yeah, you tell him, Captain Cid Hi--SUDDENLY!!!




It's Palmer!
Hey, what the fuck are you doing?!
They said they finished repairing the autopilot, so I launched the rocket.
Makes sense.







To be continued!

Space - the final frontier. To boldly go where no man has gone before. These are the tales of CID ROCKET!

:spacemusic:

FF7: MASS EFFECT

:WHOOSH:

I particularly hate this hippie anti-science bullshit in this scene.

I particularly hate everything. In fact, I should have the entire world beaten half to death with rabid wolverines.

"I have no mouth but that doesn't stop me from blueboxing."

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR

I can't believe he's stuck with it for this long.

I second the call for MOAR!

poocolator said:

I can't believe he's stuck with it for this long.

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I keep telling you all I'm gonna finish it.

Well, you are on the last stretch soon. GO ANDY, GO ANDY!!!

Keep going, you are almost there!

I suppose it goes without saying that you have to do a let's play of Dragon Age or at least a review of it.

Bull. It's FF8 next, Andy! FF8 I TELL YOU!

I'm actually thinking about doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for a couple of years.

Well, that or something really fucking short.

Let's play "You have to burn the rope"!

Andyman Messiah said:

I'm actually thinking about doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for a couple of years.

Well, that or something really fucking short.

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Do some action rpg for the PSX

you can rush it, relax (?) and provide lulz at the same time

I just came back from playing Twisted Metal 2 a lot with my friends, and that made me realize how much I actually enjoy playing good games with friends as opposite to playing bad games alone.

I have an update done but I'd really like to hit page 66 before posting it so there won't be another three updates on one page, so come on, people. Post! I know FF7 isn't as awesome as MMOs done entirely in java but I'm sure you can fake your enthusiasm. The Planet depends on you!

Andyman Messiah said:

I have an update done but I'd really like to hit page 66 before posting it so there won't be another three updates on one page, so come on, people. Post!

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You heard the man!