Update 2: abuse of authority, heretical cults, a new companion and the second sanctuary
And updated it was, after like 3 hours or so writing I have seen I was obligued to limit the images and stuff, so it may not be as long as I expected the update, at least it wasn't needed at the end to move it to the 2nd page.
Well, now we can return to Onett and advance the plot, here’s a link with Onett’s theme, if you like to hear it while you read:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYwKqQ-y ... x=0&fmt=18
We found (and use) a magic buttefly in the way (these recharge part of your PP or Psychic points to all of your party, these thend to re-spawn to certain areas in dungeons, so you’re not completely defenseless. Now that we’re on it, let’s check Codex’s actual level and stats:
Most of these are pretty much obvious, Offense is how much damage you can do with standard attacks, defense how much you can resist, IQ how powerful your powers will be (and in Jeff’s case it works slightly differently, more when he appears), etc. The most important stat is Guts, that shows how frequently you get SMASH or critical attacks (that can only be performed with close-combat weapons), and add a small possibility of surviving lethal attacks (in other words, even if you receive a brutal attack that deal 300 points of damage, if it’s not stated “X received Y of mortal damage!!” you will survive with 1 hp), and because Codex is our main hero, he’ll be the one with the “biggest balls of the party”.
The brief explanation is over, so we continue, but at the cave’s entrance we meet a cop:
Rabbinical response: What if I didn’t?
Cop: What a rebellious kid! Come to the Onett Police Station later!!
That’s it, despite there was a roaming gang until few moments ago and the police were doing nothing but annoy the population with unnecesary roadblocks, now we’re scolded for a minor infraction with full force. In any case, when we’re in the town, we ask a random fellow to see if they’re still stuck with their predetermined responses, and receive a surprise: unlike many jrpgs, the average citizen’s of the average random city comments actually CHANGE with the events passing, as this guy does:
”Except I don’t have any money to play games…”
HA!! Sucker!!! Well, just to mention, in this game there are hospitals that can cure you of the “diseases” your characters have and revive ko’ed companions, but I’m greedy and psy healing is much more efficient and cheap, so you’ll rarely see these being used (also, for some odd reason, Nintendo’s censorship took out all of the crosses from the Hospitals’ signs that where in Mother 2, the original japanese version):
We can’t go outside of the city due the roadblocks, so we go to the police, that as most rpgs’ buildings is smaller in the outside than in the inside, you gotta love these architects with Manipulation of Non-Ecliudean geometry skills:
And now we talk to Captain Strong, the chief police:
”At times like this, kids like you should be playing Nintendo games…”
Perception: You still haven’t told me what’s the emergency
Strong:"Shut up!! Anyways, are you sure you want to go to Twoson? Okay, *chortle* Follow me".
And followed him we did (although I had a bad feeling about this).
We’re in a closed room with five men that are smiling suspiciously… OH FUCK!!! MORE PEDOS!!
Told ya so... Or not.
”See if you can get past five of my best men”.
You know, aren’t you exagerating with your butthurt about me being able to stop the gang unlike your spineless me…?
But Codex is interrupted when one of the cops approaches:
”Hey, small fry! You must be shaking in your boots!”
I’m not even wearing boo..
But the cop charges, being easily defeated in only 2 hits.
And he leaves. Since the other 4 cops follow the same pattern (that’s approaching, saying a random statement, being defeated with one glance and running away cowardly), I’ll just write down what they say.
Cop 2: “Your average policeman is stronger than any superhero! *after the spanking* Oh… you won…“*runs away*
Cop 3: “Don’t let the Mayor’s compliments give you a big head… Bring it on, fat boy! *BOINK*let’s do this again sometime… Next time, I’ll take you out with my nuclear suplex attack! *leaves*”
Cop 4: “C’mon! I’m going to take you apart right here, right now, baby! (Possible psycho issues detected) *Bitchslap* Grr, I lost… *leaves*”
Cop 5: “That’s it, buddy…You can forget about me, I’m going to call my boss! *runs away cowardly without any fight*”
C. Strong: “There is no way I can beat you in a straight competition, so… get ready for my “Super Ultra Mambo-Tango-Foxtrot” martial arts!”
And attacked he did!!
However, although he has “interesting techniques” like losing his temper to gain offensive power +1 (don’t ask), he’s defeated with one single psychic Butthurt, thus demonstrating again the failure he is. After his defeat, he says:
Strong: “I didn’t think you would do so well against the mighty Onett police force…”
You mean the mighty police force that not only was unable to stop a gang that barely moved around and that both were defeated rather easily by me?
Strong: “Quiet, enough is enough! You want me to open the road to Twoson? Hang on for a sec, I’ll radio my staff and give them the word… (After the order is given, the dialogue wasn’t worth to transliterate here); Well kid, I’m not going to question you now, but I want to see you again… ”
No problem, laughing at a loser is always fun.
And we leave, at least able to walk to the next city!!! But first, let’s talk with Frank, to see if he has some comment about the “police incident”….
Great, his plot relevance is now next to zero so he becomes a free medikit, nor that I will complain.
In the way to Twoson, the next city, we find a house where a strange fellow offers us “Exit mouses”, that are the game’s equivalent item to teleport out of dungeons, however, because we’re real men I’ll not use these. And no soon after this, we’re ambushed by 2 mobile mushrooms:
Note: As you can see, the enemies are visible in the game, you can use this to your advantage, if you touch an enemy from behind, you ambush them and thus gain a free turn at the beginning, however, if they do the same to you, it’s the other way around; also, when you’re strong weak enemies will evade you and even killed automatically when you poke them, a nice move to speed up the gameplay. Unfortunately, during the explanation I relax and one of the mushrooms scatters some spores, and in consequence our hero begans to feel strange, and is “mushroomized” (a strong confusion effect, that can make you to waste turns or even perform something you didn’t ordered to do, and what’s worse is that it still affects you after combat, randomly screwing your controls), it looks like we’ll be forced to use an hospital’s services after all:
Nevertheless, we finally enter Twoson! (theme here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKStdKMV ... re=related)
Walking around the city, we’re intercepted by a photograph that literally fell from the skies, asking us for a photo:
”I’m a photographic genius, if I do say so myself! Okay, get ready for an instant memory! Look at the camera… Ready…Say, “fuzzy pickles” *he shoots*Wow, what a great photograph! It will always bring back the fondest of memories… *teleports away*”
This will not be the last time we see this photograph, in fact, he’ll stalk us through the entire game in different zones, and despite being a bit suspicious our hero Codex will never say no for a free picture. In any case, we continue, meeting…:
WHAT THE HELL??? IT’S MOTHERFUCKING MISTER T!!!
:shock: :shock:
”I saw some weird bad guy follow B. Cat. This guy gave me the creeps.”
It looks like B(lack) Cat was probably kidnapper or something. For the moment we visit the hospital and ask for the healer (an “expert in alternative medicine” that will heal you strange altered states that the medic wouldn’t be able to fix, like the “mushroomized” one) for help, and he replies:
”Come on, let’s make a deal. I’ll pay you 50 $ for each mushroom. All right! Let’s do it!”
And we get healed AND paid for removing the disease (??? Whatever, let’s continue). In Twoson, we can rent a bicycle in a cycle shop, sadly riding a bike this is more like a curiosity than anything in Earthbound, you can only use it here at little more, because the party members prevents it of being used.
Now we go to the Department Store, and buy better gear for Codex (more concretely, a Slingshot, a ranged weapon better than our actual bat), and while we’re on it, we call Codex’s mom, just to see what she has to say:
”You called me sooner than I thought… Everyone here is doing just fine. O yes, Tracy started working part-time for Escargo Express. Here, I’ll let you talk to her. And call me when you have some time.”
I’ll introduce now Escargo Express, you see, your party has a limited inventory (for every member), and in response you can call the Escargo Express to store your unnecessary goods from any city, and later reclaim these when you want. We call too Dad, who told us that he deposited more money in the bank account (and every time you defeat an enemy he’ll add a small proportion, you can ask him any time how much you have, another question is which is the obscure source where he does get the money).
This guy is the “Hintman”, in almost every city he is, and he’ll give you an advice about how to continue when you’re stuck, supposing you’re retarded enough to get stuck in a linear game, I suppose Earthbound foresaw the casual anomaly. Now we move to B(lack Cat)’s house, in the pre-elementary school PoleStar, asking her father to see her:
”Many come to see her miraculous powers, but they’re just leeches. To meet you or not to meet you can only be decided by B. Cat. She said that she would only meet a boy named Codex. So you’re Codex! You’re the one that was in B. Cat’s dream. You will save the world!”
And why does your daughter tell her dreams?
But the father ignores the question, running upstairs to call B(lack) Cat, returning pretty quickly, finally noticing her daughter was missing despite being a rather small house.
Clumsy father: “I wonder where she went? I’m sorry, could you come back later?”
So away we went, not before miserably looting Black Cat’s room:
NOTE: Teddy bears are combat items in the sense that while you have one it may absorb the enemy’s attack, useful until it breaks.
Now we go to visit the house of Orange and Apple kids, the town’s inventors, to see if there is something more we can loot, let’s start with the Orange Kid:
Have you heard of me? I’m a bit embarrassed about my reputation. I have a lot of inventions in development, but I’m running short of cash, I’m basically happy-go-lucky person, so I’m not worried. BLABLABLA… What? You’re actually willing to help finance the project?“
Never, you sound too snob for me.
So we check Apple Kid’s house:
”I know it’s a bit of a pig sty, but anyway… I’m Apple Kid. I haven’t taken a bath in quite a while, so I may be kind of stinky. By the way, I’m starving. Do you have something to eat?”
And why would I trust in you?
Because hunger stimulates imagination, and he looks really desperate, so we’re sure he’ll do anything to satisfy us.
Good point. *gives one Hamburger*
”Thanks! You seem very niceI Uh, I wonder if… Maybe you would like to invest some money in my inventions? *after being paid*Yes! Yes! Yes! I mean, thank you! I promise I’ll not let you down”
So we leave for the moment, or we would if that mouse didn’t blocked the entry to say something:
”In return, I want to give you this. Please take it and say nothing.”
And we receive a Receiver phone, with it we can receive calls from anywhere but we cannot use it to call someone, will be useful only two or three times in the game. Also, the mouse is a cultural reference to this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Am_a_Cat
Now we visit the market, the Burgling park, where we can buy more stuff like the Condiments, special ingredients that are used when eating food, depending of the combination the item will be tastier and thus give you more health, unfortunately I’m reeling more in psy powers to heal, and thus the condiments are not worth of the cost (and space is limited, so nay). We can buy here too a Vending Sign, a fun item that when used a customer will be attracted, thus giving you the possibility of selling your junk from anywhere in the game but inside dungeons. The next thing to do is talk with Everdred, the local gangster:
Unfortunately for him he’s not immune to Butthurt, and obviously is defeated quickly.
”When I jumped off the roof, I twisted my ankle. Anyway, I lost and nothing can change that. You know, you’re pretty strong. Yeah, I know that you want to find out about a girl named B. Cat. She went off to a secret hideout in the Peaceful Rest Valley. A chubby boy and a weird guy in blue outfit have kidnapper her, though. They said they were going to make B. Cat some sort of human sacrifice. They were definitively hard-core strange. You know, she might be gone already, you better hurry. IF you save B. Cat, be sure to come back here, okay? Don’t forget it. “
Humm, more foreshadowing, and a hint of a possible heretic cult…
Sorry but I’m off for now, I’m tired and thus I’m heading to the hotel. See you.
And so we move, and during the night…
”…Codex… I’m a friend who you have never met before… My name is B. Cat. Can you hear me calling you? Help! Come and help me! Um, I don’t know where I am… I can hear water running in the distance… Codex, please help me!!”
Perception: Looks like that B(lack) Cat is another psyker as well, this time with greater telepathic abilities. It will be best to go now…
And Black Cat’s father lost it apparently. So now we go to Peaceful Rest Valley (originally named Grateful Dead Valley, the name was changed to prevent legal issues), a fine valley filled with mobile sprouts, little ufos that shoot beams and robots that can cause you to catch a cold (a weaker variant of poison, you sneeze constantly thus losing health even when you’re not walking), but we cannot see nothing of it at first, there’s an odd barrier preventing us to advance:
… And even stranger, the only way to continue is to return to Twoson, here Apple Kid will give you his latest invention, a convenient Pencil Eraser that can disintegrate any pencil (in the original version it was an octopus instead, I guess it wasn’t weird enough), like this:
Another matter of importance is that the Stalking Photographer suddenly appears from nowhere (the dialogue is always the same):
And we find a dangerous enemy:
Now I’ll explain another thing unique to Earthbound: as you can see, the Health and Psychic points are like odometers, when hurt instead of changing to reflect the new state it rolls down until it reach the new number, you can use it to your advantage because even if you receive a fatal hit until the rolling hp meets 0 you can still act, and thus heal yourself to prevent dying, or until the battle ends, causing the meter to stop, necessary for enemies like this kamikaze tree:
Wait a minute, you said kamikaze tree?
FUUCK!!!
Indeed, this would be problematic if it wasn’t the only enemy, fortunately the battle ends shortly thereafter, saving our life:
After advancing more in this outdoors dungeon, Codex start to acting strangely, checking the stats menu, I can see why:
Man, I miss home, I wonder how my mom is… and PIE, I would love to eat some PIE now…
That’s a rare but annoying altered state that only affects our main character, he may randomly miss home and in consequence lose turns as he wastes time as he thinks about home, his favorite food, etc. Apparently even when he’s into a mission to save the world Codex still has the luxury to think about his family… In any case, we’re finally in the Heretic Cult’s town, the Happy Happy Village:
And quickly attacked by one of the heretics, that mumbled about painting everything in blue:
NOTE: The cultists were censored because in the original version they looked like the KKK too much, for real, check it:
After slaying the blasphemous traitor, we ask a local for information:
Hmm, and lured by Daemons’s lies, double heresy, as I suspected.
”I want all them to listen, even if it requires kicking their butts.”
Definitively, a wacky cult that of course is aggressive, we must take down the leader and purge the village to clean the impurities, for now let’s get rid of Codex’s homesickness, we call Mom, as if being in a village surrounded by raving lunatics wasn’t a big deal:
”Are you homesick? ... Well, I knew there would be days like this, It must make you feel better, listening to your mom’s sweet voice… So do you feel any better? Well, I’d better get going. I’m in the middle of ironing. Bye!!!” (Codex got over being homesick)
:D
A shame that therapies aren’t as quick IRL, at least this will temporally put back the time when Codex irremediably becomes an angsty teenager when puberty strikes. Now we must continue, we’re on a mission of Our Emperor, discovering with joy that brainwashing doesn’t work with blabbering idiots:
”You know, she’s hidden in a mountain cabin. Oh, oh! Now I’ve done it! I thought you were one of us! You know I was joking! Just forget about this…”
No, you will *BOINK*
We continue, finally meeting our second party character, Black Cat!!!
Who? Are you Codex? Codex! I’m so glad it’s you! I had a dream that a boy named Codex was my destiny!
Wisdom: So you’re my love interest?
Yes… I mean… what are you talking about??? I know it’s hard to believe. Therefore, I knew you would rescue me. If you didn’t come, I would have had to try to bust out of here. You can’t open the door; you’ll have to get the key from Carpainter. He’s got it hidden away. I heard Carpainter can control lightning. In that case, you should wear this Franklin badge, okay? I’ll wait here until you return.
And so we move, now we know that the main heretic may be another psyker, or better said a sorcerer, blasphemous things… But before, we find a matter of "big" importance, concretely, Cartman!!
”You can call me Master Porky, since Mr. Carpainter made me an important person in Happy-Happyism.”
Oh, so you’re the dinner after the celebration??
Cartman: Say what you want, I’m not going to fight you, but these guys will… Later potater…
And Porky leaves (yes, the original name was Porky), we slay the heretics and find the cult’s boss... Haven’t we seen this statue before?
”Thanks for coming! I’ve been waiting for you! I need your assistance to help make the world blue and change it into a happy and peaceful society. Will you be my right-hand assistant? Yes or No??”
Finally!!! Choices and consequences!!! We’ll say yes for now and later backstab him and…
Carpainter: “You fool, I have drawn you into my trap.”
…Guess not, he tries to strike us with lightning but it’s reflected, he charged us but Codex uses his powers to mentally anally rape him mercilessly, until he admits defeat.
Carpainter: “Do you see the Mani Mani Statue behind me… Since I got the statue, I have been doing peculiar things. Please forgive me, if you can…”
No, I won’t *executes him*. Good, now we’ll assume he died, indeed, he could be just forgiven and left alive despite being in risk of possession again. And this would be a foolishness, no?? NO??? Whatever, we get the key and return to Black Cat, but before:
”Please answer me. I promise to be good? Okay?”
No way fattass, it’s more fatty pig, you suck horribly and I’ll…
… Whatever, just return to Black Cat, as I was saying:
”Thank you Codex! You’re just like I imagined you would be… I’m sure that some people in Twoson are worried about me… Getting back may be dangerous, but we can do it if we combine our strength. I’m able to use a little psychic power that is actually pretty deadly. Let’s head back to Twoson!”
Yay!! New party member!! And that means more space for more loot! Because she’s the “main girl” Black Cat’s favored weapons are frying pans, and can use unique gear like ribbons… However, there’s a main problem:
FUUCK!!!! Fortunately, from now grinding is fast and easy, enemies here are easy to kill and in less than five minutes she’s already level 13 and Codex level 20, thus moving to meet the second sanctuary boss:
”But it’s mine now. Take it from me, if you dare…”
I’ll this time post the battle and the outcome, and with this the update is over! Until next time!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUzo8Ace6bo
Also, obviously the Liliput steps and the Giant Steps are a reference to Gulliver's travels.
PS: The battle didn’t go very good due getting overconfident and a mix of bad circumstances, still I won after all.
PPS:
Yeah, the one time I played I got stuck in the dreamworld or something. Never finished.
A shame, the dreamworld is practically endgame, so after that you would meet Gygas and...
Dude, spoilers
True, I'll just say that shit happens...