Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

WTF do you mean "abandonned"? I'm going to kill you!

You better start this shit back up.
Only other option involves...
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I've been so busy setting up a network of latvian assassins that I decided to fake-abandon the thread for a while. I'll pump out another shitty update soonish. Don't worry.

Andyman... why you keep changing your avatar?
You were a horse...then you were a pirate...then you were a horse again...now you're a unicorn.

What are you?

Quick, somebody post Yuffie's Chocobo.

Edit: I found it, the day is saved!

Evil Raichu said:

Yuffie was hopping up and down excitedly as Cloud and Tifa brought
forth the pretty new chocobo that was to be hers. "Thank you so much!"
she exclaimed, "This is so nice after all that I've..." Cloud held up a
hand and frowned. She hung her head, knowing full well he was still a
bit pissed from all those times she had ripped them off. She glanced
over at the pretty green chocobo that was standing by the Highwind. He
looked very regale, calm, and like he could outrun anything that would
ever try to harm him. She ran over and began to lead him inside. "C'mon
DrahEm Kcuf, time to go to your new room!" she exclaimed. Tifa shook her
head and said, "She certainly is infatuated with it isn't she?" Cloud
smirked, "Face it, she's been a thief most her life. Exactly how many
friends do you suppose she has that would give her something valuable?"
Tifa smiled and nodded, her breasts bouncing jovially all the while.
They then followed her into the Highwind.

Later, after a good meal and some drinks, the adults decided to
kick back for some rest. Tifa snatched Clouds hand and drug him away to
some dark corner of the ship, Yuffie vanished off with several crew
members and Barrett, Vincent departed to his room to "meditate" alone,
and Cid was left by himself at the table. He looked around at the empty
seats and realized just how lonely he was. He stood and walked over to a
window to watch the great expanse of land below them flying by. The
world, he thought, the entire world was just flying by, and he was
alone.... He sighed and concentrated on the world below him, trying to
become one with it. Movement caught his eye. Below was a small group of
chocobos running. He then felt this strange feeling course through him.
He felt suddenly a sort of kinship to these beasts of burden. He then
remembered Yuffie's chocobo, DrahEm Kcuf. He turned and left for the
stable.

He entered the stable and stared long and hard at the pretty green
chocobo. It was curled up and sleeping, a sweet and innocent expression
on it's feathered face. Cid quietly stepped nearer it so as to get a
better view of it. He then felt a stirring within, and warmth spreading
through him. His face was beginning to burn, and he couldn't resist the
urge to step over and touch it lightly on it's head. DrahEm Kcuf's head
jerked up and he chirped softly. Cid jumped ever so slightly, he hadn't
meant to wake it. He then stroked it's head once more. It nuzzled his
hand and warbled neath it's breath. Ever so slightly Cid's breathing
increased, and his heart rate rose. "Such a pretty chocobo," he muttered
quietly. He stood up and moved over to where the supplies were on the
wall. He took down a muzzle, one that was normally reserved for wild and
noisy chocobo, and gently placed it on DrahEm Kcuf's beak. He fastened
it tightly behind the chocobo's head. A lil too tight, for the poor
things eyes misted with tears for a moment. It stood and looked to Cid.
He stared back at the chocobo for a moment, rubbing his abdomen and
thinking to himself, his thoughts all jumbled into nothing but noise now.
He began swaying and humming. A moment passed, and he turned and pulled
out straps meant for restraining incredibly violent chocobo. He then
went to work restraining DrahEm Kcuf.

Finally it stood there, unable to move or cry out. It looked over
to Cid nervously. Cid was now drooling ever so slightly and rubbing his
crotch. "Lonely," he mumbled, "I'm lonely pretty boy, are you lonely
too?" Cid unbuttoned his pants with his right hand while his left
continued it's stroking. He then slid them off onto the floor. He stood
behind the chocobo and ran his fingers through it's lovely green
feathers. He snatched a handful of feathers in his left hand and pulled
a bit. The chocobo tried to squawk, and at that time his right hand lead
his meaty cock into it's rear. It's eyes widened in fear and it's face
contorted in pain. It shivered as Cid's shaft tore into it's rectum. In
and out Cid went, slowly first, but then faster, more violent. Cid paid
no mind to the blood that was seeping out around his penis, he only cared
for the moment. He felt wonderful, he felt at one with nature and the
chocobo. "Yes..." he hissed quietly, his voice taking on a more hateful
tone, "Lonely damn bird!" He gripped it's feathers with both hands and
pulled it toward him. Green feathers were floating on the air about
him. He giggled to himself as he saw them glimmering in the last rays of
daylight. His head was spinning, he felt like he was becoming apart from
himself. He felt the warm trickle of the blood going down his legs, and
smelled it's arousing scent. "You love me bird..." he cooed evilly.
DrahEm Kcuf's head was drooping slightly, it was on the verge of passing
out. Cid saw this and grabbed the feathers of it's head and pulled it
way back so that he could whisper to it. "Don't you go out on me," he
said, "or I'll hurt you. Heh, lonely chocobo, I'm lonely too." He then
began to choke it slightly as he pounded violently into the poor thing.
The blood was now pouring out, and it's rectum was beginning to puff out,
swollen, painful. Finally Cid came, semen and blood poured out in a
disgusting pink mixture. At this same time the chocobo's own penis,
which had hardened against it's will shot off. It's semen sprayed it's
own and Cid's feet. Cid breathed a sigh of relief and slumped against
the chocobo which fell immediately into a faint. After a moment he wiped
down, and removed all the restraints from the chocobo. He dressed and
went back to the dining area to take a nap.

Yuffie's scream brought everyone else running. The chocobo had
come half awake and was dragging itself across the floor to her. Blood
was still leaking out from behind it, and it's intestines were poking
out. Cloud clamped a hand over his mouth in shock. Tifa grabbed Yuffie
and they turned away. Yuffie was shaking, apparently in shock. Barrett
stood gaping, then yelled, "What the hell happened?!" Cloud shook his
head, unable to fathom a reply. Vincent leaned against the doorway, an
odd expression on his face. 'What's that smell?' he thought to himself,
'It smells like..' He then shook his head and scanned the room quickly.
Some of the blood seemed to be mixed with an odd whitish substance. He
shook his head and quietly left the room. He followed the sound of Cid's
snoring. He could still hear Yuffie's hysteric sobs, and the sympathetic
cries coming from Tifa. He could also hear Clouds kind words, and
Barrett explaining that it was dying and would need to be put down.
Finally, Vincent entered the dining area. Cid was curled up under the
table with the most blissful and peaceful smile upon his face. He looked
nothing like the Cid they usually saw. He could have been an innocent
angel. Vincent then smelled a familiar scent again, this time it was
blood. He smelled the chocobo's blood, and it's source was Cid........

Click to expand...

What the fuck?

Faith in humanity? Bah! What madness is that?

:shock:

Yiffster

Oh man.

Andyman Messiah said:

I've been so busy setting up a network of latvian assassins that I decided to fake-abandon the thread for a while. I'll pump out another shitty update soonish. Don't worry.

Click to expand...

Hurrays!

DriacKin said:

Andyman... why you keep changing your avatar?
You were a horse...then you were a pirate...then you were a horse again...now you're a unicorn.

What are you?

Click to expand...

Actually, I was a surfer dude, then I turned into something else, then I turned into a horse, then I turned into LaCroix, then I turned back to a horse, then I turned into a manly man, then I turned back to a horse, then I turned into Guybrush Threepwood only to turn back into a horse. But now I'm a unicorn and loving every moment of it. Well, until I change again. Unicorns are a little bit too nazi <s>even</s> for me.

Aeris - Daughter of Jenova?

Aeris Gainsborough, or Aerith if you wish. One of the most controversial deaths in video game history, one of the more popular dead people of the Final Fantasy series, and considered by some to be either the most talented magician or the most annoying fighter. Her death has spawned a countless number of resurrection rumors, and some of the most infamous of game shark codes to aid in her 'revival.' Her impact on the gaming community and the Final Fantasy series, let alone Final Fantasy VII itself, is nearly immeasurable.

Yes, the pureness of her heart and the tragedy of her passing have been recounted time and again in fan fiction and gaming debate alike. However, what if even she meant it to be? I'm not saying just meant to die for the planet. We all know she planned to die, it's fairly obvious. But what if she planned it for other motives? What if that pure heart and playful soul we've all come to love were something far less pure and noble, something far darker? Please hear me out on this.

When we're first introduced to Aeris, she seems normal enough. A helpless flower girl trying to eek out a living by selling a product nobody seems to really want, and a price guaranteed to drive her bankrupt. She approaches Cloud, and lures him into conversation until he notices she has a basket of flowers. This is fairly normal, despite the bad business sense she's displayed. At this point, her innocence is suggested and planted in our minds. A seed to grow as the game progresses.

Cut to the scene in the church. She's found Cloud, and is tending to a grouping of flowers. At first, nothing registers as suspicious. Then we realize that she has quickly passed over her concern for Cloud, and jumped right in to small talk. He just fell from the plate above and crashed through the roof, and she isn't even all that concerned, not even a panicked reaction. Just a simple "Oh, the flowers must have cushioned you. They're resilient," bit we're all familiar with. Very soon, Reno makes his entrance, and then the wall starts crumbling down.

No sooner does he enter than she asks you to be her bodyguard. Fair and normal, save for the price. One date. A date, in exchange for a little work. Immediately, one can start to question her innocence and motive. More so once she reveals she's escaped the Turks before, that she's used to it. So what was different now? Why did she need Cloud's help? After all, she had, as her mother confirmed to us, been evading the TURKS with some skill her whole life in Midgar.

Assume for a moment that everything you know about Aeris is completely false. Assume that maybe, just maybe, Sephiroth wasn't the only child born in a Jenova experiment. Sure, Aeris is half Cetra, her mother, Ifalna, was one. But while it is suggested that Gast learned of the truth behind Jenova, it is never stated (At least not conclusively) that he cared. Only that he ran from Shinra. Perhaps he ran not because he knew the truth, but because he had stolen Jenova's cells for his own purposes, and had seduced and ran off with their prized Cetra. Off to Icicle Inn, where he could use his time to study Jenova, and submit his unwitting mate and child to Jenova, perhaps even without their knowledge of it. Simply mixing trace amounts of Jenova's cells in with Ifalna's food would have sealed the deal.

Jump back to the present, and we now have an Aeris who is half Cetra, half-human, and controlled by Jenova. As soon as Cloud was close enough to her, back after the first explosion perhaps, she would have known his connection to her. Even if Aeris herself didn't know, Jenova would've. At the very least, it would have awakened this darker side of her, and set a large portion of the story, as we know it, in motion. Jenova would not let Cloud just get away once she had an opportunity like the one with Reno, and so it would be nothing for her to offer a date to Cloud, anything to stay close to him.

So why didn't Jenova just let her go with the Turks to the Shinra building? Simply put, it wasn't yet time for the reunion. Jenova didn't want to risk anything by letting the Shinra find out about her, or risk a reaction by being too close to her own body. It sounds silly at first, but it must be kept in mind that Jenova is capable of drawing those with her cells to herself. This would best explain Sephiroth's attempt at recovering Jenova's body when he did, while both Cloud and Aeris were behind bars. Aeris was the only one kept alone, so no one would think anything of it if she acted strangely. Cloud wouldn't have had any negative reactions, certainly not on the scale that Aeris would've, as he was infused with Jenova much later in life. Jenova hadn't quite grown in to him as she had with Aeris. Even still, Jenova’s presence at this stage of the game seems to mess with his head a lot (Aeris in the church, Jenova’s body in the Shinra building, etc).

But she had formed some connection with him. She kept him alive after his fall, and had even offered him 'advice' on staying alive before that. It's possible that, after Sephiroth's attack on Shinra Headquarters, Jenova was largely behind Cloud's decision to follow after him. Even if not, Jenova and her need to manipulate Cloud would still be a major factor in Aeris following. She didn't even have the heart to suggest letting her mother know what was happening, or that she was leaving. She simply left, under the guise of learning more about the Cetra.

Jenova, at this point, would have two major reasons to stick with the party. The first would be to weaken it, which Aeris arguably does. The second would be to stay close to Cloud, and tear his mind further and further apart. Since Jenova would be able to tell everything about Cloud from her cells in him (Let's face it, he's downright brainwashable because of it), she'd know of his fractured reality and tenuous grip on sanity. Does it make anymore sense now as to why she'd continue trying to be close to Cloud, a man she should know nothing about, despite being told Tifa is his girlfriend (Well, if you actually choose that option, as I tend to) back at her house?

Cloud and Aeris both knew in Wall Market that Cloud could've burst into Don Corneo's place and saved Tifa, as well as cornered the Don and gotten the information needed. It wouldn't have been any trouble for someone with Cloud's power, but Jenova had her first opportunity to torment Cloud. He was clearly uncomfortable with the idea of cross-dressing, and was too easily persuaded that breaking in would be a bad idea. Going through all he did, especially with Mukki (Optional, again), would've definitely aided Jenova in the task of mental torture. Destroying Cloud's psyche would be a simple matter for her, and the easiest method of defeating her enemy from within.

Her meddling could also serve to drive a wedge between Cloud and Tifa, who, despite seeming the contrary early on, do reveal eventually to have cared for one another for some time. In forcing Cloud from Tifa, Aeris could also serve to harm Tifa emotionally, all while the martial artist, under the assumption that Aeris is good and noble, puts up a brave face and pretends not to care so much. Aeris now has two of AVALANCHE's most prominent members under her thumb.

How about something even more innocent and unassuming? When the party leaves Cloud alone to face Rufus, Aeris just suddenly decides she has something she needs to tell Cloud. What she needed to tell him, we'll never know. If she had gone back up, she would have only served to distract Cloud and possibly have him killed by Rufus. Tifa, however, stops Aeris and tells her to go on. Aeris winds up going, and whatever she had to tell Cloud, that was just so important, remains unsaid for the rest of the game. After witnessing everything transpiring between them for the whole game, it's unlikely anything yet needed saying that she couldn't have said earlier or later.

Let's move on to Junon. By now, anyone paying attention with the above in mind can see that something is up with our flower girl. As soon as you reach the ship and speak to her, she'll ask Cloud to take her on the Highwind someday. Odds are, if you're a nice and friendly person, you selected to take her on it. This will come back to haunt Cloud later in the game when he remembers the promise. It could be seen as an early drive at his sanity that ultimately dug deeper after her death later in the game.

What about the Temple of the Ancients scenario? You go in, there is Tseng. Tseng is hurt. Aeris, amazingly, is a healer with the only truly useful healing limits in the game. She is upset at Tseng's misfortune so she...does nothing, and you move on. Sure, he winds up living, but she likely didn't know this. So she just left him for dead.

Then the Ancients themselves...a lost race of people, now mere spirits, who have supposedly lost the ability to speak with the passing of time. So Aeris claims. Could it be that they were simply talking in an ancient language, and that she, overwhelmed by Jenova and unable to understand, simply failed to translate? She does have Cetra blood in her, but it's not overwhelmingly strong. Jenova would have had to use some excuse for failing to communicate. We do know that Ancients can talk after time has passed. Look at the Chocobo Sage, who can speak fluently in the world's current language, despite not remembering for the life of him.

I'll grant that it's debatable that the Chocobo Sage is an ancient, but he sure looks the part. He also comes off as being about as flaky as the spirits in the Temple of the Ancients. This is one area that, in hindsight and a push from a certain someone, needed addressing. If it's ever really revealed that the Chocobo Sage isn't a Cetra, then I just lost one paragraph from this article (Or two, if you count this one).

Then the infamous scenes that preclude the end. Sephiroth takes control of Cloud outside the hole where the temple once was, and uses him to launch an assault on Aeris. But did he? Or did Aeris do it herself? An act that would certainly have thrown off any and all possible suspicion from her teammates, and set their hearts hard and cold against Sephiroth alone. Of course, Sephiroth would've been in on it. The Jenova between the two would've made contact already. The next thing we see is the dream sequence, where Aeris clues Cloud in on her whereabouts, and Sephiroth clues him in on her impending doom.

Wait, Sephiroth? Yes, he was in Cloud's dream, which is really, really odd. If you recall meeting Sephiroth later in the Northern Crater, he has no knowledge of Cloud whatsoever, he doesn't even seem to recognize him in the least. The only logical conclusion is that Aeris, Jenova, planted the whole dream in Cloud's head. She had her whole death planned, and she wanted Cloud to witness it. The final, and hardest, blow she could possibly deliver both to Cloud, and to the rest of the team. This noble, pure, innocent girl gave her life for them, now they must fight back through tears and trials while suffering her loss.

Of course, none of them notice that there is no blood on Sephiroth's sword. Some say this was for ratings, but I say not. Blood is clearly visible on the defeated Sephiroth at the end, as well as smeared all over the Shinra Building after breaking out of jail. This is not an issue. Nor is it the sword's natural tendency to avoid blood. Pay attention in Advent Children when Sephiroth stabs Cloud. Cloud pulls the sword out and, lo and behold, there's blood on the end. This all suggests that Aeris ultimately lost any humanity she had during the trip, becoming consumed entirely by Jenova after it was awakened in her by Cloud, and so she is unlikely to have any human blood left to shed. It would be a small, small sacrifice to give up one body in order to torment the team, and move one step closer to her reunion.

Of course, someone is bound to ask about the white materia, and holy, and all that. Who, if not Aeris, could've possibly activated it? Bugenhagen and the image at the Ancient Capital suggest that it was, indeed, activated. But we only know vague hints about how Holy was used before. The glowing green materia could've simply been an act of light shining on the white surface through the water, with the slight coloration of the water giving it the glow.

If Holy were truly activated, what took it so long to spring in to action after Sephiroth was defeated and it's bonds removed? Why did it only serve to urge Meteor onward when it should've been helping the planet? This itself was not Holy, and was likely called on itself by the party in their desperate hour of need. Without the full activated power of the white materia and the planet, it would be weak. Then the Life Stream, the planet's own force, interfered to save the day.

It's also possible this white force was the released spirits of Sephiroth and/or Jenova/Aeris, taking their chance to destroy the planet while letting everyone else think it was Holy. The Life Stream put a stop to it either way, and the rest is history. This would be a perfect way to explain how Jenova entered the life stream and corrupted the lives of so many with the geostigma. With the Lifestream floating over the land and cities, she could've dispersed and simply drifted down into unassuming lives.

Of course, now we're getting in to Advent Children, which is ripe with reasons itself for her being anything but an Ancient or Human. But this is getting lengthy, so I'll try and keep it brief. Anyone reading thus far would be able to take notice of most things anyways.

First is Aeris' vision to Cloud. Her timing is the first thing noticeably odd. She appears just when Cloud doesn't need her to, right before he would be fighting Kadaj and the others. While he is on a motorcycle zooming through a forest, no less. She has him distracted, while the others, listening to their mother, take aim and fire. Cloud barely registers this in time to avoid being targeted. Why does it seem Aeris always has something to say to Cloud at times when it would get him killed? This seems to be a pattern with her.

Second, the identity of 'Mother.' We know from the very start that Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo are searching for their mother, and we get a very strong hint that the identity is Jenova, even before being told explicitly so. As they can hear her in their heads, even if they can't find her, it can safely be deduced that they know what her voice would sound like. So how on Earth could Kadaj have mistaken Aeris for Jenova at the end? She speaks to him as a mother would, telling him to rest, and he calls out to her himself, taking her hand and vanishing. Can it be a mere coincidence that, after everything is said and done, Jenova sounds identical to Aeris? We know it's Aeris talking because soon after Cloud calls her mother as well, and she admonishes him for it.

So why help Cloud at all in Advent Children? Simplest reasoning is...she didn't. Her healing waters seemed to injure Kadaj slightly, but only forced him away, and she removed Cloud's geostigma. How does this help Jenova and Sephiroth? Without the geostigma, Cloud would be able to best Kadaj in combat (He was outmatched himself before this), and thus force Kadaj to consume Jenova's cells, completing the revival of Sephiroth.

Of course, she plays her part in Sephiroth's defeat as well. The re-awakened memories of Aeris and Zack, and that Sephiroth might do the same to more people, drives Cloud to victory. Sephiroth seems to be able to still speak and even fly after the Omnislash, but for some reason gives up. Why? Jenova figured out her mistake too late. She needed to retreat for now, hide in the Lifestream until her cells could take root once again. Sure, Sephiroth might have bested Cloud had the fight continued, but Cloud had clearly taken the advantage for himself. It was no longer a sure bet on victory.

Something must also be said for the healing rain that pours over Midgar, washing away the geostigma of the infected there. Why would Jenova just give in and dissolve herself so readily? It just goes back to the old adage: He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day. If this is all taken into consideration, then it seems probably the most likely thing to do. Her cells are washed from the bodies of the infected. So where do they go? They could be anywhere, really. Floating freely in the air to take on another form one day. Perhaps even washed back into the Lifestream itself to corrupt a new generation when she figures Cloud and the party are well past their prime. Just a couple of theories that aren't completely crazy.

A further mystery is why both Zack and Aeris are separate from the Lifestream. Both had returned to it some time ago, and had no reason to still be kicking around. The answer is simple: Jenova. For Zack, this is easily explained. He was in SOLDIER, so he would have been infused with Jenova cells. Therefore, he might well be rejected by the Lifestream. So what about Aeris? Not so simple if she was an innocent little Cetra.

These are the biggest reasons why I feel Aeris was never on the side of the planet, and in fact against it entirely. Everything she says and does works out to the benefit of Sephiroth in the end, save for accidentally triggering Cloud's emotions. Of course, it's well known that every villain, or villainess, slips up somewhere. Aeris underestimated Cloud's resolve at the very last, and saw her cohort, Sephiroth, defeated.

I hope this has been a worthwhile read to at least someone. I can't cite specific sources because everything is directly in-game or in-movie, and so I can't just offer a link to it. But I've put a lot of thought and effort into this, and I believe everything fits together somewhat coherently. Thank you for reading, and make sure to watch any innocent flower girls you see with a cautious eye from now on.

AAAAHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA... *breathe* HAAAHAHAHAAAAHAAAAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAHA

You one crazy sumbitch, andy, my man. :D

Right.

So...why do you lie?

Who's standing?

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO

Sigh.


PREVIOUSLY, on Final Fantasy 7:




NOW, on Final Fantasy 7:



Join Barret Wallace as he is forced to walk, completely unescorted, to his own execution.



Barret Wallace hesitate to walk through the door. He turns around and faces the guards. "Yo!" he says, "shouldn't you muthafuckas come with me an' prod my ass or sumthin'?" There is no reply from the guards, as they just so happen to be made out of cardboard. "Muthafucka shit" says Barret.



Barret attempts to call out to the guard that is escorting Tifa. He asks why he's not getting escorted. "I don't escort black people", the guard answers. "Muthafucka racist" Barret mutters and continues on the path to execution all by himself.



But not before saving his game at the nearby save point. "Muthafucka convenient" says Barret and gives the security camera a big black thumbs up. The security officer currently on duty promptly shits his pants for no real reason.



Barret stops for a moment to admire the artwork. The huge CANNON poster in particular catches his eye.



"Where am I?" Barret wonders. "I should ask a guard."



"Well, thanks anyway!" "For what" asks the guard? "For taking these cuffs off." "Oh right, let's put them on again."



"Muthafucka!"

Oh well, at least we've reached our destination.





RETARDED QUESTION: Oh my godness, can that Cait Sith-shaped gentlemen possibly be Cait Sith in a clever "gentleman"-disguise?

Well, as we all know... the best way to win the public over is to grab some weird looking people nobody knows anything about and just execute the fuck out of them on national television.
Oh right, yes, yes, absolutely. I see nothing wrong with that absolutely retarded plan. Carry on.
Thank you.



I like how the camera man immediately walks over and starts filming Scarlet when she's doing another evil laugh. Truly, only an idiot would believe that the Shinra are the bad guys in this well-documented drama.



...this is supposed to be a live broadcast, isn't it? I hope they have time do some heavy editing.

Oh well, whatever. Scarlet next decides that they'll start with Tifa and this makes Barret so upset he starts to dance in front of the camera man! From the left foot to the right foot, this truly is all the proof you need of this dastardly duo's horrenduous crimes to all of humanity.

KYAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!





How dare you show me attitude when I'm about to execute you?

Also the guard "accidently" drops the key right in front of Tifa. Talk about lucky. Cait Sith has deceived his way into the media and someone else has put on a Shinra uniform. I wonder where the others are. I do not at all wonder why Shinra only managed to capture Tifa and Barret. That doesn't surprise me at all.

FACT: Barret and Tifa are fucking stupid.

Now let's see what Barret is up to. That stupid nig-WHAT?!



Emergency? Oh man...



OH NO IT'S WEAPON!

Oh, this guy!



This guy!



THIS GUY!



I FUCKING LOVE THIS GUY!



BEST CHARACTER EVER!



I'm so not joking.



He even clips through the fucking door! How awesome is that? Hint: it's VERY awesome. Oh man, that guy... Oh well, let's press the action button so everyone else's animations can trigger as well.



They also clip through the door.

Fucking posers.







And so, after an easy fight (where Deceive and a completely hands-free Barret kicks ass)...



Muthafucka help! Ain't you part of Shinra?
Well, I reckon it was time to deceive them again! Come on, let's get Tifa out of there. I'll go guard the entrance.
Muthafucka entrance!






WILL BARRET GET IT OPEN? WILL TIFA INHALE? WILL DECEIVE PROTECT THE REAR? FIND OUT IN THE NEXT UPDATE OF LET'S PLAY THE MOST BELOVED GAME OF ALL TIME!

So how about that Marvelman, huh?

Hurray! Update! Cliffhanger! Mr T saving the world with his bare hands!

OH GAWD, IT'S WEAPON !

Nngaaaaaahhhh!

I've never bothered to read this LP. Is it actually interesting?

sportforredneck said:

I've never bothered to read this LP. Is it actually interesting?

Click to expand...

Not really. It's just 59 pages of people saying "Stop doing this. You suck, Andyman."




Cliffhanger?????? YOU SUCK, ANDYMAN!!!111!! ffffsssss

Brother None said:

Hurray! Update! Cliffhanger! Mr T saving the world with his bare hands!

Click to expand...

Well, considering one of his hands is a machinegun... They should have amputated it.